Dating 🚩Red Flags🚩

To understand the oppressive nature of the word slut and the social concept behind it, we have to understand how its meaning evolved.Slut began like many English words: neutral, then pejorated into a slur for girls and women. Linguist Amanda Montell, in Wordslut, traces how gender-neutral or positive words shift into insults for women. Bitch once referred to genitals or animals before narrowing to “bossy woman.” Hauswif (female head of household) became housewife and then hussy. Meanwhile, terms for men — sir, mister — stayed honorable, while madam and mistress became sexualized.Middle English slutte meant a slovenly person of any gender. By the 1700s it signified a messy girl or wife; by the 1900s it became sexual. Use of slut soared in the 1970s, paralleling the rise of mass-market porn. The pattern is clear: men historically controlled communication — pulpits, presses, publishing, and porn — shaping language to reflect patriarchal norms.Today’s meaning centers the accuser: an allegedly immoral woman who has “too much” sex or simply looks sexual. It frames sexual freedom as a lack of self-respect and dehumanizes girls and women, especially women with intersecting marginalized identities. Meanwhile, patriarchal cultures reward male promiscuity while condemning women’s.Why? Because controlling women’s sexuality once meant controlling reproduction — and therefore property and power. As societies shifted to agriculture, paternity certainty upheld male dominance. Punishing “promiscuous” women maintained that control.So why does this persist today? Sociolinguistics shows that language reflects and reinforces power. Montell highlights sexist defaults across English: female doctor, male nurse, manslut versus slut. The unmarked norm is male; women are the deviation.Feminist philosopher Marilyn Frye defines oppression through double binds: whatever women choose, they lose. Dress attractively and risk slut-shaming; dress modestly and risk dismissal. Iris Marion Young expands this into the “five faces of oppression”: exploitation, marginalization, powerlessness, cultural imperialism, and violence.The slut stereotype intersects with all five. Violence appears in misogynist mass murders by Elliot Rodger, Chris Harper-Mercer, and others who blamed women’s sexual autonomy. Powerlessness shows up in everyday self-censorship around clothing, behavior, and ambition. Online, weak legal protections for revenge porn and deepfakes disproportionately harm girls and women, sometimes forcing them to uproot their lives.Cultural imperialism — or hegemonic “mind colonization” — surfaces when people internalize the attitudes that oppress them. As Allan Johnson argues, patriarchy is a system we all absorb: expectations about sexual availability, male entitlement, and female self-doubt seep into everyone raised within it.So what do we do? One approach is reclamation. SlutWalks, sparked after a Toronto officer said women should “avoid dressing like sluts,” challenge rape culture and victim blaming. Activist Amber Rose argues reclaiming slut helps dismantle it. And frankly, it’s fun to say — a plosive, punchy word. Montell notes slurs fade only when the beliefs behind them fade.Ways to address this issue:• Get cishet men to call themselves sluts — not mansluts — and to do it vulnerably, without demeaning partners.• Reintroduce slutte as a gender-neutral term, like heaux for ho/whore.• Teach kids media literacy about porn and bodily autonomy. When teens use gendered insults, ask what they really mean; encourage ungendered ones like “butthole” or naming specific behaviors.

If you’re a SensitiveSlut, you probably love being sexual in safe situations… and dressing up might be one of those situations! Conscious Dating Coach Miriam Diana discusses the predilections of the COSTUMESLUT and how they can succeed in dating. Coach MD also provides dating tips to the people who are attracted to CostumeSluts. Want more coaching? Go to miriamdiana.com!

Red flags in sports are thrown when a player behaves badly. Red flags in dating are known as indicators of someone who is bad for you. How do you know when a red flag arises? On a date, you know you’ve encountered a red flag if you have any of these somatic markers: your stomach turns, you freeze up, or you feel uncomfortable yet pressured to play it cool. The following may be red flags that indicate your date is avoidant of attachment: ​You reveal something about yourself, and they ignore it ​You can’t tell if they like you​You have to work to keep them interested​Their recent dating experiences are focused on uncommitted, casual sexIf you’re looking for a committed relationship and you encounter these things — and along with them you feel ill-at-ease — then these are red flags that this person won’t be available for a relationship. However, red flags in dating are not some long list of no-no’s that you keep in your head. Conscious dating is about getting OUT of your head! Besides, people can have all sorts of lists in their heads for things they SHOULD do that they don’t listen to. Red flags are often ignored because they come in a sexy package. The only way to see red flags and get yourself to turn the other way when you see them is to listen to yourself. Note how you feel with your best friend, or how you felt when you met someone who later became a good friend. Go for that feeling of ease! That’s the best way to avoid the feeling of, “Dang, I should have heeded those red flags.”Still: We all miss red flags. And we all see red flags but choose to ignore them. Beating yourself up is never helpful. Give yourself a break, and just try to cultivate safety next time. The goal is to keep feeling good, or at least neutral — as opposed to an up-up and down-down-crash roller coaster!

*** EVENT INFO: tinyurl.com/yoga4dating *** In this episode, certified conscious dating coach Miriam Diana shares what yoga therapy is, how it’s different from a yoga class, and how it can help you feel centered in yourself while dating. (For SensitiveSluts, it’s about authentically balancing your sensitive and slutty sides.) Then, yoga therapy apprentice Brooke Pierson provides a deep dive into yoga therapy and her fascinating story of going from the military and law enforcement world to the yoga and healing world. Listen until the end for a 10-minute yoga therapy meditation to help you connect with your heart!

Guides to manifesting the person of your dreams — as espoused in The Law of Attraction and “The Secret” — can be eye-rollingly simple and shaming if you take them too seriously. In this podcast, certified conscious dating coach Miriam Diana breaks down what’s actually helpful in the arena of mental imagery. She also takes you through a 10-minute visualization and embodiment exercise to help you feel the friendship and love that’s here for the taking — the connection you already have, and the connection you can develop. If you want more of this, check out Miriam Diana’s events at miriamdiana.com/events. They include a Post-Breakup Support Group in April 2024.

Certified Sex, Love & Relationship Coach Miriam Diana shares ways to comfort your broken heart after a breakup — whether you’re the one who broke things off, or someone broke up with you. What do you do with yourself after a breakup? And what should you do if you can't get over a breakup from a long time ago? One word: dance. Dance with your feelings — but be the leader. Here's how.

Freaking out before a date? Pick up this toolkit! After a story*, you'll hear a transformative visualization exercise that will calm the stressed-out part of you and EMPOWER your inner queen/king/nonbinary sovereign. This practice will help you feel grounded in your dignity. That means you can take a deep sense of peace and confidence to your date, showing up with your natural vibrancy and magnetism. *Before the guided imagery practice, conscious dating coach Miriam Diana will share a bad date story! Although the date ended awkwardly, it shows Miriam Diana's approach to dating: to see dating as life's biggest self-love challenge. If you like this meditation, be sure to listen to "Pre-Date Emergency Toolkit (Part #1): 3 tools to Nix Nervousness and Boost Confidence" (sptfy.com/LZYu). More on the self-love philosophy to dating: Swiping on dating apps and going out with people brings a lot of mishegoss (that's Yiddish for wacky sh*t!). If you can see any challenge that comes your way as an opportunity to choose to love yourself — to choose the thing that lands in love — then you're doing it right. 

Seeing dating as an educational obstacle course that teaches you how to be compassionate to yourself will help you set better boundaries AND enjoy dating. Plus, it will help you have compassion for the people you're dating when they're actin' a fool (and not take it personally). ♡ ♡ ♡ Miriam Diana is a trauma-informed, love-life coach. She helps people of all genders use their imagination and their gut feelings to have more fulfilling love lives. ♡ ♡ ♡ Are you looking for growth in the areas of sex, sexual expression, love, dating, and relationships? Go to ⁠https://miriamdiana.com⁠!

About to go on a date and freaking out? Quick, pick up this toolkit! It’s got 3 tools: (1) INTROSPECTION, (2) CONNECTION, and (3) DISTRACTION. With these tools, you can free yourself of the suffering of pre-date anxiety. Specifically, these tools help you find peace before the date, build up your self-esteem, and remember why you’re going on the date to begin with. INTROSPECTION with yourself, CONNECTION with friends, and DISTRACTION with your interests all shift your focus to what you are looking for (instead of what your date might think of you). After you listen to this episode, hop over to the next one: "Pre-Date Emergency Toolkit (Part #2): "Put on Your Crown" — Guided Meditation". ♡ ♡ ♡ Miriam Diana is a trauma-informed, conscious dating coach. She helps people of all genders use their imagination and their gut feelings to have more fulfilling love lives. ♡ ♡ ♡ Are you looking for growth in the areas of sex, sexual expression, love, dating, and relationships? Go to https://miriamdiana.com

What is nonmonogamy? Trauma-informed relationship coach Miriam Diana will tell you what you need to know! In this episode: Miriam Diana references the nonmonogamy bible: "The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love."  The authors of "The Ethical Slut" are sex educator and writer Janet W. Hardy and marriage and family therapist Dossie Easton. The very first edition of "The Ethical Slut" came out in 1994 when Dossie Easton was 50 years old; the first mass-produced edition was published in 1997 when she was 54. Miriam Diana shares her personal experiences with open relationships and monogamishamy. Shout out to Dan Savage for the term "monogamish"! At minute 28:00, Miriam Diana leads a relaxation exercise to connect your heart to your sexy parts, as well as a visualization meditation to help you feel into what type of relationship structure works best for you. Do you feel best  when you're in a monogamous relationship container? Or do you feel most happy and peaceful with multiple partners and/or lovers? This practice will help you imagine what each experience would be like.  Ask a question for the podcast at tinyurl.com/sensitiveslutquestions. Learn more about Miriam Diana and her coaching at facebook.com/miriamdianacoaching.

Attachment Theory teaches us that humans are born with a need to form a close emotional bond with a caregiver. Our survival depends on bonding and belonging. When psychologists describe Attachment Theory today, they often explain that the type of bond you had with your caregivers when you were an infant strongly affects how you bond to people in intimate relationships as an adult. In fact, attachment theorists say that people tend to bond with sexual/romantic partners in 4 main ways: securely, anxiously, avoidantly, or chaotically (disorganized).  In this episode, trauma-informed dating coach Miriam Diana does a deep dive on the 4 main attachment styles, with a focus on anxiously attached folx. Anxious attachers tend to desire intense intimacy, reassurance, and love — but they’re prone to worry about their dating life and the people they’re dating. And if you’re an anxiously attached SensitiveSlut, watch out! Dating can feel like being pushed and pulled in different directions.  What’s the solution?  You can start by calming your nervous system with a guided meditation, which Miriam Diana provides in the latter half of the show. This exercise is great for people with any type of attachment style because it gives you a taste of how it might feel to have exactly what you desire in your love life. For the exercise, you will use your imagination and connect to your “felt sense” (how your emotions feel physically). Miriam Diana will guide you to visualize a secure attachment with someone safe — who also turns you on.  Want to connect with Miriam Diana?  Ask a question at tinyurl.com/sensitiveslutquestions and she will share her advice on the podcast! You can also inquire about coaching on Facebook — just search for “Miriam Diana Coaching.”