Situationally Comedic Persons #5: Hey, Gorgeous

"January 9th, 2026 12:46 pm. Multiple co-workers reported having the same dream as I did... A sort of... Speedo man... Just... Laying there... Menacingly... Breathing on you..." Transcript Patrons Feb 1 - 7 threejeffs., Hon1nbo, cody hicks, Wormdrake, nomad0070, Mothman, Zachary Jusino, Cory Stacy, Seth, Kree Accola, Creation_Lord, and Adealynn Cast & Crew SCP Archives was created by Pacific S. Obadiah & Jon Grilz "Situationally Comedic Persons" was written by Hannah Schooner & Giancarlo Herrera Kurt & Burt - Josh Rubino Janice - Kayla Temshiv Fren - Erika Sanderson Rodney - TJ Berry Holmwood - Jordan Cobb Supervisor 1 - Derrick Valen Supervisor 2 - Ashley Heather Quills Teddy - David Ault Secretary - Pacific S. Obadiah Operator - Hannah Schooner Mendoza - Rissa Montanez Mama Urt - Josh Rubino Reality TV Show Host - Bailey Wolfe Podcast Host - Fay Roberts Elevator - Tal Minear Speedo Man - Derrick Valen Telephone AI - Rebekah McLoughlin Art by Pacific S. Obadiah Theme Song & Original Music by Mattie roi Berger Dialogue Editing - Giancarlo Herrera & Hannah Schooner Sound Design - Hannah Schooner Directing by Giancarlo Herrera Showruning - Daisy McNamara Creative Director - Pacific S. Obadiah Executive Producer - Tom Owen Presented by Bloody FMwww.Bloody-Disgusting.comwww.SCParchives.com Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/scp_podStore: https://store.dftba.com/collections/scp-archivesInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/scp_pod/Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/scparchives.bsky.socialDiscord:  https://discord.gg/tJEeNUzeZXTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@scppodYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/scparchivesNewsletter: https://pacificobadiah.com  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

"Burt and Kurt underwent the requisite training and security clearance and quickly became one of this site's greatest investments. Eventually, the Director cut down the entire Record and Information Management Specialists department down to just Burt and Kurt." Transcript Patrons Jan 22 - Jan 31 Rodney Brooks, LeafedFox, meli, MiniZuvy, Cat Holtz, XDWolfie, Non thapat, xGoblin, Stephanie Storm, LanceDraconfire, Karl Smyth, BubblyGreenBubbles, Claudia Alvarez, Wingman Wingo, and Carlie Cast & Crew SCP Archives was created by Pacific S. Obadiah & Jon Grilz "Situationally Comedic Persons" was written by Hannah Schooner & Giancarlo Herrera Kurt & Burt - Josh Rubino Janice - Kayla Temshiv Teddy - David Ault Fren - Erika Sanderson Rodney - TJ Berry Holmwood - Jordan Cobb Supervisor 1 - Derrick Valen Supervisor 2 - Ashley Heather Quills Educational Video Instructor - Stephen Indrisano Jack - Brandon P. Jenkins Interviewer - Marquiz Moore Employee 1 - Mattie roi Berger Mama Urt - Josh Rubino Little Timmy - Tal Minear Crowd of Children - Melissa Lusk, Tal Minear, and B. Narr   Art by Pacific S. Obadiah Theme Song & Original Music by Mattie roi Berger Dialogue Editing - Giancarlo Herrera & Hannah Schooner Sound Design - Hannah Schooner Directing by Giancarlo Herrera Showruning - Daisy McNamara Creative Director - Pacific S. Obadiah Executive Producer - Tom Owen Presented by Bloody FMwww.Bloody-Disgusting.comwww.SCParchives.com Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/scp_podStore: https://store.dftba.com/collections/scp-archivesInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/scp_pod/Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/scparchives.bsky.socialDiscord:  https://discord.gg/tJEeNUzeZXTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@scppodYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/scparchivesNewsletter: https://pacificobadiah.com  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

"This is not how this was supposed to go! Step one: go to college, check. Step two: graduate top of my class, check. Step three: go back to college and get my PHD, CHECK. Step four: get a high paying job in my field... NO CHECK!" Transcript Patrons Jan 15 - Jan 21 Glass, Richard Petty, Ashley Laabs, luki wojciech, Delta, Hazel, Paul Schwarz, Alicia Wilder, Robert Hayes, Nagata Tonikoza, Luke, Mikyle Gantz, ReliableSage328, Octavio, Matthew Oshamoko, and TCW! Cast & Crew SCP Archives was created by Pacific S. Obadiah & Jon Grilz "Situationally Comedic Persons" was written by Hannah Schooner & Giancarlo Herrera Janice - Kayla Temshiv Teddy - David Ault Fren - Erika Sanderson Rodney - TJ Berry Kurt & Burt - Josh Rubino Holmwood - Jordan Cobb Supervisor 1 - Derrick Valen Supervisor 2 - Ashley Heather Quills David - Chris Harris-Beechy Educational Video Instructor - Stephen Indrisano D-Class 1 - Mick Wheaton D-Class 2 - Isaiah Rothstein Chauffer - Rissa Montanez Dr. Elena - Hannah Schooner Reality TV Show Host - Bailey Wolfe Interviewer - Marquiz Moore D-12601 - Daisy McNamara D-12603 - Hannah Schooner D-12602 - Pacific S. Obadiah D-12605 - Giancarlo Herrera Art by Pacific S. Obadiah Theme Song & Original Music by Mattie Roi Berger Dialogue Editing - Giancarlo Herrera & Hannah Schooner Sound Design - Hannah Schooner Directing by Giancarlo Herrera Showruning - Daisy McNamara Creative Director - Pacific S. Obadiah Executive Producer - Tom Owen   Presented by Bloody FMwww.Bloody-Disgusting.comwww.SCParchives.com Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/scp_podStore: https://store.dftba.com/collections/scp-archivesInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/scp_pod/Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/scparchives.bsky.socialDiscord:  https://discord.gg/tJEeNUzeZXTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@scppodYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/scparchivesNewsletter: https://pacificobadiah.com  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

"Fren M. 62 year old Sanitation worker that's been with the Foundation for over 30 years. Bit of an unusual case. Previously employed by a community college on a night shift, the Foundation hired them on the spot after cleaning up a containment gone wrong. Having found the gruesome remnants on school grounds, they simply got to work without question. They didn't leave a single stain." Transcript Patrons Jan 8 - Jan 14 Isaac Buitron, Munnka Man, Donald Crosthwaite, Hyperion Orange, "...", Your_Local_Birate, and Jordan Barnett Cast & Crew SCP Archives was created by Pacific S. Obadiah & Jon Grilz "Situationally Comedic Persons" was written by Hannah Schooner & Giancarlo Herrera Fren - Erika Sanderson Rodney - TJ Berry Janice - Kayla Temshiv Kurt & Burt - Josh Rubino Holmwood - Jordan Cobb Supervisor 1 - Derrick Valen Supervisor 2 - Ashley Heather Quills Educational Video Instructor - Stephen Indrisano Podcast Host - Fay Roberts D-Class 1 - Mick Wheaton D-Class 2 - Isaiah Rothstein Elevator - Tal Minear Employee 1 - Mattie roi Berger Office Worker 1 - Shelby Novak Office Worker 2 - Mike Fielding Office Worker 3 - Chris Harris-Beechy Scientist 1 - Pacific S. Obadiah Scientist 2 - B. Narr Security Guard - Damon Alums Research Assistant - Daisy McNamara Art by Pacific S. Obadiah Theme Song & Original Music by Mattie Roi Berger Dialogue Editing - Giancarlo Herrera & Hannah Schooner Sound Design - Hannah Schooner Directing by Giancarlo Herrera Showruning - Daisy McNamara Creative Director - Pacific S. Obadiah Executive Producer - Tom Owen   Presented by Bloody FMwww.Bloody-Disgusting.comwww.SCParchives.com Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/scp_podStore: https://store.dftba.com/collections/scp-archivesInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/scp_pod/Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/scparchives.bsky.socialDiscord:  https://discord.gg/tJEeNUzeZXTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@scppodYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/scparchivesNewsletter: https://pacificobadiah.com  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

"Hello! My name is Rodney and today I've got my famous Weekend Bowl for your tasting pleasure." Transcript Patrons Jan 1 - Jan 7 Max Ziel, Niffer, Spooki, Nova, Braden Lewis, Jeremy McGeown, Skye_404, Alec, Kristopher Burgess, Soren Watson, RedneckGamer, Wicked Kilo, Jaiden, Punkie Boozer, TJReds, and Julia! Cast & Crew "Situationally Comedic Persons" was written by Hannah Schooner & Giancarlo Herrera Rodney - TJ Berry Fren - Erika Sanderson Janice - Kayla Temshiv Kurt & Burt - Josh Rubino Holmwood - Jordan Cobb Supervisor 1 - Derrick Valen Supervisor 2 - Ashley Heather Quills Jack - Brandon P Jenkins David - Chris Harris-Beechey Orientation Video - Stephen Indrisano D-12601 - Daisy McNamara D-12602 - Pacific S. Obadiah D-12603 - Hannah Schooner D-12605 - Giancarlo Herrera Rodney's Mom - Elissa Park   Art by Pacific S. Obadiah Theme Song & Original Music by Mattie roi Berger Dialogue Editing - Giancarlo Herrera & Hannah Schooner Sound Design - Hannah Schooner Directing by Giancarlo Herrera Showruning - Daisy McNamara Creative Director - Pacific S. Obadiah Executive Producer - Tom Owen Presented by Bloody FMwww.Bloody-Disgusting.comwww.SCParchives.com Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/scp_podStore: https://store.dftba.com/collections/scp-archivesInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/scp_pod/Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/scparchives.bsky.socialDiscord:  https://discord.gg/tJEeNUzeZXTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@scppodYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/scparchivesNewsletter: https://pacificobadiah.com  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Listen to "Something's Amiss at Juniper's House" wherever you listen to podcasts! Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3UBIVpBtlUt9yqsmothYWk?si=a42de3d3a30d4fc3 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/somethings-amiss-at-junipers-house/id1875054474 Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/8b1f775c-7b8d-4829-ad6f-fe0da376b98b/something's-amiss-at-juniper's-house   Finley's life is quiet. Dull. Boring, even.   But today is different. Because today... they meet the girl of their dreams.   Content Warnings: Screaming, Gunshot SFX, A whole bunch of curse words   Thank you for listening to "Something's Amiss at Juniper's House".  To support the show directly, please consider leaving them a review on your listening platform of choice, or joining their Patreon! Presented by Bloody FMwww.Bloody-Disgusting.comwww.SCParchives.com Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/scp_podStore: https://store.dftba.com/collections/scp-archivesInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/scp_pod/Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/scparchives.bsky.socialDiscord:  https://discord.gg/tJEeNUzeZXTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@scppodYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/scparchivesNewsletter: https://pacificobadiah.com  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

SCP 073 is a heavily-tanned male of Middle Eastern descent. Subject appears to be in his early thirties. He is 185 centimeters tall and weighs 75 kilograms. He has black hair and blue eyes. The arms, legs, spinal cord, and shoulder blades of the subject have been replaced with advanced beryllium bronze prosthetics of an unknown design.   Content Warnings: Desecration of a human body, Discussions about the end of the world, Forced imprisonment, Mentions of slavery, Violence between family members, Weapons of mass destruction Requested by Loggerhead on Discord. Transcript Patrons  Pt 2 - Dec 22-31 Amandazillapop, HPCringecraft, Sam Clayt, overcast51, vanjerino, DazAnOrk, Jackson Zenger, Cole Martin, Dominic Wills, GamesandCereal, SteelRook00205, Oskar Mastalerz, Khaos Kelly, paradoz430, Paul Kenney, Marielle Nunez, Tom Torrens, Charles Pratta, Smack Turmoil, and Lukas Danner   Cast & Crew  SCP Archives was created by Pacific S. Obadiah & Jon Grilz Script by Kevin Whitlock With content from: SCP-073 by Kain Pathos Crow SCP-076 by Kain Pathos Crow & DrClef SCP-7376 by MontagueETC   Computer - Ben Counter O5-8 - Kale Brown O5-5 - Elissa Park O5-2 - Fay Roberts Private Rosales - Rissa Montañez Captain Miller - Vic Collins Oscar-15 - Damon Alums Mekhanist - Giancarlo Herrera Abel - Nasim Benelkour Cain - Karim Kronfli Art - Eduardo Valdés-Hevia Music- Newt Schottelkotte Theme Song- Mattie Roi Berger Sound Designer - Brad Colbroock Showrunner - Daisy McNamara Creative Director - Pacific S. Obadiah Executive Producer - Tom Owen Presented by Bloody FMwww.Bloody-Disgusting.comwww.SCParchives.com Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/scp_podStore: https://store.dftba.com/collections/scp-archivesInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/scp_pod/Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/scparchives.bsky.socialDiscord:  https://discord.gg/tJEeNUzeZXTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@scppodYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/scparchivesNewsletter: https://pacificobadiah.com  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

  SCP 076 consists of two components: a stone cube designated SCP 076-1, and the humanoid entity contained within– designated SCP 076-2.   Content Warnings: Forced imprisonment,  Gun violence, Gore and dismemberment Requested by Loggerhead on Discord. Transcript Patrons  Pt 1  - Dec 16-21 M'ris Berlin, Ninja, /ˈɡɑɹˌfiɫd/ (good luck with that one), Chandler Roy, David Hochhausen, Thomas Hacker, Hunter, Lorelai Blake, Levi, william seymour, and Alissa Wiles   Cast & Crew  SCP Archives was created by Pacific S. Obadiah & Jon Grilz Script by Kevin Whitlock With content from: SCP-073 by Kain Pathos Crow SCP-076 by Kain Pathos Crow & DrClef SCP-7376 by MontagueETC   Computer - Ben Counter Giles.AIC - Kayla Temshiv O5-8 - Kale Brown O5-5 - Elissa Park O5-2 - Fay Roberts Private Rosales - Rissa Montañez Private Samson - Russ More Captain Miller - Vic Collins Oscar-15 - Damon Alums Lieutenant McNabb - Hannah Schooner Abel - Nasim Benelkour Art - Eduardo Valdés-Hevia Music- Newt Schottelkotte Theme Song- Mattie Roi Berger Sound Designer - Brad Colbroock Showrunner - Daisy McNamara Creative Director - Pacific S. Obadiah Executive Producer - Tom Owen Presented by Bloody FMwww.Bloody-Disgusting.comwww.SCParchives.com Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/scp_podStore: https://store.dftba.com/collections/scp-archivesInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/scp_pod/Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/scparchives.bsky.socialDiscord:  https://discord.gg/tJEeNUzeZXTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@scppodYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/scparchivesNewsletter: https://pacificobadiah.com  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Introducing [REDACTED]; from Athan (The Grotto) and Jamie Petronis (The Cellar Letters)Following the death of his twin, failing actor Jacob Kane assumes his late-brother’s life in hopes of a fresh start. Instead of finding stability, Jacob finds himself working within The [REDACTED] Unit, a covert agency tasked with containing impossible creatures and phenomena. As he becomes entangled with paranormal forces and secret agendas, Jacob begins to discover a sense of belonging in a place he never expected.Equal parts horror and workplace satire, [REDACTED] takes inspiration from late 90s & early 2000s television like procedural monster-of-the-week shows X-files & Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and the classic ensemble banter of Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Psych.Visit their website: https://theredactedunit.com/Join the discussion: http://theredactedunit.com/discord[REDACTED] S1E1: False Start (Part 1)Jacob Kane makes a big life changeStarring:Jamie Petronis as Jacob KaneAthan as Eli ReyesDan Morris as The Strict ProducerJeffrey Reddick as The Anxious ScreenwriterKaren Neat as ServerJames Spurney as as Phil (Landlord)Nathan Lundsford as Jordan KaneHarlan Guthrie as ■■■Zoe D. Lee as ■■■■■Ben Akira Spencer as OfficerIoana Adascalitei as Jody (Paramedic)General Show WarningsRecurring themes of violence and peril, horror, death and grief, sudden & unsettling audio, use of weapons, secret-police/cover-ups, strong language. Presented by Bloody FMwww.Bloody-Disgusting.comwww.SCParchives.com Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/scp_podStore: https://store.dftba.com/collections/scp-archivesInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/scp_pod/Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/scparchives.bsky.socialDiscord:  https://discord.gg/tJEeNUzeZXTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@scppodYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/scparchivesNewsletter: https://pacificobadiah.com  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Introducing [REDACTED]; from Athan (The Grotto) and Jamie Petronis (The Cellar Letters) Following the death of his twin, failing actor Jacob Kane assumes his late-brother’s life in hopes of a fresh start. Instead of finding stability, Jacob finds himself working within The [REDACTED] Unit, a covert agency tasked with containing impossible creatures and phenomena. As he becomes entangled with paranormal forces and secret agendas, Jacob begins to discover a sense of belonging in a place he never expected. Equal parts horror and workplace satire, [REDACTED] takes inspiration from late 90s & early 2000s television like procedural monster-of-the-week shows X-files & Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and the classic ensemble banter of Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Psych. Visit their website: https://theredactedunit.com/ Join the discussion: http://theredactedunit.com/discord [REDACTED] S1E1: False Start (Part 1) Jacob Kane makes a big life change Starring: Jamie Petronis as Jacob Kane Athan as Eli Reyes Dan Morris as The Strict Producer Jeffrey Reddick as The Anxious Screenwriter Karen Neat as Server James Spurney as as Phil (Landlord) Nathan Lundsford as Jordan Kane Harlan Guthrie as ■■■ Zoe D. Lee as ■■■■■ Ben Akira Spencer as Officer Ioana Adascalitei as Jody (Paramedic) General Show Warnings Recurring themes of violence and peril, horror, death and grief, sudden & unsettling audio, use of weapons, secret-police/cover-ups, strong language. Presented by Bloody FMwww.Bloody-Disgusting.comwww.SCParchives.com Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/scp_podStore: https://store.dftba.com/collections/scp-archivesInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/scp_pod/Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/scparchives.bsky.socialDiscord:  https://discord.gg/tJEeNUzeZXTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@scppodYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/scparchives  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.