What To Do When You're Hurting

Parenting—especially adoptive parenting—is beautiful, messy, exhausting, and overwhelming, often all at the same time. You're doing the best you can to help your child navigate their big emotions, but here's the truth: you can't help them regulate if you're falling apart. So, what does it mean to stay regulated? And do you have a Safety Plan for yourself so you know what to do for you when things start breaking down? In this episode, I walk you through what regulation really looks like (hint: it's not about being calm or happy). I also share practical steps for creating your own safety plan—a personal roadmap for recognizing when things are breaking down and how to reset before everything spirals. Because you matter too. Here's the best part: creating your safety plan doesn't have to be complicated. I've got a list of thoughtful, practical questions to help you get started. If you want me to send them directly to you, just email me with "Safety Plan" in the subject line, and I'll send you the questions right away! 📧 Email me at: [email protected] Taking care of yourself isn't selfish—it's necessary. When you have a plan to regulate yourself, you can show up as the steady, safe presence your child needs. Let's start building your safety plan today!

In this episode, we're diving into the dynamic of connection vs. protection mode—a concept that impacts both adoptive parents and their kids. We'll explore why all behavior makes sense when we look beneath the surface, how protection behaviors often stem from a desperate need for connection, and why co-regulation is the key to helping our kids (and ourselves) move from survival to connection.   We'll also tackle the tough stuff: how to recognize when we as parents slip into protection mode, practical strategies for staying grounded, and how moments of repair can strengthen your relationship with your child.   This conversation is real, relatable, and packed with hope. You don't have to be a perfect parent to make a lasting impact—all it takes is showing up with empathy and a willingness to connect. Tune in and let's navigate this journey together!  

Shift To Your Essentials: Cut Through The Noise is a podcast dedicated to helping adoptive parents cut through the noise, overwhelm, and pressure of doing it all. Together, we'll explore how focusing on the essentials can transform your parenting, your family dynamics, and how you feel about yourself and your child. We'll dive into strategies for identifying what matters most, creating meaningful connections, and letting go of the things that don't serve your family. Whether you're feeling stuck, stressed, or just looking for a clearer path forward, this podcast offers encouragement, actionable tips, and a reminder that you don't have to do this alone. Parenting isn't about being perfect—it's about being present and intentional. It's time to focus on what truly matters. Let's do this together. 🎧 New episodes weekly! Subscribe now and join the journey.

The holidays can be magical AND brutal.  They can also feel overwhelming—especially for adoptive families. In this episode, we're diving into practical tips and heartfelt advice to help you navigate the season with less stress and more connection. From handling tough teen moments to redefining traditions that actually work for your family, we'll explore how to create a holiday that feels meaningful, safe, and true to your unique family dynamic.     You'll learn:   - Why focusing on connection over perfection is key.   - How to repair after conflicts and turn tough moments into opportunities for growth.   - Simple ways to adapt traditions to fit your teen's needs and your family's reality.   - The power of slowing down, staying aware, and giving yourself permission to pivot midstream.   - Why self-care for parents is not just important—it's essential.     Whether your holidays feel chaotic, triggering, or just plain overwhelming, this episode offers encouragement, practical strategies, and permission to do things your way.     Reach out for personalized support and coaching if you're navigating challenges this holiday season. I'd love to help you create a plan that fits your family's needs.  A holiday doesn't have to be perfect to be meaningful.   Don't forget to subscribe, share this episode with another parent who needs encouragement, and leave a review—it helps us reach more adoptive families like yours!    Happy holidays, and remember: Your family, your rules. 💛  

Do you have a kiddo who seems to make a career out of arguing, begging, or otherwise trying to wear you down? Parents tell me all the time how exhausting and frustrating this is—and I get it. It's not just annoying; it's one of the ways your child nudges you into a stress cycle. You probably know the feeling: your heart starts to race, your muscles tense up, and your emotions build to the point where you just want it all to stop. And sometimes, the easiest way to make it stop feels like giving in. But what if there was another way? Here's the deal: when your body goes into stress mode, it's flooded with hormones that prepare you to act. That's useful in emergencies, but in parenting, it can leave you feeling reactive, drained, and stuck in a cycle of chronic stress. The good news? You don't have to stay stuck. You can complete the stress cycle. That doesn't mean eliminating the stressor (your persistent, determined kiddo) or solving every problem on the spot. It means giving your body and mind a moment to process the stress and reset. When you take time to reset, you're not just doing it for yourself. You're doing it so you can show up for your kids in a calmer, more centered way. In this week's podcast I unpack the stress cycle and how to break free.  Next time you're in the thick of a high-stress parenting moment, remember this: stepping away to take care of your stress isn't selfish—it's essential. It's a small but powerful way to take care of yourself and your family. You've got this. And if you need someone in your corner, I'm here.  Drop me a line at [email protected]  

Episode Description Today, we're exploring co-regulation—a powerful parenting tool that's especially important for adoptive families. Co-regulation can make a world of difference, helping our children feel safe, grounded, and connected. Whether you're new to this concept or looking for more practical ways to apply it, this episode will guide you through what co-regulation is, why it matters, and how you can start practicing it with your kids to strengthen your family bond. Episode Breakdown 1. Introduction I start with a story from my own experience—an "aha" moment that made me realize the importance of staying regulated as a parent. It was a moment that got a bit, let's say, intense, but it became a turning point for me in prioritizing co-regulation. This story sets the stage for the rest of the episode. 2. What is Co-Regulation?  We break down what co-regulation really means and how it can provide our children with a sense of safety and emotional security, especially when they come from difficult or disrupted pasts. 3. The Science Behind Co-Regulation A little brain science! We dive into why our calm presence can have such a powerful effect on our children, helping them feel secure and connected. 4. The Challenge of Staying Regulated Kids, especially those who've experienced trauma, struggle to stay regulated. Here, we discuss why it's so important for us to stay calm first, so they can feel our steady energy and co-regulate with us. 5. Four Key Lessons from Parenting Teens Over the years, I've learned four big lessons that help me show up for my teens and stay connected with them:    - It's Not About Me     - They Don't Need Me to Fix Things    - Avoiding Minimizing Their Experience     - They're Learning Self-Regulation 6. Practical Strategies for Co-Regulation From sharing Spotify playlists to helping with chores, we cover everyday strategies for creating safe, connected moments with teens that allow them to co-regulate with us naturally. 7. Common Challenges in Co-Regulation It's not always easy, and that's okay! We discuss common roadblocks and how to extend grace to ourselves as we do our best, even when things get tough. 8. Conclusion  A reminder that every small effort matters and that our work as adoptive parents to create a safe and supportive space truly makes a difference. If today's episode resonates with you, I'd love to offer a bit more support. I'm currently offering a free consult call where we can talk about what's happening in your family and find ways to strengthen your parenting approach. Whether you're facing specific challenges or just looking for extra guidance, let's connect. Here's the link to schedule your free consult —just click and pick a time that works best for you! https://calendly.com/wendyleejohnson/free-consult Thank you for joining me today! Don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with other adoptive parents who might find it helpful. We're all in this together.

We all want our kids to thrive, but what does that really mean? Often in our culture, thriving is associated with excelling at sports, maintaining a high GPA, or maintaining friendships.  But here's the kicker: thriving is so much more than just those quantifiable achievements. In fact, I believe thriving is more of a direction than a destination. Many of our adopted kids come from challenging backgrounds. Maybe no one in their birth family graduated high school, or their birthparents struggle with issues like addiction or incarceration and these same issues keep showing up in our kiddo's journeys. All of these challenges can cast a long shadow over what we perceive as thriving. I this episode we cover what thriving really is and how this can change your relationship with your child.  I coach adoptive parents. If you would like some support, schedule a free consultation HERE

Have you ever wanted to just survive a crisis without making it worse? As parents, when things get really tough we immediately experience some pretty intense emotions. Many times, it's hard to stay present or even make sense out of what's happening in the moment. If you want to learn some truly incredible tools for tolerating distress during a crisis, then this episode is for you. 

What do you do when you've gotten some bad news and you're feeling a bit undone? You're probably wanting to dial your feelings down a bit and just not feel so much. How about a quick vacation from disappointment and worry? Today's episode will give you 6 solid tips to help you stay grounded AND experience your emotions.

A lot of parenting is spent living in paradox. What does that even mean? It means wanting your family to eat supper altogether, but feeling anxious that an argument will break out and make it unbearable. Or maybe you can't wait for your teen to come home from residential, but are terrified of what's going to happen to your family when they do. If you'd like some tips on how to approach living in paradox, then this episode is for you.