The Relaxed Male podcast

Fighting Burnout

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What is burnout

Burnout is the loss of drive to do a particular task. Often the act of burning out isn't so much the problem as the effort we put in to try to push through that burnout. As a whole, it is a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion. It happens when we become overwhelmed by the constant demands of a task. This often happens in an office scenario. Where the team is pushing to complete a project. Burnout often is very prevalent in the crunch for game programmers.

What causes burnout?

The main culprit is when you are not feeding your soul. The job is just that a job. You don't receive any emotional or mental reward for doing that particular job. When a person is doing a job that is in their Zone of Excellence but not in their Zone of Genius.

When you are not in your Zone Of Genius you are often having a bit of resistance at first but as you go that resistance gets greater and greater till you burn out.

Problems with burnout

Burnout is one of those things that can be a slight irritation or it can even lead to a person's death. Depending on how severe the burnout is. I have seen men who have left their dream job simply because they just can't do it anymore. There is a reason Sunday night and Monday morning are when most suicides occur.

Physical problems

Take all the problems of stress and happy them here.

High blood pressure? Yep

Heart problems? Yep

Weight gain? Yep


Overall body aches? Yep yep yep

Decreased libido? Yes to the limp noodle

Mental problems

Irritable or even anger

Lack of focus

sadness and depression

Lack of sleep

Emotional problems

Causes people to seek other forms of escaping

Increased alcohol intake

Other drugs


How do you avoid burnout?

Notice the Signs of Burnout.

Lack of motivation

Sense of dread when thinking of work

Avoiding Burnout

Take a break!

Take an extended break

Mix it up

find how to apply your zone of genius to the project

Say No

Talk to your Band of Brothers



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    Other People's Opinion


    Well as this comes out it is Thanksgiving! Time for the family and friends to come together and talk and share in each other's lives for at least a day. Then again it could be you have family that is coming over for several days. We have grandma wondering when you are going to stop being the bachelor or maybe it is your mom who is hounding you to find a girl and settle down. Your Uncle is wanting to share with you his latest conspiracy theory about how the lizard people in the government are using the nasal swab Covid test to mark those who will not comply so they can be rounded up and shot into space to fend for themselves. Maybe you have that cousin who is the family favorite and it looks like they have it all together yet to hear her talk you see that she is so deep in debt she can't see her way out of that hole. The point is that when we get our families together they bring their thoughts and opinions along for the ride. This means that you have liberals and conservatives sitting side by side. You have orthodox with the unorthodox passing bread. You have those that have been radicalized by our colleges making snide comments about how we are actually celebrating the genocide of the Native Americans and our taking over a continent. You have your devout Baptist Grandfather trying to convince your atheist uncle to come to church. This is life and this is family and this is a great scenario to talk about when we look at other peoples opinions We are thinkers Yeah, even your ditzy aunt is actually a thinker. We all are. We all have roughly 40,000-60,000 different thoughts each day. Then add to that mix that everything we have in our lives we have unique and individual thoughts. So your thoughts about a particular topic can never be the same as anybody else. Your thoughts are an opinion of that particular circumstance. Because us humans do like to mix our emotions up with our thinking this can cause many different emotions. You may have someone who likes to troll you while others may feel sorry for you. These are also just thoughts about the current circumstance that is happening. Remember all circumstances are natural, even when someone says, "you are wrong". That is just a circumstance and you have the ability to think whatever thought you want about the matter at hand. Many times when we hear someone else's thoughts we want to apply our own thoughts in the means of interpretation and make what they say mean something to us. When in reality they can mean just that or they can mean something the complete opposite. Then you add the element of emotions to that and now you start to see how things can get messy quickly. Because of our adding emotions to our interpretations we start getting worked up thinking that one relative doesn't like us or our cousin is just wanting the country to burn. When in reality that may be true or that may be nothing more than a thought. What about the truth! The truth that we are talking about is what we believe. A belief is nothing more than a thought we perceive to be true. I have talked a few times about what happens when someone changes religions. Were they wrong the whole time? They may think that but looking at the facts they just changed what they see to be true. It's not wrong. It's just their thoughts shifting with a new set of circumstances. With that, you can see that yeah Aunt Gladys simply believes that the government can control the weather and that there is a secret basement in a pizza parlor in upstate New York state. You can try to provide her with your interpretations of the facts but she can choose to disregard those facts for her own. Does the truth matter? Only to those who wield it. Nobody else cares about what your facts are They have their own. The whole political thing Yeah, you have your opinions about what is happening in your country. You may think some brilliant strides are being made, or you may think that your country is going to hell in a handbasket. Are you right or wrong? Does it matter what I think? No, You can have open and honest discussions about politics and religion. I actually think it is good to have these. I believe we have done our kids a huge disservice because these two topics were often banned from the dining room table. Yeah, some people are going to interpret what you say to mean something different. Yet, that is OK. Now don't take this as a means as to you not jumping into a discussion when it happens. That is the glory of the United States. You can have a different opinion and share it openly if you choose. That is why our country is so great. It is the sharing of different ideas and thoughts that create new ideas. How you can look at opinions Opinions are nothing more than thoughts. When someone gets upset with your ideas you can rest assured that you didn't make them mad or upset. It is their thoughts that have caused them to become angry or sad or even happy. You cant make grandma happy with your actions. She is happy with what she has interpreted your actions to mean. So when your family members get upset about whatever, know that they are not angry at you. They may direct it at you but it's not your actions. They are reacting to your actions. This goes for every aspect of life. When someone chooses to get angry at something you said, most often it is because they had an involuntary thought of what you said. Then they are choosing to react instead of responding to that thought.
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    The Root of Your Suffering


    As we talked last week on episode 102 we looked at our circumstances and talked about how those circumstances are actually neutral. So with that where does all of our pain and suffering actually come from? That is actually what I wanted to examine this week. Where does the pain in your life come from if it isn't from the external forces in your life? This is where many people actually get a bit turned off by what I am about to say. The results of your pain and suffering are thanks to how you think of your circumstance. Yep, your thoughts and how they are framed are where the hopelessness, the fear, the anxiety, the frustration. It is also the source of the joy, triumph, complete, and love all come from. It is how you think of what the circumstance means that creates the emotion. So I just change my thoughts? Well, it's not that easy. especially if it is a thought you have had for a very long time. It will take work for your mind to accept the new thought, and for you to believe that new thought. To be able to do that you will have to be aware of what your thoughts are and from there you can see when you are having that old thought and work to change it. This is often where having help like with a coach can come into play. This is because a coach will stay out of the emotional pit that you can find yourself in and help point out where the missteps are happening. A good example of this is what a business opportunity arises. As we know there is a battle over whether we as Americans have the right to choose to get a shot and still be able to provide for our family. There are companies that are firing or suspending their employees because they have justifiable reservations about betting the Covid vaccine. So this causes a bit of a quandary. Do you go against your values and get the shot or do you stand for your beliefs and try to find some other way to do your duty and provide for your family? An example of this is Andrew Crapuchettes, He saw the cancel culture and government actions are being wrong. He could have been angry or resentful or any other array of emotions, and who knows he may have felt all of those and more. Yet he chose to look at the problem not with a victim mindset and see it as this is bad. He saw an opportunity and took it. I am sure if you talked to him he had uncertainty about starting up a brand new adventure when the economy isn't firing on all cylinders. Yet his view was that it would work and so he started up a new job board. This job board is for those who have been displaced by the vax mandate and wants to put hard-working employees with employers that respect that person's right to choose. So he created and his site is growing as more people are wanting to work and want to choose whether the vaccine is a good idea for their circumstance. Maybe they already had covid and don't feel that they need to have the shot because of their natural immunity. Maybe an employee has an immune problem that could cause their immune system to overreact. Maybe there is a person who might have a heart condition and isn't sure the vax is a good idea. No matter what that person's circumstance is they have their own thoughts and is there to help put them with a company that understands their situation and is willing to stand against the mandates. Another example of this is the masks and whether or not they are needed we know the circumstances. Yet some people have the thought that they are not needed while others feel they need to wear a mask alone in a car on a lonely county road. Either of the people wrong? No, They are going off of their own thoughts. If you are interested in working on your thoughts then please reach out and contact me or Join the Brotherhood of Men
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    Your Circumstance


    There have been a few events in all our lives these events or circumstances are always happening to us. These events can be seen as great and positive or they can be perceived as being disastrous and awful. I have had a few big events happen here recently. I have started certification in a coaching course that I have drooled over for several tears and the opportunity has finally presented itself. So, I decided to take it. I am going to be sharing what I learn and as I go through the class my definitions and uses of words may change as I make new discoveries about what I believe and if and when they change I will be sharing those with you here on the podcast and in the blog. Maybe your life has had circumstances where you were abused or you had a parent abandon you. Maybe you were raised by your mom and she had a parade of boyfriends come through each one treated you differently. Maybe you had an uncle who dumped all over your dream or a teacher who said you would never make it. Maybe you had a parent ground you from everything you liked to do. Then again maybe your life is in total disarray, or you live in an abusive relationship. You see your life as crap and the only solace you can find is a hit off the bottle or to drag on a bong. The point is we all have circumstances in our life and they are there. There is no denying that stuff happens. It may be good or it may be bad but it is a part of your life. What are circumstances? Now for ease, I do want to define what circumstances are. because our definitions and meanings of words can vary from person to person. What you think of as a circumstance by one person may be viewed as just an observance. So it will help if I can define what an event is. Circumstance = a fact or condition connected with or relevant to an event or action. In other words, it is the facts of your life. You are broken. May seem as if it is a fact when in reality it isn't. You may have gone through some stuff in your life but is that provable in court? What you see as a hard life may be seen as "easy street" to another person. Many people here in the USA may see the poor but when you compare them to those considered poor in India or Africa you see that our poor are actually very wealthy. Circumstances are nothing more than the bare facts of your life. They are not the emotions you are feeling nor are they the opinions as to what you are feeling. They are just the facts. Your bank account says you only have 32 cents left. That is a fact. Your wife throws things at you. That is a fact. Your son smokes cigarettes. That is a fact. Your son is disrespectful. Not a fact. Your daughter shows too much skin. Not a fact Your wife hates you. Not a fact. Do you see the difference? Facts are concrete. They are not what you believe. Beliefs are thoughts you perceive to be true. They are not thoughts that is what you are thinking of the circumstance. Facts are facts, and I get that the definition of facts has been warped thanks to those who like to play with words and change them to mean what they think the word should mean. I try not to do that, and for one the definition of circumstance will be the facts and nothing more. Circumstances are neutral Now, this may be a bit shocking for some. Facts are neither positive nor are they negative. They simply are. Circumstances do not have a meaning till we apply a thought to them. So your life is hard and challenging is the thought you have about the circumstance of you not having enough money to buy a hamburger. Many people want to push back against the thought that a circumstance is neutral. They say so a car wreck where someone dies is neutral? Yep, it is. Natural disasters are neutral? Yes, they are. Your grandmother dying is neutral? Again yes it is. Even the events of 9-11 are neutral. They all are neutral until we apply our thoughts to that circumstance. The people in the USA were mad and horrified by the toppling of the twin towers. So our thoughts were that this was horrible and created a feeling of unease and anger in us. Yet on the other side of the world in the Middle East, there were people celebrating the falling of the World Trade Center Towers. Was one wrong? Well, that is a thought. An example of having two different thoughts on a single circumstance is when you and your friend go to the same movie at the same time in the same theater and both walk out of the movie with a different experience. I had this experience when I was dating a girl and we went to see Natural Born Killers. She hated the movie and I thought it was great. Were we seeing different movies? No, she just had a different thought of the movie we had just watched. It's about your thoughts Your thoughts are what's creating your suffering. I get that there may be a bit of cognitive dissidence going on there, but it is true. Your thoughts are what actually create your emotions and those emotions are what keep you from doing the things you want to do. So do I just change my thoughts? You can if you decide that the thought isn't serving you. If you are tired of having your life appear crappy then change how you are looking at your life. It takes work. Don't get me wrong it isn't an easy fix it takes examining what you are thinking over and over and over again to really get across the gap of changing your beliefs. You will want to go back to what is comfortable and doesn't take that much energy to do but if you work at it you can go from the comfort of self-imposed misery to the excitement of new adventures. Want help? Reach out and contact me or schedule a call and see what I can do to help you out. Brotherhood of Men also has room available
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    You Have To Start with a Dingy before you can Have a Yacht


    I remember when I was young I was put out by the fact that I really wanted to be in a place of management yet I always had to start at the bottom. This feeling has gone on for many men for centuries. There are those who think they deserve to be in a higher position than where they are. They don't have the skills to even contemplate the amount of work that actually takes. Many workers only see that the Managers don't do the manual labor of that industry. They don't see all of the other tasks that a manager has to do for their job. This is also why from time to time when someone is promoted the great worker makes a lousy manager. They focus on what they think a manager does instead of what a manager actually does. The problem with this thinking Nobody owes you anything You have to prove yourself victim-oriented Scarcity oriented You have to have skills You learn these skills from that position that you are in to have the block needed to climb to the next level. You have to show that you are dependable These skills allow you to be efficient at the next level of your profession. This is why the CEO gets paid more than the receptionist. How do you get into higher positions? Have a goal in mind Know that it's not instant If and when you screw up you will need to add some time to your deadline. Work as if it is all you can do ask for more responsibility Take on other tasks that you see needing to be done. This goes for you starting your own business You may think that running your own business means for a while you get to choose your own hours and you can have 4 day weekends and other luxuries while the money just rolls into your account. Yet that is the farthest from the case The Different Hats There are many different hats that you have to wear as a new business owner. Many think it's sunshine and rainbows shortly after starting. Yet that isn't the case. Many see yeah getting started is hard but that's actually the easy part. Keeping the momentum going is where the work actually happens. This is the problem with the Tech Industry They go out and make a business that has to have venture capital and don't even think of how to monetize their product. They get angel investors to throw millions or even billions of money at them and then you see the founders running around in fancy cars and huge executive suites without actually getting the other needed skills to effectively run the business. Sign up for a Discovery Call
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    What I learned After 100 Episodes


    It is time to review I was thinking of what I could do for a 100 episode. I guess I could have really hyped it up and probably should. Was surprised by how fast it went. It feels as if I should be just now hitting episode 50, yet here we are at one hundred. I need to put myself out there more. I don’t step out and talk to people nearly as much as I need to. If I want the business of Relaxed Male to become as successful as I dream it will then I have to start saying more than just, "Hey! How's the weather". Let boys be dangerous Now I knew that boys like to do some downright dumb stuff. Yet watching boys skateboard down a set of stairs or see who can jump the farthest on the neighborhood sketchiest ramp is actually good for boys as they are developing. The need for danger and excitement actually stays with boys as they progress into manhood. We need to answer that call of the wild and go on adventures. Test our skills against nature. Audio gets better when you upgrade When the show started out I just used my phone. It wasn't the best and I knew it wasn't going to be the best as long as I used the phone so I had to et an upgrade in equipment soon. So I ended up picking up a Podtrac P4 by Zoom and I haven't looked back since. I thought of adding some sound effects to the podcast but I really haven't gotten to that point as of yet. My son is more popular than me This is a point of pride for me. One of the most popular episodes I have is the one where my son and I talk. The episode was fun to have and the fact that my son's friends jumped in a listened is quite awesome. I am not sure how many actually stay and listing to other episodes but heck as long as they heard some. I have a lot to learn I know I didn't know much but the more I learn the more I realize how much ignorance I actually had. I am learning so much about myself and about how humans interact with each other. I get that there is no way to know it all but at the same time, I have to take the time to actually invest in myself and the business. So To help me learn more and to accept the learning in a more efficient manner I am going to be taking a Coaching Certification program. This is to help me learn some new tools that will help my men become the strong noble masculine men the world needs them to be. It will also help me come to understand how to actually start making the ask that I shy away from. That there really was a Forrest Gump running around I found this interesting when I came across Timothy Dexter's life. This guy was under-educated and ignorant as the day was long. He couldn't spell or write correctly yet because he tried he succeeded in his dream of becoming wealthy. I am learning more about how men actually talk NOw I know that men talk very differently than boys but as a recovering Nice Guy I have been busy exposing myself to men and I am seeing and coming to understand the difference between how these two subsets of the males of our species actually talk. The fact that I use to talk in a very hymn-haw style showed me how I really wasn't talking in a very effective manner. In fact, I still struggle and have to rephrase my words in a more assertive and direct way of talking. Yeah, I feel as if I am going to step on a toe or two when I do talk this way, yet, I haven't had a complaint one. That I was more of a nice guy than I believed Thanks to Robert Glover and his book No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex and Life I saw myself in way too many instances of the book. especially in the resentment from the lack of sex with my wife. For many years I was thinking it was her fault and come to find out it's because I wasn't being a man. I wasn't being the man who made her feel hot and bothered when she saw me. She saw a guy who was just wanting to sleep with her. That isn't being sexy to my wife that was being a sad creature. So I have really stepped up my game and I am making many changes to who I am and what I do so that I can be the man my wife married. My wife doesn't want fixed I have to stop reading with my elbow. Thinking this or that is something that my wife needs to get changed in her life. So I need to change my life first so that I can inspire my wife to want to make the needed changes. Then offer her the safe space to be uncomfortable as she starts her journey. The marriage is far from perfect Yeah, I have been married for 25 years. Though there haven't been too many huge rocks to cause turmoil in my marriage I do see now that there are a lot of places that I have dodged. These are places where we could come to know each other better. The conflict of learning about my wife has been shoved away because I couldn't handle the emotional rocking of the boat. I worried about what my wife would think, What if it gets too rocky for her and she leaves? There are many questions and what-ifs that actually never happen but because I wasn't confident in myself, so I let many opportunities pass. So my marriage is far from perfect but as you will see I am not giving up. That marriage is worth all the effort Though my marriage isn't perfect and had some tough times, there were some places that It got a little sketchy and could have ended in divorce. Yet it didn't and at 25 years of marriage, I see that marriage is worth the effort. Will it still work out? I don't know, though I would love to think it will. The connection you have with your spouse is one of the greatest connections you will have with another person. I have a lot of work todo Man looking through where I was compared to when this podcast started I see I have made progress yet I also see that I have a long way to go. That I really love coaching I did a test on myself to see if I really was after coaching or if this was just a craze or something. I have often started stuff and soon lost interest in it. I was pretty sure I was really following my calling and so I imagine what my life would be like if I didn’t follow that calling of being a coach for men. The results were pretty compelling. I felt pain and loss when I imagined not going down that path. The sensation was enough to prove to me that this is where I am supposed to be. I have let my schedule get out of hand I have so much to do and so little time. My schedule is out of whack. I have enough time to get some things done but not everything. So this is an area that I have to work on and apply some discipline. Because as my plans kick in more and more I will need to have a tight hold on my schedule. I am not working to kill myself after all but I do want men to take control of their lives and live on their terms Kids are amazing If you have ever sat back and watched kids play, you see humans in their purest form. The boys are rough and tumble and the girls gather into circles. You see all aspects of humans being themselves. This is before the pressure of what if. Kids see the freedom of what if. What if I can jump that ditch. What if I swing all the way around on the swings. What if, and the adventure that it entails is beautiful and amazing. The Red Pill /Men Going Their Own Way Sadly I have become aware of so many men who are giving up on women or just leaving the field of contributing to society. They call it the red pill or Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW). These are men or more specifically Nice Guy's who have decided that the world is against them and that dating or marriage isn't worth the effort. What these men don't realize is that the world's against the Nice Guy. It always has and always will. Manipulating people doesn't work and because these guys want to play the victim card they are packing up their toys and going home, instead of deciding to live life on their terms and have the wife and life they desire. They are letting the world dictate to them that they need to quit. That is absolutely the definition of failure. Our veterans need help Now through this podcasting adventure and actually a little before I had a friend that I talk to on a weekly basis join up with his brother-in-law and together they created a foundation that is setting out to help our veterans overcome the urge to end it all. They are committed to helping get the men and women of our military out into nature and help them mentally reset. They are giving them the needed time off to dump the world off of their shoulders and relax. These guys have created Operation: Tears of the 22. Matt and Rich are setting up a plan that will be able to reach out to our veterans and be a safety net for those who feel as if they have no one to turn to. This is a group of veterans helping our brothers and sisters who are struggling with where they fit in their civilian world and because of that, they believe they can drop the suicide rate of 22 veterans a day. Consistency is the key I have found out that you have to be consistent in what it is that you do. You cant be waffling on what you stand for. If you are going to do a weekly podcast you need to make sure you release it at the same time every time. If you are going to do a blog then release those blog posts and keep the message consistent. Have a vision Do you want to complete some audacious goal? Then you need to have that vision as to what it is you are going to do. What does it look like feel like and smell like when that goal is completed? How are you going to act? How are you going to feel? That is all dependant upon your vision of that goal. If you don't have the vision of the goal then you are going to struggle because you don't see that land before you. You won't have the drive till you know where you are going. So, You have to have the vision. You can love anybody you choose This is a wild one that has come upon me fairly recently. The concept is that you can actually love anybody you choose to. You have that choice of do you want to tolerate them or do you want to simply love them. Now, this is a bit odd coming from a masculinity site I know but that is how much so many men don't fully understand masculinity. Yeah, we love our kids and our wife, but can you love the woman who ditched you and is now getting married to your old best friend? That is a challenge, I agree but it is possible and you can choose to do just that. There is beauty everywhere So many times we get caught up in life that we fail to gather the rosebuds. Yet if you stop you can see beauty in even an old spiderweb. The awe and beauty in an incoming storm. The beauty in your wife struggling to keep it together while the kids are being heathens. There is beauty everywhere and as men, we can and are allowed to appreciate it.
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    Fighting Burnout


    What is burnout Burnout is the loss of drive to do a particular task. Often the act of burning out isn't so much the problem as the effort we put in to try to push through that burnout. As a whole, it is a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion. It happens when we become overwhelmed by the constant demands of a task. This often happens in an office scenario. Where the team is pushing to complete a project. Burnout often is very prevalent in the crunch for game programmers. What causes burnout? The main culprit is when you are not feeding your soul. The job is just that a job. You don't receive any emotional or mental reward for doing that particular job. When a person is doing a job that is in their Zone of Excellence but not in their Zone of Genius. When you are not in your Zone Of Genius you are often having a bit of resistance at first but as you go that resistance gets greater and greater till you burn out. Problems with burnout Burnout is one of those things that can be a slight irritation or it can even lead to a person's death. Depending on how severe the burnout is. I have seen men who have left their dream job simply because they just can't do it anymore. There is a reason Sunday night and Monday morning are when most suicides occur. Physical problems Take all the problems of stress and happy them here. High blood pressure? Yep Heart problems? Yep Weight gain? Yep Headaches Overall body aches? Yep yep yep Decreased libido? Yes to the limp noodle Mental problems Irritable or even anger Lack of focus sadness and depression Lack of sleep Emotional problems Causes people to seek other forms of escaping Increased alcohol intake Other drugs Affairs How do you avoid burnout? Notice the Signs of Burnout. Lack of motivation Sense of dread when thinking of work Avoiding Burnout Take a break! Take an extended break Mix it up find how to apply your zone of genius to the project Say No Talk to your Band of Brothers Eliminate delegate
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    Men's Need for Violence


    Men need violence in their lives. For today's society that sounds almost scary. What! See this is toxic masculinity at its core! Men need to be removed from all of society because they are advocating everything violent. All the wars are fought because of men. Crimes are committed because of men. Well, this isn't exactly the case but the saying, Hard times make strong men strong men make good times  good times make weak men  weak men make hard times. this phrase shows how society has cycles, and those cycles need men who have violence in their lives. So there should be killing going on? Well no not fully to that extent of violence though non-masculine men do resort to that type of violence. When they think they have something to prove. Violence in one's life can mean many different things. It is more about doing stuff aggressively. To have controlled violence in your life is an element all men need for them to be able to maintain the needed strength and to have the calm they desire in their lives. When men don't have struggle and controlled violence in their lives this is where they often will turn to other substances and unhealthy coping mechanisms. This is to buffer the emotional turmoil they are having because they are not venting the violent need in their life Men are built for violence Look at boys at play They are always wrestling and roughhousing. This expels more energy than just running or swinging. They will imitate war when giving the right tools. Be it a stick and a pine cone. They will have machine guns to fight off an invasion or try to recreate the battle of Iwo Jima. Look through history Gladiators In Rome, there were violent competitions that pitted man to man and man versus nature. These were used as a form of sports. This distracted men from their day-to-day grinds. by watching men get eviscerated the violence we see helps with sedating the need for violence in our life. If a man is sedated then he is less likely to talk about any need to rise against any injustices he witnesses. Public executions Public executions also showed that men were always out to see violent events. No matter what their reason why public executions always brought forth huge crowds some as large as 100,000 people would attend if the convict was vile enough. No Boxing in the west Interesting boxing was huge in the east. There was and still is a large turnout for boxing matches in places like Atlantic City. Yet boxing never really took off in the west. Yeah, promoters would try to bring boxing to places like Dodge City and the such yet it never really caught on. Why? My thought is that the men had enough violence in their own life that they didn't need to watch men beat themselves up. Their need for violence was full. Look at Seattle and Portland for when men don't have normal violence in their lives. A recent example of men not having intentional violence in their lives is the young men in the west coast cities of Seattle and Portland. These men have needed manufactured strife in their lives. So they join groups like Antifa. Where they can justify their violent actions against a perceived enemy. They burn buildings hit people with bricks, skateboards, and baseball bats. Sometimes going as far as killing those who went as far as questioning their reasons. Sporting Events From Football to hockey there are men on the field who are interacting violently. This is one-way men try to satiate the need for them to get out and exercise their need for controlled violence Go, Hunting Besides getting outside this allows for men to provide for their family and community by harvesting meat from nature When a man has violence in their life they are more balanced in their mental processes. They are calmer Examples as to when men had satiated their violence Yes, some ignore the need for men to have violence in their lives. The APA even looks at masculinity with the wrong lens. They look at it in a way to try to remove violence from a masculine man when in reality men need to have that violence to stay sane. The Missing Point Doesn't violent men make for unsafe women? No, You are mistaking Unmasculine men with masculine men. An unmasculine man has all the tools for a masculine man. A penis and testicles and the testosterone that comes from this. The strength and muscle mass and added energy that comes from testosterone. The missing point is not knowing how to use this tool correctly. If you are using a hammer to drive a screw in you will do way more damage to the wood than if you were to use a screwdriver. If you are using a knife to pry apart two rocks, you run the risk of breaking the knife. Have a piece of the blade fly back at you and injure yourself. Each tool has a specific purpose and this goes with masculinity. It can be used to destroy or build. The choice is in the man. If a boy has been shown how a noble masculine man acts he will be a credit to society. If a boy grows up without a good and just man in the house he will learn how to use the tools at his disposal by other boys who don't have men in their houses either. When masculinity is correctly applied you have safer women. You also have women who are stronger and more sure of their place and purpose. When there is a masculine man in a woman's life. She doesn't have to strike out at others out of fear How to apply violence into your life Exercise more aggressively Join a Martial Arts Group Find a heavy rock and throw it in the backyard Play sports Get out and go hunting
  • The Relaxed Male podcast

    Standards, Why They Matter


    What are standards? Your standard is a level of quality you accept. Too many people tolerate things below their claimed standards. Maybe it is the incompetence of a co-worker. Your spouses infidelity Examples of low level standards Poor health Over weight Relationships The quality of your friends marriage quality Work relations Career the Level of your income Being skipped over for promotions Why are they important? How do you raise your standards? Set healthy boundaries Voice what is bothering you Why are you allowing substandard living? recognize when you are tolerating the low standards do the work start recognizing your value in the world. raise that value. let go of your limiting beliefs
  • The Relaxed Male podcast

    The Perceived Virtues of Victims


    If you have heard any other episodes or read any of my blog posts you know that I am not a fan of people who are victims. I often say, and rightfully so, victims are not respected because they dont earn anybodies respect. If that is the case then why do so many people turn to the victim mindset? Then you look at todays society and you see people parading around screaming about how they are victims of hate. Victims of white people. Victims of corporations. Victims of Slavery. Victims of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Yeah Peanut butter and jelly sandwich is racist. The whole woke culture is a culture of see who can be victimized the worst and then they want to celebrate the victim. This is sad on one hand because of the absolute absurdity of it all, and horrifying because it is backed by the schools these parents pay for. So what is a victim? A victim is a person who voluntarily gives up their personal power to another person or thing. It is easy We all fall into the victim mindset from time to time so you know how easy it is to be a victim. Yet sadly it is a type of manipulation. You are lying to people saying that it isn't your fault that are in the situation that you are in. Yet if you were to be honest you would see that yes it was your fault for putting yourself into that situation. That is why men will take responsibility for those times that they failed. Those times that they didn't complete the work they were suppose to. Take being late for an event. Many times you will hear that it was traffics fault. When in all reality you left too late. You didn't account for traffic snarls. You didn't properly prepare for your journey. Yeah you may want to take the power you had and delegate it to the inanimate object of the traffic situation. Yet the real power is that you chose to leave too late. It gives immediate acknowledgment Someone will always come and feel sorry for you. They 'Help' you and tend to you and they show you how they are sorry for your hard times. It is comfortable Yes it is comfortable. Some people may try to argue, how being a victim is being comfortable. You think it is comfortable to be taken advantage of? I now dont have enough money to pay rent. This is what happens with the poor. They dont have the mindset to build wealth and then people wonder why they are poor. There is this concept called the upper limit challenge. WHen you exceed your upper limit you will do what ever you can to get back down to a more comfortable level. That is why if you give a poor man a 10 million dollars they will have it spent with in a year. The Victim's perception of worry is drowned out. Why worry about anything when you can have others do the work for you? That is one of the big reasons for playing the victim. it is too uncomfortable to actually fess up to the fact that it is your fault that you are in your own mess. The Victim avoid's responsibility It is always someone else's fault for the problems they are. You will see people complain that their pants are wet and muddy all because they are sitting in a mud puddle, and instead of getting up out of the mud they are handed a new pair of pants and complain about the same thing because they never changed their environment. All that sounds great but why is victim mindsets so bad? Because people get tired of the constant fires they have to put out for you. It is never your fault and so the other person eventually gets tired of the constant crisis and they leave. So the victim then has a real crisis on their hands. Nobody is going to come rescue them so they have to find another person to take care of them. Yet because you are always giving up your power you feel helpless and you starve your soul for what it needs. There for most victims become angry bitter and resentful. Many victims also have a scarcity mindset and do not feel gratitude towards anything they are helped with. There is a charity cycle that many organizations find themselves in when they try to help. At first the victims find themselves happy and grateful for the charitable gifts. Yet each year the gift is given those who come bace are more and more ungrateful and feel entitled to new and better. This cycle happens each time you help a person and not give them the ability to help themselves. Many will fight against helping themselves. They will come across every reason possible so that they dont have to help themselves. Victims can’t grow Because the victim doesn't take responsability and they are looking for people to rescue them, victims miss all the oppertunities available to them that allows them to grow and learn from their mistakes. Because they are usually in a state of scarcity they are often focused on what it is that they dont have instead of seeing all the resources that are available with in their reach. Since they dont want to see and are comfortable in their own misery they dont want to do the work needed to dig themselves out of that hole and to live their wonderful life. If you are wanting to get out of the victim mindset and start living a life of of intention and integrity you can work with me and see how I can help you shed that old lifestyle of misery and live life on your terms.
  • The Relaxed Male podcast

    Timothy Dexter and The Laws of Attraction


    You have heard of the Laws of attraction right? Some folks don't buy the whole laws of attraction they say it is only skill and discipline. These are the people who also believe that there are times that a person can get lucky. Well, I came across a guy in history who without realizing it applied the laws of attraction and achieved his wants and desires. This guy's name is Timothy Dexter. What is the laws of attraction The Laws of attraction has been around for a long time, but it first came to prominence thanks to Abraham Hicks. Which their whole story is a bit on the woo-woo side and a bit hard to swallow. Yet if you can get past the fake-sounding Romany accent on the tapes the information is pretty good. The Laws are the belief that the universe or God provides you what you truly want. It is all based on your thoughts. If you have a big sales meeting that you are cant be late to. Yet, your belief that something is going to happen so that you are late, Then you will wake up with a flat and your battery is dead. There will be a huge wreck on the way to the meeting. It will seem as if the universe is trying to make you late. If you think and believe that you are going to score that big account you are going to. The Laws of Attraction deal with a lot of visualizations and affirmations. Then add on your belief that you will either succeed or not succeed and the universe will manifest the results you most want to have. So how does Timothy Dexter fit into this? Timothy Dexter was a man who was born in 1747 to a poor farming family, He dropped out of school in the second grade, and at the age of 16 he decided he wanted to become rich. So he left the farming life to become a tanner apprentice. Realizing that he couldn't get rich being a tanner he left the business and married a wealthy widow, Elizabeth Frothingham. With his newfound wealth, he bought a mansion in Newburyport, Ma. Yet he annoyed the others who were of old money because they realized he was weird and very simple in his form of thinking. Yet he still wanted to be richer still. So the Continental Congress, to fund the revolutionary war, had started printing its own money so that they could pay their troops. The problem is that the money wasn't with anything. So the rich society folks of Newburyporttrying to ruin him told him he should go and buy up all the continental dollars because if the US wins their freedom then they will pay back 1% of the value of those dollars. That is precisely what Timothy did. Now many people really didn't believe that the new country had a chance of defeating the most powerful army in the world. When the US lost, all that money Timothy bought would be worthless. Well if you are paying attention to history you know that the US didn't lose and Timothy became even richer. Now what he did with all that extra loot? He builds the most ostentatious mansion in the middle of the rich district of Newburyport. He surrounded it with 40 large wooden statues of who he thought was important men, this included himself. Timothy also bought two ships for his shipping endeavors. Because his "friends" in society were a bit miffed that his bad advice had netted him some large gains. So his business friends suggested that he ship bed warmers to the Caribbean. Thinking that they will not have a use for bed warmers. Except they turned out to be excellent molasses ladles. They also suggested that he send woolen mittens to the same place. Yet They found some Asian traders who bought them all up so they could send them to Siberia. So his ships kept coming back making him richer and his friends even more befuddled and angry. Timothy then gathered up all the stray cats in Newburyport and sent them to the Caribbean only to again succeed because they were in the middle of a rat infestation. He sent bibles to the east indies and made a profit because there were missionaries that needed them. He was also convinced that he needed to buy up all the whalebone. At the time whalebone was losing value fast. YEt when he had a basement packed full of these bones suddenly it became popular for men to wear corsets and they needed all the whalebone they could manage. So again his friends had inadvertently given him an opportunity to make even more money. Now he was quirky and illiterate. Even so, he wrote two books. The first on A Pickle for the Knowing Ones was a 25-page essay with no punctuations. People couldn't understand what he had written because he wrote sort of phonetically. IME the first Lord in the younited States of A mericary Now of Newburyport it is the voise of the peopel and I cant Help it and so Let it goue Now as I must be Lord there will foller many more Lords pretty soune for it dont hurt A Cat Nor the mouse Nor the son Nor the water Nor the Eare then goue on all is Easey Now bons broaken all is well all in Love Now I be gin to Lay the corner ston and the kee ston with grat Remembrence of my father Jorge Washington the grate herow 17 sentreys past before we found so good a father to his shildren and Now gone to Rest Timothy Dexter - A Pickle for the Knowing Ones Yet they bought the book because they thought it was a joke. His second edition of the book had punctuation. They were all on the last page with instructions to pepper and salt these as you please. So was he a master genius? No, but I do see the laws of attraction in effect. I see his belief that he could make himself a success and the universe or God took his desires and made them real. Notes on Timothy Dexter Today I found out Wikipedia Looking to take control of your life? Brotherhood of Men

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