Primary/Secondary, BDSM Scene Interruptions, and Kink Celebrities

Twisted Monk Talks About Responding To Recent Fetlife Controversy Mistress Matisse listens and talks with Twisted Monk, as he discusses the problems of women on Fetlife being targeted for data-scraping and reposting by online harassers, and possible responses that users can make to that. This is a serious topic, and it is intended to spark more conversations. For example: how can we create more safety for people online? And how do we respond to businesses who claim to be part of the BDSM community, but aren't responsive to the needs of that community?About 16 minute

This is an informal test podcast, about 12 minutes. Monk and I talk about one time when I walked in on him when he was getting ready for a BDSM session in my space, and the things were not...quite what I expected. #sexwork #BDSM

BDSM techniques, in today’s new podcast: Monk and I talk about putting Altoids mints and Listerine Breath Strips in female pink parts. Naturally, I talk some about boy bits as well. Plus, why you’ll want some milk on hand for this type of play. About nine minutes, not work safe!

Monk and I have a brief discussion about our ability to fight off an attack by maniacal clowns. Then we answer a letter from a woman who wants to be a sex worker, and who made the mistake of asking strippers for advice about being an escort. So, thoughts about sex work hierarchies, and how sex work businesses are like Fight Club. Hope it’s educational…  

In this episode, Monk and I briefly discuss how the Zombie Apocalypse would affect my diet Mountain Dew consumption. A letter from a dominant woman who feels nervous about her scenes. Key point: she’s eighteen years old. How should a young kinky person build confidence?   And I also have to blow a kiss to Monk, because this is the Official Weeklong Celebration of His Birth! No mere birthDAY for Monk, no no! He has a week! (Perhaps longer, if the bourbon and cute girls hold out.) So Happy BirthWeek to you, sweetheart!  

In this podcast, Monk and I riff about phallic microphones and then read and discuss a letter from a reader pondering how to begin a polyamorous relationship. How do you treat the other significant others?

Time for another podcast! In this one, Monk reads an original poem – or at least, we hope it is original – sent to him by a reader. And he reads it in the voice of William Shatner, because the William Shatner-voice makes everything better.   Moving on, we read a letter from a kinky person asking basically, how to keep a pleasant sexual tension alive in a long-term relationship. This is a type of question that we get a lot, so we both have plenty to say about it. As a man who’s been happily married for over twenty years, Monk waxes particularly eloquent. High point: he compares BDSM to Pokemon. I’m serious.   About fourteen minutes.  

Another podcast, and another riff from Monk about how I’m playing with my nipple. Even though I’m not.    Then letters: a letter from a listener asking about jealousy and a three-way. Threesomes are fraught with peril, in my opinion. The best threesome experiences I have had were in situations where no one was in a couple. Three single people, in other words. An established couple plus one? That’s a very tricky situation. Monk and I step through some of the ways it could happen.   Next, a question from a BDSM person who’s wondering about how to answer a friend’s question, “Am I cut out to be a slave?”   The last letters asks, “Is it fair for a people in a polyamory group to veto the partners of other partners?” Monk and I both have some opinions about the term “veto” and making rules that create the illusion of control over other people.   About twenty minutes.  

A new podcast! First of all, I was not playing with my nipple while we were recording, all right? Let the record show. The bomb shelter we’re doing these things in is freezing cold, so I was actually wearing a leather jacket. A motorcycle-style jacket, so that’s two layers of leather over my chest. You could not have found my nipple with a sonogram. That’s just Monk being silly. Our first question is a letter from someone who asks what to do when you’re caught in a sexy, kinky situation and you want to do bondage, but you have no rope? Monk and I free associate about improvised bondage equipment. (We did not use the microphone cables for bondage though. The sound guys frown on that.) Then a BDSM newcomer asks: explain to me why I should get involved with the BDSM community? The short answer is: they’ll teach you things you might not otherwise know, and they’ll be support for you when things are tough. Lastly, a sex worker asks a question about emotional relationships with clients. It’s a nuanced issue, and it underlines the fact one really cannot generalize about how sex workers feel about what they do. All the experiences are equally valid, but we’re different. I get sort of uncharacteristically woo-woo about my feeeeeeeeelings in this one, but the take-away quote is: “If you hate your clients, you’ll hate yourself.”

A new podcast! Monk and I answer your questions about primary/secondary partners in polyamory  – can one person in a relationship in a “primary” and the other person be a “secondary”? The seconds question is about dealing with unexpected interruptions during a scene. The last question: how do you introduce yourself to a celebrity (like me, but definitely not limited to me), and general social tips for BDSM culture. By popular request, we’ve gone to a slightly longer format for this one, it’s about eighteen minutes. Not at all safe for work!