18. Self Sabotage in Dating

Many people do some type of reflection about their dating process - myself included - but I can pretty confidently say it’s not usually to this extent. In this episode my husband Jesse, ever the reflective software engineer, takes us through what a deep dive into your dating history can look like. We discuss the important takeaways it provided him with, how to make one and why it’s so crucial. Get ready to nerd out big time over dating! Questions we cover: 1. Why is trusting your gut not enough in dating? 2. What is an effective way to reflect on the dating process? 3. How can charting my dating history help me find The One? Resources: Here is a link to two Love Chart templates Jesse and I put together. The first is a more broken down step by step run through, whereas the second is for those who more spreadsheet savvy. Enjoy! https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1XqTkygSTpNkriev2Spj4usJp4P9Dfj6Q_pIuHUE_fN4/edit?usp=sharing

If you've been living in the same place as a single for a while, you're likely craving a change. And chances are, you've fantasized about getting out of where you currently live and moving somewhere new. But as exciting as moving can be,  it definitely comes with some challenges - even when it’s temporary.  That's what this episode is about. Three different people, who tell different stories about three very different moves.

I know that the Jewish community around the world is struggling tremendously to process what is happening in our homeland. This episode was not an easy one to record, but I found it extremely comforting to make. Connecting and speaking to others has been whats allowed me to process and deal with such a tragic and scary time. A friend of mine yesterday quoted me the title of this episode. It’s times like these where we don’t know what to say, how to respond. All we can do is just experience it. We unfortunately just have to go through it. Together. And hope for the best very soon.  May Hashem protect our soldiers and the families of Israel. May He grant us success in our efforts to guarding our land and allow us to see the end to such a dark time very soon.  Articles I've found healing and resonate with: 1. Andrew's Article: Israel will live but part of us Has Been Shattered - https://forgingtogether.substack.com/ 2. Trying our best by Shayna Goldberg: https://blogs.timesofisrael.com/trying-our-best/

Tune in as I interview Netflix famed matchmaker, Aleeza Ben Shalom! In this episode we get to hear about her experience on the show, being in the matchmaking bizz and what we can learn from secular dating. Feel free to reach out with thoughts and feedback on instragram: singledout613 by email: [email protected] Or rate + leave a comment on spotify!

In this episode we have a deep conversation with Rebbetzin Dina Schoonmacher, surrounding some of the harder emotions that come up in singlehood when we feel like we're just waitng around hopelessly. Notes The Tools - https://www.amazon.com/Tools-Courage-Creativity-Willpower-Inspire/dp/0812983041 Rebbetzin Schoonmacher's Vaadim (amazing lectures on a wide range of topics) - https://www.womensvaad.com/

This episode aims to openly address a sensitive topic that dating couples think about a lot but can have a hard time discussing with others. In this open conversation, Shayna Goldberg and I directly address the relevant halachot while also not shying away from real life challenges that couples can face. Notes 0:00-1:18 Intro 1:19-3:35 Shayna's intro on the importance of addresssing this topic 3:36-13:15 Halachic background and sources for shmirat negiah, premarital sex, and the niddah status of single women today 13:16 Sensitive and practical Q & A on shmirat negiah Getting in touch: With me - (instagram) @singledout613, (email) [email protected]  With Shayna - [email protected] 

Most singles in the Jewish circuit have some experience with matchmakers. The resumes, the meetings - and in somecases - dealing with them as the moderator between the dates as well. Ever wonder what it's like from their perspective? What actually goes into setting up a couple? Or even just being the person receiving all those resumes? Well in this episode, you can find out as we interview renowned matchmaker, Merissa Gross.  To find out more about Merissa, check out her website, where she offers trainings for matchmakers, resources for singles and even date ideas! https://www.merissagross.com/ 

The workplace is just one of many areas singles (and anyone new to the workforce!) appreciate guidance on. Knowledge about naviagting our work environment and negotiations with our employers (both pre and post job acceptance) is key to our long term success. Tune in as Michelle Greenberg-Kobrin, Dean of Students at Columbia Law School, gives us extremely practical and insightful tips on all things job related. 

If you are a more anxious person by nature, you'll appreciate this one. In this 'sode guest Shayna Goldberg and I discuss the role our fears and thoughts play in dating. How they can help protect us - but if left unchecked can also sabotage us and the relationship we are in as well. Follow Shayna Goldberg 1. Link to her book: "What Do You Really Want?" - https://www.amazon.com/What-Do-You-Really-Want/dp/1592645712/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1OZ2MGGNMCRMP&keywords=what+do+you+really+want+shayna&qid=1661251289&sprefix=what+do+you+really+want+shayn%2Caps%2C326&sr=8-1  2. Her articles in Times of Israel - https://blogs.timesofisrael.com/author/shayna-goldberg/  3. Link to her episode with YU Candidate - https://yuconnects.com/podcast/trust-fear/

In this episode Rachel Tuchman (LMHC) and I discuss the weighty topic (see what I did there?) on body image. Throughout our discussions, Rachel and I tackle navigating the intense food culture that accompanies Jewish holidays, setting boundaries with friends and matchmakers on what we should/shouldn't change about ourselves, and how to heal our attitudes towards body image. A really important episode on self love and acceptance, and what it means to truly be "healthy".  Resources: Follow Rachel on instagram: @Rachel_tuchman_lmhc Books Rachel recommends (and re-reads herself!) on the topics discussed in this episode: 1. Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole 2. Anti Diet by Christy Harrison 3. Body Respect by Linda Bacon