Your standard is a level of quality you accept.
Too many people tolerate things below their claimed standards. Maybe it is the incompetence of a co-worker. Your spouses infidelityExamples of low level standards
The quality of your friends
the Level of your income
Being skipped over for promotionsWhy are they important? How do you raise your standards?
Set healthy boundaries
Voice what is bothering you
Why are you allowing substandard living?
recognize when you are tolerating the low standards
do the work
start recognizing your value in the world. raise that value.
let go of your limiting beliefs
More episodes from "The Relaxed Male"
The Man's Uniform
17:26The clothes make the man. Have you ever heard that phrase? Well, there are reasons that getting dressed is important for you and what you want to accomplish. Dressing up is one thing but how do you normally dress? That is the question. This doesn't mean you have to be at the pentacle of men's fashion. In fact, I question the fashion industry and how they are trying to femininize men. Men do have a way to dress and the uniform they choose to wear for their battle is important. There is a reason for uniforms to be worn at work. The most common reason is to exude a standard for the customer. If you went to a Mcdonald's and everybody was wearing what they want you could have the cook wearing a tank top and a cap on backward. The person at the counter could have on hospital scrubs. The fry guy may even be shirtless. The standards would be way lower than they are now. Your impression of that establishment would be one that you may not go back to. The military has its own uniform standards and it is to help identify which side of the battlefield you are on. It also helps you to recognize who the leaders are versus who the privates are. Uniforms do serve a purpose. So what is your uniform? Sadly many guys don't have a uniform they dress in what is comfortable and don't care who they are out to impress. This is doing our women a disservice because the young men these days don't even dress to impress their date. I have seen some of the guys my daughter dated in high school and the impression was losers. When talking to kiddo about the guy she would make big fluffy generalizations about him having a nice personality. Yet a few months down the road she would be in tears because he cheated on her. My response to that is yeah I saw that when I saw him. How could I see that? well if you don't show yourself respect how are you going to respect others? That's how. He didn't show my daughter any respect by trying to keep his pants on his butt and looked like someone who is out solely for the chance to get a girl naked. So yes you can tell a lot about a man by how he dresses. That's not the only indicator of a successful man but it is a big indicator. Why is being well-dressed important? First, it shows others you are confident but also helps you feel more confident. To be able to make big strides in life you have to be confident that no matter what happens you are going to succeed. If you don't have confidence in yourself then the learning phase will cripple you. You also show pride in yourself with what you are wearing. If you don't have any pride, your outward appearance will show through. You look like a slouch people will perceive you to be a slouch. Not fair? Life ain't fair buddy. confidence pride in self You are perceived differently More productive Men who took pride in how they looked Washington - "nothing adds more to the appearance of a man than a dress." Gary Cooper How you can improve your dress Start with your base wear Take it up just a step You don't have to be the best dressed but dress better than expected. Look at styles that you resonate with Find ways you can step up your appearance get your hair in shape that goes for the beard
The Attitude You Are Showing
26:44Do you have an attitude problem? Where are you now Not getting anywhere You are broke no connection in your marriage Feel alone Do you want to stay that way? The effects of your attitude Not having any friends Failed business Marriage is failing You can make a simple change Pay attention to your attitude My story Why change the attitude You will see people act differently around you. People will start looking at you as a leader, not as a hindrance What does a different attitude result in? Start taking responsability Start doing your job as if you own it. Start having the attitude that your wife has her own life and that you are there for the ride. Have the attitude that your kids are proud of the family Start having the attitude of you are going to be successful. The key is your attitude. Coaching Men's Group
The Power of Men's Groups
28:11There are many ways you can build your community. There is the church, schools, civic organizations, your place of employment, and your neighborhood. You can find men who you would like to aspire to be like just about anywhere. And right off the bat let’s point that out. These men will rub off on you. The phrase, “ Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future” fits. If you want to be successful in business you want successful men. If you want to get in shape, have men who take pride in their health. Good marriages? Same thing. Find men who are noble masculine men. These men are going to be there to stand by your side. They will help you and you will help them. Each man has their own journey but that doesn’t mean they don’t need other men in their lives. These men will start to become your 3 a.m. people. There will be bonds developed and strengthened as each meeting happens. Why a men's group? Simply put men need other men in their life. The term toxic masculinity is there because men don’t have other men as close friends. They don't learn how to use their masculine energy for production and so it gets misused. Many men who are married don't have male friends that they see regularly. and to get the masculine interaction they have put that burden on their wives. Yes, that is a burden. You are expecting your wife to build you up when she is needing you to build her up. Yeah, that phrase may sound offensive to some feminists because they want to think that women are their own island. Yet that is untrue. We pour our energy into those who need it. We get our energy from our band of brothers. The men we spend close intentional time with. A close friend who can listen to what your struggle is and help put the needed plan into place. They will work through the needed thought work. These men will help you to succeed. Even when failures happen. They will help you change your mindset and how you are working through the problem. They will poke holes in your plan. They will push you to become better and cheer you when you are uncomfortable. These men are the most important people in your life. So why a group of men and not a group of men and women? Well, you can have a mixed group there is nothing wrong with that. Yet there is something special about an all men's group when you get the resonance of masculinity working so much can be done. If you want to have a better financial life, better sex life, better marriage, a better family life. Find or start a men's group and get it to where you are meeting monthly if not weekly. Finally, it is because we need to have a strong community pillar in our lives. we need a strong tight-knit group of men we can turn to with our troubles. We need a healthy outlet for frustration. You need a group of men who are the most dedicated friends you have ever had. We need the connection of other masculine men in our lives and the right men's groups provide all of that. Can you start a men's group? Absolutely! I encourage men to join any group they can find. If they can't find a group then start on. There are groups everywhere and in every town. If they don't fit your moral premise then why not go and pull the men you want together. How? Well, that is going to take you getting out of your comfort zone. You will have to go and talk to the men you are interested in. You cant rely on others to do that work for you. You have to hustle and talk to the men. Do the ask. Ask and ask again. They may not be able to make it the first 10 times but eventually, you will get them to say yes and they can try it out. Decide a day and ask your group to meet. It may be at a basketball court or someone's house. Then again it may be the back part of a coffee shop. The venue doesn't matter. I have a few online groups. We don't get to see each other but we talk each week. Sometimes it is only 2 men other times it is 4-6 the range differs because each of these noble men is busy on their path and making their world better. Then stick to that schedule, this is going to be tough because life will try to stop you from having this group. There will be forgotten dates and sometimes you may show up and it is only you. Yet you stay consistent. Those men who are finding value from it will keep showing up. It takes time but if you are consistent and dedicated you will get it working. What to look for in a men's group? If you are looking for a men's group to join you want one that meets regularly. For the same reason as if you were to make your own group. The group needs to be consistent. Everyone meet at the same regular intervals Then the caliber of men are in the group? This is also important. You want a group grouping of men who are dedicated to becoming the best at what they do. They are dedicated to achieving success and they are willing to get uncomfortable. If you have a bunch of guys who just meet to get drunk and play cards and there is not much more than that in the group then you have to decide if you want to stay. If they sit around and complain but don't take any action and have nothing but excuses to provide as to why they failed then you may want to look for another group. You don't want whiners. You want men whose mantra is, "Let's Find Out". You also need to have a group of men that you can trust. This is one of the biggest factors you need to have in a men's group. What is said in a men's group stays in the men's group. It doesn't get leaked out. You don't steal ideas. You don't use what is said as a weapon against the other men. To do that you have to have trust as the biggest and most sacred keystone to the group. This is because men are going to open up to each other and share their worries and pains and they need the trust that these men are looking out for their best interest. If that trust isn't there then the growth and friendship don't happen. Word of Warning on Men's Groups Now there are some points you want to look at. when you are running a group or a group you have joined. these are key points that you want to watch out for. Pay attention to the men Are they dedicated to each other or are they out for themselves? This type of group doesn't foster trust and will rot the group from the inside out. Also, is someone's attitude and demeanor changing? If so talk to them privately and see what's going on. See what they are struggling with and encourage them to share it in the group. If it appears that there is some danger or the man in question is going down a dark path get the other men in the group to surround the guy and encourage him to get back up to his original baseline. That may include him getting some counseling or therapy. Your girl will try to get in your way Whether you are married or not. If you have a woman in your life, there is a good chance she will try to find reasons to get you to stop going to the men's group. either by teasing and demeaning the group as a whole (calling it names like, little boys club) or making comments about how you are spending more time with the men in your life than you are of her. This is partly a test and partly because she sees you becoming a better man and she may think that you are not going to find value in her anymore and leave. The key here is to not give up the men's group. You cant help her by being a weak man. You have to work on yourself and she has to do the thought work to get her in a better spot. When she sees you getting better this is going to reflect on her as to how little she is doing for herself. This is an uncomfortable feeling and she wants to have you on a lower level so she doesn't have to face her own shortcomings. All you can do is encourage and lead her so that she will be a stronger woman and find the value she has in herself. I have had men who would have family crises happen when they go out on men's trips. The girl would text and call at all times of the day. There would be drama and accusations flying as the guy is only trying to improve himself. When it is time to focus on you, that who you focus on. So stick with the men's group. When your wife starts to get antsy you know you are doing good. You are becoming stronger and it is time to love your girl and help her to be better by leading her. Protect your group Some men will show and not be a good fit for the group. You, being the organizer, will be the leader of the group. So some may come in to see how they can use the group to their own advantage, and you will have to lead them out. These groups are not for just one person's advantage they are for each member's advantage. No one gets out of this unchanged. Each man you have contact with will adapt to your way of thinking and you will adapt to theirs. Your old limiting beliefs will be burned away and the very base and truest belief you have will emerge. Is the group equal? Make sure you are in a group of equals and not a group where one person is pontificating. This is a group coaching session. Now there is nothing wrong with group coachings. You learn a lot. The reason I point this out is that you often hear some people use the term mastermind and a mastermind is a meeting of equal peers. Each man talks and shares his thoughts. If the "leader" of the group is the only one talking and the others are listening then it's not a mastermind. There are men's groups found everywhere. You have to look for them or make one yourself. If you are interested in joining a men's group I have a paid exclusive men's group that meets weekly. it is a true mastermind group of men who each help each other become the better form of themselves. If you are interested you can go to the Brotherhood of Men page and read more. Special Note: Operation Tears of the 22 is having a ruck march to raise awareness of the 22 soldiers a day we lose to suicide. If you like to help and join us for the ruck march in Chaffee Crossing In Ft. Smith, AR. We would love to have you there helping to save the lives of our veterans. Tickets Here
Are Goals Important?
27:31The start of the year is here. This is the time everybody talks about what their goals are, what they want to achieve, and how they plan on how they are achieving it. Why are goals important? Why do you want to even think of goals? IT seems that nobody actually completes their goals. Especially when it comes to New Years Resolutions People start with good intentions and then around March that fire and determination you had all the way back at January first is up and gone. Then before you know it, it's November, and your goals come creeping back and you are realizing you didn't do anything you set out to do. You failed and the frustration of knowing you are no better of than you were the year before is sitting on your conscious. So why even try? Well, there is a reason to try. that reason is if you don't try you will actually be worse off. If you don't try you will just float through life. The problem that you are having with resolutions is that yeah you fail at them but why are you failing at them? You are not addressing the skill you failed to learn so you are destined to repeat that test till you achieve it. So, why do we need goals? because we need a challenge in our life. This is how we become better at what we do. We have to have the discomfort of failing and trying again before we get good at it. If you don't have goals you don't go anywhere. goals are the road maps for your life. Do you want to improve at your communication skills? then you have to practice speaking. DO you want to have a dream of traveling? Then you need to figure out the logistics of it all. How are you going to pay for the trips and the other expenses? These are all part of the goals you need to figure out. Are you wanting to start a business? Then you have to set goals for that business. If you don't then you will not get very far. Look at anybody who is equal to your definition of success. If you look at what they do as compared to what you are doing. You will see that they have a vision and they plan and then execute. You may be surprised but when you find out how many times those plans don't work out. Yeah, the successful people fail early and they fail often. The failures don't define them. it is the wins. So, you want to lose weight? Do you want to start your own business? Then firstly don't wait for the first of the year. Start now. Start planning, and there are several ways you can do this, and here are some ways that I can think of off the start 12 week goals What would be able to accomplish with baby steps? If you said not much I would say guess again. because baby steps are easier to make than big huge giant steps. So you are able to accomplish more by taking small deliberate steps. That is where the 12-week goal setting comes into play. 3 months is a smaller bite than a full year. and you can break the larger goals up into 4 easier to manage sections. Then those sections can be further broken up into weekly goals. That is the glory of the 12-week goal system. You can make small detailed plans that will allow you to make those important massive action steps towards your big goal at the end of the year. If this sounds like something you want to try, you can go to Develop Good Habits You can download templates that will help you on your way. Long term goals Look to the horizon. What do you see yourself doing? Where are you in your life? Long-term plans are good. They give you a place to head. These plans aren't set in concrete because you can adjust your direction. You may find out that your ideas aren't as aligned as you first thought. That way you can change your path because you are not married to your path. Setting long-term goals are those dreams you want. You want to be rich and travel all the time. Those types of dreams are good as long as you are making strides to actually achieve them. SMART Goals I am sure you have heard of these before. I know I have talked about them many times before this podcast was ever started. https://www.relaxedmale.com/december-time-for-goals/ https://www.relaxedmale.com/5-ways-remember-goals/ And several more along the same line. Goals are important if you want to find success in anything you do. You can't just head out in a direction without knowing some of the key waypoints you need to measure how close you are to getting where you are wanting to be. This is where SMART goals come into play. If you haven't ever heard of SMART goals then here is a brief overview. Specific Instead of saying you want to make more money lay down a specific amount you want to make. I want to make $100,000 at the end of the year. I want to make $10,000 in a month. That is specific. You want to lose weight! great say you want to lose how much weight? If you weigh 260 and you would like to get down to 200 then you want to lose 60 pounds of weight. That is specific. Don't say you want to be in better shape that's not specific. say you want a specific goal. Make your goal specific Measurable This ties in with the specific. Use a means of measuring. numbers work great for this. This is so that you are able to see how far you have gone. Attainable If you are wanting to make $1,000,000 by the end of the year and it is December 1 then your goal isn't very attainable. You need to have an attainable goal. And still, make that goal scary. So if you have never made that type of money before then why not say you want to make $100,000 in a month and see if you can make that. If you can, then keep pushing and change the goal to a new number like $500,000. If you made the $100,000 then the next set could be $250,000 or $500,000 the choice is yours. Again make your goal attainable. Relevant you need to make sure your goals are relevant to what you are wanting to accomplish. If you are trying to grow your business then making sure you get to ride in the tour de France probably isn't going to align itself with your goals. Don't have a goal that is going to fight your overall goals. Timely Put a time limit on it. a goal is a dream with a deadline. You have a finishing line to strive for. The smart goal is a great way for new goal setters to actually find where they are needing help and what your strong points are. Visualization Now many people will have some problems with this but it is a powerful tool to have in your goal-setting arsenal. This uses the goals of smart goal setting and long term goals but use your imagination and feel, think, smell and imagine what it would be like if you achieved your goal. What if you could make a million dollars a year? what would that look like? What if you had your dream car? what would it feel like? what would it sound like? what your it look like? is there a specific color you want? How would you feel if you were able to attain that goal? You can with visualizations. making a vision board is one tool you can use. But the key to it all isn't just sitting down dreaming and then waiting. No, you have to get off your ass and get to work trying to get that dream to become real. Small bite-sized goals There is a book called Atomic Habits and you can work your habits into goal setting. Make small changes to increase your results. Make it a habit to exercise each day by doing pushups before you walk into your bedroom or chain together with other habits you want. The possibilities are amazing when you apply small steps to your overall plans. Tools to help build habits and complete goals 12-week planner template Atomic Habits by James Clear The Brotherhood of Men
The Importance of Traditions
46:12What are traditions? They are the ideas and values passed down from generation to generation. They are customs and beliefs that bind a culture together. The raising of a Christmas tree during Christmas. The celebration of a new year. Your birthday is special. You brush your teeth with your eyes closed. All are traditions and rituals we do. We have rituals for everything and every occurrence. We mark special days for remembrance. These may be days of triumphs, or they may be days of loss. There are plenty of people who still remember Kurt Cobain's day of death, while others see it as any other day. These are dates that we find it important to remember. On these days we may do something special. The fourth Thursday of November is Thanksgiving. We hold the first Sunday after the first full moon following the vernal equinox in March as a great feast of when Jesus arose from the grave, aka easter. Each culture has a different way of celebrating each of its own holidays. Christmas which is coming up n the next day or two has many of its own unique traditions. In the US we set up a tree we string lights all over the place. We find the prettiest pine tree and bring it into our house. We then add lights to it and hang decorations from its boughs. We string holly and pine garland around and the smell of Christmas is amazing especially when you are using real pine. Sticky but it smells so good. Now there are some people who talk about how this is not true Christianity and all that stuff is pagan traditions. Is it? Well yeah to a point. Yet it is a part of our traditions anyhow. We have a theory as to why we use a pine tree instead of saying a young walnut tree. The reason is so that the values that the pagans had actually fit nicely with what the Christians had. So incorporating their traditions to fit in with ours was a good adjustment of traditions. Then you add the additions of American society and you have Saint Nicholas riding a sleigh being pulled by reindeer. While if you go to the Netherlands, Saint Nicholas rides a boat and he has a helper named Black Pete who helps him disseminate the gifts through several days. They use shoes instead of stockings. Yet the primary character is still the same. Some cultures actually have scary monsters running around Throwing bad children into bags and whipping them. In America, we have a family feast. Turkey, ham, brisket if you are in my house. While in Japan you have a bucket of KFC Chicken. In Catalonia, it is customary to have a dude dropping a duce in the manger scene. Some families like to have the Christmas pickle hidden in their tree. Shoot in Norway you hide your brooms on Christmas so witches do run off with them. There are so many different and fun traditions in the Christmas season alone. We haven't even talked about the other days of the year. Then there were traditions that died out thankfully, like the act of wassailing. Now I think wassailing can be brought back just not as it was originally. It started out as a roving band of drunk people demanding food from the lords or they would start getting rowdy. Yet because of wassailing, we get the tradition of singing carols door to door. These and all traditions are a time for remembrance and looking back on how we are connected to each other. Yeah, there are those who want to say our traditions are bad or not fair or something to that effect. Yet they have their own traditions and customs they want to observe. Why traditions are important They link us to our ancestors They allow us to show respect to those who also observe our traditions We are losing our traditions There are those who have worked tirelessly to change our traditions. These changes are often done in the name of fairness You can start your own traditions I talked about the 14 Christmas traditions you can start this year. Have a manly Christmas Watch a Christmas movie Die-hard is good A Christmas story Meet with your Band Of Brothers Serve someone in need with the Christmas Jar Classic Christmas Carols https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6u8Ct3nQZcQupR1qyVUYwT?si=4f82f6f9e5814489 Classic Christmas Songs https://open.spotify.com/playlist/37i9dQZF1DX6R7QUWePReA?si=73bb886465c04f90
The Antiwork Movement
44:07There are changes happening in our society, and there are two groups of people who are involved. There are the people who realize they can do better and do something about it and then there are the ones who want to sit around and complain about the quality of their life and have stuff handed to them. Because of this, you have two different factions forming. There is the great resignation and then there is the antiwork. Another way to look at this is the boys and the men. The Great Resignation These are the people who have gone through the pandemic and been forced to stay at home for over a year. While at the house they had plenty of time on their hands so they decided to tinker with some entrepreneurship. They found some success in providing value to those around them. So when it was time to go back to work they liked what they were able to make and wanted to keep at it. So they resigned from their own employees and have started running their own business. They are learning and taking their own life into their own hands. They see what is possible and have decide to climb that mountain. These people have become producers. What is antiwork? The term antiwork came up a couple of weeks ago when there was a story about stores getting spammed with an antiwork manifesto. Then the term has been cropping up more and more in life so I wanted to look into it thinking that I would find a bunch of people who just want to sit on their couch and play video games and bitch about the condition that they are in. Know what I found out? Just that, I see people complaining about Kellogg's strike and that their actions ain't fair. I see a lot of communists bitching and moaning about how capitalists are evil. They want more pay for equal work. The ANtiwork crowd wants to get more pay to do the same amount of work. The equivalent of getting a participation trophy. They want fast food to be anywhere from $15 to $25 an hour. That is an entry-level job. If you want to make more you may just have to put down the bong and sacrifice some of your comfort for the dream of having more income. The manifest talks about fair pay. The question is what's fair? Should a person who has put in3 years of hard work get paid the same amount as a new hire? Should a Person who has put in 5 years of mediocre work get paid the same amount as a person who has done 3 years of exceptional work? What is fair is you get paid for the amount of value you put in. The capitalist means of exchange of value for value. Now they did get it right if you are not getting paid as much as you like then you should consider finding a better-paying job. Don't just sit in the same place complaining that you are not getting paid enough. Go find better jobs. Businesses are hiring all over the place. Poverty wages exist because people don't want to strive for more. The moment it gets a bit uncomfortable they back out. So the poverty wage is not the business's fault but it is yours for settling. Now Barnaby Lashbrook over at Forbes talks about this a bit as to say there is a problem with work-life balance. He talks about how life should come first and work be the enabler. Well, that is the case already. Yet many people choose to not take life by the horns they would rather sit at home and do nothing about going out and living life. Barnaby also talks about how employers should be helping with a better work/life balance which is a false argument. Then you have the pinnacle of capitalistic thought Slate. Talking about the antiwork movement from a huge victim point of view. They do give some points where people were very ingenious to create some code to do the work they were hired to do and that's a good thing. You are hired to do a job and if you can do it efficiently and don't have to do it harder only smarter. That is providing value. I am no fan of unions Now I believe I understand why people are striking, and that is because they are getting hammered with work. There are fewer people who returned to work after the Wuhan flu ran through the country and thanks to the government people didn't just get back to work instead the government paid people more money to stay home. That extra $600 in unemployment kept people home. Now many companies like Kelloggs are struggling to meet the amount of volume they are expected to produce. They have orders to fill. So the people who did come home are having to take up the slack of the people who don't want to work. They are working 60 days straight That is a lot of work. That increases the burnout in anybody Is it fair? No, but visit Kellogg's fault, or is it the people who didn't want to show back up? Then again maybe it's the government's fault for incentivizing people to stay home. Yet many love the people are striking because of these work conditions. Now Kelloggs is stuck between a rock and a hard place. They are struggling to meet demand because they don't have enough workers to have a good schedule and then you have more people not working because they don't like the conditions. So Kelloggs is dropping the people who rejected the proposal and so Kelloggs did what every company has a right to do. You didn't show up to work you are fired. This is justifiable in my eyes you ain't gonna work then your not providing me any value so go pound sand. Now, who wins after the strike is over? I can tell you it's not Kelloggs and it's not the employees though they may see themselves as winning when it's all done because they are getting some extra time off and most likely more money in their pocket but who really wins here? It's the union bosses. They are the true mooches in this scenario. They did nothing other than getting more people for their members which means they get more money in their pockets. This is communism at its finest. Those at the top of the food chain get the money and power while the people they are supposed to be helping get scraps. Do I like unions? No. There is a time and a place for everything and rarely does a union actually help. They are more often than not, an arm of organized crime and they use their members to fill their bank accounts. The exchange of value is actually not there. What many people want to think is this antiwork movement is good. No its not it is not it is nothing more than a bunch of moochers who want to have something like universal income or something to that effect. Where they can receive some money for just sitting around and not providing any value. Success takes work and sacrifice Sorry, but if you want to be successful you have to provide value to people. Sitting around the house or going someplace and hanging out doesn't provide value. When you are home doing nothing you are consuming. That is what a grown boy does. While a grown man will go out and produce something. He will invest his time and energy and get paid little green certificates of appreciation for the effort. If he puts in more effort, he will get more certificates. The time it takes to make money is not the key it is the amount of value. and that is where so many Grown boys don't get it. They go to work and think that they are wasting their time. With that thought yeah they are wasting not only their time but their employer's money. They look forward to the coffee break, lunch break, the end of the day and they live for the weekend. While men who are producing don't see the weekend they see it as any other day. Do they take breaks and enjoy life? Yeah, and they can afford to go on very nice breaks. Then they are right back at work and feeling alive for producing a valuable product. Are you an Owner, a renter, or a squatter? I came across this concept on the Order of Man Podcast when Ryan Michler was talking to Pete Roberts of Origin. Pete talked about there being 3 types of people who are employed in a business. There are the Owners, The Renters, and the Squatters. A Squatter is a person who consumes the day they don't provide much if any value and only want to know what they get in return. They often can be seen skulking around the water cooler talking about how it must be nice to have all that the owner has, and complaining about what they don't have. The Renter does just enough to be a good employee. They show up on time and leave at quitting time. The Owner is the person with an owner's mentality and they show up early and they go home late. They take pride in the job that they do. They have no problem looking for other tasks that they can take on. Their eye is on the product. They want to make sure they provide the best and put their heart into what they are doing. These are the people who are often seen as the leaders of the organization. Instagram is instafake Many kids these days want to be successful. I heard a talk show host mention that his son is struggling with the concept of success. He is disheartened but the fact that he doesn't see himself being able to be successful. I have heard this several times and I believe it is because of what they are looking at on Instagram. You see many Young adults who are tooling around in nice cars and having these extravagant vacations. The interesting point is that many of these people don't own those cars and they are putting up airs that they are successful. To them, it is all about the followers. They are not providing much value and so they fall out of the limelight pretty quick. Yet the kids who see these people often don't realize they aren't seeing them as much anymore all they know is that a new influencer has cropped up and is showing them all that they wished for.
Stop Trying To Fix Everything
20:46It doesn't have to be fixed As nice guys, we really hate having people not be at a certain level. If they are unhappy or upset for any reason, we feel we have to fix it. Even if people are having more fun and laughing beyond our comfort level, we have to find a way to fix the issue instead of just allowing people to be. Nice guys feel that they have to fix a problem out of the hopes that that person will start to like and appreciate us. When in all reality people do t want us to just fix it. In fact, most people don’t want us to come rushing in on a white horse and rescue them. They want to figure it out themselves. Much like a two-year-old, “No! I do it” You are annoying when you try to fix When you jump into a person's problem uninvited or otherwise you often become annoying. And this creates so much of the marriage problems that nice guys see in their married life. That fear darling bride is getting annoyed with you trying to fix everything when she has it under control and here you come crashing in like the Koolaid man and mess the whole thing up. allow those around you to live their life and process their emotions This is the hard part that many nice guys face. They can’t just step back they believe a person should be a certain way and when they don’t meet that expectation they either start talking in a passive-aggressive way or often aggressive form and this keeps the other person from being able to live their life in the fashion they want to live. Yeah, it can create some anxiety in you when your wife is upset with you or her best friend or the neighbor down the street. But these emotions will not kill her nor will they kill you. You can just be there for her. Sit with her listen. Don’t fix let her live life and know that you are by her side. It’s not up to us. It’s not up to you to fix the problem. It is not up to you to have people like you. They will like you for being who you are. Yeah there will be some people who will not like you and that is ok. You will not suffer some catastrophic loss of your limbs if you don’t make them like you. They are just humans, being.
Where Do You Want To Go
27:46We find ourselves stuck in so many situations and those circumstances are things that are beyond our control this is true. Yet there are so many times that we believe that stuck in that situation and so we either do nothing about it or complain about our situation. That feeling of being stuck and not being able to change is a part of the self-programming that we do. We are just bad at sports or we suck as a husband. Maybe our wife hasn't been intimate with us in many months so we start trying all sorts of different remedies. Many are literal magic pills we think will help. Go look at any convenience store counter and you will see small packages that are supposed to help you be a better lover in bed. They make claims that you will have a larger penis or last longer during sex. Some are directed at her. We men have been looking for an aphrodisiac that will turn our wife into a wild insatiable woman for eons. Because we want to blame our wives for the circumstance we are in and not how we are looking at the circumstance. Then again you may have yourself in a dead-end job. You complain about how you are never offered a promotion. So you just sit there and grow resentful. Then you take that resentment home and brood on it while you sit in front of the television or on a video game and do nothing about the problem. You feel stuck and the more you stay the more bogged down you feel. You think this is your lot in life, it's not a lot but it's your life. Then start to drink or find other avenues to escape the misery and suffering you feel. What is keeping you stuck in your current life? Realize that what is actually keeping you stuck isn't your boss not saying "good job" and telling you that you should be Vice president of shipping or your wife isn't fridge. Your suffering is caused by only one person. That person is you. Harsh I know I wish Pink pussy cat really did work in turning your wife into a nymphomaniac but in the end, it doesn't. She isn't turned on, night after night because you aren't giving her a reason to be turned on, night after night. The course your life is on at the moment may look sad dark and bleak It is that way because you chose to be that way. But there is good news, since it is your choice, you aren't stuck! How do you change where you want to go? First, you have to realize that there is a problem. That can be the easiest part because you are not being fulfilled and feeling motivated. The hard part is not pointing the discontent toward those who are not actually responsible. You have to start looking inward and examining your thoughts to see what is actually possible. Pick apart the places where you are actually going astray. Looking and examining yourself isn't self-hatred unless you fall into dumping all over yourself. If that is the case then Lighten up give yourself some grace. You are only human and you are going to screw things up. Take those screw-ups as learning moments. Grow from those and have fun as you learn. Life is way too short to take so seriously. As you go on your journey, you will see where your life is on the wrong track and that you are actually allowed to change tracks whenever you want to. Make a Plan Once you have pinpointed what is actually wrong with your lives plan, You can then start making changes to your life. You can switch tracks and modify your plan so that you are able to be more fulfilled and have a sense of purpose. It all starts with a plan Layout your plan Maybe you see you need some coaching or do some research on what it is that you would like to do. Invest in yourself decide that you are worthy of investing in. This is a sad part of many people who are in scarcity. They don't see themselves as worthy of being better. So they go through life without a plan or if they come across a plan it is some easy quick fix. This is the folly we fall into, we try quick fixes instead of doing the real work that is needed. We try changing our situation instead of changing how we are looking at the world. Listen to what your excuses are When you come up with a plan listen to what you are telling yourself. You will find 100 different reasons as to why this plan isn't going to work. This is your mind saying slow down your current life isn't so bad it's actually nice. No hard work you don't have to expel any extra energy and so why work so hard? In fact, use this as a bit of a ginger counter if you aren't getting a bit scared and you aren't hearing any reasons as to why this won't work then keep looking when your mind is coming up with all those reasons hard and fast the is probably the path you really need to take. Look at fear as if it was a compass Start small but make it scary too You don't have to uproot your whole life but make small changes. maybe it is you needing to shore up one or more of your Pillars. So you may need to start eating right and getting out and exercising. Or you need to go join a group of men so you can expand your community. Start small and find the joy in that little dopamine hit you get with each small success. Those small steps are the keys to massive action. Don't worry about not following it note for note You may decide to have a 10-year Don't worry if it doesn't turn out exactly as you planned you will be way, way closer at that point than if you never started.
Other People's Opinion
23:18Well as this comes out it is Thanksgiving! Time for the family and friends to come together and talk and share in each other's lives for at least a day. Then again it could be you have family that is coming over for several days. We have grandma wondering when you are going to stop being the bachelor or maybe it is your mom who is hounding you to find a girl and settle down. Your Uncle is wanting to share with you his latest conspiracy theory about how the lizard people in the government are using the nasal swab Covid test to mark those who will not comply so they can be rounded up and shot into space to fend for themselves. Maybe you have that cousin who is the family favorite and it looks like they have it all together yet to hear her talk you see that she is so deep in debt she can't see her way out of that hole. The point is that when we get our families together they bring their thoughts and opinions along for the ride. This means that you have liberals and conservatives sitting side by side. You have orthodox with the unorthodox passing bread. You have those that have been radicalized by our colleges making snide comments about how we are actually celebrating the genocide of the Native Americans and our taking over a continent. You have your devout Baptist Grandfather trying to convince your atheist uncle to come to church. This is life and this is family and this is a great scenario to talk about when we look at other peoples opinions We are thinkers Yeah, even your ditzy aunt is actually a thinker. We all are. We all have roughly 40,000-60,000 different thoughts each day. Then add to that mix that everything we have in our lives we have unique and individual thoughts. So your thoughts about a particular topic can never be the same as anybody else. Your thoughts are an opinion of that particular circumstance. Because us humans do like to mix our emotions up with our thinking this can cause many different emotions. You may have someone who likes to troll you while others may feel sorry for you. These are also just thoughts about the current circumstance that is happening. Remember all circumstances are natural, even when someone says, "you are wrong". That is just a circumstance and you have the ability to think whatever thought you want about the matter at hand. Many times when we hear someone else's thoughts we want to apply our own thoughts in the means of interpretation and make what they say mean something to us. When in reality they can mean just that or they can mean something the complete opposite. Then you add the element of emotions to that and now you start to see how things can get messy quickly. Because of our adding emotions to our interpretations we start getting worked up thinking that one relative doesn't like us or our cousin is just wanting the country to burn. When in reality that may be true or that may be nothing more than a thought. What about the truth! The truth that we are talking about is what we believe. A belief is nothing more than a thought we perceive to be true. I have talked a few times about what happens when someone changes religions. Were they wrong the whole time? They may think that but looking at the facts they just changed what they see to be true. It's not wrong. It's just their thoughts shifting with a new set of circumstances. With that, you can see that yeah Aunt Gladys simply believes that the government can control the weather and that there is a secret basement in a pizza parlor in upstate New York state. You can try to provide her with your interpretations of the facts but she can choose to disregard those facts for her own. Does the truth matter? Only to those who wield it. Nobody else cares about what your facts are They have their own. The whole political thing Yeah, you have your opinions about what is happening in your country. You may think some brilliant strides are being made, or you may think that your country is going to hell in a handbasket. Are you right or wrong? Does it matter what I think? No, You can have open and honest discussions about politics and religion. I actually think it is good to have these. I believe we have done our kids a huge disservice because these two topics were often banned from the dining room table. Yeah, some people are going to interpret what you say to mean something different. Yet, that is OK. Now don't take this as a means as to you not jumping into a discussion when it happens. That is the glory of the United States. You can have a different opinion and share it openly if you choose. That is why our country is so great. It is the sharing of different ideas and thoughts that create new ideas. How you can look at opinions Opinions are nothing more than thoughts. When someone gets upset with your ideas you can rest assured that you didn't make them mad or upset. It is their thoughts that have caused them to become angry or sad or even happy. You cant make grandma happy with your actions. She is happy with what she has interpreted your actions to mean. So when your family members get upset about whatever, know that they are not angry at you. They may direct it at you but it's not your actions. They are reacting to your actions. This goes for every aspect of life. When someone chooses to get angry at something you said, most often it is because they had an involuntary thought of what you said. Then they are choosing to react instead of responding to that thought.
The Root of Your Suffering
24:46As we talked last week on episode 102 we looked at our circumstances and talked about how those circumstances are actually neutral. So with that where does all of our pain and suffering actually come from? That is actually what I wanted to examine this week. Where does the pain in your life come from if it isn't from the external forces in your life? This is where many people actually get a bit turned off by what I am about to say. The results of your pain and suffering are thanks to how you think of your circumstance. Yep, your thoughts and how they are framed are where the hopelessness, the fear, the anxiety, the frustration. It is also the source of the joy, triumph, complete, and love all come from. It is how you think of what the circumstance means that creates the emotion. So I just change my thoughts? Well, it's not that easy. especially if it is a thought you have had for a very long time. It will take work for your mind to accept the new thought, and for you to believe that new thought. To be able to do that you will have to be aware of what your thoughts are and from there you can see when you are having that old thought and work to change it. This is often where having help like with a coach can come into play. This is because a coach will stay out of the emotional pit that you can find yourself in and help point out where the missteps are happening. A good example of this is what a business opportunity arises. As we know there is a battle over whether we as Americans have the right to choose to get a shot and still be able to provide for our family. There are companies that are firing or suspending their employees because they have justifiable reservations about betting the Covid vaccine. So this causes a bit of a quandary. Do you go against your values and get the shot or do you stand for your beliefs and try to find some other way to do your duty and provide for your family? An example of this is Andrew Crapuchettes, He saw the cancel culture and government actions are being wrong. He could have been angry or resentful or any other array of emotions, and who knows he may have felt all of those and more. Yet he chose to look at the problem not with a victim mindset and see it as this is bad. He saw an opportunity and took it. I am sure if you talked to him he had uncertainty about starting up a brand new adventure when the economy isn't firing on all cylinders. Yet his view was that it would work and so he started up a new job board. This job board is for those who have been displaced by the vax mandate and wants to put hard-working employees with employers that respect that person's right to choose. So he created RedBalloon.work and his site is growing as more people are wanting to work and want to choose whether the vaccine is a good idea for their circumstance. Maybe they already had covid and don't feel that they need to have the shot because of their natural immunity. Maybe an employee has an immune problem that could cause their immune system to overreact. Maybe there is a person who might have a heart condition and isn't sure the vax is a good idea. No matter what that person's circumstance is they have their own thoughts and RedBalloon.work is there to help put them with a company that understands their situation and is willing to stand against the mandates. Another example of this is the masks and whether or not they are needed we know the circumstances. Yet some people have the thought that they are not needed while others feel they need to wear a mask alone in a car on a lonely county road. Either of the people wrong? No, They are going off of their own thoughts. If you are interested in working on your thoughts then please reach out and contact me or Join the Brotherhood of Men