A Very Shane Black Xmas

Following the sale of Lucasfilm to Disney, the Star Wars brand came roaring back with the blockbuster release of the J.J. Abrams directed Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens, a film that still holds the record for highest grossing at the domestic box office. But, following Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi, an extremely divisive sequel directed by Rian Johnson, Lucasfilm president Kathleen hoped to correct matters by bringing Abrams back for the trilogy capper, Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker. And while the film did well at the box office, critics and fan reaction was almost unanimously negative, tarnishing the brand and relegating it to streaming for the better part of the decade. But is it really that bad? Join Sebastian, Chris and Rodney as they struggle with wayfinders, argue over what constitutes a "memberberry", and welcome back an Emperor who somehow returned.

On paper, the pairing of superstar comedian Eddie Murphy and horror auteur Wes Craven for a comedic, black-centric vampire movie seems like a great idea; add the gorgeous and talented Angela Bassett to the mix as the Caribbean bloodsucker's love interest and you have the makings of a hit. Unfortunately, Vampire in Brooklyn missed the rich vein of critical and audience approval, though it has become something of a cult hit in recent years, thanks in no small part to Sinners star Michael B Jordan's love of the film. Join hosts Sebastian and Richard as they bust out the coffin, put on the bad wigs and bat wings and thrust a stake through the heart of this uneven but enjoyable mid-90s flick.

On paper, the pairing of Sylvester Stallone and Sharon Stone, both megawatt stars in 1994, seemed a promising cinematic prospect. Unfortunately, the resulting effort, Luis Llosa’s The Specialist, failed to deliver the action Stallone fans craved, nor the erotic heat Stone was famous for. But is it unintentionally hilarious? You bet! Join Sebastian and guest Richard Hamilton as they attempt to diffuse this misguided, Miami-based bomb.

When it comes to box office numbers, even 007 can suffer a misfire. Though not a proper bomb, Timothy Dalton's second outing as cinema's favorite superspy, License to Kill, proved lukewarm with moviegoers and critics, closing out the 80s on a sour note and laying the series fallow for another six years until Pierce Brosnon took up the mantle in GoldenEye. But should this odd pairing of revenge espionage and Miami Vice-style crime drama be callously thrown to the sharks? Join Sebastian and Does This Come in Chromium's Matt Anderson as they revel in the glory of a young Benicio Del Toro, mix cocaine with gasoline and celebrate the all-too brief run of the franchise's most underrated James Bond.

The teaming of Kathryn Bigelow and James Cameron is always a potent proposition, as the former married couple are both heavyweight directors in their own right. This should have made their 1995 collaboration Strange Days--a dystopian cyberthriller set on the eve of Y2K starring Ralph Fiennes, Angela Bassett and Juliette Lewis--a surefire smash. Unfortunately, the movie's hot button political themes and pitch black tone didn't translate to boffo box office, and to this day it remains frustratingly unavailable stateside in a high definition format. Join Sebastian and Jennifer as they jack in, fire up some playback and ring in the new year with this underappreciated and chillingly topical sci fi classic.

Few filmmakers love Christmas as much as writer/director Shane Black; the holiday features heavily in many of the films that made him one of the highest paid screenwriters in Hollywood, from Lethal Weapon to The Last Boy Scout to the Long Kiss Goodnight. As our gift to you this yuletide season, we are covering two of the films he directed--Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and The Nice Guys--both of which were, despite being great, coal-in-the-stocking disappointments at the box office. So break out the eggnog, roast some chestnuts, and kick back with a twofer of buddy comedy/hard-boiled detective noir/Christmassy goodness with your pals at Tentpole Trauma!

Hollywood had a hankering to return to the wonderful land of Oz following decades of the 1939 Wizard of Oz being a childhood staple. Many attempts were made, but none as traumatic as Disney’s 1985 effort Return to Oz, a nightmarish fantasy in which Dorothy, here played by Fairuza Balk, returns to the decimated magical land following a stint at an insane asylum. Join Sebastian and Jennifer as they follow a torn up yellow brick road, make some puppetastic new friends, and relive the days when kids movies were scarier than any old Wicked Witch.

Wrapping up a trilogy is always a tough pumpkin to carve -- a lesson director David Gordon Green learned with Halloween Ends, the climax of his otherwise financially successful Blumhouse "legacy" series that began with 2018's Halloween and carried through with 2021's Halloween Kills. Despite strong production values and the return of Jamie Lee Curtis as Laurie Strode, the film met with fan backlash and muted box office returns, due in part to the shift in focus from Michael Myers to a new slasher character, the unpopular Corey. But is it really as bad as all that? Join superfans Sebastian and Matt Anderson as they slash it out once and for all to determine if this is a worthy end to the franchise. Trick or treat, motherf**cker!

With video game adaptations raking in big coin at the box office, adapting the popular Borderlands series to screen seemed a no-brainer. But even pairing a puzzling high-profile cast—featuring Cate Blanchette, Kevin Hart, Jamie Lee Curtis and Jack Black—with a jokey and colorful Guardians of the Galaxy sci fi vibe didn’t help Eli Roth’s beleaguered directorial effort connect with fans or ticket buyers. Join Sebastian and Steve as they comb the junkyard wastes of Pandora (no, not that Pandora) for any pleasures they can salvage from this muddled, madcap mess.

Following the commercial disappointment of the oppressively downbeat Alien 3, it stands to reason that 1997’s follow-up, Alien Resurrection, would attempt to recapture the fun, bug-hunt thrills of James Cameron’s Aliens. And while French auteur director Jean-Pierre Jeunet certainly lightened the mood—credited in part to the quippy, Joss Whedon-penned script—audiences were puzzled by this strange newborn, even with series heroine Sigourney Weaver returning and a solid supporting cast featuring Winona Ryder and Ron Perlman. Join Sebastian, Chris and Steve as they clone themselves 8 times, laser some whiskey cubes and lovingly cradle this bizarre hybrid of sci fi and French comedy/satire.