Ep. 147: What Behavior Really Is

When your child can't handle hearing 'NO' or gets really dysregulated when a boundary is set, it can be really hard on the whole family. Understanding the role of Frustration Tolerance in your child's reaction to hearing 'NO' can help you set them up for growing this developmental skill.In this episode, you’ll learn:Why some kids are delayed in developing this complex developmental skillThe impact of trauma on frustration toleranceThe role of mental models and memory processing in developing frustration toleranceHow we can set our kids up to grow this developmental skillRead a summary and full episode transcript at: https://robyngobbel.com/frustrationtolerance/To learn MORE about the possum pathway, grab this FREE infographic about the Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brain! CLICK HERE to get it sent to your inbox!Want to learn more about disappointment? https://robyngobbel.com/disappointmentOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With****Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors was an INSTANT USA Today Best Seller! Order your copy (choose from getting it fast, or getting a discount, or getting a signed copy) at RobynGobbel.com/Book

A conversation with Melissa Corkum and Lisa Qualls, authors of Reclaim Compassion: The Adoptive Parent's Guide to Overcoming Blocked Care with Neuroscience and Faith about blocked care- what it is, what causes it, and how families can begin to recover. In this episode, you’ll learn:What is blocked careWhat are the symptomsHow can you overcome blocked careResources mentioned in this podcast:Blocked Care Assessment: theadoptionconnection.com/parentingaftertraumaWebsite: Reclaimcompassion.comBook: Reclaim CompassionRead a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/blockedcareOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With****Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors was an INSTANT USA Today Best Seller! Order your copy (choose from getting it fast, or getting a discount, or getting a signed copy) at RobynGobbel.com/Book

Looking for practical strategies to nourish a fried nervous system?Living with someone who has significant vulnerability in their nervous system can lead to a sensitized stress response system, resulting in unpredictable and sometimes unsafe behaviors. This can leave our own nervous systems in a state of distress. While we often discuss secondary trauma in parenting kids with trauma histories, the truth is that living with someone who has significant dysregulation is trauma in itself. Understanding this perspective allows us to acknowledge the challenges we face without criticizing ourselves or others.In this episode, you’ll learn:The impact of parenting on your nervous systemThe consequences of burnout and lack of supportSigns of a fried nervous systemPractical strategies for nourishing a fried nervous systemFREEOne-page PDF infographic- what to do when your nervous system is fried!CLICK HERE to get the download sent to your inboxResources mentioned in this podcast:Previous episode recommendations:Connection vs. Protection (7)Self Compassion (8)Understanding Behavior is Not Excusing Behavior (109)Grief in Parenting Kids with Vulnerable Nervous Systems (129)Scaffolding (82)When Parenting is Traumatic (95)Read a the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/friedOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With****Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors was an INSTANT USA Today Best Seller! Order your copy (choose from getting it fast, or getting a discount, or getting a signed copy) at RobynGobbel.com/Book

In part 3 of this series on Boundaries with Connection, Juliane Taylor Shore talks us through how boundaries work in relationships with our children - relationships where we have to show up every day - and why it is so important for us to have good psychological boundaries when our children are verbally aggressive. In this episode, you’ll learn:What are psychological boundariesHow do psychological boundaries help usWhy good psychological boundaries are important when a child is verbally aggressiveHow to create space between your mind and another's mindResources mentioned in this podcast:Juliane Taylor Shore's website: https://www.cleariskind.com/Juliane's boundaries course: ​​https://therapywisdom.com/neurobiology-of-feeling-safe/Jules' Relationship Podcast : https://whydoesmypartner.com/Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/boundaries3Over on my website you can find:Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With****Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors was an INSTANT USA Today Best Seller! Order your copy (choose from getting it fast, or getting a discount, or getting a signed copy) at RobynGobbel.com/Book

In part 2 of this series on Boundaries with Connection, we explore how to set boundaries that create success by providing structure and containment that offers safety, connection, and co-regulation.In this episode, you’ll learn:How boundaries can create physical and emotional safetyHow to create the kind of boundaries your child really needs for continued developmentHow to set boundaries with the intent of increasing regulationResources mentioned in this podcast:Previous podcast episode https://robyngobbel.com/scaffoldingFREEOne-page PDF infographic on Boundaries with Connection!CLICK HERE to get the download sent to your inboxRead a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/boundaries2Over on my website you can find:Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With****Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors was an INSTANT USA Today Best Seller! Order your copy (choose from getting it fast, or getting a discount, or getting a signed copy) at RobynGobbel.com/Book

Focusing on understanding what's driving behavior can sometimes make it feel like we aren't addressing the behavior at all. It can feel as if we are boundaryless and permissive. This episode sheds light on what boundaries really are and how focusing on regulation, connection and felt-safety increases compassionate boundaries in response to behaviors.In this episode, you’ll learn:What boundaries really areHow they are different than punishment and rulesExamples of boundariesWhat to do when your child violates a boundary Resources mentioned in this podcast:Previous podcast episode "But What about a Consequence?"FREEOne-page PDF infographic on Boundaries with Connection!CLICK HERE to get the download sent to your inboxRead a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/boundaries1Over on my website you can find:Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With****Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors was an INSTANT USA Today Best Seller! Order your copy (choose from getting it fast, or getting a discount, or getting a signed copy) at RobynGobbel.com/Book

THIS EPISODE IS A REPLAYUnderstanding behavior helps us actually solve the problem, leads to compassion, and actually helps behavior to change, but first we must understand why we are so afraid that understanding behaviors means we are excusing "bad" behaviors.In this episode, you’ll learn:The difference between understanding behavior and excusing behaviorWhy understanding behavior is importantWhat are our fears about understanding behaviorWhat leads to behavior changeThe importance of compassionate boundariesRead a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/understandingbehaviorOver on my website you can find:Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With****Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors was an INSTANT USA Today Best Seller! Order your copy (choose from getting it fast, or getting a discount, or getting a signed copy) at RobynGobbel.com/Book

Does your child yell, scream, or otherwise refuse to talk about their owl, watchdog, or possum brain?They tell you it’s stupid or tell you to stop talking or get extra silly or just don’t talk?I hear this from a LOT of parents (and I experienced it a lot in the play therapy room).This doesn’t mean it doesn’t work for your child. Promise.In this episode you’ll learn:The developmental milestones needed before a child can identify or talk about their owl, watchdog, or possum brainHow we can use our kids’ behavior as cues/clues to let us know something about their brain development and what interventions are appropriate (clinical reasoning)The role of distress toleranceSteps to take to scaffold your child in developing self-reflection and mindsight, as well as decrease shame around their behaviorResources mentioned in this podcast:Can I Teach My Child About Their Brain? {Ep 114}Healing Blocked Care With Melissa Corkum and Lisa Qualls {Ep 123}Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/talkaboutwatchdogFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With****Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors was an INSTANT USA Today Best Seller! Order your copy (choose from getting it fast, or getting a discount, or getting a signed copy) at RobynGobbel.com/Book

In this episode, I unravel how to extend connection to our children while acknowledging that some might see this connection as a threat. I offer insights on toning down the demand for connection, enabling our children to relax in it, and thereby strengthen their stress response system. I also reference the previous episodes in this four-part series by talking about the science of opposition, some practical strategies, and tackling kids stuck in protection mode, all with the aim of providing a comprehensive understanding of making connection a safe experience.In this episode you’ll learn:That providing too much connection can often be overwhelming and feel more like danger than connectionTo titrate connection and supply only as much as the child needs or wantsShowing your child you think of them when are not together like buying their favorite snack, titrates connection by showing that you are thinking of them and you see themResources mentioned in this podcast:Exploring Low Demand Parenting: Shifting Power Dynamics And Nurturing Trust {EP 142}Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/oppositional4Follow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With****Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors was an INSTANT USA Today Best Seller! Order your copy (choose from getting it fast, or getting a discount, or getting a signed copy) at RobynGobbel.com/Book

If offering safety and connection is the antidote to oppositional behavior, what do you do if connection isn’t experienced as safe or regulating by your child?In this episode you’ll learn:How connection and protection can get tied togetherHow to keep offering connection, even when it’s consistently rejected by your childThe science behind why YOU need to be receiving connection - and how you can do that even if you don’t have a lot of extra time or supportive people in your lifeResources mentioned in this podcast:Regulated Does Not Equal Calm {Ep 31}Match The Energy, NOT The Dysregulation {Ep 155}Free Resources - robyngobbel.com/freeresourcesRead the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/oppostitional3Follow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With****Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors was an INSTANT USA Today Best Seller! Order your copy (choose from getting it fast, or getting a discount, or getting a signed copy) at RobynGobbel.com/Book