Dignity and the Drama Triangle

Join the dialogue - text your questions, insights, and feedback to The Dignity Lab podcast.In this episode of The Dignity Lab, Dr. Jennifer Griggs talks with Dr. Rachel Thienprayoon about how dignity shows up in healthcare, at work, and in the broader social landscape. Together they explore how attention, agency, and hope shape the way clinicians and leaders respond to a world that often feels saturated with outrage and fear. They discuss moral injury, the erosion of trust in science and pediatrics, and how systems can violate dignity differently than individuals do. Dr. Thienprayoon reflects on her role as a chief wellness officer, what it means to work at the system level, and why boundaries and shared responsibility are essential to preserving dignity. The conversation closes with practical ideas for leaders who want their people to know they matter and a reimagining of wellbeing work as core to quality and safety in healthcare.TakeawaysDignity offers a shared language for wellbeing across roles in healthcareWhere we place our attention shapes whether we feel despair or agency and hopeSmall, intentional actions in our local spheres can restore a sense of agencyPediatricians experience moral injury when they cannot deliver preventive, evidence-based careErosion of trust in science and clinicians is experienced as a collective dignity violationWellbeing work is most effective at the system level with shared leadership responsibilitySystems can violate dignity when accountability is diffuse and no one acknowledges harmBurnout can spread in toxic systems, making compassion and relationships important buffersLeaders help people know they matter through clear, personally meaningful recognitionAsking how people define “support” is more effective than one-size-fits-all helpingUnlearning busyness and suffering as status symbols is crucial for sustainable workRested, present leaders are more effective than constantly overextended leadersResourcesThe Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miguel RuizThe Science of Health Care Worker Burnout: Assessing and Improving Health Care Worker Well-Being. Kyle Rehder, MD; Kathryn C. Adair, PhD; J. Bryan Sexton, PhD, (Arch Pathol Lab Med. 2021;145:1095–1109; doi: 10.5858/arpa.2020-0557-RA)Exploring what it means to live and lead with dignity at work, in our families, in our communities, and in the world. What is dignity? How can we honor the dignity of others? And how can we repair and reclaim our dignity after harm? Tune in to hear stories about violations of dignity and ways in which we heal, forgive, and make choices about how we show up in a chaotic and fractured world. Hosted by physician and coach Jennifer Griggs.For more information on the podcast, please visit www.thedignitylab.com.For more information on podcast host Dr. Jennifer Griggs, please visit https://jennifergriggs.com/.For additional free resources, including the periodic table of dignity elements, please visit https://jennifergriggs.com/resources/.The Dignity Lab is an affiliate of Bookshop.org and will receive 10% of the purchase price when you click through and make a purchase. This supports our production and hosting costs. Bookshop.org doesn’t earn money off bookstore sales, all profits go to independent bookstores. We encourage our listeners to purchase books through Bookshop.org for this reason.

Join the dialogue - text your questions, insights, and feedback to The Dignity Lab podcast.In this episode, Jennifer describes an alternative to the structure of non-violent communication focusing on the stories we tell ourselves in conflict or hurt, identifying the way that story makes us feel, and turning that awareness into clear, non-demanding requests that strengthen relationships at work, at home, and within ourselves.TakeawaysIdentifying "the story I'm telling myself" reveals your interpretation of an event rather than treating that interpretation as objective factNaming your story explicitly can lower defensiveness in others because you're sharing your perspective instead of accusing them of a fixed patternConnecting your emotions directly to your story helps you notice how your internal narrative shapes what you feel in your body and how you speakThis approach builds on nonviolent communication but replaces "observations" with "the story I'm telling myself" as a more natural entry point for many conversationsIdentifying what would help you feel better should be framed as a request rather than a demand, since demands tend to increase distancePracticing this framework internally, even without saying it out loud, can offer self-validation and clarity when a conversation doesn't feel safe to haveLeaders can use this approach with genuine curiosity to understand the impact they have on others and uncover feelings that differ from what they assumedThe four-part structure works the same way across contexts, at work, at home, and with yourself, by naming what happened, the story, the feeling, and the requestResourcesTerrence Real, Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship (Goop Press, 2022).Jancee Dunn, "Fighting With Your Partner? Use These 4 Phrases," The New York Times, July 28, 2023, The New York TimesExploring what it means to live and lead with dignity at work, in our families, in our communities, and in the world. What is dignity? How can we honor the dignity of others? And how can we repair and reclaim our dignity after harm? Tune in to hear stories about violations of dignity and ways in which we heal, forgive, and make choices about how we show up in a chaotic and fractured world. Hosted by physician and coach Jennifer Griggs.For more information on the podcast, please visit www.thedignitylab.com.For more information on podcast host Dr. Jennifer Griggs, please visit https://jennifergriggs.com/.For additional free resources, including the periodic table of dignity elements, please visit https://jennifergriggs.com/resources/.The Dignity Lab is an affiliate of Bookshop.org and will receive 10% of the purchase price when you click through and make a purchase. This supports our production and hosting costs. Bookshop.org doesn’t earn money off bookstore sales, all profits go to independent bookstores. We encourage our listeners to purchase books through Bookshop.org for this reason.

Join the dialogue - text your questions, insights, and feedback to The Dignity Lab podcast.In this episode of The Dignity Lab, Jennifer explores nonviolent communication (NVC) as a practice of dignity that helps us move through conflict, disappointment, and everyday misunderstandings with more clarity and compassion for ourselves and others. She walks through the core NVC elements—observations, feelings, needs, and requests. Using examples from home and the rest of life, she shows how to convert judgments into observations, name real emotions and underlying needs, and make concrete, timebound requests that support repair rather than escalation. The second half of the episode offers critical cautions about using NVC in abusive or power-imbalanced situations, underscoring that safety, boundaries, and justice must come before empathy scripts.TakeawaysNonviolent communication is a practice of dignity that centers observations, feelings, needs, and requests instead of judgment, threat, or shame.Naming real emotions such as hurt, sad, anxious, or resentful helps distinguish feelings from blame-laden “feeling judgments.”Our feelings are a bridge to recognizing universal human needs like respect, safety, fairness, rest, and belonging.Clear, actionable, timebound requests support repair and mutual understanding rather than escalation or “winning” an argument.Requests can be directed both to other people and to ourselves as acts of self-empathy and self-respect.Nonviolent communication works best when there is at least some shared goodwill and a desire to treat each other well.In abusive, harassing, or highly power-imbalanced situations, boundary language and protective action must come before nonviolent communication–style empathy.Nonviolent communication is not a replacement for naming abuse, saying a clear no, or pursuing safety and justice.With practice, nonviolent communication can help us trust that we will not abandon ourselves in moments of conflict, whether at work or at home.ResourcesMeenadchi. (2019). Decolonizing non-violent communication. Rosenberg, M. B. (2003). Nonviolent communication: A language of life. Encinitas, CA: PuddleDancer Press.Exploring what it means to live and lead with dignity at work, in our families, in our communities, and in the world. What is dignity? How can we honor the dignity of others? And how can we repair and reclaim our dignity after harm? Tune in to hear stories about violations of dignity and ways in which we heal, forgive, and make choices about how we show up in a chaotic and fractured world. Hosted by physician and coach Jennifer Griggs.For more information on the podcast, please visit www.thedignitylab.com.For more information on podcast host Dr. Jennifer Griggs, please visit https://jennifergriggs.com/.For additional free resources, including the periodic table of dignity elements, please visit https://jennifergriggs.com/resources/.The Dignity Lab is an affiliate of Bookshop.org and will receive 10% of the purchase price when you click through and make a purchase. This supports our production and hosting costs. Bookshop.org doesn’t earn money off bookstore sales, all profits go to independent bookstores. We encourage our listeners to purchase books through Bookshop.org for this reason.

Join the dialogue - text your questions, insights, and feedback to The Dignity Lab podcast.SummaryIn this episode of The Dignity Lab, Jennifer talks with Dr. Pinki Prasad, a pediatric hematologist–oncologist, leader, and mother, about what it means to break free from the drama triangle in work and at home. Together they explore how victim, persecutor, and rescuer roles show up in leadership, medicine, and parenting, and how tools like the SBAR framework, narrative writing, and asking questions without attachment can help us reclaim dignity, and step out of the drama in being a creator, challenger, and coach.TakeawaysThe drama triangle shows up at work, at home, and in our families of originRecognizing that everyone in the triangle has inherent dignity helps create space and reduce reactivityWe can move from victim to creator by pausing, processing, and focusing on what we can influenceWriting out events from multiple viewpoints can loosen a rigid “victim–perpetrator” storyGossip can masquerade as “processing” and keep us stuck in victim energyPerfectionism and fear can push leaders into the persecutor role, framed as “upholding standards”Rescuing can unintentionally undermine others’ dignity by sending the message “I don’t believe you can handle this”Leaders who learn basic coaching skills are better able to empower others and step out of the drama triangleKnowing that others experience similar patterns reduces isolation and shame and makes change feel more possibleExploring what it means to live and lead with dignity at work, in our families, in our communities, and in the world. What is dignity? How can we honor the dignity of others? And how can we repair and reclaim our dignity after harm? Tune in to hear stories about violations of dignity and ways in which we heal, forgive, and make choices about how we show up in a chaotic and fractured world. Hosted by physician and coach Jennifer Griggs.For more information on the podcast, please visit www.thedignitylab.com.For more information on podcast host Dr. Jennifer Griggs, please visit https://jennifergriggs.com/.For additional free resources, including the periodic table of dignity elements, please visit https://jennifergriggs.com/resources/.The Dignity Lab is an affiliate of Bookshop.org and will receive 10% of the purchase price when you click through and make a purchase. This supports our production and hosting costs. Bookshop.org doesn’t earn money off bookstore sales, all profits go to independent bookstores. We encourage our listeners to purchase books through Bookshop.org for this reason.

Join the dialogue - text your questions, insights, and feedback to The Dignity Lab podcast.SummaryIn this episode, Jennifer describes and explores the dynamics of the drama triangle - persecutor, victim, rescuer - and how these roles undermine dignity. She introduces the empowerment triangle as a positive alternative, fostering growth, accountability, and respect in personal and professional relationships, providing specific examples of how we might shift from drama to dignity.TakeawaysThe drama triangle, first conceptualized as applying to our “first families,” plays out in our adult relationships, including at work.We all move through each of the roles in the triangle–persecutor, victim, and rescuer–sometimes even in the same conversation or situation.Dignity can be violated within each of these roles.Shifting from persecutor to challenger, rescuer to coach, and victim to creator allows us to reclaim our own dignity and to honor that of others.Exploring what it means to live and lead with dignity at work, in our families, in our communities, and in the world. What is dignity? How can we honor the dignity of others? And how can we repair and reclaim our dignity after harm? Tune in to hear stories about violations of dignity and ways in which we heal, forgive, and make choices about how we show up in a chaotic and fractured world. Hosted by physician and coach Jennifer Griggs.For more information on the podcast, please visit www.thedignitylab.com.For more information on podcast host Dr. Jennifer Griggs, please visit https://jennifergriggs.com/.For additional free resources, including the periodic table of dignity elements, please visit https://jennifergriggs.com/resources/.The Dignity Lab is an affiliate of Bookshop.org and will receive 10% of the purchase price when you click through and make a purchase. This supports our production and hosting costs. Bookshop.org doesn’t earn money off bookstore sales, all profits go to independent bookstores. We encourage our listeners to purchase books through Bookshop.org for this reason.

Join the dialogue - text your questions, insights, and feedback to The Dignity Lab podcast.SummaryIn this dose of Dignity, Jennifer explores how power operates in everyday work, family, and community life, emphasizing that power itself is not inherently bad but is the capacity to influence what happens, whose voice counts, and what becomes possible. Drawing on Mary Parker Follett, French and Raven, and Dacher Keltner, she distinguishes “power over” from “power with,” describes multiple forms of power (formal, relational, expertise-based, structural, and moral), and introduces the “power paradox” where empathy-based influence can erode as people feel more powerful. Through concrete leadership examples and a personal power inventory, she invites listeners to reclaim underused power and restrain overused power so that their influence becomes a force for dignity, trust, and shared agency. TakeawaysPower is the capacity to influence what happens, whose voice is heard, and what resources move, and it can be used to either protect dignity or erode it.Ethical “power with” is created together and focuses on the needs of the situation, while coercive “power over” seeks to control people.We hold many forms of power, often more than we recognize, including formal, relational, expertise-based, structural, and moral power.The “power paradox” shows that as people feel more powerful, they may listen less, read emotions less accurately, and tilt decisions toward their own preferences.Dignity-centered leadership asks not whether we have power but how our power feels to others and what story it tells about their worth.A personal power inventory can reveal where we are reclaiming helpful influence and where we may be unintentionally causing harm.Reclaiming and restraining power turns influence into a force for good.References and ResourcesFollett, M. P. (1924). Creative experience. Longmans, Green and Co.Follett, M. P. (1941). Dynamic administration: The collected papers of Mary Parker Follett (H. C. Metcalf & L. Urwick, Eds.). Harper & Brothers. (Original works published 1918–1933).French, J. R. P., Jr., & Raven, B. (1959). The bases of social power. In D. Cartwright (Ed.), Studies in social power (pp. 150–167). University of Michigan, Institute for Social Research.Keltner, D. (2016). The Power Paradox: How We Gain and Lose Influence. Penguin Press.Raven, B. H. (1992). A power/interaction model of interpersonal influence: French and Raven twenty years later. Journal of Social Behavior and Personality, 7(2), 217–244.Exploring what it means to live and lead with dignity at work, in our families, in our communities, and in the world. What is dignity? How can we honor the dignity of others? And how can we repair and reclaim our dignity after harm? Tune in to hear stories about violations of dignity and ways in which we heal, forgive, and make choices about how we show up in a chaotic and fractured world. Hosted by physician and coach Jennifer Griggs.For more information on the podcast, please visit www.thedignitylab.com.For more information on podcast host Dr. Jennifer Griggs, please visit https://jennifergriggs.com/.For additional free resources, including the periodic table of dignity elements, please visit https://jennifergriggs.com/resources/.The Dignity Lab is an affiliate of Bookshop.org and will receive 10% of the purchase price when you click through and make a purchase. This supports our production and hosting costs. Bookshop.org doesn’t earn money off bookstore sales, all profits go to independent bookstores. We encourage our listeners to purchase books through Bookshop.org for this reason.

Join the dialogue - text your questions, insights, and feedback to The Dignity Lab podcast.This season is for you if you’ve ever wondered why dignity can feel so simple in theory and so complicated in real life. It’s for you if you’ve found yourself navigating power, conflict, communication, leadership, or relationships where there isn’t always a clear right answer.In Season 6 of The Dignity Lab, we’re thickening our understanding of dignity. We’ll explore the ways dignity shows up, gets complicated, and takes shape across our relationships, workplaces, communities, and inner lives.Through short “Doses of Dignity” and conversations with guests, Dr. Jennifer Griggs looks more closely at the forces that influence how we honor, violate, protect, and reclaim dignity.In this season, we take a deeper look at:Power and the role it plays in honoring or violating dignityThe dreaded drama triangle and how we can step out of familiar patterns of rescuing, blaming, and powerlessnessHow to communicate with dignity, especially when conversations are difficultSelf-leadership and the ways our own choices shape how we show up with othersHow dignity continues to unfold over time in our lives, relationships, and workYou’ll also hear conversations with Dr. Pinki Prasad about breaking free from the drama triangle; Dr. Rachel Thienprayoon, returning from Season 1 to reflect on how dignity continues to unfold in her life at home and at work; and Dr. Lisa Bailey, whose award-winning essay explores a pivotal moment when a leader had her back.Season 6 invites us to move beyond simple definitions and easy answers, making room for the complexity, tension, and possibility that emerge when we take dignity seriously.Exploring what it means to live and lead with dignity at work, in our families, in our communities, and in the world. What is dignity? How can we honor the dignity of others? And how can we repair and reclaim our dignity after harm? Tune in to hear stories about violations of dignity and ways in which we heal, forgive, and make choices about how we show up in a chaotic and fractured world. Hosted by physician and coach Jennifer Griggs.For more information on the podcast, please visit www.thedignitylab.com.For more information on podcast host Dr. Jennifer Griggs, please visit https://jennifergriggs.com/.For additional free resources, including the periodic table of dignity elements, please visit https://jennifergriggs.com/resources/.The Dignity Lab is an affiliate of Bookshop.org and will receive 10% of the purchase price when you click through and make a purchase. This supports our production and hosting costs. Bookshop.org doesn’t earn money off bookstore sales, all profits go to independent bookstores. We encourage our listeners to purchase books through Bookshop.org for this reason.

Join the dialogue - text your questions, insights, and feedback to The Dignity Lab podcast.In this conversation on The Dignity Lab, guest host and neonatologist Dr. Staci Olister brings together trauma-informed care expert Mary Coughlin and host Dr. Jennifer Griggs to explore how trauma and dignity are deeply intertwined in healthcare and beyond. They trace the evolution of trauma from a narrow focus on physical injury to a broader, lived experience that overwhelms a person’s capacity to cope. They define dignity as our inherent, unearned worth—no more and no less than anyone else’s—and extend this to organizations, non-human animals, and the Earth itself.Dignity violations—exclusion, humiliation, lack of safety, medical gaslighting, and structural injustice—are at the root of much of the trauma experienced by patients and clinicians. Mary describes how we can “build the buffering” for people in overwhelming situations, rather than only “summing up the suffering.” Jennifer offers a pathway for reclaiming dignity: naming a dignity violation, affirming a person’s worth, seeking accountability and repair where possible, and shifting from “me” (the one to whom something happened) to “I” (the agent/creator) and ultimately to “Thou,” seeing the sacred dignity in others, including those who have harmed us.They also address shame as an emotion that thrives in silence and secrecy. They examine how dehumanizing language, hierarchical culture, business models of productivity, and electronic health records can undermine trauma-informed, dignity-centered care. The episode closes with an invitation to join Mary and Jennifer for an immersive, trauma-informed, dignity-centered retreat in Ireland, focused on embodied leadership, radical listening, reflective writing, and nervous system regulation.TakeawaysTrauma is a lived experience that touches body, mind, spirit, and communityDignity is our inherent, unearned worth, extending to humans, organizations, and the EarthTrauma and dignity violations are interwoven in healthcare and beyondTrauma-informed care principles are practical ways to enact dignity in everyday practiceShame and secrecy fuel systemic disconnection in healthcare culturesPatients, families, and clinicians are routinely exposed to everyday dignity violationsWe reclaim dignity by naming harm, affirming worth, and seeking accountability and repairHealing involves shifting from “me” to “I” to “Thou” in our stories and leadershipDehumanizing language, business models, and electronic records can quietly erode dignityPresence, noticing, and community are foundations for meaningful cultural changeExploring what it means to live and lead with dignity at work, in our families, in our communities, and in the world. What is dignity? How can we honor the dignity of others? And how can we repair and reclaim our dignity after harm? Tune in to hear stories about violations of dignity and ways in which we heal, forgive, and make choices about how we show up in a chaotic and fractured world. Hosted by physician and coach Jennifer Griggs.For more information on the podcast, please visit www.thedignitylab.com.For more information on podcast host Dr. Jennifer Griggs, please visit https://jennifergriggs.com/.For additional free resources, including the periodic table of dignity elements, please visit https://jennifergriggs.com/resources/.The Dignity Lab is an affiliate of Bookshop.org and will receive 10% of the purchase price when you click through and make a purchase. This supports our production and hosting costs. Bookshop.org doesn’t earn money off bookstore sales, all profits go to independent bookstores. We encourage our listeners to purchase books through Bookshop.org for this reason.

Join the dialogue - text your questions, insights, and feedback to The Dignity Lab podcast.In this episode, Jennifer and Vanessa deepen their conversation on healing from past hurts, exploring forgiveness, the importance of bodily awareness, and the journey from victimhood to creator. They share personal stories, insights from their season of solo episodes, and tease upcoming season themes on dignity.Main Topics CoveredThe role of forgiveness and its alternatives in healingRecognizing and honoring emotions in the forgiveness processBodily awareness as a tool for understanding readiness to forgiveThe significance of physical reactions like lying on the floor as part of emotional processingShifting from victim to creator: acknowledging participation and reclaiming dignityThe metaphor of calling back one’s dignity as a hawkThe importance of positive emotions like hope and joy in healingNavigating the complex process of forgiveness across different ages and circumstancesExploring what it means to live and lead with dignity at work, in our families, in our communities, and in the world. What is dignity? How can we honor the dignity of others? And how can we repair and reclaim our dignity after harm? Tune in to hear stories about violations of dignity and ways in which we heal, forgive, and make choices about how we show up in a chaotic and fractured world. Hosted by physician and coach Jennifer Griggs.For more information on the podcast, please visit www.thedignitylab.com.For more information on podcast host Dr. Jennifer Griggs, please visit https://jennifergriggs.com/.For additional free resources, including the periodic table of dignity elements, please visit https://jennifergriggs.com/resources/.The Dignity Lab is an affiliate of Bookshop.org and will receive 10% of the purchase price when you click through and make a purchase. This supports our production and hosting costs. Bookshop.org doesn’t earn money off bookstore sales, all profits go to independent bookstores. We encourage our listeners to purchase books through Bookshop.org for this reason.

Join the dialogue - text your questions, insights, and feedback to The Dignity Lab podcast.This episode explores what comes after the work of healing, how to decide whether to renew or release a relationship with someone who caused harm. Jennifer walks through both paths, emphasizing that forgiveness does not require staying connected and that this decision is deeply personal.Renewal means creating a new relationship grounded in clarity, boundaries, and mutual capacity, not returning to what was. Release, on the other hand, is a conscious choice to free yourself from emotional ties to the person, even without apology or closure. The episode also acknowledges that feeling stuck is a natural part of the process and offers alternative paths forward, including dignity-based healing, acceptance, advocacy, and restorative justice.The core message: there is no single “right” next step, only the one that honors your dignity and allows you to move forward with intention.Takeaways After healing, you can renew or release the relationship.  Forgiveness does not require continued connection.  Renewal means creating a new relationship, not returning to the old one.  Renewal requires clarity, boundaries, vulnerability, and mutual capacity.  Release means freeing yourself from emotional ties—not avoidance.  You can release even without apology, contact, or closure.  You can renew internally, even if the person is gone.  If you still feel intense anger or pain, more healing may be needed before release.  Feeling stuck is normal—healing is not linear. Alternatives to forgiveness include dignity, acceptance, advocacy, and justice.ResourcesThe Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World by Desmond TutuDignity: Its Essential Role in Resolving Conflict by Donna HicksThe Principles of Psychology (1890) by William JamesExploring what it means to live and lead with dignity at work, in our families, in our communities, and in the world. What is dignity? How can we honor the dignity of others? And how can we repair and reclaim our dignity after harm? Tune in to hear stories about violations of dignity and ways in which we heal, forgive, and make choices about how we show up in a chaotic and fractured world. Hosted by physician and coach Jennifer Griggs.For more information on the podcast, please visit www.thedignitylab.com.For more information on podcast host Dr. Jennifer Griggs, please visit https://jennifergriggs.com/.For additional free resources, including the periodic table of dignity elements, please visit https://jennifergriggs.com/resources/.The Dignity Lab is an affiliate of Bookshop.org and will receive 10% of the purchase price when you click through and make a purchase. This supports our production and hosting costs. Bookshop.org doesn’t earn money off bookstore sales, all profits go to independent bookstores. We encourage our listeners to purchase books through Bookshop.org for this reason.