74: Shame Isn't a Boundary: Stop Policing Normal Human Behavior

Introducing my second book, Siblinghood: Resolve Conflict, Heal Resentment, and Find Peace in Your Sibling Relationships, on sale March 9, 2027! 🥳 Whether your siblings are biological, adopted, step-, or half-siblings, Siblinghood guides you through our most influential yet least examined family bonds: adult sibling relationships. As the youngest of 13 in a blended family, I experienced firsthand how sibling relationships shape our lives and personalities, but I could never find anything on the topic to validate my experiences. So I made it my focus as a therapist and wrote the book we've all needed.  Siblinghood examines how gender roles, cultural influences, family systems, lifestyle choices, and trauma shape our connections with our siblings—and how those connections can change in adulthood. I'm so excited for you to have this book in your hands! Order SIBLINGHOOD: https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/minaa-b/siblinghood/9781538778616/ Have a sibling dilemma? Fill out this form for a chance to get your question answered. Resources Work with me: Book a 1:1 therapy consultation. Website: minaab.com Newsletter:  ⁠⁠⁠Subscribe here Stay Connected! ⁠Instagram LinkedIn⁠  Facebook⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, Minaa B. explores emotional intimacy—what it is, why it's essential in all relationships, and the signs you're struggling with it. Sources cited in this episode: Gottman & Silver (2015) - Research on open and honest communication in couples and relationship satisfaction Laurenceau et al. - Research on couples with high emotional closeness and relationship satisfaction Karremans et al. (2017) - Research on mindfulness and presence in relationships and emotional connection Recent Study (2024) from MDPI - Childhood emotional abuse and its impact on attachment and fear of intimacy Resources Website: minaab.com Newsletter:  ⁠⁠⁠Subscribe here Order my book: Owning Our Struggles⁠⁠⁠ Stay Connected! ⁠Instagram LinkedIn⁠  Facebook⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, Minaa B. explores catastrophic thinking—the anxious brain's tendency to jump from small triggers straight to worst-case outcomes—and how this pattern sabotages both mental health and relationships. Resources Website: minaab.com Newsletter:  ⁠⁠⁠Subscribe here Order my book: Owning Our Struggles⁠⁠⁠ Stay Connected! ⁠Instagram LinkedIn⁠  Facebook⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, Minaa B. addresses one of the hardest things about adulthood: making and sustaining friendships. She shares research on adult loneliness and how friendships naturally decline without proximity and intentional effort. Minaa explores the barriers to friendship, then breaks down concrete steps for making friends. SOURCES CITED IN THIS EPISODE American Perspectives Survey (2021) - Data on friendship decline from 1990 to 2021 American Psychological Association Stress in America Survey (2024-2025) - Data on loneliness, isolation, and lack of companionship Jeffrey Hall, University of Kansas - "How Many Hours Does It Take to Make a Friend?" published in Journal of Social and Personal Relationships (2018) - Research on contact hours needed for different stages of friendships. Resources Website: minaab.com Newsletter:  ⁠⁠⁠Subscribe here Order my book: Owning Our Struggles⁠⁠⁠ Stay Connected! ⁠Instagram LinkedIn⁠  Facebook⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, Minaa B. explores the crucial difference between being nice and being kind—and why this distinction is transforming how people show up in their relationships. She breaks down how niceness prioritizes others' comfort over your own well-being, while kindness involves telling the truth and setting boundaries. Resources Website: minaab.com Newsletter:  ⁠⁠⁠Subscribe here Order my book: Owning Our Struggles⁠⁠⁠ Stay Connected! ⁠Instagram LinkedIn⁠  Facebook⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, Minaa B. examines what unhealthy relationships actually look like—and why people normalize them. She breaks down six key signs of unhealthy relationships and explores why people don't recognize these patterns. The episode covers romantic relationships, friendships, family dynamics, and sibling relationships—recognizing that relationship quality is one of the biggest predictors of longevity and health, yet most people ignore it while optimizing everything else. Website: minaab.com Newsletter:  ⁠⁠⁠Subscribe here Order my book: Owning Our Struggles⁠⁠⁠ Stay Connected! ⁠Instagram LinkedIn⁠  Facebook⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, Minaa B. explores how childhood wounds—specifically emotional neglect and abandonment—show up in your dating patterns and sabotage your relationships. She also examines the often-overlooked role of sibling dynamics in shaping these wounds, including golden child/scapegoat patterns that compound feelings of unworthiness. Minaa breaks down how these wounds manifest in dating and offers concrete healing practices. The core message: your childhood shaped you, but it doesn't have to define your adult relationships. Resources Work with me: Book a 1:1 therapy consultation. Website: minaab.com Newsletter:  ⁠⁠⁠Subscribe here Order my book: Owning Our Struggles⁠⁠⁠ Stay Connected! ⁠Instagram LinkedIn⁠  Facebook⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, Minaa B. addresses a question she hears constantly in therapy: "What else can I do to make this relationship work?" She explores the signs that you've already done enough, examines why we keep trying, and guides listeners through the painful shift from "How do I fix this?" to "Can I make peace with this relationship being what it is?" Resources Website: minaab.com Newsletter:  ⁠⁠⁠Subscribe here Order my book: Owning Our Struggles⁠⁠⁠ Stay Connected! ⁠Instagram LinkedIn⁠  Facebook⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, Minaa B. addresses the persistent feeling of not being enough that many people carry from childhood emotional neglect. She explores what emotional neglect teaches about worth—that love is conditional, needs are too much, and you're fundamentally lacking—and why this wound is so hard to heal. Resources Work with me: Book a 1:1 therapy consultation. Website: minaab.com Newsletter:  ⁠⁠⁠Subscribe here Order my book: Owning Our Struggles⁠⁠⁠ Stay Connected! ⁠Instagram LinkedIn⁠  Facebook⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, Minaa B. explores a pattern she's seeing: people using morally charged, shame-based language to control others' behavior instead of exercising their own agency through boundaries. She examines how terms like "invasive," "rude," and "offensive" are used to police normal communication behaviors rather than to develop assertiveness and boundaries. Minaa breaks down where your agency actually lies and offers eight strategies for exercising it rather than policing behavior. Resources Work with me: Book a 1:1 therapy consultation. Website: minaab.com Newsletter:  ⁠⁠⁠Subscribe here Order my book: Owning Our Struggles⁠⁠⁠ Stay Connected! ⁠Instagram LinkedIn⁠  Facebook⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices