Get What You Need At Work (Without Making It "About You") with Stew Friedman

Perfectionism often looks like ambition, discipline, and excellence until it quietly turns into anxiety, burnout, and relentless self-criticism. In this episode, I’m joined by Jordana Confino, former Yale-trained lawyer turned coach, to talk about the cost of maladaptive perfectionism and why so many high-achieving professionals mistake self-criticism for motivation. We dive into the difference between sustainable excellence and fear-driven overachievement, the neuroscience behind why beating yourself up actually hurts performance, and what it really takes to move from being your own worst enemy to becoming your most effective ally. Tune in if you’re ready to achieve more with less self-punishment. Check out our sponsors: Northwest Registered Agent - Protect your privacy, build your brand and get your complete business identity in just 10 clicks and 10 minutes! Visit https://www.northwestregisteredagent.com/achieverfree Shopify - Sign up for a $1 per month trial, just go to shopify.com/anxiousachiever Cozy Earth - Give your home the luxury it deserves. Head to cozyearth.com and use code ACHIEVER for up to 20% off. Express VPN - Secure your online data today. Visit expressvpn.com/achiever and find out how you can get up to four extra months. Talkiatry - Head to talkiaitry.com/achiever and complete the short assessment to get matched with an in network psychiatrist in just a few minutes. Working Genius - Take the working genius assessment today and get 20% off with code ACHIEVER at working genius.com In this Episode, You Will Learn 00:00 What does maladaptive perfectionism look like in anxious achievers? 04:30 How perfectionism becomes a strategy for proving worth. 11:00 What’s the difference between maladaptive perfectionism and sustainable excellence? 15:15 How self-criticism harms performance at a neurological level. 17:00 Why perfectionist lawyers report lower ambition. 21:00 What psychological safety teaches us about mistakes and growth. 27:00 How law school culture amplifies perfectionism and anxiety. 31:00 Why billable hours reward inefficiency and burnout. 36:45 Why perfectionists often struggle with productivity and time management. 40:00 The most powerful tool for anxious achievers. 46:00 How neuroplasticity makes lasting change possible. 50:00 Can self-criticism ever be useful motivation? 55:45 Why the best leaders tolerate short-term discomfort to prevent burnout. 59:30 The invisible cage anxious achievers build for themselves. Resources + Links Jordana Confino's study "The Perfectionist Paradox." Get a copy of my book - The Anxious Achiever Watch the podcast on YouTube  Find more resources on our website morraam.com Follow Follow me: on LinkedIn @morraaronsmele + Instagram @morraam Follow Jordana on LinkedIn: @jordanaconfino

Asking for what you need at work wasn’t an accommodation, but a leadership skill. In this episode, I sit down with Stew Friedman, the pioneer of Total Leadership and founding director of Wharton’s Work-Life Integration Project, to rethink how we approach work, life, and leadership. We talk about why so many high performers feel guilty asking for flexibility, time, or support and why leaders who understand their whole lives are actually better, more sustainable performers. Stew also breaks down the Total Leadership model, which centers on being real, being whole, and being innovative to create what he calls “four-way wins” across work, home, community, and self. Get ready to stop asking for permission and start leading your life with intention. Check out our sponsors: Northwest Registered Agent - Protect your privacy, build your brand and get your complete business identity in just 10 clicks and 10 minutes! Visit https://www.northwestregisteredagent.com/achieverfree Shopify - Sign up for a $1 per month trial, just go to shopify.com/anxiousachiever Cozy Earth - Give your home the luxury it deserves. Head to cozyearth.com and use code ACHIEVER for up to 20% off. Express VPN - Secure your online data today. Visit expressvpn.com/achiever and find out how you can get up to four extra months. Talkiatry - Head to talkiaitry.com/achiever and complete the short assessment to get matched with an in network psychiatrist in just a few minutes. Working Genius - Take the working genius assessment today and get 20% off with code ACHIEVER at working genius.com In this Episode, You Will Learn 00:00 Why asking for what you need at work feels like an accommodation. 06:00 How work, home, community, and self must work together. 10:00 Why self-knowledge is the foundation of sustainable leadership. 17:45 What “four-way win” experiments look like in life. 22:15 Why flexibility works best when framed as mutual value. 27:30 How leaders unintentionally block agency on their teams. 32:30 What is the biggest mistake people make when asking for support? 38:30 What mental health and leadership have in common.  43:30 Why different minds require different leadership models. 49:00 What makes us whole? Resources + Links Learn more about Total Leadership Org HERE Get a copy of my book - The Anxious Achiever Watch the podcast on YouTube  Find more resources on our website morraam.com Follow Follow me: on LinkedIn @morraaronsmele + Instagram @morraam Follow Stew Friedman on LinkedIn

We throw the word toxic around a lot at work, but how do you actually know when an environment is truly toxic versus just uncomfortable, stressful, or not the right fit? In this episode, I'm bringing back this conversation with my late friend and colleague Benish Shah to talk about workplace toxicity, psychological safety, covert bias, weaponized vulnerability, and more. Benish shares tips for identifying toxic patterns, protecting yourself in unsafe environments, and making thoughtful exit plans when leaving isn’t immediately possible. Tune in to learn how to recognize toxicity, reclaim your clarity, and protect your well-being at work. Check out our sponsors: Northwest Registered Agent - Protect your privacy, build your brand and get your complete business identity in just 10 clicks and 10 minutes! Visit https://www.northwestregisteredagent.com/achieverfree In this Episode, You Will Learn 00:00 Are workplaces more toxic, or do we just have better language now? 03:30 How leadership avoidance quietly creates toxic cultures. 09:00 What is toxicity? 13:00 A self-assessment to determine if your workplace is toxic. 18:15 How to know if it’s actually safe to be vulnerable at work. 22:00 How to make an exit plan when you can’t quit right away. 29:00 Tips if your toxic boss is making your job unbearable. 34:30 How to safely check if others are experiencing the same toxicity. 37:30 What to do if you are the toxic one. Resources + Links Get a copy of my book - The Anxious Achiever Watch the podcast on YouTube  Find more resources on our website morraam.com Follow Follow me: on LinkedIn @morraaronsmele + Instagram @morraam

Is Taylor Swift an anxious achiever? In this episode, I sit down with Kevin Evers, editor at Harvard Business Review Press and author of "There's Nothing Like This: The Strategic Genius of Taylor Swift", to talk about Taylor Swift’s career through the lens of anxiety, ambition, and strategic brilliance. We dive into how Taylor’s striving energy, emotional vulnerability, and relentless work ethic fueled one of the most extraordinary careers in modern music. We also talk about her songwriting as a mirror for professional heartbreak, confidence built through insecurity, and why loving your work deeply may be the most powerful advantage of all. Get ready to rethink anxiety, ambition, and what it really takes to build something iconic. Check out our sponsors: Northwest Registered Agent - Protect your privacy, build your brand and get your complete business identity in just 10 clicks and 10 minutes! Visit https://www.northwestregisteredagent.com/achieverfree In this Episode, You Will Learn 00:00 Is Taylor Swift an anxious achiever? 03:00 Why Reputation resonates so deeply with anxious achievers. 07:15 How Taylor advocated for herself at just 13 years old. 15:30 How anxiety drives preparation, precision, and performance. 17:45 What the Eras Tour reveals about exceeding expectations at scale. 19:45 The physical and emotional cost of relentless performance. 22:30 Why did Taylor Swift want to become a pop star? 25:00 Why the Speak Now era marked a pivotal reinvention. 29:00 What Miss Americana revealed about the hidden costs of success. 31:00 What is productive paranoia? 37:00 How total creative control keeps Taylor authentic through every era. 42:30 Leadership lessons from humility and fan obsession. 47:45 Professional heartbreak and emotional ownership of work. 54:45 What makes Taylor Swift so successful? Resources + Links Get your copy of There’s Nothing Like This by Kevin Evers Get a copy of my book - The Anxious Achiever Watch the podcast on YouTube  Find more resources on our website morraam.com Follow Follow me: on LinkedIn @morraaronsmele + Instagram @morraam Follow Kevin Evers: on LinkedIn @kevin-evers1 + Instagram @there_is_nothing_like_this

Many older workers complain that younger generations don’t work hard enough or don’t want their jobs to define them. But what if that behavior is actually a rational response to an economy that no longer delivers on its promises? In this episode, I talk about the economic reality facing millennials and Gen Z, featuring voices from young professionals navigating uncertainty, debt, layoffs, and housing insecurity, along with journalist Annie Lowrey from The Atlantic. We dive into how recessions, student debt, and rising inequality have reshaped ambition, risk-taking, and trust in institutions and more. Get ready to see generational anxiety through a much clearer lens. Check out our sponsors: Northwest Registered Agent - Protect your privacy, build your brand and get your complete business identity in just 10 clicks and 10 minutes! Visit https://www.northwestregisteredagent.com/achieverfree In this Episode, You Will Learn 00:00 How housing costs and economic insecurity shape career choices and risk-taking. 04:45 What graduating into a recession does to long-term earnings and opportunity. 09:45 How student debt impacts mental health, anxiety, and future planning. 14:45 Why younger generations delay homeownership, children, and entrepreneurship. 21:45 How recessions affect trust in institutions and increase social solidarity. 23:15 What psychological and financial toll does debt take on younger generations? 27:45 Has credential inflation devalued advanced degrees? 30:30 How distorted narratives impact job seekers, workers, and entire generations. 34:00 Why declining entrepreneurship is a structural problem, not a personal failure. Resources + Links Read Annie Lowrey’s reporting in The Atlantic Get a copy of my book - The Anxious Achiever Watch the podcast on YouTube  Find more resources on our website morraam.com Follow Follow me: on LinkedIn @morraaronsmele + Instagram @morraam

Burnout isn’t just about working too hard, and stress isn’t always the enemy. In this episode, I talk with Jessica Neal, former Chief Talent Officer at Netflix and now venture capitalist, about why the biggest workplace problems refuse to improve. We talk about why high-performing cultures often forget to acknowledge what’s working, how fear quietly drives burnout, and why honesty and clear expectations might be the most underrated leadership skills we have. Get ready to know what it really takes to build a healthier, more human workplace. Check out our sponsors: Northwest Registered Agent - Protect your privacy, build your brand and get your complete business identity in just 10 clicks and 10 minutes! Visit https://www.northwestregisteredagent.com/achieverfree In this Episode, You Will Learn 00:00 Why burnout and chronic stress keep rising despite endless conversations. 05:00 The hidden skills that make high-pressure leadership roles work. 08:15 The blockers to a healthy workplace. 13:00 How burnout becomes self-fulfilling when clarity is missing. 18:45 How panic attacks can come from internal pressure, not external crises. 21:45 What leaders miss when they only focus on what’s broken. 29:30 Why women are still leaving leadership roles at higher rates. 35:00 The impossible choice many women face between career momentum and caregiving. 43:30 How working outside your strengths (and with the wrong people) quietly fuels burnout. 47:30 Avoiding hard conversations is costing teams speed, trust, and clarity. Resources + Links Jessica Neal’s podcast TruthWorks HERE Get a copy of my book - The Anxious Achiever Watch the podcast on YouTube  Find more resources on our website morraam.com Follow Follow me: on LinkedIn @morraaronsmele + Instagram @morraam Follow Jessica: on LinkedIn @jeneal

Uncertainty isn’t something to fix, but something that actually makes you sharper, more resilient, and more innovative. In this episode, I sit down with Maggie Jackson, to talk about why our brains react the way they do to the unknown, and how leaders can transform uncertainty into focus, creativity, and better decision-making. We dive into why discomfort can be good stress, how curiosity boosts well-being, and practical shifts to help you stay present and grounded when outcomes feel unclear. Tune in for new ways to reframe uncertainty at home, at work, and inside your own mind. Check out our sponsors: Northwest Registered Agent - Protect your privacy, build your brand and get your complete business identity in just 10 clicks and 10 minutes! Visit https://www.northwestregisteredagent.com/achieverfree In this Episode, You Will Learn 00:00 Why our brains interpret uncertainty as a threat. 03:30 What “good stress” looks like in your body. 09:45 How to reframe uncertainty as curiosity instead of dread. 14:15 Why trying new things reduces anxiety over time. 17:00 The science of pausing and “spaciousness” for better problem-solving. 20:30 How do you train yourself and your team to be open to not knowing? 26:30 Why language like “maybe” can strengthen trust and collaboration. 28:00 How exhaustion, pressure, and overload lower our tolerance for uncertainty. 33:00 The link between curiosity, well-being, and better performance. 36:00 How can leaders model uncertainty without appearing weak? Resources + Links Learn more about Maggie’s Uncertain book HERE Get a copy of my book - The Anxious Achiever Watch the podcast on YouTube  Find more resources on our website morraam.com Follow Follow me: on LinkedIn @morraaronsmele + Instagram @morraam Follow Maggie on LinkedIn: @maggiejackson

What if the things you feel most ashamed of at work are actually your superpowers? In this conversation, I sit down with bestselling author and Founder & CEO of Working Genius, Patrick Lencioni. We dive into his Working Genius framework to discover why certain kinds of work light you up while others reliably drain you. Using his six types of “genius” we explore why differently wired (aka “spiky”) brains can be massive assets in leadership when we stop trying to do everything. You’ll also hear Pat share candidly about his own anxious achieving, how working outside his genius led to grumpiness and burnout, and what changed when he finally designed his role (and team) around his true strengths. It’s time to reframe guilt and shame around your “weaknesses,” so you can lead from your zone of genius with more effectiveness, sustainability, and joy. This episode is brought to you in partnership with Working Genius. Check out our sponsors: Northwest Registered Agent - Protect your privacy, build your brand and get your complete business identity in just 10 clicks and 10 minutes! Visit https://www.northwestregisteredagent.com/achieverfree In this Episode, You Will Learn 00:00 How to stop feeling ashamed of what you’re not good at. 04:00 How to become boldly bad at things as a neurodistinct leader. 10:45 The six types of Working Genius and how to discover yours. 16:00 How wounds and fear can push you to overachieve at work you dislike. 18:00 What is the difference between fear-based vs. joy-based achievement? 24:00 Why burnout is more about misalignment than workload. 31:00 How knowing your team’s geniuses transform trust and accountability. 33:30 Why your team will perform better when everyone admits what they are bad at. 40:30 What should I do if my job doesn’t fit my working genius? Resources + Links Take the Working Genius Assessment HERE Use promo code ACHIEVER for 20% off Get a copy of my book - The Anxious Achiever Watch the podcast on YouTube  Find more resources on our website morraam.com Follow Follow me: on LinkedIn @morraaronsmele + Instagram @morraam Follow Patrick Lencioni: on LinkedIn @patricklencioniorghealth + Instagram @patricklencioniofficial

The most powerful leadership tool you have isn’t authority or expertise, but attention. In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Ravi Kudesia, Associate Professor of Management at Temple University’s Fox School of Business, to break down the science and practice of mindful leadership. We talk about how leaders can regulate their attention, reset your energy between meetings, disrupt habitual scripts, and guide teams through ambiguity without creating panic. Ravi shares how mindfulness helps leaders read the room, experiment more effectively during change, and model emotional grounding for their teams. Get ready to rethink how you show up and discover why mindful leaders make change feel less like chaos and more like possibility. Check out our sponsors: Northwest Registered Agent - Protect your privacy, build your brand and get your complete business identity in just 10 clicks and 10 minutes! Visit https://www.northwestregisteredagent.com/achieverfree In this Episode, You Will Learn 00:00 How do you prepare to teach, lead, and be present? 07:00 How to reset between meetings and clear “attentional residue.” 09:45 A breathing reset you can use anywhere to calm your system. 14:30 Why leaders must shift from individualistic to relational leadership mindsets. 21:15 How a leader’s internal state shapes the emotional health of the entire team. 27:15 How do you lead through change? 33:00 Why middle leaders must become adapters and experiment in ambiguity. 39:45 How leaders can ask better questions in the middle of uncertainty.  43:00 How attuning to energy in the room changes the way leaders lead. 46:30 What leaders do to cultivate mindfulness? Resources + Links Get a copy of my book - The Anxious Achiever Watch the podcast on YouTube  Find more resources on our website morraam.com Follow Follow me: on LinkedIn @morraaronsmele + Instagram @morraam Follow Ravi on LinkedIn: @rskudesia

The shame you feel at work isn’t a personal flaw, but a kind of violence acting on your story, your body, and your worth. In this episode, I sit down with psychologist David Bedrick, whose pioneering work on unshaming helps us understand how shame interprets the world for us and how you can reclaim your own internal witness. We talk about why shame is not just a feeling but a lens, how childhood interpretations stick with us for decades, and why so many of us carry invisible pain through our careers, relationships, and leadership roles. David shares how the body speaks when our lives become too heavy to carry, and how that “symptom” is often a messenger of our deeper story, not a problem to be erased. Tune in to start unshaming yourself from the inside out. Check out our sponsors: Northwest Registered Agent - Protect your privacy, build your brand, and get your complete business identity in just 10 clicks and 10 minutes! Visit https://www.northwestregisteredagent.com/achieverfree In this Episode, You Will Learn 00:00 What is shame and why is it not a feeling? 04:15 How childhood witnessing becomes your lifelong lens. 08:00 The link between chronic illness, over-responsibility, and hidden shame. 14:00 How a simple temper tantrum can reveal a protest your body is begging you to hear. 19:30 Why pain and exhaustion are often your body’s way of saying “this is too much.” 21:30 How layoffs, business failure, and money anxiety get wrapped in shame at work. 26:00 The one question that begins unshaming others and yourself. 29:00 How to ask about someone’s experience without piling on more shame. 37:00 Why we never tell anyone about our chronic pain. 41:30 How to start walking the “unshaming way” in your own life, relationships, and work. Resources + Links Learn more about David Bedrick HERE Get a copy of my book - The Anxious Achiever Watch the podcast on YouTube  Find more resources on our website morraam.com Follow Follow me: on LinkedIn @morraaronsmele + Instagram @morraam Follow David: @david.bedrick