280. Five Tips for the Overthinker

Missionaries, preparing missionaries, returned missionaries, and missionary parents: what if being "okay" with a hard experience could mean something more than simply tolerating it? Maybe you've learned to tell yourself, "I'm struggling, and that's okay," or, "I feel anxious, and that's okay." That can be a beautiful step toward self-compassion. But sometimes, if we're really honest, there's still a little judgment hiding underneath those words. In this episode, I'm talking about what it means to move from "it's okay" to more than okay. We'll explore the difference between resignation and genuine acceptance, why struggling doesn't automatically mean something has gone wrong, and how we can add compassion, confidence, and purpose to the way we think about difficult experiences. Compassion sounds like, "It's okay that I feel this way." Confidence sounds like, "I'm strong enough to move through this." And purpose sounds like, "This experience can be for my good." This doesn't mean every hard thing is good, that you have to be grateful for every trial, or that you should struggle through something alone. You can get help and still believe in your own capacity. You can dislike what's happening and still trust that the experience can matter. Because of Jesus Christ, even the experiences that don't feel okay can ultimately be used for our good. Maybe being human - trying things, falling down, getting back up, feeling deeply, and becoming - isn't just okay. Maybe it's the point. As always, if you found this episode helpful, I want to invite you to subscribe if you aren't already, share this episode with your friends and missionaries you know, and write a review. I know this work will help LDS missionaries around the world and it would mean so much to me if you did. Until next week my friends.   00:00 – Introduction 05:02 – From "It's Okay" to More Than Okay 07:01 – When "It's Okay" Still Has Judgment Underneath It 09:11 – Tolerating Your Experience vs. Accepting It 10:39 – Can You Be Okay With Not Being Okay? 11:52 – Soul Stretching Requires Feeling Lousy Sometimes 12:45 – Compassion, Confidence, and Purpose 15:26 – "All These Things Shall Give Thee Experience" 18:06 – More Than Okay Doesn't Mean Everything Is Good 19:08 – Getting Help Doesn't Make You Less Capable 21:37 – This Is the Human Part 23:19 – It's About the Experience, Not the Outcome   Website | Instagram | Facebook 5 Ways to Process Any Less-Than Happy Mission Memories Article: HERE Get the Full Show Notes and Text/PDF Transcripts: HERE Free PDF Download: Podcast Roadmap Free PDF Download: Preparing Missionary Cheat Sheet Free Training for Preparing Missionaries: Change Your Mission with this One Tool RM Transition Free Video Series: 3 Tools to Help RMs in Their Transition Home Free Guide: 5 Tips to Help Any Returning Missionary Schedule a Free Strategy Call: Click Here

Missionaries, preparing missionaries, returned missionaries, missionary parents, and mission leaders: did you know you don't have to believe everything your brain tells you? Our brains make assessments and add meaning to what happens all day long, and most of the time we don't even realize we're doing it. Something happens, our brain interprets it, and suddenly that interpretation feels like the truth. In this episode, I'm talking about how to notice the difference between what is actually happening and what your brain is making it mean. I'll explain how our lower and higher brains can work together, how metacognition helps us notice our own thinking, and the two choices we have once we become aware of a thought: we can believe it and feel the emotion it creates, or we can gently talk back to our brain. Talking back doesn't mean arguing with yourself or forcing positivity. It sounds more like compassion, acceptance, and curiosity: "I hear you. Of course this feels hard. Thanks for trying to protect me. What else might be true?" Your brain isn't the enemy, and your thoughts aren't commands. My hope is that you learn how to build a better relationship with your own brain, one where you can notice what it offers, consider it, and then choose intentionally what you want to do next. As always, if you found this episode helpful, I want to invite you to subscribe if you aren't already, share this episode with your friends and missionaries you know, and write a review. I know this work will help LDS missionaries around the world and it would mean so much to me if you did. Until next week my friends.   00:00 – Introduction 04:11 – What Happened vs. What Your Brain Made It Mean 07:00 – Your Higher Brain, Lower Brain, and Metacognition 10:01 – Choice One: Believe the Thought and Feel 12:45 – Choice Two: Talk Back to Your Brain 14:53 – Talking Back vs. Fighting With Yourself 16:25 – Add Compassion Instead of Trying to Make It Go Away 18:22 – What Talking Back Actually Sounds Like 21:28 – Thoughts Are Offerings, Not Commands 23:16 – Build a Better Relationship With Your Brain   Website | Instagram | Facebook 5 Ways to Process Any Less-Than Happy Mission Memories Article: HERE Get the Full Show Notes and Text/PDF Transcripts: HERE Free PDF Download: Podcast Roadmap Free PDF Download: Preparing Missionary Cheat Sheet Free Training for Preparing Missionaries: Change Your Mission with this One Tool RM Transition Free Video Series: 3 Tools to Help RMs in Their Transition Home Free Guide: 5 Tips to Help Any Returning Missionary Schedule a Free Strategy Call: Click Here

LDS missionaries, returned missionaries, preparing missionaries, and missionary parents: if you tend to overthink, analyze every possibility, or feel like you need to know exactly how something will turn out before you move forward, this episode is for you. Overthinking can feel productive because your brain is busy trying to solve something. But a lot of the time, it's really your brain looking for certainty so you won't have to feel afraid, anxious, or uncomfortable. In this episode, I'm sharing five tips for working with an overthinking brain: stop trying to figure out the future, stop searching for more answers when you already have enough information, learn to harness your overthinking, stop labeling yourself as "an overthinker," and stop trying to figure out what everyone else is thinking. The goal isn't to stop thinking deeply. People who think deeply are often thoughtful, observant, intentional, and really good at seeing possibilities other people miss. We just want to know when that thinking is helping us and when it's keeping us stuck. Most of all, I want to help you bring your brain back to the life you're actually living. You can plan, think, search your heart, seek the Spirit, and consider your options, and then choose. You don't have to know how tomorrow will turn out before you take the next step today. Your life isn't happening in all of those possible futures your brain is trying to solve. It's happening right now. As always, if you found this episode helpful, I want to invite you to subscribe if you aren't already, share this episode with your friends and missionaries you know, and write a review. I know this work will help LDS missionaries around the world and it would mean so much to me if you did. Until next week my friends.   00:00 – Introduction 02:09 – Why Overthinking Is Often About Fear 03:21 – Why Your Brain Craves Certainty 06:21 – Tip 1: Stop Trying to Figure Out the Future 09:47 – Tip 2: Stop Searching for More Answers 14:05 – Tip 3: Harness Your Overthinking 20:37 – Tip 4: Stop Calling Yourself an Overthinker 23:39 – Tip 5: Stop Trying to Figure Out Other People 26:06 – How Much of Your Week Were You Actually Present? 28:35 – Bring Your Brain Back to Right Now   Website | Instagram | Facebook 5 Ways to Process Any Less-Than Happy Mission Memories Article: HERE Get the Full Show Notes and Text/PDF Transcripts: HERE Free PDF Download: Podcast Roadmap Free PDF Download: Preparing Missionary Cheat Sheet Free Training for Preparing Missionaries: Change Your Mission with this One Tool RM Transition Free Video Series: 3 Tools to Help RMs in Their Transition Home Free Guide: 5 Tips to Help Any Returning Missionary Schedule a Free Strategy Call: Click Here

Missionary parents and mission leaders, what do you do when your missionary says, "I think I want to come home"? Maybe they say it directly, maybe you hear it between the lines, or maybe you can just tell that something isn't going well. In that moment, it can be so easy to panic, jump into problem-solving, or immediately start trying to convince them to stay. In this episode, I'm sharing a practical framework for supporting a missionary who is thinking about coming home earlier than planned. We'll talk about why "I want to come home" can sometimes mean "I don't know how to keep doing this in this way," why your first job is to understand rather than persuade, and how to help your missionary make an intentional decision instead of one driven only by discomfort, guilt, shame, or people-pleasing. I'll also talk about what belongs to you as a parent, what belongs to your missionary, how mission leaders can create more space for agency, and what to say when someone actually does come home early. You can believe in your missionary's ability to do hard things without insisting they do those things your way. My hope is that you leave feeling more prepared to listen, love, support, and trust your missionary through whatever decision they ultimately make. As always, if you found this episode helpful, I want to invite you to subscribe if you aren't already, share this episode with your friends and missionaries you know, and write a review. I know this work will help LDS missionaries around the world and it would mean so much to me if you did. Until next week my friends.   00:00 – Introduction 04:18 – When Your Missionary Says, "I Want to Come Home" 06:12 – Understand Before You Try to Convince 07:26 – Don't Make the Decision Just to Escape an Emotion 09:08 – Staying From Guilt Isn't the Goal Either 12:26 – Your Feelings Are Yours to Process 15:23 – Their Mission Is Their Life 21:16 – A Note to Mission Leaders: Slow Down and Listen 24:35 – How You Respond Matters 26:51 – What Not to Say When a Missionary Comes Home Early 28:52 – Believe in Them Without Insisting They Do It Your Way   Website | Instagram | Facebook 5 Ways to Process Any Less-Than Happy Mission Memories Article: HERE Get the Full Show Notes and Text/PDF Transcripts: HERE Free PDF Download: Podcast Roadmap Free PDF Download: Preparing Missionary Cheat Sheet Free Training for Preparing Missionaries: Change Your Mission with this One Tool RM Transition Free Video Series: 3 Tools to Help RMs in Their Transition Home Free Guide: 5 Tips to Help Any Returning Missionary Schedule a Free Strategy Call: Click Here

LDS Missionary: Have you ever noticed that once your brain decides something is true, it suddenly seems to find evidence for it everywhere? Maybe you've decided your companion is annoying, you're not a good teacher, or your area is terrible, and before long, that's almost all you can see. In this episode, I'm talking about the idea that what you focus on grows. We'll look at how your brain naturally filters information, how confirmation bias can keep strengthening what you already believe, and why being intentional about where you place your attention can change the way you experience your mission, your relationships, and even yourself. This isn't about pretending hard things aren't hard or forcing yourself to be positive. It's about noticing what you're repeatedly training your brain to find. I'll also talk about the difference between feeling an emotion and feeding an emotion, why redirecting your focus doesn't mean avoiding your problems, and how being present with whatever is right in front of you can create more peace, connection, joy, and meaning. My hope is that you start noticing where your attention is going and remember that you get to be intentional about what you want to grow. As always, if you found this episode helpful, I want to invite you to subscribe if you aren't already, share this episode with your friends and missionaries you know, and write a review. I know this work will help LDS missionaries around the world and it would mean so much to me if you did. Until next week my friends.   00:00 – Introduction 02:24 – Your Brain Is Always Looking for Something 03:12 – Your Brain Will Find Evidence for What You Believe 05:30 – Which Wolf Are You Feeding? 06:49 – What Are You Training Your Brain to Look For? 08:44 – Focusing on What Is Good 10:40 – Your Circumstances Don't Have to Change First 12:01 – Redirecting Your Focus 13:47 – Feeling an Emotion vs. Feeding an Emotion 16:40 – Focus Brings You Into the Present 18:32 – There Is No "Right" Way to Focus 21:45 – What Are You Feeding With Your Attention?   Website | Instagram | Facebook 5 Ways to Process Any Less-Than Happy Mission Memories Article: HERE Get the Full Show Notes and Text/PDF Transcripts: HERE Free PDF Download: Podcast Roadmap Free PDF Download: Preparing Missionary Cheat Sheet Free Training for Preparing Missionaries: Change Your Mission with this One Tool RM Transition Free Video Series: 3 Tools to Help RMs in Their Transition Home Free Guide: 5 Tips to Help Any Returning Missionary Schedule a Free Strategy Call: Click Here

Hey LDS missionary: have you ever noticed that when a big emotion shows up, you tend to do one of two things? Maybe you push it down, minimize it, or tell yourself you shouldn't feel that way. Or maybe you swing the other direction and suddenly the emotion feels urgent, scary, or like evidence that something has gone wrong. In this episode, I'm talking about what it looks like to put emotions in their proper place. We'll explore the difference between underpaying and overpaying attention to what you feel, why emotions can be useful information without always being perfectly accurate, and how a little calm curiosity can help you understand what's actually going on instead of immediately trying to fix, suppress, or obey the feeling. I'll also walk you through five ways to work with emotion: normalize it, get curious, stop resisting yourself, remove the morality, and listen to what the emotion is trying to tell you. My hope is that you learn to let your emotions have a voice without giving them the final decision. You don't have to leave them on the side of the road, stuff them in the trunk, or let them drive. You can give them a seat in the car and still stay in the driver's seat. As always, if you found this episode helpful, I want to invite you to subscribe if you aren't already, share this episode with your friends and missionaries you know, and write a review. I know this work will help LDS missionaries around the world and it would mean so much to me if you did. Until next week my friends.   00:00 – Introduction 02:38 – What Does It Mean to Put Emotions in Their Proper Place? 04:36 – When We Underpay Attention to Emotion 07:24 – When We Overpay Attention to Emotion 10:13 – Calm Curiosity Instead of Urgency 11:49 – Emotions Are Information 15:51 – Five Ways to Put Emotion in Its Proper Place 19:06 – Stop Resisting Yourself 21:02 – Your Feelings Are Not a Measure of Your Worth 23:20 – Give the Emotion a Voice, Not the Final Decision 27:03 – How This Builds Self-Trust and Resilience 30:20 – Give Emotions a Seat, But Keep Driving   Website | Instagram | Facebook 5 Ways to Process Any Less-Than Happy Mission Memories Article: HERE Get the Full Show Notes and Text/PDF Transcripts: HERE Free PDF Download: Podcast Roadmap Free PDF Download: Preparing Missionary Cheat Sheet Free Training for Preparing Missionaries: Change Your Mission with this One Tool RM Transition Free Video Series: 3 Tools to Help RMs in Their Transition Home Free Guide: 5 Tips to Help Any Returning Missionary Schedule a Free Strategy Call: Click Here

As an LDS missionary, ave you ever had a picture in your head of how a transfer on your mission was supposed to go, only to have the actual experience look completely different? Maybe you expected a certain companion, a baptism, more confidence, better language skills, or a strong finish to your mission. And when reality doesn't match the version you imagined, it can be easy to feel disappointed, stressed, or like something has gone wrong. In this episode, I'm talking about transfer expectations and the difference between having a hope or preference and turning that preference into a requirement for you to feel okay. We'll look at the expectations we put on our companions, mission leaders, areas, outcomes, and even ourselves, and how those expectations can quietly become a measuring stick we use against the mission we're actually having. I also want to help you hold your expectations a little more loosely. You can want something without needing it to happen. You can accept the reality of your transfer without pretending you love everything about it. And you don't have to wait for the baptism, the next transfer, or the end of your mission to finally feel successful, satisfied, or at peace. Those feelings are available to you now. My hope is that you can spend a little less time comparing your mission to the one you imagined and a little more time actually living the one you have. As always, if you found this episode helpful, I want to invite you to subscribe if you aren't already, share this episode with your friends and missionaries you know, and write a review. I know this work will help LDS missionaries around the world and it would mean so much to me if you did. Until next week my friends.   00:00 – Introduction 03:56 – The Transfer You Expected vs. the Transfer You're Having 05:31 – Is Reality Disappointing, or Is the Expectation? 06:50 – When Expectations Become a Measuring Stick 09:07 – Preference vs. Requirement 10:27 – The Unwritten Scripts We Give Other People 11:57 – Expectations You Put on Yourself 13:41 – Hold the Expectation Loosely 16:12 – Acceptance Doesn't Mean You Have to Like It 18:17 – The Feeling You Want Is Available Now 19:58 – It's Okay to Feel Trunky 21:05 – Live the Transfer You're Actually Having   Website | Instagram | Facebook 5 Ways to Process Any Less-Than Happy Mission Memories Article: HERE Get the Full Show Notes and Text/PDF Transcripts: HERE Free PDF Download: Podcast Roadmap Free PDF Download: Preparing Missionary Cheat Sheet Free Training for Preparing Missionaries: Change Your Mission with this One Tool RM Transition Free Video Series: 3 Tools to Help RMs in Their Transition Home Free Guide: 5 Tips to Help Any Returning Missionary Schedule a Free Strategy Call: Click Here

To all the LDS returned missionaries out there: have any of you come home from your mission and realized that some of your old relationships just don't fit quite the same anymore? You've changed. You've had new experiences, learned new ways of thinking, and maybe become more confident speaking up or trusting yourself. But the people you're coming home to may still expect you to step right back into the role you played before your mission. In this episode, I'm talking about how to navigate tough relationships as a returned missionary without feeling like you have to fix everyone around you. We'll talk about staying in your own lane, checking the "fuel" behind your actions, knowing when to speak up and when silence might actually be the more powerful choice, and remembering that even when you come from love and compassion, you still don't get to control someone else's outcome. I also want to help you think differently about boundaries, forgiveness, and trusting yourself after your mission. Loving someone doesn't require you to participate in every difficult dynamic. You can love people, forgive people, create space when you need it, and make choices that honor everyone in the story, including you. My hope is that you leave this episode feeling more confident in your ability to stand your sacred ground without shrinking, puffing up, or trying to control the people you love. As always, if you found this episode helpful, I want to invite you to subscribe if you aren't already, share this episode with your friends and missionaries you know, and write a review. I know this work will help LDS missionaries around the world and it would mean so much to me if you did. Until next week my friends.     00:00 – Introduction   01:37 – Why Relationships Can Feel Different After Your Mission   03:48 – You Changed, But Your Old Family Dynamics May Not Have   06:23 – Stay in Your Lane: There Are Two People in Every Relationship   09:14 – You Don't Get to Control Someone Else's Outcome   10:52 – Check the Fuel Behind Speaking Up   14:56 – When Not Saying Anything Can Be Powerful   18:02 – Boundaries, Forgiveness, and Knowing When to Step Away   23:09 – Boundaries Are About How You Want to Show Up   23:58 – Trust Yourself in Tough Relationships   25:15 – Don't Shrink, Don't Puff Up, Stand Your Sacred Ground     Website | Instagram | Facebook   5 Ways to Process Any Less-Than Happy Mission Memories Article: HERE   Get the Full Show Notes and Text/PDF Transcripts: HERE   Free PDF Download: Podcast Roadmap   Free PDF Download: Preparing Missionary Cheat Sheet   Free Training for Preparing Missionaries: Change Your Mission with this One Tool   RM Transition Free Video Series: 3 Tools to Help RMs in Their Transition Home   Free Guide: 5 Tips to Help Any Returning Missionary   Schedule a Free Strategy Call: Click Here

Have you ever wondered whether the small, repetitive things you're doing actually matter? Maybe missionary work, school, dating, motherhood, personal growth, or simply showing up for your life has started to feel like a grind. You may not feel motivated, inspired, or especially confident, but you keep putting one foot in front of the other. In this episode, I'm sharing some tender, off-the-cuff thoughts about consistency, missionary discouragement, and the impact of continuing to show up. We'll explore why consistency doesn't have to look the same for everyone, why going through the motions can sometimes be enough, and why the "ugh" part of doing hard things doesn't mean that something has gone wrong. I want to remind you that your small efforts matter, even when you can't immediately see the results. Every lesson, conversation, workout, social event, late-night feeding, podcast episode, or seemingly insignificant act becomes another grain of sand. Over time, those grains build your character, your relationships, and your life's work. My hope is that you feel seen in whatever grind you're currently experiencing and find the strength to keep going. As always, if you found this episode helpful, I want to invite you to subscribe if you aren't already, share this episode with your friends and missionaries you know, and write a review. I know this work will help LDS missionaries around the world and it would mean so much to me if you did. Until next week my friends.   00:00 – Introduction 00:56 – Speaking from the Heart 02:19 – Restore Connect and a Podcast Request 05:10 – Consistency Can Look Different for Everyone 06:54 – Why Your Small Efforts Matter 09:21 – When Life Feels Like Groundhog Day 11:37 – Building Character and a Body of Work 12:52 – The "Ugh" Part Doesn't Go Away 14:52 – Sometimes You Have to Grind It Out 17:12 – The Grind Matters, Even When It Doesn't Feel Like It   Website | Instagram | Facebook   5 Ways to Process Any Less-Than Happy Mission Memories Article: HERE   Get the Full Show Notes and Text/PDF Transcripts: HERE   Free PDF Download:  Podcast Roadmap   Free PDF Download:  Preparing Missionary Cheat Sheet   Free Training for Preparing Missionaries:  Change Your Mission with this One Tool   RM Transition Free Video Series:  3 Tools to Help RMs in Their Transition Home   Free Guide:  5 Tips to Help Any Returning Missionary   Schedule a Free Strategy Call:   Click Here   Don't forget to grab your tickets to Restore Connect 2026 put on by Faith Matters.  You can use my code:  JENNIE to get 10% off your ticket. https://www.faithmatters.org/p/announcing-the-restoreconnect-agenda  

Have you ever wondered if becoming a more consecrated missionary means becoming less of yourself? Maybe you've started to feel like the things you love, the interests you had before your mission, or even parts of your personality need to disappear in order for you to truly be "set apart." In this episode, I want to explore the difference between laying aside worldly things and laying aside yourself. We'll talk about why your personality, creativity, interests, desires, and the things that light you up aren't necessarily distractions from missionary work. In fact, they may be part of what God gave you to help you connect, contribute, and bring your whole self to the work. I'll also walk you through some questions to help you notice what fuels you, what you may have unnecessarily labeled as "worldly," and how you can bring the essence of what you love into your mission within the mission framework. My hope is that you leave knowing that being set apart doesn't require you to become a generic version of a missionary. You can be consecrated and still be fully you. As always, if you found this episode helpful, I want to invite you to subscribe if you aren't already, share this episode with your friends and missionaries you know, and write a review. I know this work will help LDS missionaries around the world and it would mean so much to me if you did. Until next week my friends.   00:00 – Introduction 01:53 – Feeling Like You're Disappearing on Your Mission 03:42 – What Are Missionaries Actually Asked to Set Aside? 05:24 – Consecration Does Not Mean Eliminating Yourself 09:30 – What Lights You Up Is Not a Measure of Spirituality 13:29 – Discovering What Lights Your Match 16:38 – Missionary Work Requires Emotional Fuel 19:15 – Bringing Your Interests into the Mission Framework 24:32 – You Are Responsible for Creating Your Spark 27:21 – Questions to Help You Stay Set Apart and Still You   Website | Instagram | Facebook   5 Ways to Process Any Less-Than Happy Mission Memories Article: HERE   Get the Full Show Notes and Text/PDF Transcripts: HERE   Free PDF Download:  Podcast Roadmap   Free PDF Download:  Preparing Missionary Cheat Sheet   Free Training for Preparing Missionaries:  Change Your Mission with this One Tool   RM Transition Free Video Series:  3 Tools to Help RMs in Their Transition Home   Free Guide:  5 Tips to Help Any Returning Missionary   Schedule a Free Strategy Call:   Click Here