39. Give Yourself Permission

Life, relationships, and medicine are full of urgency mismatches. Their urgency is not your urgency. Your urgency may also not be their urgency. Many things that feel urgent aren't urgent.   How often do you receive emails and texts from someone wanting something from you urgently? What story do you tell about it? How do you feel when you receive these messages? Do you feel anxious, resentful, resistant, maybe even angry?   How often is it truly urgent? We live in a society with a lot of unnecessary urgency. Medicine is full of necessary and unnecessary urgency. Urgency, necessary or not has a huge emotional and energetic cost.    Listen to learn how to be discerning about urgency. Learn how to navigate urgency, whether it be the urgency of others or your own, with more grace and ease. Move beyond consuming this amazing podcast. True change happens when you work with us - virtually and/or in person. Coach with Jessie - 1:1, in topic-focused small groups, or at a retreat. www.jessiemahoneymd.com Work with both of us at The Mindful Healers Annual Retreat www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats Hire one or both of us to speak or lead a workshop on any topic covered in the Mindful Healers Podcast. We also create team retreats, teach yoga, and offer experiential mindfulness for teams, groups, grand rounds, institutions, and conferences. www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast www.awakenbreath.org  www.jessiemahoneymd.com/speaking *Nothing shared in the Mindful Healers Podcast is medical advice.   #physicianwellness #mindfulnesscoach #pauseandpresence #physiciancoach  

Are you sometimes overwhelmed and depleted by the demands of caregiving for both your parents and your children? Does caregiving wear you down or cause stress and anxiety? Do you think YOU have to do it all?   The inspiration for this podcast is the very full plate that we have both been living as caregivers for both aging parents and our own children.  We invite you to approach this abundance of caregiving with love, self-compassion, mindfulness and intention. If you can, you will likely find much more spaciousness and ease.  Some recommendations we share in this episode: Notice stories of time scarcity and uncomfortable emotions. When difficult emotions and body sensations arise, notice them.  Feeling frazzled, rushed, and unsettled is reasonable, maybe even expected. Accept and allow discomfort and uncomfortable. Accept and allow busy, unmet expectations, conflicting emotions, and different opinions. Accept and don’t like this season of abundant caregiving. Resisting the reality of the situation is expensive emotionally and energetically. Stay out of judgment. Rather than blaming yourself, or any of your loved ones, simply acknowledge the challenges of a complex situation and a full life.  Take a pause. Pause and breathe. Pause and be present. Pause and take a break. Practice kindness and self-compassion. What would kindness do? What would love do? Care for yourself as well. Acknowledge and prioritize your own well-being and the potential need for blank space. Even though physicians are experts at caregiving, we also have human needs.  Ask for help. Getting help helps. Enlist other family members and give yourself permission to not be THE ONE to do it all. Step out of, self sacrifice, martyrdom, and toxic independence. Connect with gratitude for having an abundance of loved ones of all ages, resources, knowledge, and skills. Think generously.  Assume good intent. Tell loving stories. Practice loving amusement. Stay out of over-responsibility, perfectionism, and people-pleasing.  Practice boundaries from a place of love. Prioritize yourself and your human needs first. No one else will. Move beyond consuming this amazing podcast. True change happens when you work with us - virtually and/or in person. Coach with Jessie - 1:1, in topic-focused small groups, or at a retreat. www.jessiemahoneymd.com Work with both of us in person at The Mindful Healers Annual Retreat www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats Or retreat with Jessie at Sagrada or Pie Ranch. While it might seem like you don't have time for a retreat. You just might not have time not to retreat. The benefits can be lifesaving. Hire one or both of us to speak or lead a workshop on any topic covered in the Mindful Healers Podcast. We also create team retreats, teach yoga, and offer experiential mindfulness for teams, groups, grand rounds, institutions, and conferences. www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast www.awakenbreath.org  www.jessiemahoneymd.com/speaking *Nothing shared in the Mindful Healers Podcast is medical advice.   #physicianwellness #mindfulnesscoach #pauseandpresence #physiciancoach  

Our special guest for this episode is Dr. Sogol Pahlavan. She is a board-certified pediatrician and a physician mindfulness coach, and TEDx speaker, co-founder of SoulpreneurMD and host of the Mindful Living Podcast. She’s a mother, a wife, a daughter of immigrant parents, and a managing partner of a pediatric clinic. She shares her journey of recognizing when she had burned out and the path she took to find her current state of calm, ease, and joy, and how mindfulness was interwoven into it. She guides us in a Mindful Moment that incorporates body sensations, breath, gratitude and self-love. She highlights the importance of awareness and pausing in order to practice the intention of calm. She speaks to the ancestral connection that she and Dr. Parastoo Jangouk had in creating SoulpreneurMD, a group business coaching program where you can learn to create freedom and financial wealth while working in alignment.   “You are already loved, whole, and worthy enough just as you are.”  -Dr. Sogol Pahlavan    Check out her TedX talk “Reenvision your vision board so your life doesn't suck...as much” here.   www.drsogol.com www.soulpreneurmd.com/ www.instagram.com/soulpreneurmd And on LinkedIn here Move beyond consuming this amazing podcast. True change happens when you work with us - virtually and/or in-person. Coach with Jessie - 1:1, in topic-focused small groups, or at a retreat. www.jessiemahoneymd.com Work with both of us in person at The Mindful Healers Annual Retreat www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats Hire one or both of us to speak or lead a workshop on any topic covered in the Mindful Healers Podcast. We also create team retreats, teach yoga, and offer experiential mindfulness for teams, groups, grand rounds, institutions, and conferences. www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast www.awakenbreath.org  www.jessiemahoneymd.com/speaking *Nothing shared in the Mindful Healers Podcast is medical advice.   #physicianwellness #mindfulnesscoach #pauseandpresence #physiciancoach  

The legal system is not medicine.  Very little is in your control in a medicolegal cases.  What is in your control? How you respond and whether you get help and support along the way.  Mindfulness, self-compassion, therapy, and coaching are all key to staying as healthy, balanced, and buoyant as possible. Lawsuits pull the rug out from under physicians. There is trauma behind every curve. Lawsuits bring out the harmful side of our common default thought patterns as physicians. Many physicians who experience a malpractice suit end up leaving the practice of medicine.  Listen to this episode for human advice for navigating a lawsuit.  What is shared in this episode is not medical or legal advice. It is the personal experience of our special guest, Dr. Rachel Bickling.  What does she wish she had known to do beforehand: Ask questions and get help. You don’t know what you don't know when it comes to the law Don't think like a doctor. Don’t be a helper. Don't catastrophize. It’s not about you or what’s right or just. It is no place for shame, blame, guilt, victimhood, martyrdom, personalization, right and wrong, all or none. The legal system is not medicine. It’s not about scientific truth. It’s about who can tell the most poignant story. Not all facts matter. What is medically patient may not be legally permissible. You can choose not to be a victim. Focus on what is in your control. Get help and support for your mental health. Get a clinical mentor to support you while you continue to practice medicine during a lawsuit.  Remember that of course you are overwhelmed, stressed, doubting yourself, and distracted. Take time off.  Practice mindfulness and more mindfulness.   Find Dr. Rachel on FB: www.facebook.com/rachel.bickling If you are feeling overwhelmed, stressed and/or are doubting yourself, coaching to support yourself is a brilliant choice.  Move beyond consuming this amazing podcast. True change happens when you work with us - virtually and/or in-person. Coach with Jessie - 1:1, in topic-focused small groups, or at a retreat. www.jessiemahoneymd.com Work with both of us in person at The Mindful Healers Annual Retreat www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats Hire one or both of us to speak or lead a workshop on any topic covered in the Mindful Healers Podcast. We also create team retreats, teach yoga, and offer experiential mindfulness for teams, groups, grand rounds, institutions, and conferences. www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast www.awakenbreath.org  www.jessiemahoneymd.com/speaking *Nothing shared in the Mindful Healers Podcast is medical or legal advice.   #physicianwellness #mindfulnesscoach #pauseandpresence #physiciancoach

"The life you lead are the lessons that you teach." Do you wish you had a more abundant mindset? Do you wish you were better at supporting other women and colleagues? Do you want to share mindfulness and coaching with loved ones and colleagues but struggle to do so effectively? Dr. Miriam Rhew is a pediatrician and an unconditional supporter of friends and colleagues. She is a most effective influencer of family members, friends, and colleagues when it comes to mindfulness and wellness.  Dr. Rhew also uses coaching and mindfulness in her pediatric practice, as well as in her parenting of her teen/young adult children. Listen to learn Miriam’s pearls of wisdom. Take Miriam’s cue and join us for Connect in Nature in September. www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats Move beyond consuming this amazing podcast. True change happens when you work with us - virtually and/or in-person. Coach with Jessie - 1:1, in topic-focused small groups, or at a retreat. www.jessiemahoneymd.com Hire one or both of us to speak or lead a workshop on any topic covered in the Mindful Healers Podcast. We also create team retreats, teach yoga, and offer experiential mindfulness for teams, groups, grand rounds, institutions, and conferences. www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast www.awakenbreath.org  www.jessiemahoneymd.com/speaking *Nothing shared in the Mindful Healers Podcast is medical advice.   #physicianwellness #mindfulnesscoach #pauseandpresence #physiciancoach  

We all “work” with our spouses all the time - we just don’t realize it.    Even if you don’t run an actual business or LLC together, you work together as parents and intimate partners. Running a home and family is the equivalent of a small business.   To work better with your spouse: Show up with mindful intention Choose the tone and energy you want to bring Communicate clearly and explicitly. Even if your spouse knows you really well, they still can't read your mind Set yourself up for success with support Listen for many more tools, tips, and tricks. How would you like to show up for your working relationship with your spouse even if your only business together is running your home? What if your spouse were actually not hard to work with? Could you show up with more loving amusement, humor and playfulness for your working relationship?   Wishing you all loads of love and loving amusement and fun in your “working relationships” with your spouses.   Join Mark and I for a retreat. They are awesome.  www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats   Join me for Mindful Love Small Group Coaching starting in late March. It's the best place to learn to work well with your spouse whether as co-parents, intimate partners, or business owners. www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindfullove If you are interested in 1:1 coaching, reach out directly at www.jessiemahoneymd.com/work-with-me   *Nothing shared in the Mindful Healers Podcast is medical advice.   #physicianwellness #mindfulnesscoach #pauseandpresence #physiciancoach  

Do you want your child to do and be more than what they are capable of?  Have you yourself been indoctrinated into toxic achievement culture? Would you like to break free from the constraints of toxic achievement culture for yourself and your children?   This episode is another in the Parent with Presence series.     Our intention is to call out and identify toxic achievement culture and how, to some extent, most of us have been indoctrinated into it.  Through mindfulness and self compassion, we can notice when it arises, and choose to show up for ourselves and our children in a way that is nurturing, loving, and less pushing. We can instead choose to  walk alongside and guide.   Most parents worry about their children's choices and desires, especially when they are different from their own.  If your child is not as achievement focused as you it's  often triggering. Mindfulness, nervous system retraining, and coaching can help both you and your children settle into the journey of life without partaking of toxic achievement culture.   We talk about the influence of scarcity mindset and catastrophizing.  The common worry amongst parents is that they're not caring enough or doing enough, and that their child might be harmed by this.     What is your job as a parent?  What kind of a parent do you want to be?  What do you want to model for your children? Where are you showing up even if quietly  judging yourself and or your children  What if you and your children are adequate, above average, more than enough? What kind of parent would your future self wish you had been?   Check out other episodes in the Parent with Presence series.    166. Then and Now: Sharing Hard Earned Wisdom and Mindful Perspective About the College Application Process 168. Complicated Dynamics: Tools to Navigate Holidays and Families 151.  Launch Your Young Adult Children with Love (Encore) 150. Parenting Athletes with Presence 124. Great Parenting is Often Messy 105. Lessen Family Drama with "Loving Amusement" 93. Parent Coaching in Action: Helping a Mama Bear Find Relief from Anxiety 78. Parent from Abundance - An Invitation to Step Out of the Parenting “Rat Race” 72. A Mother's Day Gift - Encore Release 71. How To Be An Even Better Mom 67. Teen Mental Health: Mindfulness Can Help 65. Stop Trying to Fix Your Kids 63. Cultivating Mindful Families 61. Savor All the Moments of Parenthood 26. A Gift for Fathers Day: What To Do When You Parent Differently   If you would like to Parent with more Presence, coach with Jessie.  1:1 coaching is available year-round. Once a year she offers small group parent coaching called Parent with Presence.   “There really isn't a day that goes by when I don't recall something you have taught me.  I hope you know in your heart how many lives you have touched, not just directly but through the ripple effect as well.”  “I can personally attest that as a Family Medicine physician and co-director of Primary Care as well as a mom of two young kids, with a commute, and a partner who also has a demanding job, I may have left a job I love if it weren’t for physician coaching and development. “  "Coaching is a game changer."   Move beyond consuming this amazing podcast. True change happens when you work with us - virtually and/or in-person. Coach with Jessie - 1:1, in topic-focused small groups, or at a retreat. www.jessiemahoneymd.com Work with both of us in person at The Mindful Healers Annual Retreat www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats Hire one or both of us to speak or lead a workshop on any topic covered in the Mindful Healers Podcast. We also create team retreats, teach yoga, and offer experiential mindfulness for teams, groups, grand rounds, institutions, and conferences. www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast www.awakenbreath.org  www.jessiemahoneymd.com/speaking *Nothing shared in the Mindful Healers Podcast is medical advice.   #physicianwellness #mindfulnesscoach #pauseandpresence #physiciancoach  

It is very hard for those of us in medicine to pause or slow down. We were trained and acculturated to think that the pause and rest are not worthwhile. We were trained to think that pausing and resting is complacent and/or lazy. If we were to pause or rest we would definitely fall behind.   In actuality-- the more you do the more you need to rest.     Our society glorifies busy, empty, and exhausted. We are addicted to busyness and productivity. This leads us to burnout, exhaustion, frustration, and overwhelm. Taking time to rest and recharge is an undervalued step in being maximally efficient while creating a sustainable life and career. When we pause and are present with ourselves we have an increased capacity to be present with others.  When we model for those around us how to take agency over our own lives, we set an example. What message do we send when we don't? Are you addicted to busy, action, moving, doing? Is true rest and/or relaxation hard or uncomfortable for you?  What stories do you tell yourself about pausing and the value of rest and recovery? How could you bring in breaks and pockets of rest into your days? If you want to learn to prioritize the pause, perform at the highest level, and have a sustainable career and family life, I invite you to coach with me www.jessiemahoneymd.com If you want a speaker for your group on any of the topics discussed in the Mindful Healers Podcast, reach out to Dr. Liang www.awakenbreath.org Dr. Mahoney www.jessiemahoneymd.com/speaking   *Nothing in this episode is medical advice.

Do you think there is a right and wrong way to go about change? And/or a right or wrong time to change? Is the fear of making a mistake holding you back from change? When you are “successful” it is harder to change.    What makes charge hard for those trained in medicine? We assume negative outcomes and tend to catastrophize. We focus on negative what if’s and we don’t like uncertainty. We like control, plans, and evidence-based action. We tend to be people pleasers and don't want to disappoint. We are often over-responsible at the expense of ourselves (martyrdom).   We tend to be risk-avoidant and afraid of making mistakes.   What is needed to finally change and have it stick? You have to want to change yourself -- instead of wanting others or things outside of you to change You need to move towards something rather than away from something  You need to believe in yourself and trust the process You need to practice effective energy management You need to practice healthy nervous system care You need to learn to practice self-compassion, neutrality, acceptance, and kindness You need to support yourself well You need to be willing to invest time and energy into change itself   Listen to the episode to learn more. If you want to make a change in your own life and/or are in the midst of career and/or life pivots, join Transition Well, Ongoing Presence, or a Sagrada CME Retreat. They all offer intimate small-group coaching programs for women in medicine and they are exactly the support you need to transition, grow, evolve, and change.  If you prefer 1:1 attention, reach out for 1:1 coaching support. Getting help helps!   *Nothing in this episode should be considered medical advice.

What is good medicine? What is the medicine you actually need? How do you want to live?  Who is your Obi-Won-Kenobi teacher? Who are you?  What does it mean to be upright in your life? How do we create connections? We discuss all this and more in this very special guest episode with Sensei Koshin Paley Ellison who is Co-Founder, President, & Guiding Teacher of the New York Zen Center an educational non-profit dedicated to integrating contemplative approaches to care with contemporary medicine.   Through Koshin’s leadership and vision, New York Zen Center has developed transformative training experiences like the Foundations in Contemplative Care and the Contemplative Medicine Fellowship. He is a renowned thought leader in contemplative care, and his work has been featured in the New York Times, PBS, and CBS amongst other media outlets. Koshin is the author of Untangled: Walking the Eightfold Path to Clarity, Courage, and Compassion (Balance/Hachette, 2022); Wholehearted: Slow Down, Help Out, Wake Up (Wisdom Publications, 2019), and the co-editor of Awake at Bedside: Contemplative Teachings on Palliative and End of Life Care (Wisdom Publications, 2016).     Pearls of wisdom shared in this episode It is not enough to simply continue to put on bandaids. You will never be free until you can be still with your pain. Love is a discipline. The armor we create can become a cage of the size of our own body and mind. Begin again. Don’t wait. Don't wait to join us at the San Francisco Zen Center at Green Gulch Farm for The Mindful Healers Connect in Nature Retreat. September 6-8, 2024. www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreat-connect-in-nature Stop putting on bandaids and begin again- sign up for coaching with Dr. Mahoney www.jessiemahoneymd.com Set yourself free with mindfulness- work with Ni-Cheng www.awakenbreath.org or Jessie www.jessiemahoneymd.com Need a speaker for your group on any topic covered in the Mindful Healers Podcast? Reach out to Dr. Liang at www.awakenbreath.org  or Dr. Mahoney at www.jessiemahoneymd.com/speaking Check out the hot off-the-press article published by our dear friend and colleague Dr. Anne Kennard, a graduate of the Contemplative Medicine Fellowship.  https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1550830723002604?via%3Dihub   Find out about the contemplative medicine fellowship and sign up: https://zencare.org/contemplative-medicine-fellowship/   #physicianwellness #mindfulnesscoach #contemplativemedicine