The Truth About Sober Dating, Sex, and Love with Whitney Combs

This week on Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia and Kathleen delve into the intersection of intimacy, sexuality, and recovery. They’re joined by the incredible Carlyle Jansen—a sex educator, registered psychotherapist, and founder of Good For Her, Toronto’s groundbreaking sexuality shop and workshop space. Carlyle is also the author of Sex Yourself and Anal Sex Basics, and she brings over two decades of experience helping individuals and couples reclaim pleasure, navigate intimacy, and communicate more effectively. Today, she helps us better understand how our sexual selves evolve in recovery, and how we can reconnect with our bodies and desires—without shame.Together, we'll explore questions many of us have: What happens to libido after quitting substances? How do we navigate physical connection when sober sex feels so unfamiliar? What do terms like “responsive desire” actually mean, and why do they matter in recovery? This conversation helps deconstruct cultural shame, normalize sexual differences, and guide the path back to pleasurable living.Carlyle offers practical techniques like mindfulness, post-intimacy debriefs, and body exploration exercises.This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tricks, and resources.Episode Highlights[00:01:00] Meet Carlisle Jansen: therapist, author, and founder of Good For Her[00:03:00] Carlisle shares her first experiences with sex, shame, and trying to orgasm[00:04:30] How a bridal shower kickstarted her career in sex education[00:06:30] Why she opened a retail shop alongside her workshops[00:08:00] The impact of growing up in a sex-silent household[00:10:00] How family history and shame shaped her relationship with sexuality[00:12:00] From workshops to therapy: how her work evolved[00:15:00] The most common issue in her practice: mismatched libidos[00:16:30] What changes sexually during addiction recovery[00:18:00] What is sexual anorexia? And how is it different from sexual numbness?[00:20:00] Trauma’s impact on sexual function and emotional availability[00:21:30] Internal Family Systems (IFS) and the parts that show up during sex[00:23:00] Why partners need to “start over” after sobriety[00:25:30] How to rebuild trust and emotional safety during physical intimacy[00:27:30] Navigating unpleasant emotions and sexual discomfort[00:29:30] How to rethink consent and boundaries post-recovery[00:31:30] Why kissing should not be a gateway to sex—and how to communicate about it[00:34:00] Debriefing after intimacy: how to reflect and stay connected[00:36:00] How to approach sober dating with clarity and boundaries[00:40:00] The role of masturbation in recovery and reconnection[00:44:00] Sex addiction, love addiction, and how to tell if it’s compulsive or just shame[00:47:00] Why we seek validation through relationships—and how to unlearn it[00:49:00] Tips to maintain long-term sexual connection with a partner[00:52:00] Spontaneous vs. responsive desire—and how to honor your sexual blueprint[00:55:00] Pressure kills arousal: why expectation ruins the moment[01:01:00] Expanding what sex means: intimacy without intercourse[01:03:00] Closing thoughts and how to keep showing up for your evolving selfCarlyle's LinksLinks: carlylejansen.comTEDx talk: https://youtu.be/12d2o8e9cSU?si=3DcVS-4uiexd4cdCSIS Links💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast📸 Kathleen’s InstagramSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/sisters-in-sobriety/donations

What if the key to resilience isn’t eliminating stress—but embracing the right kind of it? This week on Sisters in Sobriety, we take on the fascinating world of cellular health, good stress, and regenerative wellness with Dr. Sharon Bergquist—a Harvard-trained physician, Yale biophysics grad, and pioneering force behind Emory’s Lifestyle Medicine and Wellness program. Dr. Bergquist is the author of the upcoming book The Stress Paradox, which challenges everything you thought you knew about aging, health, and how to build a body that thrives.In this conversation, we'll explore essential questions: What makes some stress beneficial—and how can we harness it without burning out? Why does modern comfort leave us more fragile, and how does plant-powered eating reshape the trajectory of chronic disease? They also explore what lifestyle medicine actually is, and how behavior change works from the inside out—at the cellular level.You'll come away with actionable insight into how to reframe stress, build long-term resilience, and slow aging with everyday tools like circadian fasting, thermal therapy, interval training, and plant-based nutrition. Dr. Bergquist explains the science behind dopamine recovery in sobriety, the myth of needing to do it all at once, and why stacking "good stress" needs to be a gentle.This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tricks and resources.Episode Highlights00:01 – Why Dr. Bergquist fell in love with the human body03:20 – How seeing long-term patient outcomes changed her approach05:15 – Why standard medical care misses the root cause of disease07:10 – The five “good stressors” that help your cells regenerate09:50 – The difference between toxic stress and beneficial stress12:30 – Why numbing stress with alcohol creates a dopamine deficit14:40 – How good stress like cold exposure gives you dopamine without burnout17:20 – Over-optimizing for comfort—and how that backfires19:00 – Pick your discomfort: cold, heat, exercise, or emotional growth21:15 – What stress actually does to your brain and cells24:45 – What we’ve lost in the modern world (hint: it’s not just screen time)26:30 – Why we must reintroduce discomfort strategically28:00 – The link between resilience and meaning30:30 – Can you stack stress? Not in early sobriety33:20 – Why sobriety itself is already a stressor—and that’s OK35:10 – When and how to add other good habits without overwhelming yourself37:50 – The science behind a plant-powered diet40:15 – Why it's not “plants vs meat”—and the real stats on fiber and phytochemicals43:00 – How to start eating plant-forward without going broke or gourmet45:10 – The secret sauce (literally) that makes veggies taste good48:05 – Debunking the protein panic: what research really says52:00 – Why labels like “vegan” or “carnivore” miss the point54:30 – The real takeaway: 1 in 10 Americans get enough fruits and veggies56:00 – What Dr. Bergquist is building at Emory—and her vision for health systems59:00 – Making lifestyle medicine mainstream and accessibleLinks💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast📸 Kathleen’s InstagramSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/sisters-in-sobriety/donations

We're diving into part two of my sober dating diary—a real-life story that involves a cute date, an unexpected trip to a cannabis shop, and a bath bomb that turned into a major wake-up call.Dating after divorce is awkward enough. But when you're sober—and your date casually suggests a relaxing soak in a "CBD" bath—you learn pretty quickly who respects your boundaries and who treats your sobriety like a buzzkill. I also share:The truth about "California sober" and why it doesn't work for meHow people-pleasing and old patterns can sneak back in, even after years of sobrietyWhy I walked away and what it taught me about owning my sobriety, unapologeticallyThis story is for anyone who's ever compromised a little too much to seem “chill,” or needed a reminder that you're allowed to have boundaries—and you're allowed to walk away when someone crosses them.✨ Your sobriety isn’t just “okay”—it’s powerful, it’s valid, and it deserves to be honored.🔔 Like, comment, and subscribe for more stories from the sober dating trenches, plus tips, real talk, and radical honesty every week.📬 Want more? Head to sistersinsobriety.substack.com for behind-the-scenes content, journal prompts, and community support.Highlights[00:00] First dates after divorce—applying mascara for the first time in years and meeting someone who doesn’t drink [01:10] When a park stroll turns into a casual detour to a cannabis shop (um, red flag?) [01:55] What “California sober” really means—and why it’s not part of my recovery [02:50] The power of “playing the tape forward” and how it helps me avoid old traps [04:00] He says it’s just a CBD bath bomb. I ask (repeatedly) if it has THC. He says no. [05:10] Ten minutes into the tub and I’m feeling like a human gummy bear [06:00] The bold print truth: Delta-8 THC. And a sinking feeling—literally. [06:45] Why I ignored my instincts to be the “cool girl”—and what it cost me [07:45] The moment I knew I’d never see him again (and why that mattered) [08:20] Sober dating isn’t just about tolerance—it’s about respect, celebration, and self-trustLinks💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast📸 Kathleen’s InstagramSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/sisters-in-sobriety/donations

This week on Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia and Kathleen turn the tables on their popular mini-series about sober dating, sex, and relationships. After hearing from past guests on what dating without alcohol looks like, the sisters are sitting down to answer the same ten questions themselves. From green flags and red flags to playlist picks and sober date ideas, they’re bringing personal reflections, and honest takes.How do you navigate dating someone who drinks when you don’t? What’s the go-to answer when someone asks why you’re not drinking? And how do you build connection without the lubrication of alcohol? Sonia and Kathleen unpack the real-life challenges and unexpected joys of dating while sober.Find out why communication and emotional regulation are the new sexy, how to set boundaries around alcohol in relationships, and how to create connection without compromising sobriety. The episode also explores cultural norms around drinking, coping strategies for first sober dates, and what "choosing each other" really means in long-term partnerships.This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tricks and resources.Episode Highlights[00:01:10] Sonia’s power washer as a symbol of freedom post-divorce[00:02:30] Setting the scene for the mini-series wrap-up: 10 questions revisited[00:04:00] Kathleen's first sober date: a nuanced look at alcohol vs. drug sobriety[00:05:45] Dating someone who drinks—how Kathleen navigated early discomfort[00:07:15] Caitlin’s story: being 90 days sober and her date ordering her favorite drink[00:08:45] NA beer and whether it fits into Sonia’s sober lifestyle[00:09:30] Food and body issues on early dates—what Ally Shapiro shared[00:10:25] What do you say when someone asks why you don’t drink?[00:11:15] The challenge of drinking cultures within a partner’s family[00:12:45] Green flags: emotional regulation, curiosity, and thoughtful check-ins[00:15:00] Red flags: love addiction, criticism, and white lies[00:17:50] Favorite sober date ideas: hiking, kayaking, concerts, and coffee[00:19:30] Advice for your first sober date: have a plan, tell someone, and stay present[00:21:00] How much drinking is too much in a partner? Setting comfort levels[00:22:15] Alcohol in the house—yes, no, or it depends?[00:23:15] Who do you call after a fight or a great first date? (Hint: it’s not always your sister)[00:24:30] The breakup playlist that kept them going—hello, Florence + the Machine[00:26:15] From "dicked down in Dallas" to Taylor Swift: the love life soundtrack[00:28:00] “I used to think love was a fairytale, now I know it’s a choice.”[00:30:15] Romantic love is conditional—and why that’s actually a good thingLinks💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast📸 Kathleen’s InstagramSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/sisters-in-sobriety/donations

In this episode, Sonia and Kathleen are joined by sisters Patti and Karin Clark for a conversation about breaking the cycle of intergenerational addiction and reclaiming personal identity. Patti is an award-winning author whose books blend emotional sobriety and self-reflection, and Karin is a counselor and educator with decades of experience in trauma and addiction recovery. Together, the sisters reflect on how their upbringing shaped them—and how recovery allowed them to rewrite their own stories.We talk about the roles we unconsciously play in dysfunctional families—hero, rebel, mascot—and how these survival strategies can carry into adulthood, often laying the groundwork for addiction, codependency, and emotional suppression. And we tackle some big questions: How do family dynamics influence substance use? Can breaking generational trauma actually stop the cycle? What happens to sisterhood when sobriety enters the room?Patti and Karin share personal stories of relapse and reconciliation, how their relationship as sisters evolved through recovery, and the beautiful ways their sobriety has rippled through their families. You'll hear about the grief and rage they had to walk through in order to reach forgiveness—not just for others, but for themselves. Their shared journey highlights what happens when we name the truth, do the work, and choose connection over silence.This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tricks, and resources.Episode Highlights (Timestamps)[00:02:00] Patti shares a tribute to Karin’s steady presence after their mother’s death[00:03:45] Karin explains family roles and the origin of the “hero” label[00:05:00] Patti opens up about being the mascot and diffusing family tension with humor[00:07:45] A painful memory of being compared at the dinner table[00:08:30] Food as a first addiction and internalized shame[00:10:15] Karin outlines the family role model (hero, scapegoat, lost child, mascot)[00:11:00] Both sisters share how their roles shifted over time[00:13:30] Roundtable discussion: Which family role is most prone to addiction?[00:15:00] The hidden addiction behaviors that often go overlooked[00:17:30] Patti and Karin reflect on their first experiences with substances[00:20:00] Karin recalls when drinking shifted from fun to fear[00:22:00] Patti describes the subtle but powerful interventions that helped her quit[00:26:00] Tracing addiction and denial through both sides of the family tree[00:29:00] The myth of the “poor Patty and Karen” narrative within the family[00:30:15] How their sisterhood changed through recovery and ACOA work[00:33:30] Relapsing, boundaries, codependency, and coming back together[00:36:30] Karin and Patti explain the emotional dynamics of their old arguments[00:39:00] The cultural addiction of capitalism and constant productivity[00:41:30] When relapse happens: fear, enabling, and permission[00:44:00] “Safe drinking” lies we tell ourselves in the gray area[00:46:00] Did we break the cycle? Parenting, legacy, and sober modeling[00:49:00] Creating a new lineage of openness, healing, and choice[00:51:30] What does forgiveness really look like in recovery?[00:53:00] Patti explains the danger of skipping grief and going straight to forgiveness[00:54:30] Karin shares how compassion helped her process resentment[00:56:00] Forgiveness doesn’t always mean reconciliation[00:57:30] Closing reflections on sisterhood, healing, and sharing the toolsConnect with Patti ClarkWebsite: www.patticlark.orgSubstack: https://patticlarkwriter.substack.com/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfahpJhfHNNHUqtIjR39OdQConnect with Karin ClarkFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/KarinClarkCommunicationsWebsite: www.karineclark.comEmail: [email protected] Links💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast📸 Kathleen’s InstagramSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/sisters-in-sobriety/donations

What if the wisdom you’re searching for has been with you all along? In this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia and Kathleen are joined by master transformational coach Julie Reisler to explore the quiet, powerful force of intuition—and how it can guide your recovery, self-trust, and authentic living. Julie is a TEDx speaker, host of the You-est You® Podcast, and founder of the Life Designer® Coach Academy. Julie helps people around the world reconnect with their higher self.What does it really means to become the You-est You? Why do so many of us feel disconnected from our intuition—and how do we begin to rebuild that trust, especially after life changes like divorce, addiction recovery, or hitting emotional rock bottom?Julie walks listeners through the difference between fear and intuitive guidance, how we can all access our unique “intuition language,” and the power of two-way prayer, evidence tracking, and journaling as tools for emotional healing. With practical tools and real-life examples, this conversation unpacks how to integrate mind-body-spirit wisdom, how intuition supports recovery from addictive patterns (like emotional eating), and how to make decisions that align with your true self—especially when logic tells you otherwise.Julie opens up about her own story—from childhood sensitivity and food addiction to spiritual awakening and leaving a stable corporate job to follow her inner voice.This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tools, and resources to support your growth.Time-Stamped Highlights00:01 – Meet Julie Reisler and learn about the You-est You® philosophy00:02 – Julie’s childhood: sensitivity, imagination, and early intuition00:04 – Growing up with a father in addiction and how that shaped her energy awareness00:05 – The early signs of self-loathing and disconnect from intuition00:06 – Her recovery journey begins with sugar and food addiction00:08 – How food became a way to soothe emotions and hide shame00:10 – The pivotal moment that changed everything (and the bag of M&Ms)00:12 – Julie’s exposure to 12-step programs as a child00:14 – How Overeaters Anonymous and spiritual reading reshaped her path00:16 – Returning to school and integrating science and spirituality00:18 – Leaving corporate life and entering Panera Bread: a surprising intuitive detour00:21 – Following the nudges: voiceover classes and synchronicity00:23 – The cost of disconnecting from your voice in marriage and dating00:27 – Defining intuition: is it a voice, a knowing, or a feeling?00:30 – How to tell the difference between fear, anxiety, and real intuition00:33 – Building self-trust through two-way prayer and intuitive journaling00:36 – Evidence tracking: gathering proof that your intuition has been guiding you00:39 – When intuition contradicts logic (and why that’s OK)00:41 – Asking for signs and using muscle testing to check your inner YES00:44 – A real-time example of intuition: how Julie ended up at a film festival00:45 – What to do when your intuitive knowing disrupts your plans00:46 – Julie’s heartfelt advice for women in transition00:47 – The megaphone to your heart—why everything you’re looking for is already withinLinks:Website: juliereisler.comInstagram: @juliereislerMore from Sisters in Sobriety:💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast📸 Kathleen’s InstagramSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/sisters-in-sobriety/donations

This week on Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia and Kathleen are diving deep into the wild world of dating—minus the drinks. They're joined by Carleigh Ferrante, host of the Mostly Dating podcast. Carleigh talks about what it really means to date with intention, honesty, and clarity—especially when you're sober. From starting over after a long-term relationship to swiping through the chaos of dating apps, they're talking about it.Together, they explore how to spot emotional availability, navigate red flags, and decode whether your new connection is fueled by real chemistry. They ask big questions like: Can attraction grow? How can you tell if someone’s emotionally mature or just really charming? How long should you “get to know” someone before deciding to be exclusive? And what does flirting even look like when you’re sober?You'll walk away with tangible, empowering insights like how to start meaningful conversations on dating apps, how to plan sober-friendly first dates, and how to protect your peace when things don’t go as planned. Carleigh shares practical tips for setting physical and emotional boundaries, flirting without alcohol, and recognizing when someone just isn’t your person—even if nothing seems “wrong.” You'll also learn how to gauge emotional maturity versus availability and the importance of aligned values in long-term compatibility.On a personal note, Sonia and Kathleen open up about their own dating experiences and reflect on what it felt like to date sober for the first time, and how vulnerability, awkwardness, and self-awareness reshaped their views on intimacy and connection. Carleigh adds her own behind-the-scenes stories from dating app disasters to moments of surprising self-growth.This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tricks, and resources.Time-stamped Highlights[00:01:00] Carleigh Ferrante joins the show to talk all things dating [00:02:00] Sonia and Kathleen share their contrasting Bumble experiences [00:04:00] Carleigh’s go-to formula for dating app openers that actually work [00:05:00] First date ideas for sober daters that don’t involve bars [00:06:30] Where to meet people in the wild (yes, even at the Garden Center) [00:08:00] Why small talk with strangers helps your dating life [00:10:00] Sonia’s AA house call—and why she prefers women’s recovery groups [00:11:00] What to ask early on to gauge someone’s dating mindset [00:13:00] How to talk about your ex without trauma-dumping [00:16:00] Should you discuss your values on a first date? Here’s how [00:18:00] Can attraction grow—or does it have to be instant? [00:21:00] Why ‘secure’ might feel boring if you’re used to chaos [00:23:30] Emotional availability: what it looks like and how to spot it [00:25:00] The difference between emotional maturity and availability [00:27:30] Sonia’s boyfriend used to sing through hard conversations—literally [00:29:00] How to talk about the future without scaring someone off [00:31:00] Why the “getting to know you” phase should never really end [00:33:00] Dating rules vs. personal boundaries—what really matters [00:36:30] Love bombing vs. real connection: how to tell the difference [00:39:00] How dating changes when you're sober—and why that's a good thing [00:41:00] Sober dating and physical boundaries: what becomes clearer [00:43:00] Flirting without alcohol: presence, confidence, and compliments [00:47:00] How Kathleen dated for fun—and why that mindset worked [00:48:00] How to protect your peace when someone ghosts you [00:50:00] Your person won’t leave you on read—trust that [00:51:00] Signs it’s not right, even if it’s not “wrong” [00:53:00] Carleigh’s new course and how to find her contentLinksCarleigh's Instagram💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast📸 Kathleen’s InstagramSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/sisters-in-sobriety/donations

Is it really just emotional eating—or could it be addiction? In this week’s episode of Sisters in Sobriety, we speak with renowned expert Dr. Vera Tarman to unravel the science, psychology, and stigma surrounding sugar and flour addiction, and how we can truly recover. As the Medical Director of Renascent, one of Canada’s largest substance abuse treatment centres, Dr. Tarman brings a wealth of clinical insight—plus her own recovery from both alcohol and food addiction. She is the author of Food Junkies: Recovery from Food Addiction and cohost of the Food Junkies Podcast.What’s the real connection between alcohol and sugar? Why do so many people transfer their addictions to food when they get sober? And what do terms like “intuitive eating,” “emotional eating,” and “abstinence” actually mean in the context of recovery?Dr. Tarman also breaks down the difference between emotional eating and food addiction, outlines what recovery from food addiction really requires, and offers practical insight into why abstinence—not just moderation—is the key for many. Expect to learn about the dopamine pathways, the food-addiction spectrum, the role of ultra-processed foods, and the concept of “food serenity.”Finally, Dr. Tarman shares her deeply personal story— her own early experiences with alcohol and marijuana, and how she navigated her own recovery from binge eating and bulimia while practicing as a doctor. Her journey is vulnerable, relatable, and a reminder that healing is possible—even when it’s not linear.This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tricks, and resources.Time-stamped Highlights00:00 – Welcome and guest intro: Dr. Vera Tarman, addiction medicine expert and author01:55 – Her first addiction: sugar or alcohol?03:30 – Growing up with an alcoholic mother04:45 – Alcohol and academic life: why she quit in med school05:50 – Binge eating, bulimia, and how food replaced alcohol07:00 – “You should stop drinking”—saying it to patients, but not herself09:00 – Her “aha” moment: reading the first studies on food addiction10:20 – How food and alcohol affect the brain’s dopamine reward system12:45 – Is sugar addiction common in people getting sober?15:10 – Sugar and alcohol as “sisters”—and the medical consequences17:00 – Liver disease and non-alcoholic fatty liver: the sugar connection19:10 – Emotional eating vs. food addiction—what’s the difference?22:30 – Why intuitive eating may not work for everyone27:00 – Recovery and abstinence: what does it look like?31:45 – Is it about added sugar or natural sugar?34:10 – Can moderation work—or do some people need full abstinence?36:30 – What counts as a relapse with food?39:00 – Social pressure, stigma, and birthday cake41:00 – Why sugar is so powerful (and hard to quit)43:00 – Recovery essentials: more than just stopping45:10 – Individualized food plans: what worked for Dr. Tarman47:00 – OA and the growing food addiction recovery landscape50:00 – Finding support: why community matters51:20 – Building food serenity and daily recovery habits53:00 – Her message of hope: it gets easier after 10 days55:00 – “Day 4 of my reset”—Kathleen shares her momentDr. Vera Tarman’s Links🌐 Website: https://www.addictionsunplugged.com📘 Facebook Group: I’m Sweet Enough: Sugar-Free for LifeSisters In Sobriety Links💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast📸 Kathleen’s InstagramRead lessSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/sisters-in-sobriety/donations

Have you ever stared at your phone wondering where all the emotionally available adults are? In today’s episode of Sisters in Sobriety, we have Daphney Poyser, the founder and CEO of Fern Connections—a values-driven, LGBTQIA+ and ally-inclusive matchmaking and dating coaching company. Daphney’s mission is help people date with intention and build meaningful relationships rooted in authenticity. Today, she’s here to help us navigate dating—especially while sober—with more clarity and confidence.We dig into the real-life challenges of dating in recovery, touching on everything from emotional prep work to the myths we carry from childhood about what love should look like. What does compatibility really mean? Is it okay to have expectations? And what does it mean to “selfishly date”—and why is that a good thing?You'll s will walk away with tools for building more conscious relationships—whether you’re using a dating app, working with a matchmaker, or stepping out into the sober dating world for the first time.You’ll also hear Daphney’s personal story—how becoming a widow in 2019 led her to pivot out of corporate America and into founding Fern Connections, a service inspired in part by her queer daughter and family members. Daphney shares her own journey of finding love again later in life, learning to set boundaries, and building a business that centers care, consent, and clarity.This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tricks and resources.Episode Highlights00:02 – Meet Daphney Poyser, and how losing her husband led her to start a matchmaking company00:04 – Why Fern Connections was created to serve the LGBTQIA+ and ally community00:07 – Discussing sober dating and what it means to show up without numbing00:09 – Why you shouldn’t have to dull yourself to go on a date00:10 – The importance of emotional safety and matching clients with aligned values00:12 – What to do when someone says they’re fine with sobriety—but turns out they’re not00:14 – Why women should be “selfish daters” and not worry about being the “good guy”00:16 – How to emotionally prepare for dating after long-term relationships00:18 – Pre- and post-date journaling as a mindfulness tool00:20 – The myth of “no expectations” and why love should be conditional00:22 – Relationship contracts and writing down what really matters00:24 – How childhood messages shape what we believe about marriage00:27 – Helping clients unpack their unrealistic dating checklists00:30 – The problem with assuming no one’s “good enough”00:33 – Chemistry vs. compatibility—and why the spark might not mean what you think00:35 – How unresolved trauma influences what feels familiar in dating00:38 – Oversharing on first dates: why less is sometimes more00:41 – Confidence rituals before dates and the power of listening00:43 – What qualities Daphney looks for when matching clients00:47 – Dating apps: their impact on mental health and connection00:51 – Tips for transitioning from online to in-person dating00:54 – Red flags to watch for, including love bombing and mirroring00:57 – Why peaceful love may feel boring—and why it’s often the real dealGuest Links🌐 Daphney’s Website: fernconnections.com📸 Daphney’s Instagram: @fernconnectionsSisters In Sobriety Links💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast📸 Kathleen’s InstagramSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/sisters-in-sobriety/donations

What if your sugar cravings, chronic fatigue, or lack of clarity weren’t just random symptoms—but signs of deeper imbalances that could be blocking your recovery? On this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia is joined by strategist, speaker, and sober advocate Christie Dames. With over 38 years of sobriety and a career helping high-performers unlock their potential, Christie shares how her lived experience and research intersect to shed light on the brain-body connection.Today, they talk about why what you eat—and what surrounds you—matters deeply when it comes to emotional clarity, energy, and healing. How does what we eat impact our emotional sobriety? What’s the role of metabolic health in our ability to regulate mood and access clarity? And how do toxins—whether in food, electronics, or water—quietly sabotage our healing efforts?Listeners will learn about the connection between mitochondrial health and long-term sobriety, how refined sugars and processed foods derail emotional regulation, and the invisible toll environmental toxins like PFAS and EMFs take on our well-being. Christie also shares practical tools for lowering your toxic load—think organic swaps, safer tech habits, and why red light bulbs might become your new best friend.And yes, as always, we go there—into the personal stories. Christie opens up about her own path to sobriety, including her recovery from misdiagnosis, withdrawal from neuroleptic medication, and the chronic pain that shaped her understanding of emotional vs. physical hunger. From healing trauma to navigating relapse triggers, she helps us see our cravings not as flaws but as clues.This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tricks and resources.Episode Highlights:00:01:00 — Christie introduces the idea that sugar cravings can block emotional sobriety00:02:30 — The physical trauma that set the stage for addiction00:03:45 — Why alcohol felt like an elixir for Christie’s fractured sense of self00:04:55 — Mold exposure and neurological misdiagnosis compound her health issues00:06:45 — The impact of neuroleptic drugs and a 10-year brownout00:07:50 — Getting sober—despite still being medicated00:08:30 — Sugar as her first addiction, and how it worked on her undernourished brain00:10:15 — Giving up sugar: was it harder than alcohol?00:12:45 — Why metabolic health is the key to “next-level” sobriety00:14:20 — Understanding insulin resistance and fasting insulin00:16:00 — What to eat: whole foods, organic, and the truth about strawberries00:18:45 — Toxins in baby cord blood and how they impact future health00:21:15 — Dairy and gluten: are they just food, or emotional disrupters?00:23:00 — Why A2 dairy and goat’s milk might be different00:25:30 — How trauma and toxicity contribute to neuroinflammation00:27:10 — The four-day delayed reaction to food and what to watch for00:29:00 — Emotional vs. physical hunger: how to tell the difference00:32:50 — Learning to pause before reacting or reaching for food00:35:00 — How shame spirals can begin with food choices00:37:20 — Working with high performers: unlocking their hidden blocks00:40:00 — Using intuition, presence, and somatic tools with clients00:42:00 — PFAS: the “forever chemicals” and why they’re a major health threat00:44:30 — EMFs and why cell phones and WiFi matter more than you think00:46:00 — Sobriety makes you more sensitive—embrace it00:48:10 — Creating a low-tox lifestyle that supports brain health and longevity00:50:00 — Hacks: red lights, blue blockers, and neuro-restorative sleep habits00:51:30 — Christie’s favorite ways to lower your toxic burden00:52:00 — Where to connect with Christie ([email protected])Links 📧 Christie’s EmailSisters In Sobriety Links💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast📸 Kathleen’s InstagramSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/sisters-in-sobriety/donations