332. The triangular theory of love

Hate is one of those emotions we don’t like to admit we feel – it’s messy, intense, and often laced with guilt. But it’s also deeply human. It can flare up in obvious moments of conflict, or linger quietly as resentment, judgment, or mistrust. But it’s how we engage with it that makes the big difference. In this episode, we explore the reasons we love to hate - where it comes from, why it’s so powerful, and the ways it can both protect and harm us. We’ll look at how it spreads in a hyperconnected world, and ways we can respond to it if we feel it in ourselves or from others. We’ll explore:•        The roots of hatred in group identity, safety and insecurity•        Why hating can feel good •        Personality traits of trolls•        Why our biggest critics can be those closest to us•        How hate affects our mind and body•        How to stop being a hater, and how to respond to hate from others If you want to explore this difficult emotion without judgement, this episode is for you.   ORDER MY BOOK: https://www.psychologyofyour20s.com/general-clean  Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]    The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We all want to know the secret to true, lasting love so that we can perhaps have a shot at finding it. So in today's episode, we're breaking down perhaps the most famous theory on this very topic, Robert Sternbery's Triangular Theory of Love. In this episode, we talk about:  The 3 core ingredients of love: intimacy, passion, commitment How different combinations form different kinds of relationships Why “consummate love” is so rare, and hard to maintain What the theory leaves out: culture, trust, respect, asexuality, polyamory  A look at the newer “quadruple theory” of love  Listen now!    ORDER MY BOOK: https://www.psychologyofyour20s.com/general-clean  Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]    The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We often see pets as just a part of our daily lives - the ones who greet us at the door, curl up beside us, or demand breakfast at 6 a.m. sharp. But behind those everyday moments lies a bond that’s shaped by millions of years of co-evolution and a deep emotional connection that can transform us. In this episode, we look at the psychology of our relationships with our pets - how they are so transformative, soothe our stress, shift our moods, and even change the way we relate to other people. Pets aren’t just companions; they can become anchors in times of change, mirrors for our emotions, and constant reminders of simple joy. We’ll explore:•       The science of why we bond so strongly with animals•       How our pets mirror our mental health•       Survival of the cutest•       The pain of losing a childhood pet, and disenfranchised grief•       FOUR key questions to ask yourself if you’re thinking of committing to a pet Whether you’re a proud pet parent or just curious about why humans are so drawn to animals, this episode is for you.   ORDER MY BOOK: https://www.psychologyofyour20s.com/general-clean  Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]    The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Happiness often feels like a simple goal - something we’re told to chase or “find” if we’re lucky. But it’s not just about good moods or quick wins. True happiness is more subtle, shaped by how we show up in life, the people we surround ourselves with, and the  meaning we create along the way. In this episode, we dive into what happiness really means in your twenties and beyond - why it can be so hard to hold onto, and how it’s tied to more than just feeling good. We’ll explore: Why happiness isn’t a permanent state, but a shifting experience How everyday habits and relationships quietly influence our sense of happiness The PERMA model of happiness Why chasing pleasure doesn’t always lead to fulfilment Busting the 3 biggest myths about happiness Simple, real ways to build happiness for now, and for the future  If you’re tired of chasing constant happiness and want to explore a more genuine, meaningful way to experience joy – this one is for you.   ORDER MY BOOK: https://www.psychologyofyour20s.com/general-clean Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]    The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode we break down the growing conversation around the “male loneliness epidemic”:  what’s true, what’s misleading, and what the research actually says. This is a complex and controversial topic, but one that deserves a clear, evidence-based perspective. Why has loneliness been declared a global health crisis? How the global loneliness epidemic differs from the male loneliness epidemic  Are men actually the lonelier gender?  The role of patriarchy, the manosphere, scapegoating, and in-group/out-group psychology  The consequences  for both men and women Healthy, proactive approaches to tackling loneliness in society  Plus, so much more! Drop your thoughts below.  For mental health support: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/    ORDER MY BOOK: https://www.psychologyofyour20s.com/general-clean  Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]    The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Travel is something many of us in our 20s aspire to do well and to do more of. Whether it’s the quintessential Europe summer, road trips to the next city or town over, or exploring forgotten trails and paths, travel impacts us deeply and of course, psychologically.  But it can also have physical and emotional effects as well and it turns out, there is a way to fly and travel better. Today we are joined by Dr. Henry Ting, world renowned cardiologist and Chief Health & Wellness Officer at Delta Air Lines to discuss all the ways the airline is making transit a better part of our trip and some essential tips he has for people in their 20s who want to get the most out of their travel opportunities!  Listen now and check out the Fly and Live Better Youtube Series!    ORDER MY BOOK: https://www.psychologyofyour20s.com/general-clean  Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]    The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We often think of trauma as something extreme - a dramatic, life-altering event. But trauma isn’t just what happened to us. It’s also how our body learned to survive. It can be quiet, subtle, and long-lasting, shaping how we live, cope, and exist in the world, often unconsciously. In this episode, we unpack the quiet, psychological reality of trauma - especially in our twenties. Why do some of us feel numb, disconnected, or constantly on edge? Why do we shut down in relationships or over-function when things get hard? And how do we begin to reconnect with our bodies again? We explore: Why trauma is subjective Survival strategies we carry into adulthood (and why they’re hard to let go of) Does the body really keep the score? How pain and shame are linked to trauma What “safety” feels like in our bodies - and how we can begin to access it Whether or not you identify with the word ‘trauma’, or simply want to understand our bodies’ emotional responses, this episode is for you.   For help: Resources   ORDER MY BOOK: https://www.psychologyofyour20s.com/general-clean  Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]    The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Nicotine is everywhere - but not in the way we once knew it. It’s not just in cigarettes anymore. It’s in sleek vapes, tiny pouches, lozenges, gum, even diffusers marketed as 'wellness'. And somewhere along the way, it stopped feeling like a vice and started looking... aesthetic. Clean. Even, normal.In today’s episode, we unpack the ever-present boom of nicotine and what it reveals about our generation’s relationship with coping, craving, and control. Because this isn’t just about addiction - it’s about soothing anxiety, chasing focus, managing overstimulation, and the ways we self-medicate under pressure. We explore: Nicotine as a stimulant and a coping mechanism Levels of conformity and links to the ‘in-group’ How nicotine got rebranded for a new generation The role of dissonance in maintaining the cycle How to break the bad habit loop Whether you’ve used nicotine yourself or just want to understand why it’s seems like everyone has a vape – this episode is for you.   ORDER MY BOOK: https://www.psychologyofyour20s.com/general-clean  Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]    The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We all get anxious at times, but what we forget in those moments is that anxiety is just there to protect us, it's trying to do its job, and the more we lean in and play along, the more we start to feel in control again. In today's episode, we break down the four ways I've made my anxiety work for me, including:  Turning anxiety into excitement The certainities list method The personification method  Channeling anxious energy into creative energy + more  If you're someone who struggles with ongoing anxiety, this episode will hopefully provide you with a new perspective, or at least a refresher on what we do know about the way anxiety effects us. Listen now!    ORDER MY BOOK: https://www.psychologyofyour20s.com/general-clean  Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]    The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Why do some things sit heavy in our chest for weeks, months, even years - while others seem to slide right off? In today’s episode, we’re unpacking the psychology of resentment, exploring why letting go can feel so hard, and what our grudges might actually be trying to tell us about ourselves. Grudges are often dismissed as petty or immature, but they’re rarely that simple. They’re emotional archives - stories we keep retelling in our minds, not just to stay angry, but to make sense of hurt, to assert boundaries, or to reclaim a sense of control. Whether it’s a betrayal from years ago or a passive-aggressive comment from last week, the feelings linger for a reason. We explore: •      The psychological function of holding a grudge•      How rumination and memory shape emotional pain•      The role of power, justice, and unmet needs in long-term resentment•      How resentment harms us more than them•      Why forgiveness isn’t the same as forgetting•      Tools for emotional processing and (maybe) letting go If you want to get curious about what your lingering anger is pointing to, this episode is for you. Listen to my NEW PODCAST, Mantra: https://open.spotify.com/show/4Ckds0BoJDDpODInN9cWcc?si=b6ad5d555c1940e0   Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbegFollow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcastFor business: [email protected]  The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.