I Don't Understand Art

I turned 24 this week and NO Gemini slander will be tolerated here! More importantly, my hidden talent is impressions from the cinematic masterpieces that were Barbie movies circa 2004. Rapunzel, Swan Lake, Princess and the Pauper??? GOATED. Someone hire me to be a voice actor pls.

In case you couldn't tell, my life peaked in 2013 when I won the NY State Odyssey of the Mind championship dressed as a fish made of dryer sheets. As it should have.

Who's buried in Grant's Tomb? NO ONE YOU IDIOT! My weekend consisted of two things: assorted savory finger sandwiches and Union General Ulysses S. Grant. Enjoy.

Ya'll sorry about this poopy audio once again... technology and I are enemies. BUT please join me as I recount my harrowing week of art, sex, and marine mammals! Like and share this podcast if you agree that children should be banned from aquariums.

Am I a man... or am I a muppet? In light of a certain a-hole defunding PBS, let's take a little walk down memory lane and reminisce about the wonderful world of Jim Henson and if Fraggle Rock was just a fever dream I had.

I'm in my witchcraft and wizardry era and I'm not sorry about it. Let's discuss how Minerva McGonagall is a girly pop, how I don't understand time travel, and what my Hogwarts house is! As a wise man once said, "Yer a wizard, Harry."

Will you go to prom with me? (Circle yes or no) Sorry I've been MIA ya'll but now that I'm back, let's talk about my Catholic school prom, my psycho date, and the harrowing era of Sherri Hill. ALSO: PESTO POD POSTINGS WILL BE MOVED TO WEDNESDAYS, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

The great and powerful LaKenzo and her love of dandelion crayons has consumed me to no end and now I am preoccupied with collecting various knick knacks and bric a brac. Other than that, this week consisted of 70s music and a whole lot of motion sickness.

The Catholic Church is an institution of power run by white men so obviously it's CORRUPT! Have you ever wanted to be yapped at about Vatican conspiracy theories, The Da Vinci Code, or my harrowing encounters with lesbian nuns? Great news for you!

Guys I don't understand art. If I throw a jar of pesto at a canvas and say it represents my inner turmoil, does that mean it'll be worth $50 million? Anyway, I had a great time in the Windy City, including a sold out show, a wicked hangover, and remaking Ferris Bueller scenes.