28 - Alone in The Darkness

... or Leopards for Ukraine - another emotional mind strolling about after life, why not to fear death, how at the end of the life we experience the best high of our lives - under certain conditions - and then I finally express strong opinions about the ongoing war in Ukraine ... and how my New Age friends piss me off ...

Where and who I am - and how you can find me.

Today playing with thoughts about improving my mind strolling and the podcast - by putting emotions instantly into words - the perfectionist's weakness: how I became a highly performing consumer and a creative survivor - the six R's - contemplating about their meaning, how to use them and what it would mean to do so.

There is a monster under my bed - and then it turns out it is also out there, everywhere ...  and it's hungry, very hungry, a predator threatening to eat us all .... how can we get rid of it? - not by running away - first we need to slow down, to stop the crazy highway ride, so we can lose the tunnel view ... and learn to stay in the moment, to save ourselves and MOTHER EARTH. The crises we are in can also be seen as a sign and a chance to change directions (because unfortunately the strongest lessons we learn are taught through pain and sorrow) - but we need to do it NOW - we need to care NOW - we must stop IMMEDIATELY - we must change the course INSTANTLY.  I am annoyed with all the people around me who ignore the facts, shut their eyes and continue exploiting and using the resources like there was no tomorrow. How can a rational, caring person still fly to a distant destination to hang out in the sun? How can a sensible, empathic person still use a car just to keep up with the lazy comfort? We need more time - and we have no time left for saving the earth - BUT we have more time moving through our lives - if we slow down. Where are we hurrying at? What do we need to achieve?  Faster life means also more consumption - do we really need that? Does it make us more content or happier? Our dopaminergic behavior leaves us lonely, depressed, exhausted - while we are rushing through life on the hedonistic treadmill - is this really what we want, why we are here on earth? Have we already completely forgotten about what is truly meaningful and satisfying? 

Dealing with high energy costs, depression, lack of optimism, panic attack - reading difficult and smart books, trying to cope with the confusing information and reality - how I nourish myself with knowledge - and looking for answers and solutions. Sometimes too much information can kill you. But: Giving up is not an option.

We are daily creating the Matrix - by becoming illusion seeking reality fleeing creatures - Netflix is a legal drug, feeding our dopaminergic addiction and hunger for stories  ...  it is difficult to stay away from these seductions - my life is consumerism on a very high level. I train to push the button ...

Taking a night stroll in the forest and experiencing archaic fear while facing darkness, silence, the unknown - confronting myself with the idea and feelings of being all alone ...  how today's cultivated forests are harmless but still intimidating, creating goose bumps ...

This talk is full of monkey mind strolling - soo many thoughts and feelings expressed while taking the train to the countryside, where we organized Einstein's funeral, what he meant for me, the meaning of life, contemplating about the effects of death and finding peace with the loss of a dear companion. A manifesto for cherishing love, connection and the meaning of life -  why spirituality is essential in our existence and which resolutions are important for this year: mindfulness, respect, sharing - reaching out and making people feel good  ---- how meditation on food gifted me with remarkable insights on interdependence and connection ....

This one is a very long walk and talk with my friend Nicolas - a human history, rebirth and constant dwelling on life while we stroll through my favorite neighborhood by night - a story about almost everything. As I never edit anything, it is all out here for anyone to listen, to agree, to be challenged, to let it sink in ... or to use it to fall asleep - it's real!

The first living being in decades, which was close to my family, home, heart and was intensely present in my life for 17 years, died today - a big shock and a sudden good bye - grieving about the loss and surrendering to the sadness ... connecting this experience to contemplate about how I think we need to live by the end of our lives, why death is part of our lives and how Einstein came to be with us - it's all very emotional ...