75: ADHD Executive Dysfunction - Closing the Knowing-Doing Gap w/ Kevin Bailey

If you already miss ADHD Awareness month and all the awesome content, have I got a surprise for you! MORE ADHD CONTENT!!!!This episode left me thinking about how much energy neurodivergent people spend trying to pretend to be someone they're not. And how much of that effort could be redirected toward understanding ourselves instead.We got into executive functioning, resilience, and the knowing-doing gap, and honestly, Kevin's distinction between something being simple and something being easy really stuck with me.We talk about ADHD executive dysfunction, neurodivergent burnout, and behavioral change, especially for neurodivergent adults who feel like they're constantly working harder without getting the results they want.Curious what else is inside:• Why high-achieving neurodivergent people can end up burning themselves out trying to prove they are capable.• Why executive dysfunction is often a design problem rather than a motivation problem.• How shame fuels perfectionism and burnout, and why belonging and self-compassion can help us build a different relationship with ourselves.There is a valuable moment where Kevin explains that routines aren't necessarily habits. Routines still require effort, and that effort can be exhausting. And another where we get into resilience. I have a complicated relationship with that word, and I appreciated Kevin's perspective on building resilience through self-trust, small successes, and learning to adapt without pretending everything is okay.This episode might resonate if you:• Know exactly what you need to do but struggle to translate that knowledge into action.• Are a high-achieving neurodivergent adult who has experienced burnout from constantly trying harder.• Are working on building self-compassion and letting go of the shame that comes with doing things differently.Looking for Kevin Bailey?Website:http://gobeyondknowing.com/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-bailey1/Resources: 2-minute Follow-Through Self-Check:https://gobeyondknowing.com/follow-through-self-check/The Follow-Through Guide (short video + downloadable guide):https://gobeyondknowing.com/the-follow-through-guide/ Themes for the computerThe knowing-doing gap: Why understanding what you need to do doesn't automatically translate into being able to do it.Neurodivergent burnout: The relationship between high achievement, chronic overcompensation, nervous system depletion, and executive functioning.Executive functioning as a design problem: Moving away from motivation and willpower toward environmental design, experimentation, and appropriate support.Resilience and self-trust: Rethinking resilience as a collection of skills rather than an expectation to endlessly push through hardship.Shame and neurodivergent identity: How shame fuels perfectionism and burnout, and why belonging and self-compassion offer a different path.Neurodivergent communication and self-understanding: Recognizing the invisible preparation, rehearsing, and systems that can go into everyday social interactions.SEO opportunities: Neurodivergent identity, adult neurodivergence, neurodivergent communication, ADHD executive dysfunction, neurodivergent burnout, and executive functioning coaching.

Content note: This episode includes discussion of domestic violence, coercive control, sexual assault, addiction, anorexia, and trauma. Please take care while listening.October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month in the USA, and this conversation is extremely important to share. Nicole Kranz joins Hind and me to talk about our lived experiences navigating an abusive relationship, the ways we have come to understand our experience, and what reclaiming choice can look like.We talk about survival, identity, boundaries, and Nicole’s relationship with the borderline personality label. What stayed with me was the value of hearing another person speak honestly about experiences that can be difficult to explain, especially when the process of moving forward is much more complicated than simply ending the relationship and leaving.This is not a clinical conversation nor a one-size-fits-all account of surviving abuse. It is an opportunity to listen to one person's story, recognize what resonates, and make space for the many different ways survivors experience life after abuse.Curious what else is inside:How Nicole makes sense of her experiences and the borderline personality labelWhat it looks like to rebuild your identity after an abusive relationshipHow family patterns and unspoken experiences can shape the way we relate to othersWhy to start saying “no”There is a moment where Nicole says, “the no is the starting of being free.” I keep thinking about that, especially how different it can feel to make choices for yourself after spending so long adapting to someone else.There’s another where we talk about how leaving a relationship does not automatically grant you freedom. When you share a child, the abuse can continue long after the relationship itself has ended.This episode might resonate if you:Have survived domestic violence or a relationship that changed how you see yourself.Identify with the borderline personality label and are still figuring out what it means in your own life.Are working out which parts of your identity feel like you, and which parts developed as ways to survive.Find connection in hearing other people speak honestly about experiences you recognize on your own.One thing I value about conversations like this is the chance to recognize parts of ourselves in someone else's story without assuming our experiences are identical. Peer support can begin with something as simple as hearing someone put words to an experience you thought you had to carry alone.During Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I want to make space for these conversations without asking survivors to tell their stories in any particular way, follow a particular timeline, or prove that they are healing. Every survivor's experience is their own, and being heard matters.Until next time, stay happy, healthy, and safe!Looking for Nicole Kranz?Website:nicolekranz.comInstagram: nic_kranzResources:This Is Bullshit Not a Love Story by Nicole KranzJolie Bordel podcastAudience summaryThis episode is for neurodivergent adults and anyone working to understand how trauma, family patterns, and difficult relationships can shape our sense of self. Nicole Kranz joins Sarah and Hind to discuss surviving an abusive relationship, rebuilding identity, learning boundaries, and finding freedom through the choices we make every day.Top themes detectedCoercive control, intimate partner violence, and the complicated process of healing after leaving an abusive relationshipRebuilding identity after years of adapting to other peopleFamily patterns, inherited trauma, and learning new ways to communicateBoundaries, saying no, and recognizing what you no longer want in your lifeThe relationship between emotional experiences, the body, and the nervous systemSelf-acceptance, personal responsibility, and creating a life that feels more like your own

Editing this episode left me thinking about the many people who go through life without anyone really seeing what they’re experiencing, and what a catalyst it can be when someone finally stops to listen and give you a hug.We sat down with Nick to talk about his late ADHD diagnosis and the creative projects that grew out of his journey toward self-understanding. We also talk about what happens when children are failed by the systems and the people meant to protect them.Content note: This episode includes discussion of childhood abuse and neglect, failures by professionals and child protection systems, depression, chronic pain, and cannabis Nick shares his experience of childhood abuse and neglect, being overlooked by professionals, and growing up without the support he needed. His story is a reminder that sometimes the signs are there, but the people and systems around a child don’t act.This episode might resonate if you:Were diagnosed with ADHD later in lifeHave wondered how ADHD and childhood trauma can overlapUse music, writing, or other creative projects to process what you’re going through.Know what it feels like to pretend that everything is alrightNeed a reminder that healing never stopsI’m especially glad we talked about the importance of real-world social support. Online connection can be meaningful, but sometimes we need someone who can physically knock on the door, sit with us, and help us reconnect with the world.Looking for Nick? Instagram: 8DHD LifeLink:https://www.instagram.com/8dhd_audhd_guy/Book: The Breaking of a BoyAmazon link:https://amzn.to/4o5xSLsMusic: 8DHD on SpotifyLink:https://open.spotify.com/album/38RuptMbHusU5RKLDtfZTo?si=lNnHfSSmRoiXdg4_gLsw-gCake Not Hate:Link:https://www.instagram.com/thejoshieman/❤️💙Help us build something that could genuinely make life easier for neurodivergent people.https://www.crowdfunder.co.uk/p/8dhd-helping-the-world-understand-neurodiversity/8DHD started because I was tired of seeing neurodivergent people constantly misunderstood.We’re creating practical tools that explain what ADHD, autism and other neurodivergent experiences actually feel like. Not through complicated medical language, but through comics, music, games, resources and creative projects that help people say, “That’s me.”Our goal is to make life easier for children, adults, families, schools and workplaces by helping people understand each other a little better.Every donation, no matter how small, helps us create more resources, develop new projects and reach more people who need them.If you can’t donate, sharing this campaign means just as much. One share could reach the person who decides to help make all of this possible.Thank you for believing in what we’re trying to build.❤️💙

Getting diagnosed with ADHD as an adult can explain a lot of things, but it can also leave you with an onslaught of questions about what to do next.In this episode, I’m catching up with Ashmi Patel, a life coach and former client of mine, about what happens after diagnosis. We talk about the planner graveyard, the pressure to keep trying harder, and how easy it is to turn everyday struggles into evidence that you’re somehow not doing enough.We also get into soft accountability: setting realistic goals, scaling back expectations, and learning to offer yourself the same grace you give everyone else.Curious about what’s inside?How perfectionism and all-or-nothing thinking can keep you stuckAshmi’s approach to slow journeys, soft accountability, and realistic expectationsWhy scaling your goals back can help you build confidence without burning yourself outHow cultural expectations and stigma can affect the way people understand and accommodate their ADHDMaking space for sensory needs and finding everyday ways to regulate your nervous systemThere is a moment when Ashmi talks about realizing that other people could sit at a desk for five hours and actually study the whole time. She lacked the words to explain why her experience was different, so she assumed she wasn’t trying hard enough. That’s such a familiar trap when you don’t yet have language for your own brain.This episode might resonate if:You were diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and are still making sense of what it means.You keep setting ambitious goals, falling short, and blaming yourself.You struggle with perfectionism, decision paralysis, or all-or-nothing thinking.You’re tired of trying to motivate yourself through shame.You want to build routines and systems that respect your actual capacity.A coaching reflectionWhat would change if you stopped asking, “How much should I be able to do?” and started asking, “What can I realistically do with the capacity I have today?”You don’t have to earn rest by reaching your limit. You don’t have to bully yourself into making progress. And you’re allowed to start smaller than you think you should.If you’re looking for support understanding your neurodivergent brain, building systems that work for you, and developing a kinder relationship with yourself, learn more about⁠ Neurodivergence Coaching with Sarah⁠.Looking for Ashmi?Website: ashmipatel.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/ashmipatelcoaching/Free Do the Damn Thing resource: https://ashmipatelcoaching.myflodesk.com/freebieTop themes detectedLate-diagnosed ADHD: Making sense of a diagnosis when there is little support beyond being told to get a planner.Identity reconstruction: Unlearning the belief that you are lazy, not trying hard enough, or somehow failing at adulthood.Soft accountability: Replacing tough love and self-criticism with realistic expectations and gentleness.Perfectionism and all-or-nothing thinking: How setting the bar too high can make it harder to start.Realistic goals and capacity: Scaling tasks back so you can build trust in yourself without burning out.ADHD, culture, and expectations: How stigma and social expectations can make it harder to recognize and accommodate neurodivergence.Self-accommodation and regulation: Making everyday changes that support your sensory needs and emotional well-being.

This episode left me thinking about how many different ways we can make ADHD support more accessible.We get into ADHD in women, late diagnosis, hormonal changes, self-acceptance, and more. Honestly, I love Jennifer’s approach to creating tools that people can actually hold and use.If you are a man or identify with another gender label, please know this episode holds valuable information for you, too! Chances are extremely likely that you have a woman with ADHD in your life. Whether that be a partner, friend, family member, coworker, or someone you support, this conversation can help you better understand what she may be experiencing and how to support her.Dr. Jennifer Dall is the founder of Curveball Press, an independent press house focused on getting ADHD education and coaching ideas into manageable books, cards, and other formats. We talk about why she started the press, what she’s created so far, and why sometimes a deck of cards can be more useful than another book.I have the ADHD Teen Deck myself. I use it to help explain ADHD to people who don’t necessarily understand it, and I really like having concrete, printed words to point to when I’m trying to explain what having ADHD actually feels like.Curious what else is inside:Why ADHD symptoms change over your lifetime Do hormones have anything to do with symptom changes? Introducing The ADHD Three Day Sprint and other Curveball Press books and card decksHow to use the ADHD card decks to foster communityWhy does support tools and strategies needs to change? Are you sure I’m not actually the problem?! There is a beautiful moment where Jennifer talks about recognizing her own ADHD through one of her students and realizing, “That’s me.”And another where we talk about how easy it is to forget your past successes when the road gets tough. This episode might resonate if you:Were diagnosed with ADHD later in lifeAre trying to understand ADHD alongside hormonal or other life changesFeel frustrated when something that used to work suddenly stops workingWant better ways to explain ADHD to the people in your lifePrefer practical tools you can actually interact with over another giant pile of informationWant to better understand and support a woman with ADHD in your lifeThis is something I see a lot in coaching too. We can get so focused on finding the right ADHD strategy that we forget our needs are allowed to change.If the thing that worked six months ago doesn’t work anymore, that doesn’t mean you failed. You might just need a different tool for where you are right now.If you’re looking for support with that: 👉 Neurodivergence Coaching with Sarah ndreportpod.com/coachingLooking for Dr. Jennifer Dall?Website: https://adhdholistically.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adhd.holistically/Episode audience summaryThis episode is primarily for ADHD adults, especially late-diagnosed adults and women navigating hormonal changes, shifting support needs, executive dysfunction, and the process of figuring out what actually works for their brain. It also speaks to anyone who has found that ADHD support needs to include community, body doubling, self-knowledge, and flexibility rather than one permanent solution.Top themes detectedLate-diagnosed ADHD and recognizing yourself through lived experienceADHD and hormonal changes across the lifespanADHD in women and the gaps between research and clinical knowledgeADHD plus trauma, grief, stress, autism, and learning disabilitiesAccepting that what works for your ADHD may changeRemembering strategies that helped you beforeBody doubling and neurodivergent communityADHD, executive function, and learning how to studySelf-acceptance and resilience after a late diagnosisCoaching in different formats, including books, cards, groups, and community

Editing this episode left me wanting to book another call with Stacey ASAP.We get into autism, ADHD, self-accommodation, shame, emotional regulation, and Stacey's humanitarian work with The FIX Code. Honestly, the conversation kept coming back to what liberation can feel like when you finally realize an emotion doesn't have the same grip on you anymore.Curious what else is inside:Recognizing your own neurodivergent traits through your child's diagnosisWhy shame can be so sticky for neurodivergent brainsBuilding systems that actually support your brainOur experience with The FIX CodeHelping children identify what they're feeling without requiring them to retell the whole storyThere’s a super relatable moment where Stacey talks about realizing that many of the things she thought were completely normal were actually behaviors she had learned to self-accommodate and support her own brain.And there’s another where I talk about applying The FIX Code to my own shame and realizing I could think about past events that had previously brought up a lot of physical sensations of shame and pain.This one really sticks with me.This episode might resonate if you:Grew up in a high-achieving family but recognized your own neurodivergence during your child’s diagnosisHave built elaborate systems and routines because they genuinely help you functionSpend a lot of time ruminating on shame, regret, or difficult experiencesConsider yourself to be a strong emotional self-regulatorEvery one of my clients comes to me with elaborate systems.Neurodivergent adults are usually really good at building systems and workarounds for themselves without even realizing that's what they're doing.If that is you, there is likely so much wisdom in the ways you already support yourself. Likely more than you give yourself credit for.Please remember that the goal isn't to get rid of every difficult emotion. We are just looking for ways to relate to and experience those emotions that don't leave you completely stuck or incapacitated.If you're looking for support:👉 ndreportpod.com/coachingLooking for Stacey Nye?Try The FIX Code for free: https://www.thefixcode.com/Top themesAutism and ADHD self-recognitionNeurodivergent self-accommodationSystems and routines that support your brainShame, rumination, and emotional regulationThe FIX CodeParenting and emotional awarenessNeurodivergent brains and nervous systems

This episode revolved around how much time & energy neurodivergent people spend trying to fit into lives, workplaces, and systems that were never designed for flexibility.We got into ADHD, hypermobility, masking, and finding work that actually fits you. Honestly, the conversation kept coming back to one idea I really needed to hear: you are allowed to build a life around what you actually need.Curious what else is inside:Learn about pacing and how to use it to manage chronic illnesses.How can overload affect your ability to think & communicate?Creating work environments that accommodate your needs My favorite part of this conversation is where we talk about what talk therapy can miss when chronic illness and medical experiences are treated as separate from mental health.This episode might resonate if you:Were diagnosed with ADHD or another form of neurodivergence later in lifeLive with chronic illness, pain, hypermobility, or sensory overwhelmAre exhausted from trying to make yourself “more normal”This is something I see a lot in coaching too. Neurodivergent adults can spend so much time trying to figure out how to do things the “right” way that they don't always stop to ask whether the way they're doing it actually works for their brain, body, and available energy.If that is you, you don't necessarily need to become better at forcing yourself through the same system. You might need to get curious about what actually fits.If you're looking for support with that:👉 https://ndreportpod.com/coachingLooking for Rachelle?Website: https://rachellebloksberg.com/Top themesNeurodivergent therapy and chronic illnessADHD and late-life diagnosisIdentity reformation after diagnosisPacing and preventing physical, sensory, and emotional overloadHypermobile bodies and environmental accommodationsMasking and figuring out what is actually “you”Neurodivergent-friendly work and entrepreneurshipRelationships, communication, and asking for helpMedical gaslighting and self-advocacyBuilding a life that actually fits you

This episode is for anyone who has ever asked, “What is wrong with me?!” We are going to show you how much more useful it can be to ask, “What can my DNA tell me about what my body is doing?”I loved the idea of looking at the whole system instead of assuming symptoms tell us the whole story... We're talking about the DNA blueprint, nervous system regulation, ADHD, inflammation, and chronic stress. Curious what else is inside:What a genetic blueprint can tell us about the way our bodies function & who should get oneHow genetics interact with stress, the environment, and your nervous system to influence your symptom expressionWhy can't I regulate my nervous system on command?!There is a moment where we talk about how easily “I need to try harder” becomes the default explanation for struggling.And another where we talk about putting the phone away and giving your nervous system something different to work with.This episode might resonate if you:Feel like your brain and body are constantly overstimulatedHave tried a million strategies and still wonder why they do not work for youWant to understand ADHD and nervous system regulation beyond “just calm down”This is something I see over and over in coaching. Neurodivergent adults often spend years trying to force themselves to function in ways that do not match how their brains and bodies actually work.If that is you, struggling does not automatically mean you need more discipline.Sometimes the more useful question is what your brain and body need in order to function with less friction.If you're looking for support with that:👉ndreportpod.com/coachingLooking for Lane Kennedy?Website: https://lanekennedy.com/HomeInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/lane_kennedy_

This episode made me think a lot about how often neurodivergent people are taught that the problem is us, when sometimes the problem is the system we're trying to fit ourselves into.We got into ADHD and autism, education, the "new leaf fallacy," identity, unmasking, motivation, privilege, and what happens when new self-knowledge changes the way you understand your entire life.Curious what else is inside:Why a new planner, new semester, or new system can feel like the answer, until it inevitably falls apartWhy traditional education can make it difficult to demonstrate what you actually knowWhat happens when a diagnosis or new self-knowledge completely changes your understanding of your own lifeWhy struggling within systems that weren't designed for neurodivergent brains can turn into self-blameThe chapter where we talk about schema fracture is my favorite of the entire episode.And a close second is when we acknowledge the layers to privilege within the neurodivergent community. I always appreciate Sol's willingness to admit that experiencing parts of ADHD and Autism as strengths can result from insulating privilege in other parts of life.This episode might resonate if you:Keep trying new productivity systems and wondering why they never stickWere a "smart" kid who struggled with school anywayAre in the middle of an identity crisis or learning how to unmask post-diagnosisHave spent years wondering why you can't just do the things like everyone elseThese are the same patterns I always see in new coaching clients.Neurodivergent adults can spend an enormous amount of energy trying to make themselves function according to systems that were never designed around how their brains work.Sometimes the answer isn't building a new system. Sometimes it's understanding why something is difficult, figuring out what actually supports your brain, and letting go of the idea that struggling means you're failing.If you're looking for support with that:👉Coaching with Sarah: ndreportpod.com/coachingLooking for Sol?Website: professorsol.comSol is the author of The ADHDer's Guide to Self-Discovery and The Autistic's Guide to Self-Discovery. He also offers coaching and runs an online community.https://newworldlibrary.com/product/the-adhders-guide-to-self-discoveryhttps://newworldlibrary.com/product/the-autistics-guide-to-self-discovery

This episode was recorded in January of this year (yes I know I’m a bit behind)... It was so nice to re-listen to this conversation and reflect on everything that we’ve both accomplished this year! You are a rockstar, Lee!!!This week, we get into how you actually build authentic adult friendships as a late-identified neurodivergent adult. We talk about AuDHD social connection, setting boundaries, and unmasking, especially for late-identified autistic and ADHD adults trying to navigate relationships.Curious what else is inside: Small talk as a low-stakes "vibe check" for safety rather than a demand for deep intimacy Using "strategic vulnerability" to test compatibility and process rejection without self-blameFraming boundaries around controlling your own environment rather than changing othersThere are so many little learning moments in this conversation… like the one where I really wished I had put my foot in my mouth instead of asking the question I asked. 😂 Lee's response was such a good example of what respectful curiosity can look like in practice. Or like when we talk about breathwork and sympathetic vs parasympathetic activation… just telling someone to breathe is not helpful if that person does not know how to breathe for their mental health. This episode might resonate if you: Struggle with small talk or constantly second-guess social interactions Are a late-identified autistic or ADHD adult looking for safe community Find yourself over-explaining, fearing boundaries, or shutting down during emotional processingThis is something I see a lot in coaching too. So many neurodivergent adults spend decades hiding their true needs, fearing rejection, and burning out to keep everyone else comfortable.If that is you, remember that sharing who you are isn't a demand for others to change for you, it's just giving the right people a chance to spot you.If you're looking for support with that: 👉 [ndreportpod.com/coaching]Looking for Coach Lee Hopkins? Website: [https://www.patternsofpossibility.com/] Instagram: [https://www.instagram.com/patternsofpossibility/] Check out upcoming events here: [https://www.patternsofpossibility.com/events]