Tea with the Muse podcast

A Case for the Muse

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Making a Case for the Muse

Well, it’s a silly thing to have to explain,

making a case for the Muse,

because anybody who’s

navigating an insurance claim

for a fallen tree or received a speeding ticket

because the Rolling Stones came on

and you just couldn’t help but dance

and you pressed so hard on the pedal.

I just can’t get no, no, no, no... satisfaction.

I mean anyone who forgot to renew

their driver’s license and got turned

away at the airport

understands the need for amusement!

Come on, just look at the text thread.

You are perusing through right now.

Almost every other text is

asking you for something.

How about the people

who got a hold of your phone number

and won’t stop inviting you to apply

for that job or apply for a loan

that you already qualified for or better yet

tell you that your mother lost her phone

and she’s trying to reach you.

And she died three years ago. Rest her soul.

Can you see how much the muse is needed?

Can you see?

If we don’t start laughing more...and soon

This whole thing

will try to convince us

that this is reality. Imagine that!

And still you wonder, what if it is Mother,

reaching from the other side?

You light a candle for her just in case

There is definitely a need for the Muse

when suddenly you have more

doctor’s appointments than

long lunch dates with girlfriends

who call you darlink’ and batt

their eyelashes at you, like Marlena Dietrich.

It’s just rough these days.

When you finally got

into a routine of happy hour and

found a beverage that tastes just right

and makes you chill out immediately

and then your doctor tells you

it’s going to turn to sugar

and you just can’t have sugar anymore.

WTF is going on here, people!

And then there’s all the paperwork

and the whispers of divorce

and diagnosis all around you

and the password hell? Don’t get me started.

Right now, there’s more than one friend

who’s having delusions

and the dementia articles

won’t stop showing themselves.

You can’t help but click

on that one tip that will keep you

from forgetting your dog’s name.

Do I need to convince you

there’s a need for the Muse,

for goodness sakes?

How about this? The reality that

a woman can grow a mustache in her 50s?

Uh huh. Overnight!

And suddenly

there’s more hair

on your inner thighs. Ew.

And you’re just so grateful

if you happen to have a lover

who appreciates you getting

more furry because

there’s more fur coming, you know?

The hair in your eyebrows

migrated to your chin, and

that is just no good!

Then there’s that innocuous mole

that you like to call a beauty mark

that has one black hair and

one white hair growing out of it and

they seem to appear overnight and

you don’t have white hair or black hair.

I mean, what the actual flying F!

If you keep them there for amusement,

they will eventually curl at your chin!

Sometimes I wish

I could talk to God and

ask Them about certain things.

Do you have a list like this?

God, do you have a moment? Please.

Couldn’t you have made it so that

we don’t have violence built into us

as a possibility and we could

still have free will?

Couldn’t you have made

the instructions for healing

a wound a little more

readable?

Why would you allow

bizarre things like

extractive capitalism to even

enter our minds?

I mean, the list goes on and on, y’all.

What’s on your list?

Yet more than a list of complaints,

I have a list of

gratitudes that runs all day long.

Dozens upon dozens of anemonies

in my garden, soft magenta, yellow centers.

The regal Valley Oak and the

large Band-Tailed pigeons from California,

and that the sun is shining

through my window, even though

one of the trees had to be taken down,

the neighbor asked me, and I did,

and it’s sad, but now I can see

the mountain and the sun.

The gift that when my heart is hurting,

my kitty will come and sit

right on top of my heart

and purr without being petted.

It’s far longer, the list of gratitudes

than the list of complaints.

There’s definitely a need for the Muse

because amusement is medicine

that everybody needs. The muse always

prefers leopard over beige.

She definitely has a preference for

rhinestones over buttons.

She really likes

fried chicken and mashed potatoes

instead of broccoli and fish without butter.

The Muse cannot conceive of a world

that does not have butter,

I mean, can you?

Or chocolate? That’s a whole food group

for the Muse, y’all.

But here’s the thing.

If you invite the muse in,

she can be extremely disruptive

to whatever invented balance you pretend

you’ve created in your household.

She wants to disrupt your life. She used some giant golden scissors to

cut you out of your box, the one you made!

And you’re standing there questioning

if you should step out or not because you

don’t know what you’re going to find out there

and you’re not sure you can make it back

from wherever you end up

by Monday morning at 9 o’clock.

Sometimes you just don’t care and

you walk out of that box anyway,

and you find the blue sky, you always knew

was right there.

Do you think about quitting

your job 10 times a day?

I mean, just admit it. I do.

I may not be employable, however.

Do you wonder why

that person you love so much

has a sticker on their bumper for the

opposite side of the party you decided

is the most right choice?

When you see someone smiling

in the grocery store for no apparent reason,

while they’re gazing at the crackers,

gluten-free or wheat?

Why don’t you just walk up to them and ask

them their secret

and tell them how glad you are

to see them?

What have you got to lose anyway?

Nuthin’ Make their day. What if each day you could

just smile as often as you think about it,

just break into a full scale, non-beautiful,

unapologetic, toothy grin.

That’s just one of the ways

to let the Muse in.

I’ve got lots of other tips and tricks,

for the seduction of the Muse

when you’ve been having a dry spell.

Lubrication definitely helps to get things going.

And let me tell you, you better get things going.

Don’t wait too long and let your body

go to sleep on you!

If you invite the Muse to come into your life,

she’s going to request more action

between the sheets

if you know what I mean.

Whether you are having

a lover now or not,

she still has demands for

getting the juices flowing.

Just for today.

I know exactly how

I will court my muse.

It helps to start

with the leopard underwear

and the push-up bra

and the rose oil on my nipples,

the sparkling lip gloss that

makes huge lip prints on my pink cup

in the pink cowgirl boots that stomp

with abandon, all that helps out!

Your Muse has a different kink than mine,

of course, what is it then,

that your Muse requests of you?

There is definitely a case for the Muse,

because the news is just bringing us

to one dumpster fire after another,

and I’m not saying we don’t have to

keep taking out the trash.

I’m saying we need

to adjust our schedule and our priorities

to create spaciousness

so the Muse can take up residence

in this house you call “my life”.

Give her chocolate and striped it socks,

red ones, and purple butterfly barrettes

and play her songs by the purple man, Prince.

Make her a cup of tea for you and me,

and let’s hang out in the imaginal land

where everybody’s already free.

And of course,

there are flying unicorns and fairy cake.

I’m headed to the giant canvas now,

where a circle of women is gathering

in colorful clothing, the Council.

They arrive with baskets and crock pots

full of the yummiest food to Stardust Ranch.

I made my famous lentil soup and hummus

from dried chickpeas in preparation for the party!

And the Phoenix woman, yeah,

the one who rose again

is appearing on my canvas.

She has lots to say to me

and the Muse is the gateway

for hearing her voice,

and I am listening.

The truth is, today I’m walking with a limp.

Like Jacob, I’ve been wrestling with an angel,

and I won’t let go until the angel blesses me.

But in the meantime, I’m walking softly and

carrying a big lipstick and a walking stick.

Honey, I just know deep down

in my stardust bones,

that we all need to invite the Muse to tea

and offer her a giant paintbrush.

I just know these things.

Like Dolly Parton says:

Decide who you’re going to be

and do it on purpose.”Join me on October 3



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