Stop Asking for Permission

What Neurodivergent Fundraisers Can Teach Us About Nonprofit CultureWhat does it cost to spend your workday trying to look like you’re doing just fine?In this episode of The Brave & Balanced Fundraiser, I’m joined by fundraiser, systems builder, neurodiversity advocate, yoga teacher, and artist Nicole M. Bela for a conversation about neurodiversity in fundraising—and what happens when the people doing this work don’t feel like they can fully be themselves.Nicole shares her experience of being diagnosed with ADHD later in life and looking back at her fundraising career through a completely different lens. We talk about masking: the conscious or unconscious effort to suppress or compensate for traits that don’t fit the expectations of the environment around us.And that effort costs something.Nicole describes the invisible work of monitoring herself, managing sensory input, navigating meetings and networking, building elaborate systems to stay organized, and trying to function within workplaces that weren’t necessarily designed with neurodiverse people in mind.But we also talk about the other side of the equation: creativity, pattern recognition, problem-solving, relationship building, systems thinking and the ability to see possibilities other people might miss.Our conversation explores what can happen when organizations stop asking, How do we get this person to work like everyone else? and start asking better questions about the conditions people need to do their best work.We also talk about urgency culture in nonprofits, meeting-heavy workdays, nervous system regulation, burnout, rest, creativity as meditation, and why leaders have an important role to play in creating healthier workplaces.Nicole reminds us that there’s no single “neurodiverse experience.” Knowing yourself—your needs, your strengths, your challenges, and the environments in which you thrive—is part of learning how to work sustainably.Connect with NicoleFind Nicole M. Bela, CFRE, MSW on LinkedIn.For Nicole’s wearable art, look for Unmasked Art Studio on Instagram and Etsy. The name itself reflects one of the themes of our conversation: what it means to unmask, be authentic to yourself, and bring more of who you are into the world.Send Erin a text ✨ Stay Connected & Continue Your Fundraising GrowthListen to all episodes + subscribe: https://thebraveandbalancedfundraiser.buzzsprout.comNewsletter Sign-up: The Brave & Balanced NoteJoin the community: The Brave & Balanced Fundraiser Facebook Group 👉 https://www.facebook.com/groups/braveandbalancedfundraiserBook a Brave & Balanced Breakthrough Call: A personalized 1:1 session to support your inner clarity and fundraising wellbeing. 👉 https://calendly.com/vitalistcoaching/brave-balanced-breakthroughLearn more about Erin’s coaching & nervous-system based support: VitalistCoaching.comConnect on Instagram: @erinmcquadewright

Say What You Mean. Trust What You Know.Have you ever known exactly what you needed to do—and then watched yourself not do it?Maybe you keep asking for one more opinion. Overpreparing. Saying yes when you mean no. Avoiding the conversation. Waiting until you feel completely sure.From the outside, a lot of playing small can look surprisingly responsible.But what if the problem isn’t that you need more information or more confidence? What if you already know—and what you’re really avoiding is how you might feel if you act on what you know?In this episode of The Brave & Balanced Fundraiser, I’m sharing a version of the talk I recently gave at the Women’s Leadership Summit in Santa Fe. We’ll look at the hidden cost of continually overriding yourself and explore a simple framework for moving forward: Know → Feel → Choose.We’ll talk about:Why highly competent people can still play smallHow second-guessing yourself can erode your authority with yourselfWhy “people-pleasing” may actually be an attempt to avoid uncomfortable emotionsThe difference between discomfort and a sign that you’re making the wrong decisionThree questions to ask when something is taking up way too much mental real estateYou don’t have to become fearless. You don’t have to stop caring what other people think.But you can learn to recognize what you already know, feel what you’ve been trying not to feel, and make a choice that’s actually aligned with you.Say what you mean. Trust what you know.Find the Enneagram Test here.Send Erin a text ✨ Stay Connected & Continue Your Fundraising GrowthListen to all episodes + subscribe: https://thebraveandbalancedfundraiser.buzzsprout.comNewsletter Sign-up: The Brave & Balanced NoteJoin the community: The Brave & Balanced Fundraiser Facebook Group 👉 https://www.facebook.com/groups/braveandbalancedfundraiserBook a Brave & Balanced Breakthrough Call: A personalized 1:1 session to support your inner clarity and fundraising wellbeing. 👉 https://calendly.com/vitalistcoaching/brave-balanced-breakthroughLearn more about Erin’s coaching & nervous-system based support: VitalistCoaching.comConnect on Instagram: @erinmcquadewright

Plant Allies for When You're Feeling a Little OffThis episode is a little off-topic—and straight out of my home apothecary.I woke up feeling like I might be coming down with something, and almost automatically started reaching for the herbal allies I’ve learned to work with over the years: astragalus and reishi tea, elderberry tincture, an Epsom salt bath, homemade soup—and the fire cider I really wish I’d remembered to make six weeks ago.I started studying herbalism after getting sick early in the COVID pandemic and realizing there was an elderberry bush growing right down the street from me…and I had absolutely no idea how to use it.Something about that bothered me. Somewhere in my lineage, someone knew how to work with the plants around them to care for themselves and their family. That knowledge had been lost along the way, and I wanted to pick it back up.So today, I’m sharing a little of what I’ve learned.We talk about making herbal decoctions, elderberry tincture, fire cider, soothing baths, growing and harvesting your own plants—and the simple satisfaction of having a few more tools in your tool belt when you’re not feeling your best.This isn’t medical advice, and herbs aren’t appropriate for everyone. Some can interact with medications or be contraindicated with certain health conditions, so do your homework and consult a qualified healthcare professional when appropriate.Resources mentioned in this episode:Herbalism for the Soul / Selima Harleston-Lust — My herbalism teacher and the person I recommend looking up for instruction on making fire cider. Search “Herbalism for the Soul” and “fire cider” on YouTube.Penn Herb Company — One of my favorite sources for dried herbs, including elderberries, astragalus and reishi.Penn Herb CompanyAlchemy of Herbs by Rosalee de la Forêt — A wonderfully accessible place to start if you’re interested in learning how to make simple herbal preparations at home.Alchemy of Herbs — Penguin Random HouseSometimes taking care of ourselves means remembering that we have more resources available to us than we realize—and some of them may be growing right outside our door.Send Erin a text ✨ Stay Connected & Continue Your Fundraising GrowthListen to all episodes + subscribe: https://thebraveandbalancedfundraiser.buzzsprout.comNewsletter Sign-up: The Brave & Balanced NoteJoin the community: The Brave & Balanced Fundraiser Facebook Group 👉 https://www.facebook.com/groups/braveandbalancedfundraiserBook a Brave & Balanced Breakthrough Call: A personalized 1:1 session to support your inner clarity and fundraising wellbeing. 👉 https://calendly.com/vitalistcoaching/brave-balanced-breakthroughLearn more about Erin’s coaching & nervous-system based support: VitalistCoaching.comConnect on Instagram: @erinmcquadewright

Why the Life You Want May Require You to Move Before You’re ReadyFor a long time, I carried an image of what it meant to trust: open your arms, have faith, and wait for what’s meant for you to arrive.Lately, I’ve been wondering if there’s something missing from that picture.Because I don’t want to get to the end of my life and realize I was so busy waiting, preparing or trying to get things right that I never fully participated in creating the life I was here to live.In this episode of The Brave & Balanced Fundraiser, we’re talking about the stretch—that deliciously uncomfortable place where you’re not quite ready, not completely certain, and maybe a little afraid of falling on your face.I share what a remarkably flexible yoga teacher taught me about actually missing the feeling of being stretched, why doing something at 80% can sometimes require more courage than perfecting it to 100%, and what the regrets of people at the end of their lives can teach us about how we choose to live ours right now.Whether your stretch is making the ask, going after the bigger job, putting your work into the world before it feels perfect, reaching out to someone, or taking one small step toward a dream you’ve been waiting on, the question is the same:What is your stretch?And what would happen if you took one step toward it today?Send Erin a text ✨ Stay Connected & Continue Your Fundraising GrowthListen to all episodes + subscribe: https://thebraveandbalancedfundraiser.buzzsprout.comNewsletter Sign-up: The Brave & Balanced NoteJoin the community: The Brave & Balanced Fundraiser Facebook Group 👉 https://www.facebook.com/groups/braveandbalancedfundraiserBook a Brave & Balanced Breakthrough Call: A personalized 1:1 session to support your inner clarity and fundraising wellbeing. 👉 https://calendly.com/vitalistcoaching/brave-balanced-breakthroughLearn more about Erin’s coaching & nervous-system based support: VitalistCoaching.comConnect on Instagram: @erinmcquadewright

What to Do Instead of BypassingSo if we stop bypassing, what do we do instead?We stay.Not forever. Not because discomfort is inherently good. And not because we need to wallow in every difficult emotion that comes along.We simply practice staying present long enough to notice what’s actually happening before we rush to avoid it, fix it, reframe it or make it disappear.In this final installment of Bypassing Bites, we bring the series together with a simple practice for meeting uncomfortable moments differently: notice, name, stay and choose.What am I feeling? What am I trying to avoid? Can I stay with this sensation for just a little longer? And if I weren’t trying to escape this feeling, what would I choose to do next?Because emotional mastery isn’t getting so evolved that uncomfortable feelings stop showing up. It’s becoming increasingly capable of staying with yourself when they do.Your final Bypassing Bite:What becomes possible when discomfort is no longer an emergency?Send Erin a text ✨ Stay Connected & Continue Your Fundraising GrowthListen to all episodes + subscribe: https://thebraveandbalancedfundraiser.buzzsprout.comNewsletter Sign-up: The Brave & Balanced NoteJoin the community: The Brave & Balanced Fundraiser Facebook Group 👉 https://www.facebook.com/groups/braveandbalancedfundraiserBook a Brave & Balanced Breakthrough Call: A personalized 1:1 session to support your inner clarity and fundraising wellbeing. 👉 https://calendly.com/vitalistcoaching/brave-balanced-breakthroughLearn more about Erin’s coaching & nervous-system based support: VitalistCoaching.comConnect on Instagram: @erinmcquadewright

The Hidden Cost of Needing Everyone to Be OkayThere’s a difference between being peaceful and needing there to be peace.If you need everyone around you to be happy, comfortable and pleased with you, keeping the peace can become a full-time job.You monitor people’s reactions. Soften what you really mean. Say yes when you mean no. Take responsibility for someone else’s disappointment. Rush in to fix tension before you’ve even decided whether it’s yours to fix.And ironically, all that peacekeeping can leave you with very little peace inside yourself.In this fourth installment of Bypassing Bites, we look at what happens when our desire for harmony becomes a way of avoiding discomfort—and why someone else’s disappointment, frustration or disagreement doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve done something wrong.Real peace has room for awkwardness. It has room for disagreement. It even has room for someone not being happy with you.Your Bypassing Bite:Can I allow someone else to be disappointed without immediately trying to make their disappointment go away?Send Erin a text ✨ Stay Connected & Continue Your Fundraising GrowthListen to all episodes + subscribe: https://thebraveandbalancedfundraiser.buzzsprout.comNewsletter Sign-up: The Brave & Balanced NoteJoin the community: The Brave & Balanced Fundraiser Facebook Group 👉 https://www.facebook.com/groups/braveandbalancedfundraiserBook a Brave & Balanced Breakthrough Call: A personalized 1:1 session to support your inner clarity and fundraising wellbeing. 👉 https://calendly.com/vitalistcoaching/brave-balanced-breakthroughLearn more about Erin’s coaching & nervous-system based support: VitalistCoaching.comConnect on Instagram: @erinmcquadewright

When Being Easy to Work With Gets Expensive“I hate drama.”“I’m pretty easygoing.”“It’s not worth making a thing out of it.”“I can just let it go.”Sometimes that’s discernment. And sometimes it’s avoidance dressed up as a virtue.In this third installment of Bypassing Bites, we’re looking at conflict avoidance—and the ways being agreeable, flexible and “easy to work with” can keep us from saying what actually needs to be said.Avoiding the conversation may keep things comfortable in the moment. But the conflict doesn’t necessarily disappear. It can show up instead as resentment, exhaustion, withdrawal, over-explaining or quietly checking out.Not having the conversation doesn’t mean you’ve eliminated the conflict. Sometimes you’ve simply moved the conflict inside yourself.In this bite-sized episode of The Brave & Balanced Fundraiser, we explore what it costs us to continually keep the peace—and what can change when we become more willing to tolerate the discomfort of honest conversation.Your Bypassing Bite:What conversation am I avoiding because I’m more comfortable being uncomfortable myself than risking making someone else uncomfortable?Send Erin a text ✨ Stay Connected & Continue Your Fundraising GrowthListen to all episodes + subscribe: https://thebraveandbalancedfundraiser.buzzsprout.comNewsletter Sign-up: The Brave & Balanced NoteJoin the community: The Brave & Balanced Fundraiser Facebook Group 👉 https://www.facebook.com/groups/braveandbalancedfundraiserBook a Brave & Balanced Breakthrough Call: A personalized 1:1 session to support your inner clarity and fundraising wellbeing. 👉 https://calendly.com/vitalistcoaching/brave-balanced-breakthroughLearn more about Erin’s coaching & nervous-system based support: VitalistCoaching.comConnect on Instagram: @erinmcquadewright

Why the Thing That Gives You Relief Today Creates Trouble TomorrowAvoidance gets a bad rap. But here’s the problem: avoidance works.Don’t send the email. Don’t make the ask. Don’t have the uncomfortable conversation. Say “it’s fine” and move on.And almost immediately, you feel better.That relief is exactly what makes avoidance such an effective self-preservation strategy—and why we keep returning to it. But the thing we avoided rarely disappears. Instead, we may be teaching ourselves that the discomfort itself is something we can’t handle.In this bite-sized episode of The Brave & Balanced Fundraiser, we look at why avoiding discomfort can feel so good in the moment, how short-term relief can create bigger problems later, and what changes when we become more willing to stay with discomfort instead of immediately trying to escape it.Because sometimes the very thing you’re doing to protect yourself from discomfort is also protecting you from the result you want.Your Bypassing Bite:Where am I choosing short-term relief at the expense of long-term freedom?Send Erin a text ✨ Stay Connected & Continue Your Fundraising GrowthListen to all episodes + subscribe: https://thebraveandbalancedfundraiser.buzzsprout.comNewsletter Sign-up: The Brave & Balanced NoteJoin the community: The Brave & Balanced Fundraiser Facebook Group 👉 https://www.facebook.com/groups/braveandbalancedfundraiserBook a Brave & Balanced Breakthrough Call: A personalized 1:1 session to support your inner clarity and fundraising wellbeing. 👉 https://calendly.com/vitalistcoaching/brave-balanced-breakthroughLearn more about Erin’s coaching & nervous-system based support: VitalistCoaching.comConnect on Instagram: @erinmcquadewright

Spiritual Bypassing and the Feelings We’d Rather Not FeelWhat if “staying positive” isn’t always as healthy as it sounds?In this first installment of Bypassing Bites, a five-part mini-series from The Brave & Balanced Fundraiser, we’re looking at spiritual bypassing—the ways we can use positivity, gratitude, forgiveness, spirituality and even personal-growth language to avoid feelings we’d rather not feel.Sometimes “I’m choosing gratitude” really is gratitude. Sometimes “I’ve let it go” really does mean we’ve let it go.And sometimes we’re trying to skip over the anger, hurt, disappointment or fear underneath it.In this bite-sized episode, we explore the difference between genuinely moving through an emotion and trying to get to the other side of it before we’ve actually allowed ourselves to feel it.Because emotional mastery isn’t about feeling good all the time. It’s about becoming more willing to be with what’s actually here.Your Bypassing Bite:What feeling am I trying my hardest not to feel?Send Erin a text ✨ Stay Connected & Continue Your Fundraising GrowthListen to all episodes + subscribe: https://thebraveandbalancedfundraiser.buzzsprout.comNewsletter Sign-up: The Brave & Balanced NoteJoin the community: The Brave & Balanced Fundraiser Facebook Group 👉 https://www.facebook.com/groups/braveandbalancedfundraiserBook a Brave & Balanced Breakthrough Call: A personalized 1:1 session to support your inner clarity and fundraising wellbeing. 👉 https://calendly.com/vitalistcoaching/brave-balanced-breakthroughLearn more about Erin’s coaching & nervous-system based support: VitalistCoaching.comConnect on Instagram: @erinmcquadewright

Releasing the fear of imposing so you can fundraise with clarity and ease.In this live coaching session, Erin sits down with Susan Fox, a practitioner and nonprofit founder who feels like she’s imposing whenever she asks for donations. Together, they unpack the money stories she inherited from family, the “I have to do it all myself” pattern, and the shame that shows up in her body every time she thinks about fundraising.If you’ve ever felt like asking for support is a burden—or worried people will avoid you if you make the ask—this conversation will feel very familiar.In this episode, you’ll hear:How early money messages (like “don’t ask for more”) quietly shape your fundraising styleWhy the belief “I’m imposing on people” is actually a protective strategy, not a character flawHow mixed energy (wanting to ask + fearing the ask) leaks into your emails, appeals, and donor conversationsA simple reframe: from “I’m bothering them” to “I’m offering an opportunity to be part of something meaningful”A compassionate self-forgiveness process you can borrow to soften old blocks and create safety inside your own systemYou’ll walk away with language, insight, and a next step you can use right away as you prepare your next appeal.Send Erin a text ✨ Stay Connected & Continue Your Fundraising GrowthListen to all episodes + subscribe: https://thebraveandbalancedfundraiser.buzzsprout.comNewsletter Sign-up: The Brave & Balanced NoteJoin the community: The Brave & Balanced Fundraiser Facebook Group 👉 https://www.facebook.com/groups/braveandbalancedfundraiserBook a Brave & Balanced Breakthrough Call: A personalized 1:1 session to support your inner clarity and fundraising wellbeing. 👉 https://calendly.com/vitalistcoaching/brave-balanced-breakthroughLearn more about Erin’s coaching & nervous-system based support: VitalistCoaching.comConnect on Instagram: @erinmcquadewright