139: Pausing Your Career to Stay at Home (A Resource for Women Who Aren't Tradwives)

Codependency is one of those buzzwords often used in therapy and mental health around relationships. Today’s guest has provoked a lot of feedback by challenging people’s views on this subject. Join us for this intriguing conversation. I’m joined by one of my favorite people on TikTok, Shahem Mclaurin, a social worker in Brooklyn, NY, with over 500,000 followers on social media. Shahem is self-described as a person who is “queer as hell, Black as hell, and loud as hell.” They use their platform to address a wide range of social and mental health issues impacting people of color, patriarchy-impacted people, and members of the LGBTQ+ community. Show Highlights: ●      How Shahem’s view of codependency has challenged the worldview of many people ●      Why Shahem got a lot of blowback from his thoughts on codependency when he began to challenge popular worldviews ●      Why we need to differentiate between attention-seeking and connection-seeking behaviors ●      Why people get defensive when their “codependency identification” is challenged ●      How the term codependency originated as part of popular therapeutic language ●      How our culture sees having empathy for someone and expecting accountability from them as opposites that can’t both be true at the same time ●      Thoughts on codependency, outside validation, connectivity, and feeling emotionally safe ●      How to take a look at your unique journey “in the pool” Resources and Links: Connect with Shahem: ⁠TikTok⁠ and ⁠Instagram⁠ Connect with KC: ⁠TikTok⁠, ⁠Instagram⁠, and ⁠Facebook⁠ Get KC’s book, ⁠How to Keep House While Drowning⁠ We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:⁠ www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes⁠   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The thing about boundaries is that they are much more complex than most people assume. The world of boundary-setting is rarely colored with clearly defined black-and-white choices. Today’s episode is a conversation with my friend Bethany about her relationship with her father and how she handled boundaries in ways that felt authentic to her. We are discussing how boundaries come into play in the relationships we have and the decision-making process we use. Join us to learn more! Show Highlights: ●      A little background on Bethany’s dad, their relationship, and how she grew up not feeling wanted and approved by him ●      How Bethany’s relationship with her dad got worse as she became an adult and encountered her personal addiction issues ●      How Bethany learned hard lessons about communicating with her dad ●      Why Bethany decided to maintain her relationship with her dad—even though he gave her every reason not to ●      How Bethany set hard boundaries by not engaging with him when he was drinking and verbally abusive to her ●      How extra complexities came into their relationship when his health declined and he needed her more and more ●      Why Bethany’s decisions to engage and re-engage were never about believing he would change ●      Why the boundary decisions we make are less about what is right or wrong and more about how we can remain an authentic, whole person ●      How Bethany handled his terminal illness in ways that left her with no regrets   Resources and Links: Connect with KC: ⁠Website⁠, ⁠TikTok⁠, ⁠Instagram⁠, and ⁠Facebook⁠ Get KC’s book, ⁠How to Keep House While Drowning⁠ We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:⁠ www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes⁠. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I’m honored to be joined by Pat Sorrells for this episode. Pat is the CEO and president of Camp For All, a camp for ALL abilities and disabilities that opened in 1998. Pat has invested her heart and life into this organization, serving in her current role since 2007. Camp For All has impacted tens of thousands of people in ways that other camps cannot do. Join us to learn more! Show Highlights: The beautiful mission of Camp For All A truly “barrier-free” camp is much different from other camps. The importance of a REAL camp experience–instead of short-changing kids with challenging needs Camp For All structure for programs throughout the year The unique model of Camp For All in partnering with organizations to provide camps catering to kids with specific needs Highlights of Pat’s fondest memories of Camp For All’s scope of impact and accommodation Fun camp activities at Camp For All Specific accommodations at Camp For All Want to access Camp For All or partner with Camp For All? Pat explains what to do by accessing their Website. Resources and Links: Connect with Camp For All: Website Preorder my new book: Struggle Care Website, Amazon, and Bookshop Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this episode of Struggle Care, host KC Davis speaks with Neha Ruch, founder of Mother Untitled and author of The Power Pause. Together, they explore the reality of modern motherhood, particularly for women who decide—or feel compelled—to pause their careers to care for their children. This conversation addresses the outdated stereotypes of stay-at-home moms and offers empowering, practical insights for navigating this unique chapter with confidence and clarity. Show Highlights: Neha’s personal story behind writing The Power Pause What the “tradwife” movement misses—and who this book is really for Why "stay-at-home mom" is an outdated and limiting term How women can redefine productivity, identity, and success during a career pause The hidden costs of idealized motherhood in media and social platforms A breakdown of the personal, professional, and family goals women can set while caregiving Financial planning tips and why couples must prepare for the pause together The role of privilege, budgeting, and honest conversations with your partner How to reclaim agency and dignity during motherhood—without losing ambition Why it’s time to rewrite the narrative of caregiving and career on your own terms Resources and Links: 📘 The Power Pause by Neha Ruch – Available wherever you get your books 🌐 Mother Untitled Website – Free resources including financial prep, postnups, and return-to-work guidance 📱 Follow Neha on Instagram Connect with KC Davis: 🌐 Website 📱 TikTok | Instagram | Facebook 📘 How to Keep House While Drowning Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s topic is exciting: toxic masculinity, which might be better termed “functional masculinity.” I’m joined by Alex Frankel, who grew up in San Francisco clearly understanding that the definition of hotness was dictated by beautiful people in popular magazines. During his entire childhood, he felt trapped in his fat body and hated how he looked. He finally realized that being hot was more than perfect abs and bulging biceps but more of an attitude. Alex is now a successful plus-size model, and he’s a body-acceptance advocate and role model for fat guys all around the world. He created the Hot Fat Guy Club to dispel the myths around diet, culture, fatphobia, and other fat people stereotypes. His goal was to create a welcoming community where people are celebrated and not shamed for their body types. Why do I love this topic? It’s because men are not often talked about in the body positivity movement. Join us for a new perspective from a Hot Fat Guy!   Show Highlights: ● An overview of Dr. Ronald Levant’s Seven Tenets of Traditional Masculine Ideology ● Where the problem of masculinity originates because of deeply entrenched patriarchy, traditional masculine values, programming, and gender policing ● Fascinating trends in how young boys and girls segregate themselves until puberty hits ● Why Alex believes a lack of empathy and respect for other human beings are core issues with today’s masculinity ● How we are taught the power differential by society around relationships and rejection ● How programmed traditional masculinity can be dormant until it flares up later in life ● The link between church and religious propaganda and traditional masculinity ● Why men have been programmed by traditional masculinity around vulnerability and feeling shame in showing emotions ● Three things to note around weaponized vulnerability, emotional safety, and caring feelings ● An example about the inability to express or understand emotions Resources and Links: Connect with Alex Frankel and the Hot Fat Guy Club: TikTok and Instagram Mentioned in this episode: Therapy Chat podcast and The Tough Standard: The Hard Truths About Masculinity and Violence by Ronald F. Levant and Shana Pryor Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today, we are covering an important topic today, but maybe not in the way you expect. I’m joined by Rachel Mulholland (aka Shug CM), a therapist whom I met on TikTok because of her incredible content around sex education for children. Today’s focus is on how our lives as adults are impacted if we don’t get comprehensive sex education as children. Join us for the conversation! Show Highlights: How KC’s story from her teenage years illustrates the gaps that most people have in their education about sex and the fact that sex ed is NOT a one-time conversation How “purity culture” is impacting teenagers in certain places in the US in damaging ways How even most comprehensive sex ed doesn’t address the pleasurable side of sex–and (for females) that the pleasure doesn’t have to come from another person How sexual predators take advantage of the lack of information in sex ed from SAFE places Why parents have real fear about talking to their kids about sex ed The effects of NOT educating kids that sex and pleasure don’t always go together Rachel’s Four Pillars of Safe Sex: confirmation, communication, lubrication, and enthusiastic participation Why parents should be aware when their kids are ready to hear and learn–and begin at the most basic level appropriate for their age How to answer those first little-kid questions around, “Where do babies come from?” Why curiosity is a foundational part of body talk for kids–not just around sexuality How parents can work through their own feelings around sex ed with their children Why Rachel’s next project is a book about body talk Resources: Connect with Rachel: TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, and Website (coming soon!) Recommended by Rachel: How Do You Make A Baby by Anna Fiske Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You have probably heard me say, “You can’t save the rainforest if you are depressed.” The truth is that eco-shame and eco-perfectionism can get in the way of our taking steps toward better functioning. If you have ever felt guilty for not being “eco-friendly enough,” this episode is for you!  Rebecca Gray is an environmental epidemiologist. With her master’s degree in public health, she studies disease, the patterns of disease, and health at population levels within communities and countries. She also studies how factors in the environment impact health by causing and promoting disease. Rebecca works with government agencies like the EPA and CDC to develop water guidelines to keep pollutants out of the water supply.  Show Highlights: How Rebecca has experienced forms of eco-shame in her profession How some people push the environmental movement in ways that are able-ist The trap we fall into to “embody the archetype” of the space we occupy How social media plays into the eco-perfectionism pressure we feel Why functionality matters more than the morality of what we do in care tasks, eating, the environment, etc.  Rebecca’s view of today’s environmental movement Why we should ask ourselves how an eco-behavior affects our health and well being What really does need to happen to prevent climate change How our capitalistic society colors what we can do to be eco-friendly How differing narratives make us feel pressured to make individual changes and collective changes to “save the world” How to identify what we need to function well, fill in gaps with eco-friendly behaviors, and learn how to conserve our energy How to take a more reasonable–and less stressful–view of sustainability swaps Actions that have the least impact and the most impact on environmentalism Rebecca’s advice about letting ourselves off the hook for the decisions we make Links & Resources: Connect with Rebecca: LinkedIn  Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I’m back with one of my favorite guests who is always up for the challenge of a podcast–no matter what the topic is! I want to explore the term rejection sensitivity dysphoria and get Dr. Lesley Cook’s take on it because I have so many questions. Let’s learn more together!  Dr. Lesley Cook is a psychologist who works with those with ADHD and other kinds of neurodivergence. Born and raised in Hawaii, she now lives in Virginia and works with children, adolescents, adults, couples, and families. Show Highlights: ●      What RSD (rejection sensitivity dysphoria) is and how it is manifested ●      KC’s personal experience with RSD and feelings of worthlessness ●      How RSD is different from sensory sensitivity and autism ●      Thoughts about the strong word dysphoria in RSD ●      KC’s personal experience with RSD and being told she is “too sensitive” ●      How we can grow, change, and find regulatory strategies for RSD ●      Why it is difficult to communicate the facets and nuances of RSD and other interpersonal difficulties Resources and Links: Connect with Dr. Lesley Cook: TikTok Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What’s your organizing style? Are you a bee, ladybug, cricket, or butterfly? Find out in today’s episode as professional organizer, Cassandra Aarssen explains how to tidy and organize according to your natural organizational style. Cas is a self-proclaimed “recovering super slob” on a mission to help other families who struggle with disorganization and clutter. Join us! Show Highlights: Cas’s journey to Chief Clutterbug status Four organizational types, according to how you naturally sort and store your everyday things: Butterfly: You are a visual person who wants simple, quick, and easy organizational systems. Bee: You love visual and organizational abundance and are meticulous and detail-oriented, preferring to see your everyday items instead of hiding them away.  Cricket: You love visual simplicity and organizational abundance, wanting to hide items out of sight, but you are detail-oriented and methodical. Ladybug: You love visual and organizational simplicity and prefer all your items hidden out of view with fast, easy solutions. Find your balance between wanting to put things away easily and wanting to find things easily. (You can’t have it both ways!) Parenting challenges in helping your kids learn to organize Cas’s best organizing advice for butterflies: Use plastic bins, baskets, buckets, and labels. Consider your “valuable real estate” from waist to eye level. Establish a “drop zone” in your home. Best tips from Cas and KC for keeping and organizing all the kids’ papers and artwork Cas’s best organizing advice for bees: Use clear, stacking bins and pegboards for meticulous organization. (Fun fact: Most hoarders are actually bees!) Cas’s best organizing advice for crickets: Use lots of styles for traditional organization. Cas’s best organizing advice for ladybugs: Use drawer dividers, bins, and baskets (with no lids). Resources and Links: Connect with Cas: Website (and Resources) Preorder my new book: Struggle Care Website, Amazon, and Bookshop Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We’re bringing back one of our most insightful and impactful episodes! In our very first episode, you heard my conversation with Dr. Lesley Cook about executive functioning. She had so much wisdom to share that I couldn’t wait to have her back—this time, to explore the topic of self-compassion. Is it possible to have too much self-compassion? How do we find the balance between being kind to ourselves while still striving for progress? Dr. Lesley shares her expertise, breaking down the complexities of self-compassion and how it plays a crucial role in our personal growth. About Our Guest: Dr. Lesley Cook is a psychologist specializing in ADHD and neurodivergence. Born and raised in Hawaii, she now lives in Virginia, where she works with children, adolescents, adults, couples, and families. Show Highlights: ✅ Finding the balance between self-compassion and personal growth ✅ Understanding self-compassion through Dr. Kristin Neff’s work ✅ The role of shame and how it connects to self-compassion ✅ Strategies for shifting from shame to self-compassion ✅ How self-compassion can become a learned behavior we pass down to our children Link and Resources:  Connect with Dr. Lesley: TikTok and Instagram Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices