Should your friends unfollow your ex?

Someone recently told me I wasn't too complicated to love and it inspired me to explore the ways in which we keep ourselves small rather than dare to show up for love. This one's a pep talk about the lie we tell ourselves: that we have to lose the weight, get the job, finalize the divorce, heal more, become our "best self" before we deserve to be loved. The goalpost always moves. The waiting isn’t about the conditions, it’s about the fear of being seen as unfinished and unloveable.I get into the honest exception of when waiting actually is the wise call, why "ready" is usually code for something else, and what to do when you realize the person who only wants the polished version of you was never going to stay anyway.I hope you enjoy it. In this episode:• The fear of being “too complicated” to love• Why “I’ll date when…” is often fear dressed up as self-improvement• The moving goalpost of readiness• Being seen in transition, mess, grief, uncertainty, and change• The difference between acute crisis and ordinary human messiness• Why capacity matters more than perfection• How relationships can help heal the parts of us we keep trying to fix alone• Dating with roommates, anxiety, career uncertainty, body insecurity, and unfinished business• The danger of comparing your insides to someone else’s outsides• Why the right person doesn’t need you smaller, simpler, richer, or more healedComing upNext guest episode — Debbie Barrish, sexual and reproductive health nurse practitioner, on everything we get wrong about herpes. Her journey, my journey, how to protect yourself, how to talk about it. Maybe the most honest STI conversation I've had on the show.Next solo episode — the flip side of this one. A listener question about a guy she's been seeing: great connection, real long-term potential, but the sex feels awkward and he's clearly in his head. He's just out of a 15-year relationship where intimacy never deepened. She's wondering: is this workable? How long do I give it? How do I invite him into more without making him feel bad? And the question I cannot wait to answer — can you actually teach an adult to be a better kisser?Send Shaun your questions at +1 (415) 494-9559 or email him at [email protected]. Voicemails and voicememos are preferred, but texts/emails are OK too.To submit a guest, please do so here: ⁠⁠https://shaungalanos.com/podcast/⁠⁠If you’re listening on Spotify or watching on YouTube, please leave a comment. Shaun loves hearing from you. And leave a review wherever you listen.Connect with Shaun:Love Camp: ⁠https://shaungalanos.substack.com/p/summer-camp-isnt-just-for-kids-love⁠Retreats and latest offerings: ⁠⁠https://bit.ly/m/thelovedrive⁠⁠Read my blog: ⁠⁠https://shaungalanos.substack.com⁠⁠The Love Drive Podcast: ⁠⁠https://shaungalanos.com/podcast/⁠⁠Instagram: ⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive/⁠⁠More About Shaun: ⁠⁠https://shaungalanos.com/about/⁠⁠Buy me a coffee: ⁠⁠https://buymeacoffee.com/thelovedrive⁠⁠

This week, Shaun sits down with comedian, actor, writer, and host of That’s a Gay Ass Podcast, Eric Williams, for a conversation that’s hilarious, horny, and a surprisingly tender masterclass on queerness, straight male loneliness, flirting, consent, emotional intelligence, and what the straights can learn from the gays.Eric and Shaun talk about Dan Savage, Grindr, gay panic, open relationships, non-monogamy, and why deleting the apps might be the universe’s way of sending you back into the real world. They unpack the weirdness of being recognized while dating, the blurry line between flirting and boundary-pushing, and why good flirting usually happens one tiny green light at a time. Eric shares what it’s been like to build his own queer playbook around marriage, family, career, sex, and not having kids, while Shaun asks the very important question: how do you know if your boyfriend is gay?They also get into straight men, gay men, emotional intelligence, the loneliness epidemic, and how boys are still taught that anger is the only acceptable feeling. Shaun opens up about his dad softening near the end of his life, Eric talks about grieving the version of himself that tried to fit into his straight family’s rules, and together they make a case for living more honestly, more expressively, and with better communication around desire.And yes, there is also a surprisingly educational detour into foreskin, mushroom trips, chesticles, Edgy Albert, and whether Shaun is officially gayer than Dan Savage.Eric Williams hosts That’s A Gay Ass Podcast, a top 100 comedy podcast that was named “One of the Best Podcasts To Listen To” by Glamour Magazine. It was nominated for Best Podcast at the 2025 + 2026 Queerty Awards and has been featured in Variety, The Hollywood Reporter, Vulture, and more. As a comedian, Eric has performed in the Netflix Is A Joke festival and is currently touring his solo show Why All The Drama after playing NYC's famed Joe's Pub.You can check out more of Eric's work on Tiktok, Instagram, and you can watch That's A Gay Ass Podcast on Youtube.In this episode:• How Shaun and Eric bonded over Dan Savage• Why deleting the apps might bring dating back to life• The difference between being sexually forward and being creepy• What straight people can learn from gay flirting• Open relationships, non-monogamy, and making your own rules• Why gay men may have better emotional muscles than straight men• Straight male loneliness and the cost of emotional shutdown• How boys are taught that anger is the only acceptable feeling• Family, queerness, boundaries, and living unapologetically• How do you know if your boyfriend is gay?• Mushrooms, grief, dads, softness, and self-soothing• A very educational conversation about intact penises• What love means to Eric WilliamsMentions:Hot hairy guy — Edgy Albert Instagram https://www.instagram.com/edgyalbert/Connect with Shaun:Love Camp: https://shaungalanos.substack.com/p/summer-camp-isnt-just-for-kids-loveRetreats and latest offerings: ⁠https://bit.ly/m/thelovedrive⁠Read my blog: ⁠https://shaungalanos.substack.com⁠The Love Drive Podcast: ⁠https://shaungalanos.com/podcast/⁠Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive/⁠More About Shaun: ⁠https://shaungalanos.com/about/⁠Buy me a coffee: ⁠https://buymeacoffee.com/thelovedrive⁠

This week, Shaun comes to you solo from Seoul, South Korea, for an episode that’s part travel diary, part dating debrief, and part emotional field note from the road.After a muted-mic false start, a pastry reset, and some solo wandering, Shaun reflects on the strange clarity that can come when you’re alone in a new city. From there, he answers listener questions about sex, desire, independence, receiving love, and the confusing ways intimacy can stir up old survival patterns.In one question, Shaun unpacks why someone might seem interested before sex, only to pull away after intimacy happens. Maybe desire was running the show all along. Or maybe something deeper is at play, like the Madonna-whore split, where someone struggles to hold another person as both sexually desirable and emotionally worthy.He also responds to a listener who has built a deeply independent life — running a business, raising two boys, buying her own car — but struggles to receive love, compliments, or support. Shaun validates the strength it took to become that self-reliant, while gently naming that independence can also be a survival mechanism. Receiving, he says, doesn’t mean giving up your power. It starts with baby steps: letting in a compliment, asking for help, trusting safe people slowly, and noticing what happens inside when you don’t have to do everything alone.If you’ve ever been alone in a beautiful city, wondered why the “chemistry” suddenly disappeared, or struggled to let love in because you’ve had to hold everything together yourself, this one’s for you.In this episode:Why Shaun is solo in SeoulTravel, solitude, and the thoughts that catch up with youWhy someone might lose interest after sexWhen desire is driving the connectionThe Madonna-whore split, explained simplyWhy receiving love can feel uncomfortableIndependence as a survival mechanismGiving energy vs. receiving energyAsking for help without losing your strengthHow trust is built slowly, with safe peopleLinks:Paradise Band (Kasima's birthday band) — Spotify and InstagramNeedles Tattoo Studio, Hongdae — Jackpot + Red LipCulinary Backstreets Food Tour Seoul Last week's episode with Laura Griffith https://youtu.be/fXm0bi-rZeE?si=l0TD9ZOiqCMcFoGpVoicemail line: 415-494-9559Email: [email protected] submit a guest, please do so here: https://shaungalanos.com/podcast/If you’re listening on Spotify or watching on YouTube, please leave a comment. Shaun loves hearing from you. And leave a review wherever you listen.Connect with Shaun:Love Camp: https://shaungalanos.substack.com/p/summer-camp-isnt-just-for-kids-loveRetreats and latest offerings: ⁠https://bit.ly/m/thelovedrive⁠Read my blog: ⁠https://shaungalanos.substack.com⁠The Love Drive Podcast: ⁠https://shaungalanos.com/podcast/⁠Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive/⁠More About Shaun: ⁠https://shaungalanos.com/about/⁠Buy me a coffee: ⁠https://buymeacoffee.com/thelovedrive⁠

This week, Shaun sits down with his good friend, somatic therapist and sex & relationship coach Laura Griffiths, for a conversation that's part confessional and part masterclass on masculinity, grief, and the kind of intimacy most men are too scared to reach for.Laura calls Shaun out on the charm he wears like armor, names his "performative" first-date energy that kept them from ever being romantic, and unpacks why women fully rooted in their bodies feel threatening to so many men, including him. They go deep on the Peter Pan archetype and the absence of real initiation into manhood, why the Manosphere is fueled by guys who are "angry their mothers weren't their fathers," and what healthy masculinity actually looks like when you let the mask down.Shaun opens up about the emotional rock bottom he hit this past fall - a short romance that cracked open a lifelong childhood wound, followed by the death of his beloved dog Roger — and why he chose this time not to hide. Laura brings a somatic therapist's precision to grief, the pain body, receiving love, and the erotic charge that lives in the space between vulnerability and strength.If you've ever wondered whether men and women can really be friends, why grief and eros live in the same room, or what it means to "optimize for heartbreak," this one's for you.Laura Griffiths is a somatic therapist and sex & relationship coach working with individuals and couples on rupture, repair, and creative-erotic power. Find her at thelauragriffiths.com, on Instagram @thelauragriffiths, and on Substack at Tongue of Honey.In this episode:How Laura and Shaun met on Hinge — and why there were no flirty vibesThe mask of charm and the "little wounded boy" underneath itWhy powerful, embodied women feel threateningPeter Pan, Neverland, and the initiation men never gotThe Manosphere decoded: the father wound in plain sightGrief, eros, and crying in coffee shopsWhat receiving really asks of usLove as "optimizing for heartbreak"Send Shaun your questions at +1 (415) 494-9559 or email him at [email protected]. Voicemails and voicememos are preferred, but texts/emails are OK too. To submit a guest, please do so here: https://shaungalanos.com/podcast/If you’re listening on Spotify or watching on YouTube, please leave a comment. Shaun loves hearing from you. And leave a review wherever you listen. Connect with Shaun:Love Camp: https://shaungalanos.substack.com/p/summer-camp-isnt-just-for-kids-loveRetreats and latest offerings: ⁠https://bit.ly/m/thelovedrive⁠Read my blog: ⁠https://shaungalanos.substack.com⁠The Love Drive Podcast: ⁠https://shaungalanos.com/podcast/⁠Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive/⁠More About Shaun: ⁠https://shaungalanos.com/about/⁠Buy me a coffee: ⁠https://buymeacoffee.com/thelovedrive⁠

In this solo episode, Shaun shares the story of Roger, his blind dog, and what loving him through loss taught him about trust, grief, and letting go. What begins as a response to a listener’s question about a dog losing its sight turns into a deeper reflection on resilience, adaptation, and how often we project our fear onto the ones we love.He also checks in from Thailand, reflects on nicotine withdrawal and travel, and answers listener questions about dating as a therapist and navigating friendship after a breakup.This episode is about grief without regret, freedom without guilt, and what Roger the blind dog taught Shaun about living in the moment. Timestamps:(00:20) Thailand update, solo travel, and being the 33rd wheel(03:20) Day 24 without nicotine and changing plans from Europe to Korea(07:42) Roger the blind dog, resilience, and what animals teach us about presence(14:40) A sweet listener voicemail and why this podcast matters(18:26) Dating as a therapist or helper without losing your humanity(23:15) Breakups, friends staying connected to an ex, and letting go of control(28:54) Previewing next week with Laura Griffiths(30:09) Love Camp and an invitation into something differentSend Shaun your questions at +1 (415) 494-9559 or email him at [email protected]. Voicemails and voicememos are preferred, but texts/emails are OK too. To submit a guest, please do so here: https://shaungalanos.com/podcast/If you’re listening on Spotify or watching on YouTube, please leave a comment. Shaun loves hearing from you. And leave a review wherever you listen. Connect with Shaun:Love Camp: https://shaungalanos.substack.com/p/summer-camp-isnt-just-for-kids-loveRetreats and latest offerings: ⁠https://bit.ly/m/thelovedrive⁠Read my blog: ⁠https://shaungalanos.substack.com⁠The Love Drive Podcast: ⁠https://shaungalanos.com/podcast/⁠Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive/⁠More About Shaun: ⁠https://shaungalanos.com/about/⁠Buy me a coffee: ⁠https://buymeacoffee.com/thelovedrive⁠

In this episode, Shaun is joined by Bay Area sex therapist Claire Perelman, aka Sex Clarified, for a candid and useful conversation about sex, desire, shame, and the stuff people are usually too awkward to say out loud.They get into monogamy, sexual compatibility, communication, squirting, pegging, orgasm pressure, porn habits, toys, libido differences, and the shame so many people still carry around pleasure.This episode is really about permission: to communicate clearly, stop performing, get curious about your body, and stop treating sex like a test you can fail.Send Shaun your questions at +1 (415) 494-9559 or email him at [email protected]. Voicemails and voicememos are preferred, but texts/emails are OK too.To submit a guest, please do so here: https://shaungalanos.com/podcast/If you’re listening on Spotify or watching on YouTube, please leave a comment. Shaun loves hearing from you. And leave a review wherever you listen.Books and other mentions:She Comes First by Ian Kerner https://www.amazon.com/dp/0060538260/Slow Sex: The Path to Fulfilling and Sustainable Sexuality by Diana Richardson https://www.amazon.com/Slow-Sex-Fulfilling-Sustainable-Sexuality/dp/B0853DZL95Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1476762090Squirting workshop https://heyplura.com/events/squirting-mayGuest links:Instagram - www.instagram.com/sexclarifiedTikTok - www.tiktok.com/@sexclarifiedWebsite – www.sexclarified.comSubstack - https://substack.com/@claireperelmanAll other relevant links - linktr.ee/sexclarifiedConnect with Shaun:Retreats and latest offerings: https://bit.ly/m/thelovedriveRead my blog: https://shaungalanos.substack.comThe Love Drive Podcast: https://shaungalanos.com/podcast/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive/More about Shaun: https://shaungalanos.com/about/Buy me a coffee: https://buymeacoffee.com/thelovedrive

In this solo check-in, Shaun begins with a simple question that lands deeper than expected: how is your heart? From there, Shaun moves through a mix of life update, therapy reflection, sex question detour, and a deeper check-in on what it means to feel like you’re doing enough with your life.He talks about quitting nicotine, feeling more touched by life again, and replacing one habit with an alarming amount of gummy bears. He reflects on doomscrolling, discipline, and the small daily choices that can either ground you or pull you further away from yourself.At the center of the episode is a vulnerable therapy reflection on feeling unaccomplished at 43 and realizing that praise, money, and external validation can’t create self-worth for you. There’s also dating advice, some delightfully unhinged sex talk, and a sweet reminder that this podcast is meant to feel like a longer voice memo from a friend.If your sense of success has been tied to achievement and you’ve been feeling a little unmoored lately, this episode is for you. And if it speaks to you, share it with a male friend too. We’d love to have more men in these conversations.Timestamps:(02:54) Nicotine update and feeling more alive(05:23) Doomscrolling and wanting more discipline(07:01) These episodes as a voice note from a friend(07:27) Feeling unaccomplished at 43(12:27) Can money make you feel successful?(15:14) Deep throating, sore throats, and bruising(18:54) Allergic to semen?(19:41) Reviews, voicemails, and how to send questions(20:55) Sweet listener message and why more men should listen(25:44) Dating question: should you ask for another date?(29:58) Travel update and weekly Thursday releases(31:29) Next week: Claire Perelman on sex and questionsSend Shaun your questions at +1 (415) 494-9559 or email him at [email protected]. Voicemails and voicememos are preferred, but texts/emails are OK too.To submit a guest, please do so here: https://shaungalanos.com/podcast/If you’re listening on Spotify or watching on YouTube, please leave a comment. Shaun loves hearing from you. And leave a review wherever you listen.Connect with Shaun:⁠Shaun's love camp⁠Retreats and latest offerings: https://bit.ly/m/thelovedriveRead my blog: https://shaungalanos.substack.comThe Love Drive Podcast: https://shaungalanos.com/podcast/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive/More About Shaun: https://shaungalanos.com/about/Buy me a coffee: https://buymeacoffee.com/thelovedrive

Therapy Jeff joins Shaun for a conversation about men, therapy, emotional depth, and why so many relationships struggle when people cannot say what is actually going on inside them. They talk about the myth that men are “simple,” why emotional shutdown creates distance, and why gym, status, and success are not substitutes for real emotional growth. They also get into Jeff’s critique of Scott Galloway’s message to men, and the difference between chasing shortcuts and actually doing the work of becoming more emotionally mature.They talk about modern dating, rejection, approach anxiety, and what respectful flirting can actually look like now. If you’ve ever wondered why some men struggle to open up, why dating can feel so high-stakes, or what emotional maturity actually looks like in practice, this episode is for you.Timestamps:(00:20) Meet Therapy Jeff(02:46) Funeral family tension(08:30) Managing anxiety in real time(11:25) Why men struggle emotionally(20:03) Getting straight men into therapy(28:43) Therapy apps and stigma(29:11) Why we need male therapists(30:20) Small town dating dilemmas(33:44) Rejection and approaching women(42:45) First kiss and consent(46:22) Where to find Therapy Jeff(47:16) What love means todaySend Shaun your questions at +1 (415) 494-9559 or email him at [email protected]. Voicemails and voicememos are preferred, but texts/emails are OK too.To submit a guest, please do so here: https://shaungalanos.com/podcast/If you’re listening on Spotify or watching on YouTube, please leave a comment. Shaun loves hearing from you. And leave a review wherever you listen.Resources mentioned in this episode:Jeff’s response to Scott GallowayShaun’s guest appearance on Jeff’s Problem Solved podcastJeff’s podcast, Problem SolvedFollow Jeff on Instagram and TikTok: @therapyjeffReferences:Notes on Being a Man by Scott GallowayFeeld appNonviolent Communication (NVC)Shaun’s love campConnect with Shaun:Retreats and latest offerings: https://bit.ly/m/thelovedriveRead my blog: https://shaungalanos.substack.comThe Love Drive Podcast: https://shaungalanos.com/podcast/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive/More About Shaun: https://shaungalanos.com/about/Buy me a coffee: https://buymeacoffee.com/thelovedrive

In this solo episode, Shaun shares a personal confession that kicks off a real conversation about coping, cravings, and the oddly human ways we try to take the edge off.He also gets into self-soothing, emotional patterns, and what it means to actually give yourself what you need instead of just grabbing the nearest distraction. There’s also listener Q&A on sex, flirting, and gym crush energy, plus a few side roads that make this episode feel equal parts advice column, voice note, and comedy detour.If you like your relationship advice with heart, humor, and a little chaos, this episode is for you.Timestamps:(00:26) Welcome and teaser(00:59) What’s giving me chi(04:24) My dirty little secret(12:25) Inner child needs(16:46) Term: hobosexual(19:44) Sons Versus New Love(20:40) Engaged update reality check(22:56) Reviews, voicemails, and break(24:27) Sex curiosity and gym flirting(32:04) Taboo hookup and housekeepingSend Shaun your questions at +1 (415) 494-9559 or email him at [email protected]. Voicemails and voicememos are preferred, but texts/emails are OK too.To submit a guest, please do so here: https://shaungalanos.com/podcast/If you’re listening on Spotify or watching on YouTube, please leave a comment. Shaun loves hearing from you. And leave a review wherever you listen.Links:He moved in after 8 days reelThe Feels — IRL singles events and mindful dating experiencesYes/No/Maybe worksheet for talking about sexShaun's love campConnect with Shaun:Retreats and latest offerings: https://bit.ly/m/thelovedriveRead my blog: https://shaungalanos.substack.comThe Love Drive Podcast: https://shaungalanos.com/podcast/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive/More About Shaun: https://shaungalanos.com/about/Buy me a coffee: https://buymeacoffee.com/thelovedrive

Jennie Young, creator of the Burned Haystack dating method, joins Shaun to talk about how to stop wasting time on the wrong people and date with way more intention. They get into dating app red flags, boundary testing, bad first dates, manosphere code words, and why filtering harder might actually lead you to the right person faster. Jennie also reviews Shaun’s dating profile live and shares what it felt like to finally meet her own needle.And then, in a bonus post-recording tangent, Jennie has a message for Dan Savage: too many men are misusing “GGG” and “sex positive” to pressure women, and she is absolutely not having it.Timestamps:(00:00) The hidden red flags in dating profiles(00:24) The dating app problem no one admits(03:50) Why Burned Haystack dating took off(07:40) Dating in a small town without settling(17:55) The first boundary test tells you everything(41:35) The first date money debate(42:01) Jenny reviews Shaun’s dating profile live(43:05) The small profile changes that matter(48:28) Your photos might be hurting you(54:19) The manosphere language women should notice(59:32) Charm, banter, or just sexual pressure?(01:01:03) Jenny’s work and where to follow her(01:02:29) Why healthy chemistry can feel boring(01:05:07) Finding love later than you planned(01:05:49) Jennie has a question for Dan Savage about GGG(01:10:23) Wrap up, links, and final takeawaysLinks:Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/9116647515019601/Substack: https://burnedhaystack.substack.comIG: https://www.instagram.com/word_case_scenario/Order the book: https://www.jennieyoung.com/burn-the-haystack-bookReferenced: How to Not Die Alone by Logan UryLove Camp: https://shaungalanos.substack.com/p/summer-camp-isnt-just-for-kids-loveConnect with Shaun:Retreats and latest offerings: https://bit.ly/m/thelovedriveRead my blog: https://shaungalanos.substack.comThe Love Drive Podcast: https://shaungalanos.com/podcast/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive/More About Shaun: https://shaungalanos.com/about/Buy me a coffee: https://buymeacoffee.com/thelovedrive