Ep. 135: You Aren't Doing it Wrong

Settle in for a fun and inspiring chat with hosts from Therapist Uncensored and authors of the new release Secure Relating, Sue Marriott & Ann Kelley.In this episode, you’ll learnHow responding to our children’s (and partner’s) needs in the present moment, instead of from a place of anxious or avoidant states, can improve our relationshipsAbout the intersection of attachment and trauma in our systems of care- like the child welfare and mental health systemsHow much hope there is when we shift to looking at attachment in the here and now instead of based on our historiesResources mentioned in this podcast:Ann and Sue's Podcast! - therapistuncensored.comPre-order a copy of Secure Relating!Secure Relating Online Launch! - therapistuncensored.com/upcoming_events/Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/securerelatingFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being WithThe Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.6 CEs, including APT. Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024 :::Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

This episode originally aired on August 1st, 2023Parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system can feel like navigating a maze blindfolded. But what if we told you that understanding the balance between enabling and co-regulation could be your guiding light? This week, we break down this crucial contrast, demystifying the term 'enabling', often misconstrued in the mental health field, and venture into the science behind lowering demands - a strategy that can bolster your child’s stress response system.In this episode you'll learn:The importance of being self-attuned to what's hard vs. too hardHow to determine between lowering demands for your own comfort and doing it because it is genuinely too arduous for your childThe difference between enabling/codependent behaviors and co-regulationResources mentioned in this podcast:Connection or Protection??? {7}What to do after We Mess up {80}Stress Response System {94}Read a the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/EnablingFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being WithThe Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.6 CEs, including APT. Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024 :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

I’m sure you’ve had moments (days, weeks, months) where it felt hard, maybe even impossible, to keep offering connection to your child.It is hard to offer connection to someone who seems to constantly reject it!If it feels hard to keep offering your child connection, I actually want you to shift your focus. Don’t prioritize offering connection to your child. Instead think about:Who can offer YOU connection?How can you offer connection to yourself?Who could you offer connection to who is able to receive it, and offer connection back?You’ll also learn how glitter boots are related to giving and receiving connection! Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/offeringconnectionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being WithThe Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.6 CEs, including APT. Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024 :::Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.6 CEs, including APT. Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024 :::Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

If regulated, connected kids who feel safe do well, does that mean connected kids are always cooperative?Definitely not! In fact, there’s a level of connection to others- and to themselves! - that invites in the safety to be UNcooperative!In this episode, you’ll learnHow safety can invite both cooperative and UNcooperative behaviorWhy too much cooperation would actually be a bad thingHow parenting with co-regulation and connection helps kids become more connected to themselvesResources mentioned in this podcast:Is Understanding Behavior Just Excusing It? {EP 109}Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/cooperativeFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being WithThe Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.6 CEs, including APT. Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024 :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

This is NOT an episode about how to make your kid go to school. What you WILL learn in this episode:What is pathological demand avoidance, or PDA?Schools valuing attendance above all is not helpfulYou are a good parent even if your kid doesn’t go to schoolThat sometimes, all we have to do is be niceResources mentioned in this podcast:Can’t Not Won’t by Eliza FrickerThe Family Experience of PDA by Eliza FrickerThe Educator's Experience of PDA by Eliza FrickerHow to Connect with Eliza Fricker:WebsiteFacebookInstagramTwitterRead a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/SchoolRefusalOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being WithThe Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.6 CEs, including APT. Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024 :::Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

The question of ‘can I heal’ or 'can my child heal' or ‘how do I (or my child) heal’ is a tricky one. Healing is a word that gets used a lot without really pausing to ask ourselves what it actually means. If we are aiming for a nebulous goal that hasn’t been defined, it will feel impossible to reach. Impossible tasks often feel hopeless.In this episode, you’ll learnWhy it’s most useful to stay focused on widening our window of stress toleranceHow co-regulation contributes to healingHow memory relates to trauma symptoms and healingResources mentioned in this podcast:What Does Co-Regulation Really Look Like? {EP 81}Scaffolding Is A Form Of Co-Regulation {Ep 82}Match The Energy, NOT The Dysregulation {EP 155}Felt Safety (Inside) - Part 1 {EP 161}Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/healFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being WithThe Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.6 CEs, including APT. Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024 :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

***This episode originally aired on February 2nd, 2021***Lying is probably the behavior parents seek support with the most.  It's confusing.  It's triggering.  It's exhausting. Did you catch last week's episode on X Ray Vision Goggles?  We can use those goggles to get underneath the lying so we can respond in ways that actually sets the boundary and increases the possibility of helping our children developing more socially and relationally appropriate behaviors. Free Infographic:https://RobynGobbel.com/lyinginfographicRead the full transcript at: https://robyngobbel.com/lying/Follow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being WithThe Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.6 CEs, including APT. Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024 :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

Do you live with someone or love someone who is chronically dysregulated?This episode isn’t an episode that is going to tell you what to do.This is an episode of commiseration. Of “I see you.”It is exhausting to live with someone who is chronically unhappy, or chronically dysregulated. Knowing you’re not alone can help.In this episode, you’ll learnHow nervous systems match each otherHow we get our sense of safety from the state of each other’s nervous systemThe serve & return and rhythms of relationship, and what happens when that gets disrupted Resources mentioned in this podcast:Self-Regulation Doesn’t Exist!!When Parenting Is Traumatic {EP 95}Felt Safety (Between) - Part 3 {EP 163}Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/chronicallydysregulated Follow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being WithThe Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

***This episode originally aired on February 16th, 2021***Connection.  Empathizing.  Offering choices.  These parenting ideas sound good in theory but if you are living with a child who seems chronically angry or won’t get out of bed or is otherwise pretty much always unhappy or dysregulated- none of those parenting suggestions seem to do much good.  So…what should you do instead???This episode takes you through the three places I always recommend parents start first when they are trying to support their child who feels chronically dysregulated.1. Food, water, and movement2. Structure, routing, and predictability3. Stick closeThese may or may not help your child to decrease their level of arousal and dysregulation but they are always where I recommend parents start first!Download a FREE infographic:https://RobynGobbel.com/dysregulatedinfographicRead a full summary or the full transcript at: www.RobynGobbel.com/alwaysdysegulatedOver on my website you can find:Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being WithThe Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.6 CEs, including APT. Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024 :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources