Hard Truths About Infidelity Part 1

Infidelity can be one of the most painful experiences in any relationship—and for many, it can also become a turning point. In this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, hosts Sonia and Kathleen unpack what it really means to stay emotionally sober through betrayal, heartbreak, and healing. Drawing on their own lived experiences and Kathleen’s clinical expertise, they’ll help you understand not only why infidelity happens, but how to navigate the emotional fallout with clarity, self-compassion, and growth. Together, they explore questions many of us have struggled with in silence: What counts as cheating? Is emotional infidelity just as damaging as physical betrayal? Can a relationship ever truly recover from deceit? And how do alcohol, secrecy, and unmet needs complicate our choices—and our healing? From defining betrayal to understanding why it feels so personal, this conversation offers both insight and empathy for anyone who’s been on either side of infidelity. Listeners will learn how infidelity impacts emotional sobriety, the difference between emotional and physical affairs, and how alcohol can blur—but never justify—boundaries. Kathleen breaks down the psychology of betrayal, explaining the roles of trust, attachment, and validation, while Sonia opens up about her own experience of infidelity and what it taught her about resilience, self-worth, and the power of sitting with discomfort. You’ll walk away with practical insights about rebuilding trust, recognizing red flags, and understanding when it’s time to rebuild—or let go. Finally, Sonia shares a deeply personal story about the aftermath of her own betrayal—the shock, the anger, and the white-knuckled early days of staying sober through grief—while Kathleen reflects on what it takes to heal, whether together or apart. Their raw honesty and humor make space for reflection, laughter, and growth, even in the messy middle of heartbreak. This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tricks, and resources. Episode Highlights 00:00 – Sonia and Kathleen kick off with humor and a “dating disaster” red flag story 01:30 – Introducing the topic: why infidelity brings even the strongest to their knees 03:00 – Defining what “infidelity” really means—beyond just sex 04:15 – Kathleen explains deception and secrecy as the real breach of trust 05:45 – Emotional cheating vs. friendship—where’s the line? 07:00 – The danger of fantasy and emotional displacement 08:00 – A lighthearted detour into Jason Momoa and fantasy boundaries 09:00 – Alcohol and infidelity—how lowered inhibitions aren’t the same as lost morals 10:30 – Sonia recalls the difference between blackouts and passing out 11:15 – Why betrayal feels like a personal rejection (and why it’s not about you) 12:00 – The “roommate syndrome” and what makes relationships vulnerable 13:30 – Kathleen explains how discomfort avoidance fuels betrayal 14:30 – Sobriety and infidelity—why staying sober makes you feel more, not less 16:00 – Can good relationships survive cheating? 17:00 – When infidelity isn’t about love, but about lost identity 18:30 – Rebuilding after betrayal—what it really takes 19:30 – The long road back to trust and why it’s often harder than people realize 20:30 – “Punishment mode” after infidelity and the death-by-a-thousand-cuts dynamic 22:00 – Is it ever just about sex? Desire discrepancy and longing for aliveness 23:15 – Esther Perel’s perspective on why people cheat 24:30 – Navigating the recovery process: disclosure, accountability, and trust rebuilding 25:45 – Setting communication boundaries when discussing betrayal 27:00 – Why triggers can reappear years later—and how to respond with empathy 28:00 – When it’s time to walk away with love and clarity 29:00 – The importance of remorse, accountability, and emotional safety 30:00 – Closing reflections and the promise of a follow-up episode on emotional sobriety Links 💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen 📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email 📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram 🌐 Kathleen’s Website – Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast 📸 Kathleen’s Instagram

Bicultural identity, authenticity, boundaries, and belonging — this week on Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia sits down with award-winning therapist, author, and Washington Post columnist Sahaj Kaur Kohli, founder of Brown Girl Therapy (@browngirltherapy). Sahaj is the author of But What Will People Say: Navigating Mental Health, Identity, Love, and Family Between Cultures and host of So We’ve Been Told. Together, Sonia and Sahaj explore how culture shapes our emotional lives and what it really means to honor your identity while protecting your mental health. This conversation unpacks what happens when cultural expectations collide with personal truth. Sonia and Sahaj discuss why “just be yourself” can be harmful advice for children of immigrants, how boundaries sound different across cultures, and why guilt and shame can linger even in healing. They dive into the nuances of bicultural identity, family dynamics, and how recovery and self-discovery intersect when you grow up between worlds. You’ll gain a deeper understanding of bicultural identity, intergenerational trauma, authenticity, and decolonizing mental health. Sahaj explains how Western therapy often misses cultural context and why redefining concepts like boundaries, self-care, and recovery through a collectivist lens can change everything. She shares practical frameworks for discernment, emotional safety, and reclaiming ancestral wisdom in modern mental-health practices. Sonia also shares her personal story of navigating no contact, cultural shame, and the grief that comes with estrangement. Together, she and Sahaj reflect on how to hold compassion for parents shaped by survival, while creating space for your own healing. It’s a candid and heartfelt conversation about identity, duty, and the freedom to choose what wholeness means to you. This is Sisters in Sobriety — the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tricks, and resources. Episode Highlights [00:00:00] Introduction to Sahaj Kaur Kohli and her work bridging mental health and culture [00:02:00] The origins of Brown Girl Therapy and how identity crises inspired it [00:04:00] Why “boundaries” can feel unnatural in collectivist families [00:05:30] Reframing boundaries as compromise, connection, and care [00:06:30] The myth of authenticity when you live between cultures [00:08:00] Adapting between cultural spaces without losing yourself [00:09:30] The difference between hiding and lying in family systems [00:12:00] When immigrant parents surprise you with growth and empathy [00:13:30] Narrative therapy and rewriting generational family stories [00:16:00] “What will people say?” and the survival logic behind shame [00:18:00] Intergenerational trauma and assimilation through an immigrant lens [00:20:00] Drinking culture, gender, and coping in Punjabi families [00:23:30] How recovery language often excludes cultural context [00:26:00] What culturally responsive recovery could look like [00:29:00] The role of shame across cultures and its impact on healing [00:31:00] What it means to decolonize mental-health practices [00:33:00] When duty is love — and when it becomes control [00:36:00] Setting boundaries and practicing discernment with family [00:39:00] Grieving family estrangement and re-parenting yourself [00:44:00] Redefining self-care as collective and cultural care [00:47:00] What’s next for Sahaj and Brown Girl Therapy Links 💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen 📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email 📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram 🌐 Kathleen’s Website – Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast 📸 Kathleen’s Instagram

Harvard’s Dr. John Kelly joins Sisters in Sobriety to unpack the science of recovery, language, and what really works long-term. Addiction recovery isn’t a mystery—it’s a science. Dr.Kelly, Professor of Psychiatry in Addiction Medicine and Founder of the Recovery Research Institute at Massachusetts General Hospital. Together, they explore what the data actually shows about recovery, relapse, language, and long-term healing—and how our understanding of addiction has evolved far beyond stigma and shame. Throughout this conversation, Sonia and Kathleen unpack big questions about recovery and remission: Is addiction really a chronic disease—or does that label sometimes hurt more than it helps? How does the language we use—terms like “abuser,” “addict,” or even “clean”—impact recovery outcomes? And what does the evidence say about the effectiveness of AA compared to other programs and modern approaches to long-term sobriety? They talk about key scientific and psychological concepts such as behavioral mechanisms of recovery, language-based stigma reduction, chronic disease framing, psychosocial support networks, and gender differences in relapse and recovery. Dr. Kelly explains why AA remains the most evidence-based recovery tool for alcohol use disorder, how social connection drives sustained remission, and why linking clinical care to community-based supports is critical to long-term success. In the personal story segment, Sonia shares how fear of stigma once kept her from seeking help while she was still a practicing dentist—and how Dr. Kelly’s research validates those fears and offers a new framework for compassionate understanding. Together, they discuss what’s changing in the recovery landscape—from virtual meetings to redefining “recovery” itself—and how science is helping rewrite the story of what healing can look like. This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tricks, and resources. Episode Highlights (Time-Stamped) 00:00 – Sonia and Kathleen introduce Dr. John Kelly, Harvard Professor and Founder of the Recovery Research Institute. 01:30 – Dr. Kelly shares how personal experience drew him to addiction medicine. 03:10 – Why short-term treatment isn’t enough—and the importance of long-term recovery support. 04:20 – Understanding the “chronic disease” model of addiction: when it helps and when it harms. 05:45 – The surprising statistic: 72% of people with substance use disorders achieve sustained remission. 06:50 – How language shapes stigma—why “abuser” versus “person with a substance use disorder” matters. 08:40 – Studies showing clinicians and the public are both biased by the words we use. 10:30 – How self-stigma can lead to treatment dropout and hinder recovery. 12:15 – The neuroscience of addiction: how chronic exposure changes the brain. 14:10 – Why clinicians need better training in screening, coding, and compassionate documentation. 17:00 – Sonia shares her personal fear of seeking help due to professional stigma. 18:20 – What “recovery” really means—and how to define it beyond remission. 21:40 – Dr. Kelly’s analogy of photosynthesis and “psychosynthesis” in human recovery. 24:00 – What decades of research show about AA’s effectiveness and why it works. 26:40 – The difference between process addictions and substance use disorders. 27:40 – AA’s abstinence roots—and how it evolved over time. 31:10 – Who benefits most from AA, and who might need alternative programs. 34:00 – Comparing AA to Smart Recovery, LifeRing, and Women for Sobriety. 39:00 – The science behind why AA works: social networks, coping skills, and self-efficacy. 43:30 – Gender differences in recovery: how AA supports women differently than men. 48:00 – Dr. Kelly’s current research on relapse after long-term remission. 51:00 – His vision for an integrated, wraparound system of recovery support. 54:00 – How to reach the 80% of people with untreated addiction. 56:00 – The future of virtual recovery meetings and what researchers are exploring next. 57:00 – Final reflections on redefining recovery and sustaining remission over a lifetime. Dr. Kelly's Links 🔗 Recovery Research Institute 🔗 Cochrane Systematic Review: Alcoholics Anonymous and Other 12-Step Programs 🔗 Cochrane Author Interview with Dr. John Kelly SIS Links 💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen 📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email 📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram 🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast 📸 Kathleen’s Instagram  

When it comes to transforming your environment, the energy of a space can be just as powerful as its aesthetics. On this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, we explore how intentional design, Feng Shui, and spiritual alignment can support wellness, recovery, and renewal. Joining Sonia is Alejandra G. Brady—Founder & Visionary of Casa Shui Life, Feng Shui & Biophilic Designer, best-selling author, and energy alchemist. With over two decades in luxury interiors, Alejandra pivoted her career after a profound awakening at age 50, weaving ancient energetic practices into her design work to help clients create sanctuaries that heal, inspire, and uplift. In their conversation, they dive into what Feng Shui really is (beyond the myths), how our homes can impact health, relationships, and creativity, and the subtle yet powerful shifts that make a space magnetic. Together, they explore questions like: What does it mean to “sleep under knives”? Why is the bedroom the most important room for love and rest? How can unused or cluttered spaces block abundance? And how do color, light, and texture play into energy flow? Listeners will walk away with practical takeaways on how to shift their own spaces using intentional placement, the Bagua map, biophilic principles, and crystals. You’ll learn why small choices—like moving an heirloom, clearing out old love letters, or balancing elements with plants and lighting—can have ripple effects in your health, wealth, relationships, and emotional clarity.  Beyond the design tools, Alejandra shares deeply personal stories: her health struggles and surgeries leading up to her 50th birthday, the life-changing consultation with her mentor, and how she became her own first “Feng Shui client.” She recounts the dramatic changes in her own home, her spiritual awakening, and the unexpected calling to write her memoir I Just Can’t Make This Sh!t Up. They reflect with her on how space can heal grief, nurture sobriety, and anchor a new chapter of life with intention and beauty. This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tricks, and resources. Episode Highlights 00:00 – Welcoming Alejandra Brady and her journey from luxury interiors to Feng Shui 02:00 – The health crises at age 50 that became a turning point 04:30 – Her first Feng Shui consultation and the life-changing mentorship that followed 06:15 – Why certification in Feng Shui matters when working with energy 08:00 – How meditation led to writing her memoir and oracle deck 10:00 – The surprising role of silverware under the bed and the connection to surgeries 13:30 – How clearing a client’s old love letters invited in a new partner 16:00 – Bedroom Feng Shui: rest, romance, and relaxation as the foundation 18:00 – The “coffin position” and practical adjustments for better sleep 20:30 – Why single artwork or photos can unintentionally block love 22:00 – Using crystals like rose quartz for love and amethyst for sobriety support 24:00 – Avoiding clutter while integrating crystals intentionally into design 26:00 – Protecting energy as a practitioner with crystals in everyday life 27:00 – Where to source crystals and how to clear them 29:30 – Broken objects, wealth corners, and knowing when to release or repurpose 31:00 – The dramatic story of a client healing after moving a painting of water 34:00 – Literal connections between words (“burnt out”) and home energy 36:00 – Understanding the Bagua map and the nine areas of life it represents 40:00 – How interconnected areas (wealth, career, fame) affect one another 42:00 – Using Feng Shui for both large and micro spaces—even a mattress 44:00 – The importance of keeping unused rooms alive with intention 47:00 – Creating multifunctional rooms that support family and life transitions 50:00 – How colors, textures, and the five elements (fire, water, earth, wood, metal) balance a space 53:00 – Triple-duty design: objects that bring multiple elements into balance 55:00 – Live plants vs. fake plants—what really matters energetically 56:30 – Preserved flowers, sentimental items, and when joy overrides rules 57:00 – Alejandra’s current projects, travel plans, and future online courses Alejandra's Links 📸 Alejandra G. Brady Instagram SIS Links 💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen 📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email 📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram 🌐 Kathleen’s Website – Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast 📸 Kathleen’s Instagram

In this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia and Kathleen dive into the power of storytelling, resilience, and rewriting our lives with special guest Marsha Vanwynsberghe. Marsha is the founder of OUTSPOKEN, a leadership platform designed to help female entrepreneurs rise as global thought leaders through coaching, writing, speaking, and publishing. As an NLP Trainer, six-time Best-Selling Author, and Boutique Publisher, she empowers her clients to rewire limiting beliefs and build confidence. Today, Sonia and Kathleen explore how her unique blend of personal story and professional expertise helps women transform pain into purpose. Together, they unpack what it really means to share your story, the difference between wounds and scars, how emotions live in the body, and why resilience doesn’t mean going it alone. They also talk about the role of subconscious patterns in shaping our behavior, the signals cravings send us, and how practices like NLP and reframing beliefs can shift everything from self-worth to success. Listeners will come away with practical tools for emotional processing, boundary setting, and storytelling. Key takeaways include understanding how emotions last only 90 seconds unless we attach a story, why humor and reframing are powerful tools to loosen old narratives, and how to interrupt negative thought loops with curiosity and new language. You’ll also learn how NLP helps reprogram the subconscious mind so that the conscious goals you set actually stick. On a more personal note, Marsha opens up about her journey through family addiction, living with endometriosis, and how early experiences with shame shaped her emotional landscape. She shares how storytelling became her healing tool, what it took to forgive herself, and how she moved from silence to speaking boldly. Sonia and Kathleen also bring their own stories to the conversation, making this a raw, relatable, and uplifting episode you won’t want to miss. This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tricks, and resources. Episode Highlights 00:01:00 – Marsha shares her transition from kinesiology to coaching and NLP 00:02:45 – Her experience with teen substance abuse and how it changed her family’s story 00:04:10 – The truth about resilience: why it doesn’t mean doing it alone 00:05:30 – How storytelling became a guidebook for others in similar struggles 00:07:15 – Recognizing the generational silence around addiction and shame 00:08:20 – Forgiving herself and reframing past failures 00:09:40 – Difference between telling your story “in it” vs. “on it” 00:11:10 – Wounds vs. scars: why healing requires more than time 00:13:30 – Writing a book while still in the story and how to cope 00:15:10 – Using humor to loosen the subconscious grip of painful stories 00:17:20 – How emotions live in the body and why they last only 90 seconds 00:20:10 – Identifying trigger emotions and patterns 00:23:15 – How unprocessed emotions manifest as physical illness 00:25:30 – Shame, trauma, and how blocked emotions limit joy 00:28:15 – The difference between feeding and feeling emotions 00:29:40 – What happens when people in sobriety stop numbing emotions 00:33:00 – Curiosity as a tool to manage cravings and triggers 00:36:20 – What NLP is and how it rewires subconscious beliefs 00:40:00 – The role of language in reinforcing or breaking down beliefs 00:57:00 – Visualization, manifestation, and acting “as if” Marsha’s Links 🔗 Marsha’s Website 📸 Marsha on Instagram SIS Links 💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen 📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email 📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram 🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast 📸 Kathleen’s Instagram

Sex after 50 doesn’t have to mean slowing down — it can mean leveling up. On this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia and Kathleen sit down with Karen Bigman, a Certified Sex Educator and Sex & Dating Coach who hosts Taboo to Truth: Life & Sex After 50. Karen isn’t afraid to talk about what really goes on in the bedroom. With humor and zero shame, she helps women in midlife ditch outdated scripts, embrace their desires, and create hotter, more connected relationships — no matter their age. They talk about all the things we wish someone had told us sooner: what changes during menopause, how to redefine intimacy, what dating looks like after divorce, and why pleasure and connection don’t come with an expiration date. Sonia asks Karen the tough (and often taboo) questions: How do you rebuild sexual confidence after a breakup? What role do hormones play in libido? How do you navigate kinks, red flags, and sober dating in midlife? They'll give real-world insights on topics like hormone replacement therapy, the role of testosterone in women’s sexual health, how to reset after a painful sexual experience, and the importance of communication when it comes to intimacy. Karen also shares practical advice on using lube, understanding your body, exploring non-sexual intimacy, and setting healthy expectations in relationships and dating. This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tricks and resources. Time-Stamped Highlights [00:01:00] Karen’s journey from divorce coach to launching Taboo to Truth [00:02:30] The book club moment that sparked her mission to break sexual taboos [00:03:20] Why an old flame’s comment about “women your age” lit a fire under her [00:04:00] Struggling with orgasm and the surprising role of testosterone [00:05:00] The doctor’s appointment — and the vibrator — that changed her life [00:06:00] Finding inclusivity and growth in the Sexual Health Alliance community [00:07:20] How a lingerie photo shoot helped her feel more comfortable in her body [00:08:30] The importance of rejecting the outdated “I’m done with sex” script [00:09:40] Hormone replacement therapy — benefits and misconceptions [00:11:00] Body acceptance, aging, and wearing bikinis anyway [00:12:30] Non-sexual intimacy and rebuilding after divorce [00:14:00] What menopause really does to your vulva and clitoris [00:15:30] The realities of dating in your 40s, 50s, and 60s [00:17:30] Red flags to watch for when reentering the dating scene [00:18:20] Dating sober vs. dating with “beer goggles” [00:20:00] How to talk about STIs, sobriety, and other “taboo” disclosures [00:23:00] Why communication about sex and money is non-negotiable [00:26:00] Decoding kink, fantasies, and consent in midlife dating [00:32:00] Resetting after painful or disappointing sexual experiences [00:36:00] How to stop falling into “duty sex” patterns [00:41:00] Why sexual incompatibility might mean relationship incompatibility [00:42:00] Karen’s next taboo to explore: sex parties Karen’s Links Instagram: @taboototruth YouTube: @taboototruthpodcast Karen Bigman on LinkedIn SIS Links 💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen 📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email 📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram 🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast 📸 Kathleen’s Instagram  

In this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia and Kathleen are joined by Jessica Miller, clinical therapist and host of Mind Your Boundaries on YouTube. Jessica is a passionate boundary enthusiast who helps peacekeepers and people-pleasers set and maintain healthy boundaries with challenging family members. Together, they dive into the intersection of boundaries, emotional maturity, and sobriety—exploring how clear limits can protect recovery and build healthier relationships. Jessica, Sonia, and Kathleen explore questions like: How do you know when a relationship is draining and could threaten your sobriety? What’s the difference between a healthy boundary and punishment? When is guilt helpful, and when is it just old conditioning? They talk about estrangement, reconciliation, and why emotional maturity matters when setting boundaries with parents, partners, and friends. By the end of this episode, you’ll have practical tools to: Spot when resentment is building and use boundaries to keep relationships strong Tell the difference between a request and a true boundary (and why that difference matters) Recognize emotional immaturity—both in others and in yourself Reframe guilt so it stops running the show Use kind but firm language to hold your boundaries without turning it into a fight Sonia and Kathleen share real-life examples of what it looks like to set boundaries with family during early sobriety, including tough moments around holidays and parenting decisions. Jessica opens up about her own two-year estrangement with her in-laws, how they reconciled, and the peace that comes from replacing resentment with clarity. This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tricks and resources. Episode Highlights [00:01:00] Why Jessica started Mind Your Boundaries and the gap she saw during the pandemic [00:03:00] Her personal journey from “too nice” peacekeeper to boundary-setting advocate [00:04:00] The painful estrangement with her in-laws that became a turning point [00:05:00] Reconciling after two years and doing it intentionally, step by step [00:07:00] Sonia and Kathleen share a family birthday story that triggered years of no-contact [00:09:00] Direct vs subtle boundaries—why sometimes you can just act instead of announce [00:10:00] Examples of modern parenting boundaries, like holding a baby to prevent unwanted kisses [00:12:00] Why someone else’s reaction to your boundary is about their maturity level [00:13:00] Healthy vs punitive boundaries and how they protect relationships [00:14:00] Sonia on how getting sober exposed just how few boundaries she had [00:15:00] Kathleen’s “24-hour rule” with her mom and how the body signals a limit [00:17:00] Early sobriety: why you can simply decline invitations without a big explanation [00:18:00] The difference between avoidance and capacity-based boundaries [00:19:00] Temporary breaks vs permanent cutoffs—and how to heal without an apology [00:22:00] Preparing mentally and emotionally before you set or enforce a boundary [00:24:00] Parenting examples: turning requests into real boundaries with action steps [00:26:00] The “sandwich” script formula: attachment → limit → benefit [00:27:00] Long-term benefit: resentment melts away and relationships feel lighter [00:28:00] Healthy guilt vs conditioned guilt—and why picking guilt prevents resentment [00:31:00] Hallmarks of emotional immaturity: deflection, lack of accountability, me-centered reactions [00:34:00] Self-check: spotting moments when we might be emotionally immature [00:38:00] Exercises for growing emotional maturity: journaling, voice notes, nervous system regulation [00:39:00] Jessica’s printable resource: 13 common sobriety boundary scenarios with scripts Jessica’s Links 🎥 MYB YouTube 🧰 Boundary Breakthrough Toolkit SIS Links 💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen 📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email 📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram 🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast 📸 Kathleen’s Instagram  

In this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia and Kathleen sit down with bestselling author, storyteller, and coach Kristen McGuiness. Kristen is the author of 51/50: The Magical Adventures of a Single Life, her memoir about 51 dates in 50 weeks as a sober thirty-something navigating heartbreak, healing, and reinvention in Los Angeles. Today, she’s the CEO of Rise Literary and writes for outlets like The New York Times, Rolling Stone, and Marie Claire.  The conversation explores how Kristen created fun in early sobriety, what it took to spot red flags in dating, and how recovery can reshape your ideas of community, love, and marriage. She reflects on her wild twenties, the moment she decided enough was enough, and the role that therapy and 12-step programs played in helping her get sober for good. Kristen shares powerful insights about creating a social life without alcohol, redefining intimacy, and staying grounded through parenting, marriage, and running a seven-figure business. She opens up about what sobriety looks like for her today, how she maintains a spiritual practice, and why community remains at the heart of her recovery. Sonia and Kathleen also share their own dating stories and thoughts on marriage, space, and independence, making this a raw, real, and relatable episode for anyone rethinking what love and partnership look like in sobriety. This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tricks and resources. Time-Stamped Highlights [00:01:00] Kristen introduces herself and shares her messy twenties before getting sober [00:03:00] Stories of nightlife, risky behavior, and the moment she realized things had to change [00:06:00] How therapy and 12-step programs became her entry point into sobriety [00:09:00] Family intervention: the moment her uncles offered her a lifeline [00:10:00] Kristen reflects on her fear of losing fun when she first got sober [00:11:00] Building a foundation of fun in sobriety—clubbing sober and creating costumes [00:13:00] Community as the secret weapon for staying sober and rewiring habits [00:15:00] Loving life sober—how recovery became about joy, not just abstinence [00:16:00] The origin story of 51/50 and how dating became a creative project [00:18:00] Combining therapy, shamanic healing, and deep self-work while dating [00:20:00] Redefining what she wanted in relationships and how her uncles modeled healthy masculinity [00:23:00] Growing up emotionally in recovery and feeling “ten years behind” [00:25:00] Realization that being single was the real adventure—not just a bridge to marriage [00:28:00] Reinventing marriage rules: two homes, more freedom, and honest conversations [00:30:00] Kristen’s perspective on ethical non-monogamy, open relationships, and independence [00:31:00] The role of sex in dating—when it’s meaningful and when it’s just fun [00:34:00] How intimacy has shifted in a long-term marriage and parenting partnership [00:38:00] Raising kids in sobriety and passing on values of service and generosity [00:43:00] Sobriety today—spiritual practices, community, and why meetings aren’t her mainstay [00:46:00] The importance of honesty, accountability, and spiritual tools in long-term recovery Kristen's Links Rise Literary website   SIS Links 💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen 📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email 📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram 🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast 📸 Kathleen’s Instagram  

This episode of Sisters in Sobriety dives into sober sex, desire, and rebuilding intimacy without substances with guest Taylor McConnachie - Registered Psychotherapist, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, and Certified Sexologist, founder of Embodied Sexual Wellness & Psychotherapy in Simcoe, Ontario. Taylor specializes in holistic sex therapy that blends science, somatics, and the sacred to help people heal shame, navigate desire discrepancies, and cultivate empowered sexuality. The answer questions that many sober (and sober-curious) listeners ask: What actually changes about desire and arousal in sobriety? How do somatic practices, mindful masturbation, and body scans help you get out of your head and into your body? What if there’s a desire discrepancy in a long-term relationship—or you’re dating for the first time sober and can’t tell whether you’re attracted? And how do we redefine intimacy when performance anxiety, shame, or old narratives show up? They'll talk about clear, trauma-informed steps to rebuild sexual wellbeing: using body scans to notice sensation without judgment; practicing mindful masturbation to shift from performance to presence; understanding spontaneous vs. responsive desire (and why sobriety often tilts toward responsive); approaching erectile concerns and arousal blocks through reconnection rather than quick fixes; and reframing “frequency goals” to reduce pressure and increase genuine sexual satisfaction. Expect grounded strategies that integrate attachment, somatics, and practical communication skills. Taylor also shares personal and clinical stories—from her own journey with pelvic pain and endometriosis in a rural community with few resources to real-world examples of couples rediscovering vulnerability as the engine of intimacy. Sonia opens up about her “sober sexual debut,” fumbling, and learning to feel desire without the shortcut of alcohol. They'll unpack the grief for what sex used to feel like and the hope of what it can become with curiosity and compassion. This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tricks and resources. 00:00:43 — Why sex therapy needs to be its own specialty (and why many therapists aren’t trained to talk about sex) 00:03:10 — Taylor’s path: pelvic pain, endometriosis, and building the practice she needed but couldn’t find 00:05:02 — When a couples therapist refers to a sex therapist (scope, overlap, and teamwork) 00:07:12 — Certification matters: what AASECT tells you about training and safety 00:09:18 — Only ~14 AASECT-certified sex therapists in Canada—why that scarcity matters for care access 00:10:20 — From CBT to somatics: helping clients get out of their heads and into their bodies 00:12:05 — “Science meets the sacred”: honoring evidence while rejecting rigid pathologizing 00:14:52 — Movement as medicine: reconnecting with arousal and erection through embodied practice 00:16:48 — Pleasure after shame: the first time a client truly feels what their body can do 00:18:07 — Sober sex 101: noticing more (and why that can feel overwhelming and beautiful) 00:20:02 — Mindful masturbation as foundational homework for sober intimacy 00:22:31 — Presence over performance: rewiring dopamine loops without substances 00:23:14 — Performance anxiety myths: why sobriety can improve erectile function 00:26:12 — Spontaneous vs. responsive desire—and why sobriety often shifts the balance 00:29:05 — Grieving the old high: processing disappointment when sober sex feels different 00:31:22 — Normalize the fumble: reducing shame to unlock curiosity and desire 00:34:18 — Emotional intimacy as the gateway to sexual intimacy (and how to build it) 00:37:05 — Practicing vulnerability in bite-size reps to increase safety and trust 00:40:02 — Desire discrepancy is common: moving from urgency to understanding 00:45:02 — Taking sex off the pedestal: experiments that reveal what’s really holding a relationship together 00:46:18 — First step if you feel disconnected: body scans, zero judgment, gentle repetition Taylor's Links 📸 Instagram: @embodiedsexualwellness 🌐 Website: embodiedsexualwellness.com SIS Links 💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen 📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email 📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram 🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast 📸 Kathleen’s Instagram

In this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia and Kathleen dig into what it really takes to move from white-knuckling it to building a life rooted in calm, purpose, and—yes—joy. They’re joined by Cheryl Pasieka, author of Climbing the Stairs: My Journey from Addiction to Pure Joy, who shares how rehab, mindfulness, and a fierce commitment to self-care helped her stop hiding behind alcohol and start living on her own terms. Cheryl brings hard-won wisdom and practical tools for women in recovery. Across the conversation, they explore the fears that surface in early sobriety (What if I fail? What will people think?), how to set boundaries with negative energy, and what it means to choose sustainable joy over short-term relief. They touch on midlife purpose, rebuilding self-esteem, creating accountability, and why sharing your story can become someone else’s survival guide. Expect talk of relapse risk, root causes, nervous-system regulation, and using community, routine, and self-inquiry as anchors. Listeners will learn about reflective journaling (and the game-changer of rereading old entries), building a sobriety plan you revisit every six months, using mindfulness, yoga, and meditation to regulate stress, and creating accountability check-ins with trusted friends. Cheryl explains how to identify triggers, let go of resentments, and replace people-pleasing with “put your own oxygen mask on first.” You’ll also hear a refreshing definition of joy—a daily practice of noticing, gratitude, and positive reframing—that helps prevent drift into rumination or “I’ll just have one” thinking. Cheryl opens up about losing her mother, the spiral that followed, and the decision to go to rehab on Vancouver Island—phone surrendered, excuses stripped away. This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our substack for extra tips, tricks and resources. 00:00 – Toronto roots, quick hellos, and Cheryl’s book intro, Climbing the Stairs 02:05 – “I wanted sustainable joy”—why grief and stress made moderation impossible 03:10 – Vancouver Island rehab: no phone, no running, just the work 04:12 – The first two years: fear of failure, meetings, yoga, and perseverance 05:06 – “What if I fail publicly?”—accountability and shame in early sobriety 06:02 – Why “just cut back” advice from some doctors misses the disease entirely 07:20 – Oxygen mask first: releasing people-pleasing and caring less what others think 08:05 – The quote that sparked the memoir and a surprising push from a psychic 09:18 – From private journaling to “maybe this can help one person” publishing mindset 10:45 – Telling family and friends—acceptance, boundaries, and letting some people drift 12:02 – Owning the past: divorces, resentments, and the freedom of self-acceptance 15:04 – Root causes: self-esteem, secrets, and climbing into the hole when alone 16:10 – Defining joy: reframing the day, gratitude, and the Tim Hortons “rain vs spring” story 18:02 – Calm as part of joy: taking things as they come instead of spiraling 19:06 – Protecting energy: stepping back from chronic negativity without guilt 21:02 – The morning stack: journal, meditation, movement, and a girlfriends’ daily check-in 22:40 – Weekly accountability now, occasional counseling as needed—right-sizing support 23:36 – “Planting my own garden”: self-care as not waiting for permission (or flowers) 24:12 – Midlife meaning: six-month reviews, giving back, quilting for folks in need 27:02 – The power of rereading journals: past you showing present you the way through Cheryl's Links www.journeytopurejoy.ca SIS Links 💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen 📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email 📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram 🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast 📸 Kathleen’s Instagram Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/sisters-in-sobriety/donations