The Infernal Machine

The Exiles. Season 2, Episode 2. First broadcast Saturday 11 September 1976. This month, the remaining crew of Moonbase Alpha discover, to their horror, that the fifty missiles orbiting their moon are apparently full of blonde young people from children’s TV — the titular exiles, who are determined to return home and teach their elders a valuable lesson about animal cruelty and how to make spaceships out of egg cartons and sticky-back plastic. Inevitably, they intend to do this in a way that will kill everyone on the base, and so Helena has no alternative but to pull a particularly vigorous face before springing into action.

The Metamorph. Season 2, Episode 1. First broadcast Saturday 4 September 1976. After just over six months, we’re back, and all the members of the Moonbase Alpha crew who weren’t killed off by the producers during the break are huddled in a cramped and airless cupboard some feet underground, awaiting the arrival of this week’s alien threat — played by Brian Blessed dressed as a badger crossed with an onion — who has no desire to kill everyone on the base — preferring instead to enslave and lobotomise them all before using them to train his latest Large Language Model. Which seems fitting, given just how dumb everything has suddenly got.

The Day After Tomorrow. First broadcast Tuesday 9 December 1975. While we wait to find out if Space: 1999 is getting a second season, here’s an educational space adventure featuring some familiar faces in front of and behind the camera. One and two-thirds nuclear families don inoffensive pastel leisurewear and board a lightspeed spacecraft for a one-way trip through a black hole, after which no one will ever hear from or think of them again. Except Brian Cox. Bless him.

The Last Enemy. Season 1, Episode 24. First broadcast Thursday 19 February 1976. This week, the Moon becomes a reluctant missile platform for two implacable and entirely incompatible genders, both completely untroubled by the possibility that they might kill everyone on the base. Also, the show ends. Sort of.

The Testament of Arkadia. Season 1, Episode 23. First broadcast Thursday 12 February 1976. Stranded in a cold and purposeless corner of an indifferent universe, adjacent to the end of everything, the crew of Moonbase Alpha make a discovery which changes the meaning not just of their journey but of their very existence, a discovery which drives this week’s Large Hot Italian Guest Star and his posh new girlfriend to make an irrevocable decision.

The Troubled Spirit. Season 1, Episode 22. First broadcast Thursday 5 February 1976. The 70s have come roaring back on Moonbase Alpha this week — with a séance, some dank hydroponic weed, and a beardo hippy and his Coral Electric Sitar. All of which inevitably summons an irrational paranormal phenomenon intent (as always) on killing everyone on the base. But not before some urgent and profound philosophical questions are raised, including Why?, What on earth is going on here? and Death, eh? What’s with that?

Space Brain. Season 1, Episode 21. First broadcast Thursday 29 January 1976. This month, executive interference turns a simple tale of mutual trust in a universe full of life and purpose into a bleak story about shooting a benevolent but defenceless cosmic intelligence through the brain. Still, we did enjoy the foam party on the way.

Missing Link. Season 1, Episode 20. First broadcast Thursday 22 January 1976. This month, John Koenig awakens on an island full of noises, sounds and sweet airs: there he meets Temu Prospero and his daughter Vana, who is curious about this human concept you call love. Meanwhile, back on the base, Helena, Victor and Paul decide that killing the Commander would significantly improve everyone’s mood.

Ring Around the Moon. Season 1, Episode 19. First broadcast Thursday 15 January 1976. This month, the people of the mythical planet Triton are so (understandably) keen to avoid any contact with the human race that they send a large yellow lightbulb to capture the Moon and to issue urgent demands for the entire contents of the base’s OneDrive. These demands mostly involve abducting Helena and inserting things into her brain, giving Barbara the chance to try out a bewildering array of new facial expressions.

The Infernal Machine. Season 1, Episode 18. First broadcast Thursday 8 January 1976. This month, Leo McKern turns up on the Moon with his enormous scary spaceship husband, who threatens to kill everyone on the base and decimate its sizeable collection of Kenner die-cast model vehicles. But there’s also a moving depiction of grief here, and some kind of attempt to explore why exactly we all continue putting up with each other.