EP 181: What's the "Connected Response" to {Insert Specific Difficult Behavior Here}?

For years, "the four functions of behavior" has been the go-to framework for understanding why kids do what they do: attention, escape, access to tangibles, sensory. It's not wrong, but it's not the whole story either. In this episode, we dig into where this model actually came from, what it leaves out, and what's underneath it once we go looking with a relational neuroscience lens.In this episode, you'll learn: Where the four functions of behavior actually came from, and why this is relevantWhy naming a behavior's "function" and saying it started in the nervous system aren't competing ideas — they're just two different layers of the same truth What's actually underneath attention-seeking, escape, tangible-seeking, and sensory behavior - and how to start identifying the missing skill that can be scaffoldedResources Mentioned on the PodcastAll Behavior Makes Sense ep. 198When it’s not Working ep 261The Club (membership community + troubleshooting worksheet)Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/behaviorfunctionFINALLY! Our new website is LIVE and working!This is not just a cosmetic upgrade (though we do think it's beautiful).This is a 'works way better as a resource for you' upgrade!Don't take my word for it- go check it out at RobynGobbel.comTHEN search for clues and enter our website scavenger hunt to win some pretty great prizes!RobynGobbel.com/Scavenge We have a few spots remaining at the Presence in Practice retreat-style training in Michigan July 15-17!RobynGobbel.com/MIPIP2026::: Immersion Program for Professionals!The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list! Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

We've been in a three-part series on sticky behaviors (behaviors that don’t seem to change, no matter WHAT you do!), and today we're doing the detective work: what is your specific child's nervous system actually predicting? In This EpisodeThree detective questions to help you identify what prediction might be driving your child's stickiest behaviors, and what those behaviors are actually protecting againstWhy you don't have to get the detective work exactly right, because the mismatched experience that changes the brain is almost always the same thing no matter what prediction is runningHow your working theory about your child's nervous system changes something in you first, and why this is so important (but also, no pressure. We’re all doing the best we can)Resources MentionedRaising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors — robyngobbel.com/bafflingbookThe Club — robyngobbel.com/theclubImmersion Program for Professionals — robyngobbel.com/immersionPart 1 of this series: Why Sticky Behaviors Stay Stuck Part 2 of this series: What Actually Changes Sticky BehaviorsRead the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/predictingFINALLY! Our new website is LIVE and working!This is not just a cosmetic upgrade (though we do think it's beautiful).This is a 'works way better as a resource for you' upgrade!Don't take my word for it- go check it out at RobynGobbel.comTHEN search for clues and enter our website scavenger hunt to win some pretty great prizes!RobynGobbel.com/Scavenge We have a few spots remaining at the Presence in Practice retreat-style training in Michigan July 15-17!RobynGobbel.com/MIPIP2026::: Immersion Program for Professionals!The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list! Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Part 1 was about why sticky behaviors stay stuck. Part 2 is where the hope lives. We're diving into the two mechanisms that actually change sticky behaviors at the neurological level. This is the episode that makes the hardest ask of Part - shifting away from ‘fix-it’ and ‘this has to change’ energy- make sense.In this episode you'll learn:Why your child's dysregulation isn't the obstacle to healing; it's actually the doorway to itThe two mechanisms that change sticky behaviors at the neurological level, why one creates the conditions for the other, and why neither of them will look like anything is working for a long timeWhat it actually means to stay regulated during your child's hardest moments Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/changestickyFINALLY! Our new website is LIVE and working!This is not just a cosmetic upgrade (though we do think it's beautiful).This is a 'works way better as a resource for you' upgrade!Don't take my word for it- go check it out at RobynGobbel.comTHEN search for clues and enter our website scavenger hunt to win some pretty great prizes!RobynGobbel.com/Scavenge We have a few spots remaining at the Presence in Practice retreat-style training in Michigan July 15-17!RobynGobbel.com/MIPIP2026::: Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

If you've tried everything and a behavior just won't stop…that's a sticky behavior. Let's dive deeeeeep into the neuroscience behind the behaviors that feel impossible to change. We'll touch on how the brain stores predictions and how the most well-meaning response can actually, unintentionally, keep those predictions locked in place and perpetuate that sticky behavior. This is Part 1 of a 3-part series that brings new aha moments to your child's most baffling behaviors.In this episode, you will learn:Why your child's brain holds onto certain behaviors so tightly, and why it has nothing to do with defiance or choiceWhat neural glue is and why the behaviors encoded under overwhelm and aloneness are the stickiest of allWhy the urge to make a behavior stop can actually confirm the very prediction the behavior is protectingResources mentioned in this podcast:https://robyngobbel.com/immersion/Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/stickybehaviors1FINALLY! Our new website is LIVE and working!This is not just a cosmetic upgrade (though we do think it's beautiful).This is a 'works way better as a resource for you' upgrade!Don't take my word for it- go check it out at RobynGobbel.comTHEN search for clues and enter our website scavenger hunt to win some pretty great prizes!RobynGobbel.com/Scavenge We have a few spots remaining at the Presence in Practice retreat-style training in Michigan July 15-17!RobynGobbel.com/MIPIP2026::: Immersion Program for Professionals!The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list! Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

When kids can't tolerate boredom, it's easy to forget to put on our X-ray vision goggles and chalk it up to too much screen time or even not enough gratitude. Our kids’ reaction to boredom triggers OUR watchdog brain! If we can invite our owl to come back, we will almost certainly see that boredom flips our kids’ nervous system into protection mode.In this episode, you'll learn:Why boredom can trigger the nervous system to shift onto the protection pathwayHow vulnerability in the nervous system (whether from ADHD, autism, trauma, or any other reason a kid has a vulnerable nervous system) impacts a child's experience of boredom Practical, nervous-system-informed ways to gradually build your child's boredom tolerance Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/boredomFINALLY! Our new website is LIVE and working!This is not just a cosmetic upgrade (though we do think it's beautiful).This is a 'works way better as a resource for you' upgrade!Don't take my word for it- go check it out at RobynGobbel.comTHEN search for clues and enter our website scavenger hunt to win some pretty great prizes!RobynGobbel.com/Scavenge We have a few spots remaining at the Presence in Practice retreat-style training in Michigan July 15-17!RobynGobbel.com/MIPIP2026::: Immersion Program for Professionals!The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list! Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

A dad - who is also a former foster youth and the director of non-profit supporting foster and adoptive families - shares an honest and tender conversation about what it's actually like to parent kids with big, baffling behaviors when life is also impossibly hard. He shares the staggering losses his family has carried over the past few years, how he found The Baffling Behavior Show, Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors, and The Club…and what has genuinely helped him keep going. This one is for every parent who has felt utterly alone in this journey- AND for every professional who needs a reminder of what the real work actually is.In this episode you'll learn:Why being seen by people who truly get it matters more than any tool or strategyHow learning to receive and offer presence (not just advice) changes the way you show up everywhere- with your kids, at work, and even in a Whataburger drive-throughWhat it looks like to hold hope and honesty at the same time- staying grounded in how hard things really are without sliding into toxic positivity or despairFINALLY! Our new website is LIVE and working!This is not just a cosmetic upgrade (though we do think it's beautiful).This is a 'works way better as a resource for you' upgrade!Don't take my word for it- go check it out at RobynGobbel.comTHEN search for clues and enter our website scavenger hunt to win some pretty great prizes!RobynGobbel.com/Scavenge We have a few spots remaining at the Presence in Practice retreat-style training in Michigan July 15-17!RobynGobbel.com/MIPIP2026::: Immersion Program for Professionals!The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list! Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

A single mom who adopted boy-girl twins through foster care shares about her slow, almost invisible journey from survival mode to genuinely delighting in her now-13-year-old kids. Nothing shifted in one big moment.  Yet somehow, everything changed.In this episode, you'll learn:Why the shift from "I have to fix this right now" to "I can just be with you in this" is the thing that changes everything — for your kids and for youHow letting go of performing shame (in school meetings, with professionals, for society) freed up the energy to actually parentWhy the biggest leaps — academic, emotional, social — consistently happened during the stretches when they stopped trying to fix anything and just existed togetherRead the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/everythingchangedFINALLY! Our new website is LIVE and working!This is not just a cosmetic upgrade (though we do think it's beautiful).This is a 'works way better as a resource for you' upgrade!Don't take my word for it- go check it out at RobynGobbel.comTHEN search for clues and enter our website scavenger hunt to win some pretty great prizes!RobynGobbel.com/Scavenge We have a few spots remaining at the Presence in Practice retreat-style training in Michigan July 15-17!RobynGobbel.com/MIPIP2026::: Immersion Program for Professionals!The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list! Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Parenting kids with big, baffling behaviors is hard enough. THEN someone has opinions about it. This episode breaks down why people say the things they say, what's actually happening in you when judgment lands, and how to respond- or not respond- in a way that protects your own regulation.In this episode:Why unsolicited advice and criticism are almost always a projection from the other person's protection brain How to recognize when explaining yourself won't actually help Practical ways to respond to judgmentScripts"Thank you. I'm comfortable with our parenting decisions.""I hear you. I need to tend to my child right now."Neutral / Redirect"We've got it covered, thanks.""We have a lot of support around this.""I have people I go to for that.""That's not something I'm looking for input on.""We're working with someone on it."Warmer with a Clear Boundary"I appreciate that you care. We're good.""Thanks for thinking of us — we've got support."Confident / Firmer"I'm not looking for advice, but thank you.""That's not actually something I'm open to feedback on.""We're pretty settled on how we're handling it.""I'm not going to take that in, but I hear you."For the chronic offender"We've talked about this- we're not changing course.""I've let you know this isn't something I want input on."The subject-change version"Mmm. Anyway…" (and move on)"Noted." (full stop)Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/judgementFINALLY! Our new website is LIVE and working!This is not just a cosmetic upgrade (though we do think it's beautiful).This is a 'works way better as a resource for you' upgrade!Don't take my word for it- go check it out at RobynGobbel.comTHEN search for clues and enter our website scavenger hunt to win some pretty great prizes!RobynGobbel.com/Scavenge We have a few spots remaining at the Presence in Practice retreat-style training in Michigan July 15-17!RobynGobbel.com/MIPIP2026::: Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Whether you're supporting a dysregulated eight-year-old, a parent who's convinced nothing is working, or the version of yourself driving home after a really hard week, the science is exactly the same. Let’s look at how the theory underneath this podcast, Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors, and the BBTI’s Professional Immersion Program are grounded in the same unified relational neuroscience framework. This paradigm supports your work with kids, parents, and yourself. You only have to learn it once, because it scales!This is the second episode in a row I’ve recorded for professionals and helpers. Next week, we’ll be back with episodes for parents! (Of course, anyone can listen to all of them!)In this episode, you'll learn:Why the nervous system framework that explains kids' behavior is the exact same one that explains parents' behavior…and yoursWhat it actually means to "be the owl" as a professional, and why that is the interventionWhy your reactions to clients aren't failures of professionalism. Their information, and getting curious about them, makes you a better helperResources mentioned in this podcast:All Behavior Makes Sense {EP 198}Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/frameworkFINALLY! Our new website is LIVE and working!This is not just a cosmetic upgrade (though we do think it's beautiful).This is a 'works way better as a resource for you' upgrade!Don't take my word for it- go check it out at RobynGobbel.comTHEN search for clues and enter our website scavenger hunt to win some pretty great prizes!RobynGobbel.com/Scavenge We have a few spots remaining at the Presence in Practice retreat-style training in Michigan July 15-17!RobynGobbel.com/MIPIP2026::: Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

The helpers ~ therapists, coaches, teachers, advocates ~ are burning out at alarming rates. We talk endlessly about self-care, caseload management, and having better boundaries but almost nobody is addressing the root cause. This is a special episode that I recorded for all the professionals who listen. All the helpers who show up day after day because they love to help the parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors. All the helpers who are tired and wondering how much longer they can keep doing this. In this episode, you'll learn:Why working with clients in chronic protection mode pulls helpers into protection mode too - and how that's the real starting point of burnoutApplying the "all behavior makes sense" framework to your own nervous system responses changes everything about how you workThe skill that actually prevents burnout - and why bubble baths and calendar blocking aren't itAnd if you want to learn more, you can join 4000+ other professionals and me in Making Sense of Baffling Behaviors- a 4-part free audio training for professionals!Resources mentioned in this podcast:All Behavior Makes Sense {EP 198}Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/burnoutFINALLY! Our new website is LIVE and working!This is not just a cosmetic upgrade (though we do think it's beautiful).This is a 'works way better as a resource for you' upgrade!Don't take my word for it- go check it out at RobynGobbel.comTHEN search for clues and enter our website scavenger hunt to win some pretty great prizes!RobynGobbel.com/Scavenge We have a few spots remaining at the Presence in Practice retreat-style training in Michigan July 15-17!RobynGobbel.com/MIPIP2026::: Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)