REPLAY: Is Understanding Behavior Excusing It?

Grief is hard to acknowledge and talk about. The truth is, there is grief involved with being the sibling of a child with a special need. In today’s episode, we’re exploring how to support the siblings of kids with a nervous system disability with behavior-based symptoms with all their feelings, especially grief. In this episode, you’ll learnHow to validate all your children’s feelings, even when they are really uncomfortableHow to acknowledge the truth that in most circumstances, your other children really are less seen in your familyThe four questions to ask yourself when thinking about how to help your kids with their griefResources mentioned in this podcast:Grief In Parenting Kids With Vulnerable Nervous Systems {EP 129}Ableism, Parenting, And Trauma Informed Care {EP 85} (Guest Marshall Lyles)I HATE YOU! And Other Big Feelings {EP 168}Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/siblinggriefFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being WithI co-wrote a training for therapists with my colleague Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-SAll Behavior Makes Sense: Play Therapy with Kids with Vulnerable Nervous SystemsYou can take this 6 hr, CE approved training online starting August 2, 2024Details and registration here: https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024 :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

One way we can support the siblings of kids with big, baffling behaviors is to teach them about owls, watchdogs, and possums (or some way to understand the brain and behaviors) as well as to teach them about nervous system vulnerabilities and ‘overactive’ watchdog and possum brains!In this episode, you’ll learnSteps to take when teaching siblings about owls, watchdogs, and possums so they won’t feel like you’re just excusing bad behaviorThe importance of validating your kids’ experience that the way you parent their sibling is unfairA couple scripts for talking to your children about their sibling’s watchdog and possum brain (available on my website by CLICKING HERE)Resources mentioned in this podcast:Helping Siblings Understand "Unfair" Parenting {EP 186}Can I Teach My Child About Their Brain? {EP 114}My Child Won't Talk About Their Watchdog and Possum Brain {EP 160}EVERYONE Has A Watchdog And Possum Brain! {EP 178}Is Understand Behavior Just Excusing It? {EP 109}Enabling Vrs. Low-Demand Parenting {EP 144}Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/teachsiblingsFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being WithI co-wrote a training for therapists with my colleague Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-SAll Behavior Makes Sense: Play Therapy with Kids with Vulnerable Nervous SystemsYou can take this 6 hr, CE approved training online starting August 2, 2024Details and registration here: https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024 :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

Do you have kids who feel like the way you parent their sibling (the one with the worst behavior!!!) is unfair?We’ll be tackling different topics on how to support siblings over the next month.In this episode, you’ll learnThe five things to consider when thinking about how to help siblings understand ‘unfair’ parentingAre you parenting all your kids thru the lens of regulation, connection, and felt safety?Do all your children know about owls, watchdogs, and possums (or some other way to understand the brain and conceptualize behaviors)Do your school-age and older child understand vulnerable nervous systems and sensitized stress response systems (overactive watchdog and possum brains)Do your children (siblings of kids with special needs) feel really, truly seen by you?Is this actually more about unresolved grief (yours and/or theirs)Resources mentioned in this podcast:Is Understanding Behavior Just Excusing It? {EP 109}Stress Response System {EP 94}What Does Vulnerable Nervous System Mean {122}Grief in Parenting Kids with a Vulnerable Nervous System {EP 129}Can I teach my kids about their brain? {EP 114}Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/unfairFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being WithI co-wrote a training for therapists with my colleague Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-SAll Behavior Makes Sense: Play Therapy with Kids with Vulnerable Nervous SystemsYou can take this 6 hr, CE approved training online starting August 2, 2024Details and registration here: https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024 :::Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

Something new and unexpected here on The Baffling Behavior Show!This episode is actually from the Therapist Uncensored Podcast with Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley. Sue and Ann interviewed one of y'alls FAVORITES- Juliane Taylor Shore.Juliane was on The Baffling Behavior Show a long time ago, talking about psychological boundaries and verbal aggression. This is one of my most played episodes EVER.Juliane just published a new book on boundaries so when Sue and Ann asked if I wanted to do a podcast feed swap, I knew y'all would LOVE to hear from Juliane.In this episode, you'll hear Sue and Ann interview Juliane all about Setting Boundaries that Stick. Resources mentioned in this podcast:Setting Boundaries that Stick by Juliane Taylor ShoreTherapist Uncensored Podcast with Sue Marriott and Ann KelleyBoundaries with Verbal Aggression podcast episode #115 with Juliane Taylor Shore Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/boundariesthatstickFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being WithI co-wrote a training for therapists with my colleague Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-SAll Behavior Makes Sense: Play Therapy with Kids with Vulnerable Nervous SystemsYou can take this 6 hr, CE approved training online starting August 2, 2024Details and registration here: https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024 :::Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

Parents of kids with baffling behaviors are CONSTANTLY being judged by others.How do we get to a point where we don’t care as much about what other people think?In this episode, we’ll explore:Some of the most common judgments that parents of kids with baffling behaviors receiveHow it’s actually not possible to not care at all, but we can care LESSThree things we can do so that the judgment from others doesn’t impact us as much as it does nowFor a script on how to set boundaries with folks expressing judgment, go to: https://RobynGobbel.com/notcareResources mentioned in this podcast:How Self-Compassion Changed Things For This Mom {EP 78}Influence Behaviors, Not Control {EP 101}Is Understanding Behavior Just Excusing It? {EP 109}Boundaries With Verbal Aggression With Juliane Taylor Shore {EP 115}Secure Relating With Guests Sue & Ann From Therapist Uncensored {EP 175}Juliane's Book! : Setting Boundaries That StickRead the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/notcareFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being WithI co-wrote a training for therapists with my colleague Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-SAll Behavior Makes Sense: Play Therapy with Kids with Vulnerable Nervous SystemsYou can take this 6 hr, CE approved training online starting August 2, 2024Details and registration here: https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024 :::Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” ~Carl RogersYou know, one of my favorite things about studying relational neuroscience is discovering the science that proves things we’ve known all along. Not everyone needs the science, and I know some think the science detracts from the powerful truths that people have been brave enough to say and believe without having science to back it up.  I think both approaches are fine.  I just happen to like the science.  And yup, the science backs it up.Acceptance really is needed if we want behavior to change.I find this truth to both a bummer and also quite liberating.How do we accept something without sending the message the it’s ok, no big deal, and there’s no need for it to change?It’s hard, but possible.  You’ll hear my own journey toward this truth and a couple tips on how to do it yourself in this episode.  Read a long summary of this episode here:  https://robyngobbel.com/howbehaviorchangesFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being WithI co-wrote a training for therapists with my colleague Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-SAll Behavior Makes Sense: Play Therapy with Kids with Vulnerable Nervous SystemsYou can take this 6 hr, CE approved training online starting August 2, 2024Details and registration here: https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024 :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

Do the Watchdog and Possum pathway only activate in protection mode? Are they always protective?NO! It is possible to have safe and connected Watchdog energy and safe and connected Possum energy!Why does this distinction matter?In this episode, you’ll learnWhat safe and connected watchdog energy feels likeWhat safe and connected possum energy feels likeWhy it’s important to remember we aren’t trying to get rid of the watchdog or the possum- we are trying to help them rest and only work hard when they need toResources mentioned in this podcast:Trauma Behavior? Or Just Acting Up? {EP 30}Focus On The Nervous System To Change Behavior {Ep 84}Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/alwaysprotectiveFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being WithI co-wrote a training for therapists with my colleague Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-SAll Behavior Makes Sense: Play Therapy with Kids with Vulnerable Nervous SystemsYou can take this 6 hr, CE approved training online starting August 2, 2024Details and registration here: https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024 :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

What does my child need for their success to be inevitable?If I wanted to paint the top of a 20 foot wall, I’d rent some scaffolding.  Scaffolding makes the floor higher and would get me as close to the top of the wall as I needed.  The scaffolding would help make my success inevitable.  It’s not the only thing I need to be successful (paint would come in handy!), but it’s a really important piece.  In parenting, scaffolding is the support that we put in place that allows our children to be successful.  Then, slowly, thoughtful, and sequentially, we decrease the amount of external support needed as our children develop that capacity to be successful on their own.Read a summary of this episode and access the full show notes at: RobynGobbel.com/ScaffoldingFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being WithI co-wrote a training for therapists with my colleague Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-SAll Behavior Makes Sense: Play Therapy with Kids with Vulnerable Nervous SystemsYou can take this 6 hr, CE approved training online starting August 2, 2024Details and registration here: https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024 :::Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

Janet Nordine is a registered play therapist, adoptee, and mental health activist working tirelessly to improve children’s mental health services, specifically in the state of Nevada. Janet has an important message for adoptees that I think is relevant to all kids and families who are supporting kids with vulnerable nervous systems:There is nothing wrong with you. You’ve done nothing wrong. You can be OK.In this episode, exploreHow to help create ‘good parent messages’ for children who feel unloved and unwantedSitting with two conflicting feelings at once The benefits of falling in love with yourselfResources mentioned in this podcast:Children’s Mental Wellness Symposium- Las Vegas NVSeptember 26 - 29, 2024Details and registration here: https://lasvegasplaytherapy.com/Good Morning, I Love You by Dr. Shauna ShapiroRead the full transcript at: https://RobynGobbel.com/NothingWrongFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being WithI co-wrote a training for therapists with my colleague Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-SAll Behavior Makes Sense: Play Therapy with Kids with Vulnerable Nervous SystemsYou can take this 6 hr, CE approved training online starting August 2, 2024Details and registration here: https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024 :::Wondering where to start with all this information about behaviors and the nervous system?Subscribe to the START HERE podcast at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

Self-regulation is a crucial developmental milestone and I’m thrilled that we are turning our eyes toward self-regulation instead of staying focused on behavior modification through rewards and consequences.  At the same time, we must remember that self-regulation is developed through repeated and regular experiences of co-regulation with an attuned, regulated, present caregiver.  If children are struggling to use their self-regulation skills, it’s quite possible that they aren’t regulated enough to access those skills.  They are getting dysregulated too quickly and need co-regulation before they can be expected to use skills on their own.  It is these experiences of coregulation that build the neural circuity for what is ultimately labeled self-regulation...so you don’t need to worry that the continued offering of co-regulation will impede the development of self-regulation- it’s exactly the opposite!!!Humans never outgrow their need for co-regulation!  We all need connection and co-regulation!  Which is exactly why I've created The Club- a virtual community for parents of kids impacted by trauma!CLICK HERE to read about The Club and join the waitlist for the next time we welcome new members!Follow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being WithI co-wrote a training for therapists with my colleague Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-SAll Behavior Makes Sense: Play Therapy with Kids with Vulnerable Nervous SystemsYou can take this 6 hr, CE approved training online starting August 2, 2024Details and registration here: https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024 :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources