Tell Me What You Want, What You Really Really Want

Diving deeper into our recent discussion on how curiosity is sexy, this week we discuss the practice of asking questions on dates: why it matters, why it’s hot, and what kinds of questions we like to ask and be asked. Why Ask Questions? | Demonstrating Interest | Assessing Compatibility | Conversational Labor | Building Connection | Carrying the Conversation | Different Conversational Styles | Easy Questions | Questions We’ve Loved Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.  

Polyamorous dating can be pretty different depending on whether you’re single versus in a long-term relationship already; this week we discuss our experiences of both kinds. Primary vs. Anchor | Hierarchy | Scarcity vs. Abundance | Avoiding Codependency | Growth & Change | New Relationship Energy | Monogamous-Minded People | Dating Newbies | Bringing It Up | New People | Couples’ Privilege | Security | Humanizing Metamours Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.  

This week we’re discussing some interesting and unusual fetishes we’ve stumbled across recently, from glossy magazines to nail-biting to haircutting. Glossy Magazines | Eggs | Job Ethics | Squidly Co. (Discount Code DILDORKS20) | Non-Consensual Haircutting | Forced Masculinization | Nail-Biting | Context-Dependent Desires Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.  

This week we discuss two crucial qualities that can make you exponentially better in bed (and out of bed, too): curiosity and creativity.Sexual Skills | Communication | Curiosity | Accepting Feedback | Limitations | Compassion & Empathy | Conflicts & Problem-Solving | Solo Curiosity | Curiosity is Attractive | Asking Questions & Listening | Long-Term Relationships | Brainstorming & Decision-Making | “Short Kings” Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.  

Pursuing pleasure isn’t always as easy as it may seem, so this week we’re discussing some common hurdles to pleasure and how to overcome them, among other things. What is Pleasurable? | Resistance to Sensation | Underprepared for Pleasure | Hurdles | Daydreaming | Romanticizing Your Life | Posting About Pleasure | Nervous System Regulation | Mental Preparation | “How Can I Make This Fun?” | Workarounds for “Productivity” Anxieties | Idle Brain Time | Gender Euphoria | Public-Facing Persona | Suggestions Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.  

When times get tough, pleasure becomes more important than ever. This week, we discuss our favorite ways of accessing pleasure, and the role it plays in our lives, both in and out of the bedroom. Pleasure Activism | “A Rising Tide Lifts All Boats” | Taking the Leap | Beacon of Pleasure Permission | Our Favorite Pleasures | Cocktails & Rituals | Cleaning & Organizing | Learning & Improving | Savoring | Joy as Resistance | Pain & Masochism | Conversations | Chastity & Denial | Disordered Eating (42:00–46:50) | Alleviation of Discomfort | Trans Youth Healthcare Action Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.  

This week we’re continuing to discuss some of our favorite films about the LGBTQ+ experience – plus a few about non-monogamy and sex work, for good measure! 750GB of Trans Content | Obsession & Bigotry | Sylvia Scarlett | Call Me Kate | Katharine Hepburn | Angels in America | Spirituality for Queers | Fellow Travelers | The Apprentice | Lavender Marriage | Some Like It Hot | Tootsie | She’s the Man | Disclosure | Mulan | Cruising | Dog Day Afternoon | The Dog | Theodora Goes Wild | Design for Living | Two Girls and a Guy | Fire Island | The Leather Boys | The Telephone Book | The Heart Machine | Love and a Major Organ | Sanctuary Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.  

We needed a dose of queer resilience this week (maybe you do too!), so we’re talking about some of our favorite queer films and the evolution of LGBTQ+ cinema. The News | Hope Throughout History | The Struggle | The Birdcage | The Celluloid Closet | Philadelphia | Straight Actors in Queer Roles | Making Love | Nathan & Robin on Oprah | Ben-Hur | Hays Code | Saturday Night | Coming Out & Outing People | The Children’s Hour | Shame & Self-Loathing | Framing Agnes | Cis vs. Trans Audiences | Before Stonewall | Forbidden Love | P.S. Burn This Letter Please | Kumu Hina | The Final Member | Scotty and the Secret History of Hollywood Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.  

This week we get real vulnerable (and a li’l intoxicated) and tell you about some of our favorite new fantasies from 2024, the goals we set for our sex lives last year, and what we want to try in 2025. Fantasies | Pleasure Inequality | Meta-Fantasies | Plausibility | Zero-Consequences Room | Severance | No Nut November | Skull-Fucking | Last Year’s Goals | New Goals | Paring Down | DP | Ask For What You Want | Sex for Pleasure, Not Money | Sex Therapy | Socializing | Good Gender Feelings | Archiving Media Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.  

How did you grow and change in 2024 when it comes to sex and relationships? This week, we’re reflecting on our biggest (and kinkiest) shifts over the past year, plus discussing our current favorite sex toys. Overall Shifts | Uneventful? | Openness to Long-Distance | Alone Time & Codependency | New Things | Rimming | Horny Genders | Cryo | Penis Pumps | Cages & Sleep Sex | VR Porn, Trance Triggers & Flat Cages | Mod Love Deluxe Thruster | Kate’s Favorite Toys of 2024 | Lovecore Night King | Myth Credits:Music by PROTODOMEArtwork by Addison FinchBecome a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your name mentioned on the show.