Ep 79 | Finding and Keeping a Hobby

What if we put as much intentionality into our marriages as we do our careers? We plan strategy offsites at work, set goals, and measure progress. But how often do we step away from the day-to-day to ask where our marriage is headed?This week, Stephen and Lexi sit down with David and Morgan Eseke, authors of The Gift of Marriage, to explore how an annual marriage retreat has shaped their relationship over nearly 14 years. They discuss building a shared vision, supporting each other's careers, and why a great marriage isn't about becoming a well-oiled machine.They also dig into the dangers of optimizing everything, the difference between making your spouse happy and helping them grow, and how to raise kids whose identities are rooted in something deeper than their accomplishments.TakeawaysYour marriage deserves an offsite, too. David and Morgan have spent nearly 14 years setting aside time to reflect on their marriage, celebrate wins, discuss challenges, and make plans for the future. Their approach mirrors a corporate strategy retreat, but with connection as the ultimate goal.Don't optimize the romance out of your marriage. For high achievers, marriage can become another thing to manage. But being great teammates isn't the same as being deeply connected. Sometimes the best thing you can do is put away the checklist and enjoy being together.Your spouse should be a partner in your work, not a spectator. Understanding your spouse's professional goals, frustrations, and ambitions creates opportunities to encourage and support each other. When you share a vision, their success becomes your success.Your identity is bigger than your accomplishments. David shares how finding his identity in athletics and academics left him struggling when those things disappeared. Now, he and Morgan are intentional about teaching their children that their worth comes from God, not their performance.Chapters00:00 - Meet David and Morgan Eseke01:45 - The Gift of Marriage and the idea of a marriage retreat05:00 - How 14 years of marriage retreats became a book09:00 - Treating your marriage like a strategy offsite12:00 - Reflecting, connecting, and planning for the future15:00 - The danger of optimizing your marriage22:30 - Creating connection without creating conflict26:00 - Knowing your spouse and moving beyond scorekeeping31:00 - How marriage impacts meaningful work35:00 - Is "happy wife, happy life" good advice?40:00 - The journey of writing a book together43:00 - Teaching kids where their identity comes from47:00 - Creating a family identity and shared values49:00 - Making a marriage retreat work for any budget52:00 - Two questions to deepen your connectionListener ReflectionWhat's one thing you could do this week to better connect with your spouse? Try asking these two questions: "How do I make you feel cared for?" and "How can I make you feel better known?"ResourcesThe Gift of Marriage by David and Morgan Eseke — thegiftofmarriage.comMorgan's writing — morganeseke.comSacred Marriage by Gary Thomas

Is looking forward to the end of the workday escapism, or a sign that you enjoy the life you’ve built?Adam and Stephen explore the ordinary rhythms that make evenings worth anticipating: date nights at home, shows on the couch, small groups, and creative projects. They discuss why enjoying life outside work can bring up guilt, what separates healthy anticipation from unhealthy escape, and why rest sometimes means switching activities.They also talk about parenting guilt, being fully present when you walk through the door, and holding meaningful routines loosely as family life changes.Key takeawaysYou can enjoy your evenings without earning them through more work. Giving work your full effort within reasonable boundaries can be enough.Notice what you’re looking forward to. Enjoying something real in your everyday life feels different from relying on an imagined future where all your problems disappear.Simple routines give you something to anticipate. A recurring date night can be Mario Kart or homemade ice cream after bedtime.Think of energy as several different reserves. Parenting, work, exercise, and downtime draw on different capacities. Needing a change doesn’t mean you don’t love an activity or your family.“Win the first five minutes.” Finish the call, put away the phone, and bring your attention to the people you’re coming home to.Routines change with the season. A disrupted rhythm can return in a different form. Appreciating it now doesn’t require preserving it forever.Timestamps00:00: Episode 80 and dreaming about the next milestone01:09: Looking forward to tonight: escapism or enjoying life?05:07: Adam’s weekly rhythms, including simple date nights at home09:32: Finding joy in a predictable evening schedule10:33: When imagining the future becomes unhealthy escape13:32: Putting work in a box and letting that be enough15:09: Identity beyond work and the mental pull of entrepreneurship16:14: Rest, parenting guilt, and different kinds of energy20:43: Being present and winning the first five minutes24:32: Holding routines loosely as family life changes27:17: Delve Deck: What restores your faith in humanity?28:51: Favorite beverages, from whole milk to evening tea31:11: A reflection question for the weekMentioned in this episodeHabits of the Household, The Art of Accomplishment podcast, The Diplomat, Stick, Suits, and the Delve Deck.Reflection questionWhat evening rhythm could you create, or appreciate more fully, without feeling guilty about enjoying it?Send Adam and Stephen a text with your favorite nightly rhythm. They’d love to hear what it looks like.

Between work, family, and being tired from work and family, hobbies can feel like something we’ll get back to eventually. This week, Adam and Stephen talk about why making room for something fun matters, especially when your calendar already feels full.The conversation starts with Adam wondering whether to shut down his newsletter at 5:30 in the morning. That question leads to a surprising appreciation for the creative space he’s built, even on weeks when the writing feels hard. Stephen shares how friendship keeps the podcast going and why he’s writing a children’s book for an extremely small target audience: his daughter.Together, they discuss finding time, talking with your spouse about having an evening to yourself, and letting a hobby evolve without turning it into another job. Along the way, there’s a questionable fantasy-book recommendation, some AI tinkering, and a reminder that a hard day at work feels different when work isn’t the only thing that makes you, you.Four TakeawaysPick something before you pick the perfect thing. You don’t need to discover your lifelong passion before getting started. Choose something that sounds fun and let the experience help you figure out what comes next.Protect the time, then adjust how you use it. Creating space is often harder than choosing the activity. A recurring evening, an earlier morning, or a standing plan with a friend can make that space easier to keep.Let a hobby stay small. An hour and a half on Thursday nights can be enough. You can enjoy something, put it down, and come back next week without feeling guilty for failing to spend your whole Saturday on it.Give your identity more places to live. Writing, reading, making something, or spending time with a friend can remind you that your job is one part of your life. Those other parts matter when work gets hard.Chapters00:00 — Welcome back and a shout-out to Eugene01:48 — Answer first: Any hobby is better than no hobby05:01 — Why Adam continues writing07:51 — Making time in the morning or evening11:14 — Friendship, accountability, and a night to yourself13:33 — Stephen’s next children’s book14:23 — Choosing something that’s actually fun17:11 — An identity with more than one part19:20 — Is real estate still part of Adam’s identity?20:35 — AI as a creative outlet22:43 — Always-on questions: home decor23:57 — Trend spotter: email automation and corporate espionage27:16 — This week’s challenge27:54 — A look ahead at our next guestsListener ReflectionWhat’s one creative activity you could spend 30 minutes on this week simply because it sounds fun?What would you need to put on the calendar, change in your routine, or talk through with your spouse to make that happen?

What would you do if you didn’t have to worry about money? Most of us start imagining a different job, a different schedule, or a beach somewhere. Eugene Luning asked Stephen a slightly different question: What if money were taken care of, but you had to stay in your current role? How would you approach the work you already have?Eugene is the director of The Union and Stephen’s spiritual director, a relationship that apparently began with Adam’s Christmas letter. He joins us to talk about ambition, anxiety, faith, and the pressure to figure out what our lives are supposed to become. We explore what changes when we trust that God knows where we are, and that the people and opportunities in front of us deserve our attention today.The conversation gets practical: using the space between meetings to reset, building small rhythms of gratitude, and recognizing when a commitment has become something we keep doing because we feel guilty stopping. Lexi joins us to talk about parenting guilt, and Eugene shares a story about his daughter leaving for college that brings the whole conversation home.Along the way, we discuss the humanity and humor of Jesus, Stephen maintains his unofficial count of Adam’s reading, and we consider whether a meaningful life might feel a little freer than we’ve been making it.TakeawaysThere is meaning available where you are today. Career planning can consume our attention. Eugene invites us to consider how we would treat our current work and the people around us if we felt less pressure to secure the future.Small moments of returning can become a way of life. A pause before a meeting, a reminder of past provision, or three things you’re grateful for can help bring your attention back to the present. Doing it once is a place to start.Pay attention to what you’re being drawn toward. Persistent friction can be a reason to reconsider a commitment. Asking what you want to give yourself to can help clarify what you need to release.Let your children experience being deeply loved. Eugene offers a simpler focus for the pressure of parenting: being interested in your children, helping them feel seen, and ending the day with them knowing you’re delighted they’re yours.Chapters00:00 Introducing Eugene and the Christmas letter that started it01:57 What if you stayed in your current job?04:54 God knows where to find you07:12 Connection and meaning in the present moment12:02 Using transitions to practice presence15:13 Anxiety as a reminder to return to God20:06 Gratitude and building small rhythms24:15 The pressure to keep doing good28:51 Knowing when it’s time to move on31:52 The humanity and humor of Jesus35:15 Parenting guilt and helping children feel loved41:15 Learning to receive love ourselves43:10 Being set free for your work46:57 Trends spotter47:52 Is meaning in work found or created?50:07 Where to find EugeneListener ReflectionWhere are you waiting for your circumstances to change before you let yourself be fully present? What would it look like to bring a little more attention, love, or freedom to that part of your life today?Connect with EugeneFind Eugene’s writing at unionists.org and listen to The Unionists on Apple Podcasts.

You want people to know what you do. You also don’t want to become the person posting about "7 quick tips to earn $10m a year". How do you put yourself out there while still feeling like yourself?Adam and Stephen sit down with Harris Fanaroff, founder and CEO of Linked Revenue, to explore personal branding, humble brags, and the fear of being judged. Adam shares his four attempts at finding his voice on LinkedIn, from fintech commentary to weekly meaningful moments. Harris explains how sharing useful ideas and building relationships can create opportunities, even when you aren’t selling anything.We also discuss what to share early in your career, why human stories matter in a feed full of AI content, and how Harris approaches meaningful work through providing for his family and building a team where people can be honest.Four TakeawaysStart with someone you can help. Thinking about what another person could learn from your experience gives you a practical way to approach posting without making every post a celebration of yourself.Your brand can grow from who you already are. Adam’s meaningful moments helped him notice more of what he values and gave others a clearer picture of him. Being thoughtful, curious, and consistent can carry professional value.Relationships build over time. Harris approaches LinkedIn as a place to share useful ideas, notice who engages, and start conversations. Those connections can become clients, collaborators, or a network to lean on during a career change.You can share while you’re still learning. Early in your career, useful observations, questions, and lessons from more experienced colleagues can give you something worthwhile to contribute. Fear of judgment often keeps people from starting.Chapters00:00 Meet Harris Fanaroff01:17 Personal Branding Without Narcissism05:51 Adam’s Four Attempts at LinkedIn11:26 Finding Your Why for Posting15:02 Turning Engagement Into Relationships20:04 Humble Brags, Ego, and Sharing Your Success27:18 Getting Past the Fear of Being Judged30:45 Algorithms, AI Content, and Staying Human35:18 Practical Advice for Promoting a Podcast39:09 Providing for Family as the Purpose of Work41:23 Building a Vulnerable Team Culture44:29 Is Meaningful Work Found or Created?45:09 Favorite Places and Finding Time to Be an Adult48:57 Where to Find HarrisReflection QuestionWhat is something you’ve learned or noticed recently that could help someone else, and what holds you back from sharing it?Connect With HarrisFind Harris Fanaroff on LinkedIn or visit Linked Revenue.

What would it be like to start your career with AI?In this episode, Adam and Stephen explore how AI is changing the substance of entry-level work. Young professionals can now produce polished analysis, models, and presentations in minutes, but bypassing the struggle may also mean missing the judgment that struggle once developed.They discuss why speed is not the same as learning, how managers can help younger employees build judgment, and why time and human feedback remain essential even when AI can produce a strong first draft. They also consider whether every entry-level employee is now becoming a manager, with AI serving as their first team.Four TakeawaysAI is not simply making entry-level work faster. It is changing what the job requires, replacing some tactical skills with leadership, judgment, and strategic thinking.Struggle can be formative. Building the model or wrestling with the first draft helps people understand how the answer was created and recognize when something does not make sense.Efficiency does not guarantee learning. AI can help someone finish faster, but developing real understanding still requires time with the material.Junior employees need human feedback, peer review, and coaching. AI can challenge a recommendation, but a five-minute conversation with someone who has lived the problem can reveal what hours of research missed.Chapters00:00 Welcome and introduction01:27 What would it be like to start a career with AI?03:20 How AI changes the substance of entry-level work05:30 What we learn through struggle09:53 AI, homework, and the importance of time11:49 How managers can help junior employees learn15:02 Why human feedback still matters17:16 Is every entry-level employee now a manager?22:19 Evaluating the process, not just the answer24:48 Trend Spotter: The language and future of AI30:31 Showing appreciation for others31:54 Closing reflectionReflection QuestionIf entry-level work now requires management skills, how should we change the way we train, coach, and encourage people at the beginning of their careers?

After more than 70 episodes asking what makes work meaningful, Adam finally has a working answer: learning with people who make him laugh while providing for his family.Then AI changed how he experiences all three.In this episode, Adam and Stephen explore whether AI strengthens our connection to work or quietly erodes it. It can accelerate learning, eliminate tedious tasks, and increase our ability to provide. But it can also remove the small human interactions that make work enjoyable and introduce an uncomfortable question: What happens when the systems we build can do our jobs too?TakeawaysMeaningful work is personal. Adam finds it through learning, laughter, and providing for his family, while Stephen looks for strengths, community, and balance.AI may not eliminate learning, but it changes what we need to learn and can leave us feeling permanently behind.Efficient answers can come at a relational cost. A 15-minute conversation with a coworker may be inefficient, but it can also make work feel more human.AI is neither inherently meaningful nor meaningless. The challenge is using it intentionally to strengthen the parts of work that matter most to us.Chapters00:00 Did Adam finally figure out meaningful work?02:45 The questions that started Identity Work03:50 Adam’s three pillars of meaningful work05:10 Why “people who make me laugh” matters08:33 What happens when AI changes the equation?09:52 Is AI helping us learn or removing the struggle?14:27 Learning versus operating in your strengths19:11 The human interactions lost to efficiency24:42 Will AI help us provide or replace us?27:20 When AI comes for the product manager29:23 Using AI to deepen meaning and connection31:18 Epiphany Corner and the Delve Deck36:55 How is AI changing your experience of work?Listener ReflectionWhat makes work meaningful for you? Write your answer in one sentence. Then consider how AI is affecting each part of it. Where is it increasing your connection to work, and where might it be quietly taking something away?

Why can we accomplish ten things and only think about the one we left undone?In this episode, Adam and Stephen wrestle with the persistent feeling that they are falling behind at work, at home, and in life. Adam shares how competing priorities, unfinished house projects, and an imaginary better version of himself left him wishing for a 36-hour day. They explore research showing why criticism and failure stick more powerfully than encouragement, and whether deliberately remembering our wins can help counteract that tendency.The conversation turns to Max Lucado’s You Are Special and its story of stars and dots. Adam and Stephen consider the uncomfortable possibility that freedom from criticism may also require loosening our dependence on praise. They discuss receiving feedback without turning it into an identity, defining what would make a day successful, and committing everything left unfinished to God.TakeawaysWe often compare ourselves to a fictional version who is better than us at everything and constrained by nothing.Bad is stronger than good. Criticism, failure, and unfinished work naturally command more of our attention than encouragement and progress.Remembering a win is helpful, but lasting security cannot come from placing more stars on ourselves.If we want the dots to stop sticking, we may also need to let go of our dependence on stars.Choosing two priorities can give a day a clear definition of success, even when many other tasks remain unfinished.Our value does not rise and fall with our productivity, feedback, or ability to keep every ball in the air.Chapters00:00 - The Question: Am I Enough?01:35 - Competing With an Imaginary Version of Yourself02:39 - When Every Priority Feels Essential05:22 - Wishing for a 36-Hour Day06:47 - Why Bad Is Stronger Than Good09:20 - Practicing Daily Self-Encouragement12:08 - Why One Criticism Erases Ten Compliments13:25 - The Stars and Dots of You Are Special16:21 - Can We Release Criticism Without Releasing Praise?18:01 - Committing Everything Left Undone19:53 - Defining What Makes Today Successful22:03 - Seeing Yourself Through a Father’s Eyes24:06 - AI Corner: Unleashing Claude in Slack28:26 - Using AI to Bring More Fun to Work29:53 - Delve Deck: Frivolous Hills to Die On31:27 - Listener ReflectionListener ReflectionWhat might change if you allowed both affirmations and criticisms to stick a little less?

For the first in-person episode of Identity Work, Adam is joined by his friend and podcast superfan Griffin Davis. Stephen is absent, so Griffin receives the full Adam Beasley Experience: one microphone, two coffee mugs, and whiskey in the home office.Griffin recently left The Home Depot, just two months after earning a promotion, to co-found Novora Communities with his best friend. He shares how he evaluated the risk and why he believes the opportunity is worth the leap.The conversation then turns to a question at the center of Griffin’s new season: Do high achievers have to work long hours? Drawing from Four Thousand Weeks, Adam and Griffin discuss the efficiency trap, accepting that we are finite, and the parts of life we give up whenever we choose to work more.Along the way, Griffin explains Novora's mission to improve renters’ financial literacy, predicts what the national debt means for the next decade, and joins Adam in questioning whether AI companies can defend trillion-dollar valuations.TakeawaysEvery career decision reveals what you value. Griffin left a promotion, stability, and strong career prospects because entrepreneurship, meaningful impact, and working with his best friend mattered more in this season.You can take a risk without ignoring the downside. Griffin and his wife reviewed their expenses, calculated their runway, and named the worst-case scenario: if the business fails, he gets another job.Efficiency does not empty the to-do list. Completing more tasks often creates more emails, responsibilities, and expectations. Everything will never be finished.Your calendar should reflect your actual values. Long hours may be worthwhile during a particular season, but they should serve something you deliberately chose instead of comparison, pressure, or the desire to appear successful.Chapters00:00 - The First In-Person Identity Work Episode02:21 - Who Is Griffin Davis Outside of Work?06:02 - Comcast, The Home Depot, and Career Decisions13:10 - Leaving a Promotion to Become an Entrepreneur16:39 - Building a Business with Your Best Friend18:05 - Novora's Mission and Business Model21:39 - Do High Achievers Have to Work Long Hours?23:34 - Four Thousand Weeks and the Efficiency Trap25:52 - The Infinite Versions of Ourselves28:10 - Retroactive Shame vs. Present-Day Choice32:18 - Do Your Actions Reflect What You Value?34:35 - Comparison, Success, and Celebrating Your Friends37:05 - Griffin’s Advice for Aspiring Entrepreneurs39:34 - Trend Spotter: America’s $40 Trillion Debt44:17 - AI, Cheaper Models, and Trillion-Dollar Valuations50:20 - Delve Deck: Griffin’s Elementary School Glory51:11 - Is Meaning Found or Created?Listener ReflectionIf you added 15 more hours of work to your week, what would you gain, what would you lose, and would that trade reflect what you actually value right now?

What if the peace is not just an aspiration, but something we can actually experience in our work today?Adam and Stephen sit down with Kevin Ainsworth, founder of GuideCap Partners, to discuss calling, ambition, contentment, and the burden of believing every outcome depends on us. Kevin explains why meaningful work can be part of our identity, why money fails to deliver the happiness we expect, and how defining success protects us from absorbing the world’s definition by default.The conversation then turns to Good Word, the faith-informed AI platform Kevin is building to help people navigate real-life questions with biblical wisdom. They explore AI sycophancy, the danger of creating a god in our own image, and how technology might help us become more human without replacing the relationships and practices that make us human.TakeawaysBelieving every outcome depends on us creates a burden we were never meant to carry.Calling does not require knowing the full plan. It can mean faithfully following where God leads today.Work is not spiritually inferior to ministry. Using our gifts to serve others reflects how we were created.If we do not define success intentionally, we will unconsciously inherit the culture’s definition.AI can provide remarkable wisdom, but it can also affirm our assumptions and help us create a god in our own image.Chapters00:00 - Welcome and Introducing Kevin Ainsworth02:47 - Releasing the Burden of Outcomes05:00 - Is the Easy Yoke Actually Possible?07:09 - Calling, Career, and Daily Dependence12:05 - Should Our Identity Be Connected to Work?17:08 - Why the Most Blessed Are Often the Most Depressed22:26 - Adam Defines Success25:01 - Contentment and the Power of Enough30:44 - Peace Is a Present Reality32:50 - Building a Faith-Informed Alternative to ChatGPT38:30 - What AI Can Teach Us About Wisdom41:50 - How Good Word Works46:55 - Purposeful Work or Unhealthy Striving?51:20 - How AI Could Make Us Less Human53:21 - Is Meaning Found or Created?55:00 - Closing ReflectionListener ReflectionWhat outcome are you carrying as if it depends entirely on you, and what would it look like to work faithfully while releasing control of the result?