Life After Suicide Loss: “Firsts” Done Differently—Opt Out • Scale Down • Re-Script
Big days don’t require big performances; choose your size—opt out, scale down, or re-script—to protect your energy in suicide bereavement.
Journal prompt: “For my next tender date, I’ll protect my energy by… (opt out / scale down / re-script) because…”
What “choose your size” means (so we’re clear):
You get to set the size of participation to match your capacity.
- Opt out = skip entirely this year. Example: don’t attend the gathering; plan a quiet walk + candle at home instead.
- Scale down = attend smaller/shorter/softer. Example: 20 minutes max, sit near an exit, sunglasses/earbuds, two people only.
- Re-script = change the who/when/where/ritual. Example: breakfast instead of evening, meet outdoors, write a note to them and leave early with an ally.
Pair your choice with one ally, one exit signal, and one regulation (long exhale, step outside). Permission beats pressure.
A Flicker (Hope) — Choice lowers dread
Naming your option ahead of time softens the day. Relief is data—keep it.
To Rebuild (Healing) — Pick one path
Opt out: “Not this year.”
Scale down: “Shorter, quieter, fewer people.”
Re-script: “Different place, different time, different ritual.”
Take a Step (Becoming) — Make it specific
Write one sentence: “On [date] I will [opt out/scale down/re-script] by [what].” Add an ally + exit cue: “[Name] will text me at [time]; I’ll leave when I squeeze their hand.”
Choose-your-energy menu:
- Hollow (low): Hollow — Choose your path and jot it in notes. One line.
- Healing (medium): Healing — Set one logistics step (time/location/message) and a regulation plan.
- Becoming (higher): Becoming — Invite a helper/witness and send the plan today.
Food for Thought Today:
Honoring the day doesn’t mean reenacting pain. Permission is protective: you’re allowed to design something your body can survive—and even, gently, feel held inside. Capacity changes; your choices can, too.
Exhale. Keep what serves you; leave the rest. I’ll be here again tomorrow. 💜
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