Episode 49: When the Passion Feels Quiet.

Still Becoming – It’s Your Life, and You Get to Live ItEpisode SummaryIn this week’s episode of Still Becoming, Bobby opens up about the uncertainty, self-doubt, and emotional struggles that come with questioning whether we’re doing enough with our lives. Sometimes, even the things we love most can become sources of frustration when we begin measuring their value through accomplishments rather than the happiness they once brought us.Bobby shares his recent struggles with feeling good enough, especially when it comes to his passions for running, writing, and creating this podcast. Some days, he feels confident in his ability to navigate life’s challenges, while other days, his mind convinces him that his efforts aren’t meaningful or worthy of anyone’s attention. Living with depression can make those feelings even more difficult, creating doubt where there was once excitement and purpose.One of the central questions explored in this episode is whether we need to accomplish something extraordinary before our experiences become valuable to others. Bobby reflects on how easy it is to believe that success gives us credibility, while disappointment somehow takes it away. He questions whether his own experiences are worth sharing when he hasn’t achieved everything he set out to accomplish.But perhaps that’s where the meaning of Still Becoming truly lives.The podcast was never intended to be about someone who has everything figured out. It was created to explore the experiences of people who are still learning, growing, struggling, and discovering what matters to them.Bobby also reflects on his relationship with running and how a passion that once centered on exploration and enjoyment gradually became something he felt pressured to justify through results. When those results didn’t match his expectations, he began questioning the value of the journey itself. It’s an experience that extends far beyond athletics and into many areas of life.How often do we turn the things we love into something we feel obligated to prove we’re good at?Throughout the episode, Bobby explores the uncomfortable space between wanting more from life and learning to appreciate what already exists. He acknowledges that not every day brings excitement, motivation, or some incredible personal breakthrough. Sometimes life feels repetitive, uncertain, or even disappointing.And perhaps that’s simply part of being human.Rather than offering a perfect solution or promising that everything will eventually work out, Bobby encourages listeners to give themselves permission to experience life without constantly measuring their worth against their achievements.You can have ambitions without allowing them to determine your value. You can question your direction without immediately abandoning the things you love. And you can share your experiences without needing to prove you’ve mastered every challenge.At its heart, this episode is a reminder that life doesn’t have to be extraordinary every day to be meaningful.It’s your life, and you get to live it.Wherever you find yourself today, remember that your story is still unfolding, and you’re still becoming.

When the Black Slug Gets LoudStill Becoming — Episode SummaryIn this deeply personal episode of Still Becoming, host Bobby opens up about his ongoing battle with depression and the emotional challenges he experienced over the past week. Through vulnerability and reflection, he shares what it feels like when the darkness becomes overwhelming, even when life is filled with love, purpose, and passions worth pursuing.Bobby describes his depression as the “black slug,” a name he has given to the heavy, intrusive thoughts and emotions that can slowly take over his mind. Despite years of personal growth, developing resources, and learning how to navigate his mental health, he acknowledges that some episodes can still be incredibly difficult. This particular week reminded him that depression doesn’t simply disappear because someone has worked hard to overcome it.Reflecting on his earlier experiences, Bobby shares that there were moments when he nearly gave up entirely. While those memories aren’t easy to discuss, he recognizes that they are part of his story and nothing to be ashamed of. His journey has taught him that progress doesn’t mean never struggling again. Sometimes progress means understanding what is happening, recognizing when help is needed, and giving yourself permission to experience difficult emotions without allowing them to define your identity.Throughout the episode, Bobby expresses his gratitude for his wife, Rachel, who has stood beside him through some of his darkest moments over the last decade. Rather than attempting to fix his depression or force him to feel better, she has provided something invaluable: a safe place to be vulnerable, process his emotions, and continue working toward healing. Bobby encourages listeners supporting someone with depression to offer compassion, patience, understanding, and assistance finding appropriate resources.Another important theme is the meaning of perseverance. For Bobby, refusing to quit doesn’t always mean pushing harder or demanding more from yourself. Sometimes it means resting, stepping away from a passion, asking for help, or simply making it through another difficult day. He reflects on how depression can temporarily disconnect him from activities he loves, including running, writing, and creating his podcast. However, losing that connection momentarily doesn’t mean the passion itself has disappeared.Bobby reminds listeners that they are more than their struggles, their difficult thoughts, or the challenges they face. Healing isn’t always a straight line, and having a difficult week doesn’t erase years of progress. There is strength in acknowledging pain, accepting support, and giving yourself another opportunity to experience life.As the episode concludes, Bobby offers encouragement to anyone experiencing depression or supporting someone who is struggling. He emphasizes the importance of seeking help, finding supportive resources, and approaching each day with patience and compassion.Above all, this episode serves as a reminder that even when the darkness feels overwhelming, your story isn’t finished. You don’t need every answer today. You only need to give yourself the opportunity to keep discovering what’s possible.You’re not finished. You’re still becoming.Follow Bobby’s journey on Instagram: @stillbecoming26If you or someone you know is struggling with depression or experiencing a mental health crisis, support is available through the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline in the United States. Call or text 988 for free, confidential support.

Still Becoming — Episode 49: When the Passion Feels QuietWhat happens when something you’ve dedicated so much time and energy to suddenly doesn’t feel the same anymore? What happens when the excitement begins to fade, even though the passion is still there?In episode 49 of Still Becoming, Bobby reflects on the emotional challenges that can follow a disappointing outcome, especially after spending months preparing for a major goal. Following his recent marathon, Bobby finds himself struggling with an unexpected question: What comes next?After months of early mornings, hard workouts, sacrifices, and dedication, the outcome wasn’t what he had hoped for. Instead of simply allowing himself to process the disappointment, his mind immediately began searching for answers. What needs to change? Should he train harder? Push himself more aggressively? Set another goal?But beneath those questions lies something deeper: the feeling that the joy he once experienced through running has become overshadowed by the pressure to succeed.Bobby explores how easily passion can become an obligation when routines, expectations, and ambitious goals begin controlling our experiences. Something that once brought excitement and freedom can start feeling like another responsibility. Even the thought of changing a routine or taking a different approach can trigger feelings of guilt, laziness, or fear of falling behind.He also discusses the difficult emotions that come with comparison. Watching others accomplish their goals while you’re struggling with your own disappointments can create the illusion that everyone else is moving forward while you’re standing still. It can even make you question whether your efforts mattered when the outcome wasn’t successful.But does one disappointing result erase everything you’ve accomplished along the way?Throughout the episode, Bobby encourages listeners to consider a different approach to their passions. Rather than immediately chasing another accomplishment, perhaps it’s worth changing the environment, experimenting with routines, or simply enjoying an activity without measuring its success.For Bobby, that might mean running in the evening instead of the morning, exploring different routes, or heading out without worrying about pace or distance. For others, it might mean approaching art, music, fitness, or another passion with curiosity rather than expectations.The message isn’t about abandoning ambition or giving up on meaningful goals. It’s about understanding that discipline and enjoyment can coexist, and that changing your approach doesn’t necessarily mean losing your dedication.Bobby openly acknowledges that he hasn’t figured everything out. The disappointment is still there, and so is his desire to improve. But he’s beginning to recognize that perhaps the next chapter isn’t about pushing harder. Maybe it’s about rebuilding the relationship with the activity he loves.This episode is a reminder that your passion doesn’t have to produce a successful outcome every time to remain meaningful. Sometimes progress isn’t measured by achievements, but by rediscovering the joy that inspired you to begin.Because becoming isn’t always about accomplishing more. Sometimes it’s about remembering why you started.Keep Still Becoming.

Axay Shah’s Website: https://rawfoodiest.com/Axay Shah’s book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GTC25W3Q?lv=shuf&bestFormat=true&social_share=cm_sw_r_ffobk_cp_ud_dp_JTPJK989W4TRGQAANAZ5&channelId=704&ref_=cm_sw_r_ffobk_cp_ud_dp_JTPJK989W4TRGQAANAZ5&plpRedirect=mhFallbackSummary: Still Becoming – Axay ShahIn this episode of Still Becoming, host Bobby Olivera interviews 67-year-old Axay Shah, an eight-time marathon runner who has followed a plant-based raw food diet since 2009. Axay shares his journey of self-discovery, discipline, and connection with nature.At age 50, Axay began experiencing low energy despite having no major health conditions. Rather than accepting aging as inevitable decline, he explored different approaches to improving his well-being. He began eating raw plant-based foods and noticed improvements in his energy, sleep, digestion, and mental clarity. These personal experiences motivated him to continue his lifestyle.Axay believes that lasting change begins with the mind. He encourages people to understand their motivations before making changes and to focus on gradual progress rather than perfection. Although he strongly believes in raw foods, he emphasizes that everyone should find what works best for them instead of blindly following someone else's choices.His love of nature has also inspired him to pursue beekeeping and poetry. Through these interests, he has developed a deeper appreciation for the natural world and the connections between humans and other living things.Axay's philosophy, “Energy is life,” reflects his belief in the importance of maintaining physical and mental vitality. He wrote a book, In Nature We Trust, to share his experiences and contribute something meaningful to others, regardless of recognition or success.Ultimately, Axay encourages people to remain curious, challenge limitations, and pursue their passions at any age. His story reminds us that personal growth is a lifelong journey, and it is never too late to keep becoming a better version of yourself.

Still Becoming — When the Finish Line HurtsWhat happens when you give everything you have to something you love, only to walk away disappointed? What happens when months of preparation, sacrifice, determination, and belief don’t lead to the outcome you dreamed of?In this heartfelt and vulnerable episode of Still Becoming, host Bobby reflects on his unsuccessful attempt at the Rogue Marathon and the emotional challenges that follow when a dream doesn’t unfold the way we hoped.Rather than presenting another picture-perfect success story, Bobby opens up about the reality of pursuing something meaningful. The frustration, disappointment, and lingering sting of missing a goal are all part of the journey. While social media often highlights incredible achievements and triumphant moments, Still Becoming exists to tell the other side of the story. The side where things don’t always work out, where confidence gets shaken, and where believing in yourself can suddenly feel more difficult than ever.Bobby explores why disappointment can hurt so deeply, especially when we’ve invested so much of ourselves into an outcome. He describes that familiar feeling of wanting time to move faster, hoping the emotional sting will disappear. Yet sometimes even an innocent question like “How’d it go?” can bring those difficult emotions rushing back.But within that disappointment lies something powerful: the opportunity to continue becoming.Through his experience at Rogue, Bobby reminds listeners that an unsuccessful attempt doesn’t mean the dream is over. A disappointing result doesn’t erase the work, dedication, growth, or passion that brought us to that moment. Instead, it offers an opportunity to reflect on what went well, what could have gone better, and how we might approach the next chapter with greater understanding.This episode also explores the relationship between aging, ambition, and the fear of running out of time. As Bobby continues chasing his running goals, he confronts the internal voice suggesting that getting older might mean it’s time to stop trying. But rather than surrendering to that thought, he asks an important question: Do we spend our remaining years thinking we couldn’t accomplish something and therefore shouldn’t try again, or do we embrace the possibility that we haven’t accomplished it yet?It’s a reminder that our passions are reflections of our hearts and spirits, not simply measurements of success or failure.Bobby doesn’t pretend that moving forward is easy. Healing from disappointment takes time, and believing again sometimes requires patience. But each passing day creates distance from the painful result and brings us closer to another opportunity.Whether you’re recovering from a setback, questioning your abilities, or wondering whether your dreams are still worth chasing, this episode is a reminder that one moment doesn’t define your entire story.You are allowed to hurt. You are allowed to feel disappointed. And you are absolutely allowed to try again.Because the journey isn’t about always reaching the finish line exactly as planned. It’s about having the courage to keep showing up.Remember, you are Still Becoming, and You Are the Only One Stopping You!

Still Becoming — Just Go.Have you ever spent so much time preparing for something important that, when the moment finally arrives, you almost forget how to enjoy it?In this episode of Still Becoming, Bobby shares his thoughts from the day before running a marathon, an event that represents six months of dedication, sacrifice, growth, and learning. But there’s something unique about this conversation. By the time you’re listening, the marathon has already happened. Yet when these words were written, the outcome was still completely unknown.And that’s exactly what makes this episode meaningful.For months, Bobby has balanced the demands of training with work, family, and everyday life. From early morning runs and strength sessions to recovery routines and mental preparation, the journey has required commitment far beyond simply showing up on race day.But as the starting line approaches, Bobby finds himself facing one of his greatest challenges: his own mind.The pressure to perform. The fear of falling short. The feeling that six months of work must somehow be justified by one single result.It’s a familiar struggle, not just for athletes, but for anyone who has invested their heart into something meaningful.Over the past several years, Bobby has been working to change his relationship with expectations, perfection, and personal achievement. Rather than treating important moments as final judgments of his worth, he’s learning to approach them with greater compassion, patience, and acceptance.Because the truth is, one moment cannot erase everything it took to get there.And sometimes, the greatest challenge isn’t preparing for the big moment. It’s learning how to make that moment small enough to enjoy.Instead of imagining the marathon as an enormous, overwhelming test, Bobby breaks it down into simple actions.Get on the bus.Arrive at the starting line.Warm up.Take the first step.And go.No Hollywood speeches. No dramatic expectations. No need to figure out the entire journey before it begins.Just one step, followed by another.It’s a lesson that extends far beyond running. Whether you’re preparing for a job interview, stepping onto a stage, starting a new chapter, or pursuing a lifelong dream, the pressure we create in our minds can sometimes become more intimidating than the experience itself.This episode is a gentle reminder that you don’t have to eliminate uncertainty to move forward. You don’t need perfect conditions, guaranteed success, or complete confidence.You simply need the willingness to show up.And perhaps the real victory isn’t found in achieving every goal, but in reaching the moment and allowing yourself to experience it with pride, curiosity, and joy.Because the work you’ve done already matters, regardless of what comes next.So wherever you are in your journey, give yourself permission to make the moment smaller.Just breathe.Just go.And remember, my friend, you’re still becoming.

There is a strange moment in any long journey when the work is mostly done, the big day is almost here, and suddenly time seems to slow down.You are standing on the edge of go time.For weeks, months, or even years, you have been building toward something. You have sacrificed, adjusted, doubted, recommitted, and kept showing up. And then you arrive at the final stretch where there is not much left to add. The preparation is already there.That can be one of the hardest parts.Because when something means a lot to us, it is easy to turn the final moment into a test of everything that came before it. We start creating an imaginary courtroom in our minds. If the result goes the way we want, then the journey was worth it. If it does not, then maybe we failed.But one day should never carry that much power.This episode is about resisting the urge to turn your passion into a verdict.The work already happened.The growth already happened.The person you became while chasing this goal already exists.You do not need one perfect performance to prove that.That does not mean the nerves disappear. It does not mean you stop caring. When something matters deeply, there will be pressure, anticipation, logistics, and moments when your mind tries to control every possible outcome.That is normal.The goal is not to become emotionless.The goal is to remember what the day is supposed to represent.It should be an expression of what you love.It should be a release.It should be the moment when all the work you have put in finally gets a chance to come out.Instead of forcing the moment, maybe the job is simply to flow.Flow with pride.Flow with fun.Flow with the intention of showing up fully and seeing what happens.You are allowed to have goals.You are allowed to want something badly.You are allowed to chase a number, a result, or a dream with everything you have.But your worth does not have to rise and fall with the outcome.There is a difference between deeply wanting something and believing you must achieve it for the journey to matter.As go time approaches, the challenge may no longer be about getting fitter, stronger, or more prepared.It may be about trusting what you have already built.Get the details lined up. Handle what needs to be handled. Then, when the moment finally arrives, give yourself permission to experience it.Notice the energy.Feel the nerves.Take in the moment.And go.Not because you have something left to prove, but because you have something you are excited to express.The finish line does not decide whether you belong.The clock does not decide whether the journey mattered.You already showed up.You already did the work.Now you are standing on the edge of go time.And maybe the only thing left to say is:Here I am.This is what I love.This is what I have built.Now let’s see what happens.

Ron Russell's Website: https://www.longevityvisa.com/In this episode of Still Becoming, Bobby sits down with Ron for a conversation about endurance, cancer, purpose, family, and what it means to keep becoming when life suddenly changes everything.Ron’s story begins long before his cancer diagnosis. Endurance sports had already been part of his life for decades—running, cycling, triathlon, and eventually the dream of competing at the Ironman World Championship in Kona. But shortly before an Ironman race in 2024, Ron received news that completely changed the direction of his life: he had advanced cancer and was told his disease was terminal.What followed wasn’t a story about pretending everything was okay. Ron talks openly about fear, uncertainty, surgeries, chemotherapy, physical setbacks, and the moments when cancer stripped away the confidence and control he had carried throughout much of his life. Yet somewhere inside that experience, something else began to happen.Ron started looking at cancer almost like another endurance event—not because the two experiences are equal, but because many of the lessons he had learned through sport suddenly became tools he could lean on. Patience. Discipline. Resilience. Learning to tolerate discomfort. Knowing when to push and, perhaps more importantly, when to listen.Training remained part of Ron’s life throughout treatment. At times that meant running, riding, swimming, or simply doing what his body would allow that day. He describes movement as more than exercise. It became an escape, a source of normalcy, and something that helped keep his mind from being consumed by cancer.But one of the biggest lessons wasn’t about toughness at all.It was humility.Ron talks about having to learn how to let his wife, family, doctors, coaches, and friends help him. For someone accustomed to being the strong one and taking care of everyone else, accepting help required a different kind of strength. He says cancer has made him more emotional, more open, and in many ways a better husband, father, friend, and person.The conversation also explores aging and longevity. Bobby and Ron talk about how training changes as the years pass—not necessarily by abandoning ambition, but by becoming smarter about recovery, consistency, and listening to the people you trust. The goal becomes more than getting through today’s workout. It’s preserving the ability to keep doing what you love for decades.Ron has also turned his experience outward. Through his writing, racing, fundraising, and conversations with others, he hopes his story can help someone who feels trapped by illness, age, fear, or circumstances. His advice isn’t to immediately do something extraordinary.Start small.Walk. Move. Find something meaningful. Build from there.Because even in a situation Ron never would have chosen, he has found purpose, deeper relationships, gratitude, and reasons to keep moving forward.And perhaps the message that connects Ron’s story most closely with Still Becoming is the simplest one:No matter your age, diagnosis, setback, or circumstances, there may still be something ahead worth searching for.You’re not done yet. You are still becoming.

In this episode of Still Becoming, Bobby explores the idea that two things can be true at the same time — even when those truths seem to contradict each other.The episode starts with a simple frustration from a morning run. The workout was going well. The splits were there. Nothing was technically wrong. But the run didn’t feel the way Bobby imagined it should. He had been chasing that smooth, almost “buttery” feeling where everything clicks, and instead the run felt harder and less fluid than expected.That moment sparked a bigger realization: feeling good and performing well are not always the same thing.You can be running well and still feel sluggish. You can be confident and still have doubts. You can be grateful for your life and still feel frustrated. You can love something deeply and still have days when you don’t feel excited about it. One truth does not have to erase the other.Too often, we take a temporary feeling and turn it into a permanent conclusion. If something feels hard, we assume we are doing badly. If we feel tired, we question whether we are capable. If our confidence disappears for a moment, we wonder whether we ever really had it in the first place.But feelings are not always verdicts.Sometimes they are simply information about where you are in that particular moment.For Bobby, that might mean recognizing that running very early in the morning simply feels different than running later in the day. The body may not be fully awake yet. The smoothness may take longer to arrive. That doesn’t mean the fitness disappeared or that something is wrong.And this idea goes far beyond running.Sometimes the most helpful thing we can do is give ourselves a little more patience before deciding what a difficult moment means.That doesn’t mean ignoring real warning signs or forcing yourself through everything. It means learning the difference between something being wrong and something simply not feeling perfect yet.You may be tired and still capable.You may be nervous and still prepared.You may be frustrated and still grateful.You may feel uncertain and still be moving in the right direction.Sometimes two truths are simply: “This is harder than I wanted it to be” and “I’m still going to keep going.”The answer is not always to push harder or immediately change the plan. Sometimes the answer is to give yourself a little more time. A little more grace. A little less judgment.Because maybe nothing is wrong.Maybe you are still becoming.And maybe, before deciding that something isn’t working, you simply need to give yourself a chance to wake up.

Episode Summary — “Stepping Into the Pitch Black”There’s something intimidating about stepping into something when you have no idea what’s waiting for you.No guarantees. No clear outcome. No promise that the thing you’re chasing is going to work.It’s like standing at the edge of a place that’s completely dark. You can’t see what’s ahead, and your mind immediately starts filling in the blanks. What if I fail? What if I embarrass myself? What if I waste my time? What if I get hurt? What if this goes nowhere?But in this episode of Still Becoming, I explore a different way of looking at that darkness.What if the pitch black doesn’t mean danger?What if it simply means you haven’t been there yet?So often, we wait for confidence before we move. We want reassurance before we take the risk. We want someone to tell us that our idea will work, that our dream is realistic, that our effort will pay off.But life rarely gives us that kind of certainty.Sometimes, we have to move forward before the path becomes clear.I talk about how this has shown up in my own life through running, writing, and even this podcast. When I started Still Becoming, I had no idea where it would lead. I was simply talking about what I was struggling with, what I was learning, and what I was trying to understand about myself. There was no guarantee anyone would listen.And now, every once in a while, someone I’ve never met reaches out wanting to be part of the show.I couldn’t see that when I started.That part of the road was completely dark.The same is true with writing a book, chasing a goal, starting something new, or trying to become a different version of yourself. You don’t get to see the whole path ahead of time.And maybe you’re not supposed to.Maybe courage isn’t having complete confidence.Maybe courage is simply being willing to take the next step even when you can’t see where it leads.You don’t need the entire road illuminated.You just need enough courage for the next few feet.And instead of always asking, “What if this goes wrong?” maybe we can start asking a different question:What if something incredible is waiting out there too?There are people you haven’t met yet. Experiences you haven’t had. Things you haven’t created. Versions of yourself you haven’t discovered.Yes, there will probably be wrong turns and failures along the way.But that’s still better than standing in the same place forever, waiting for someone to turn on all the lights.Life doesn’t always give us guarantees.Sometimes it just gives us an invitation.So maybe the only way to find out what’s waiting for us is to take a breath, move forward, and start stepping into the pitch black.