Why Does Talking About the Past Always Go Wrong? Learn to Do It Right

After betrayal, even everyday moments can feel dangerous to your wife. Learn how to help her feel safe—even when her world feels like it’s falling apart.Full Summary:Why does your wife flinch when you glance at someone else—even casually? Why does every woman, every billboard, every walk outside feel like a minefield? In this powerful episode of Memoirs of an LDS Servant Teacher, Maurice Harker unpacks the torment your wife may be living with—even long after the betrayal was disclosed—and gives you actionable steps to rebuild emotional safety without becoming defensive.You’ll learn:Why your wife sees the world as unsafeWhat not to do when she’s triggeredWhy explanations often backfireHow to use public anxiety as a moment of connectionHow to spiritually prepare to protect her from the unseen battles she faces🎧 If you want to stop feeling stuck and start becoming the protector your wife needs—this episode is for you.Want to read more about this topic? ⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/going-deeper-addressing-the-full-continuum-of-change-with-the-chemical-scale/Rather Watch Something? ⁠https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z19MHfqpEsA&t=9sCheck out Life Changing Services: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/

Why does your wife feel unsafe—even around strangers? In this episode, we unpack how betrayal trauma rewires her world, and what you can do to help.Full Summary:After betrayal, many women begin to feel like every woman is a threat, every glance is dangerous, and the entire world is unsafe. In this eye-opening episode, Maurice Harker and guests share why even innocent actions—like looking at a passerby—can feel devastating to your spouse, and how shame-free transparency and emotional awareness can rebuild safety.Learn:Why your wife sees every woman as competitionHow trauma turns daily life into a war zoneWhat not to do when your wife is triggeredHow to use public moments to turn toward, not awayWhy emotional presence matters more than perfection🎧 If you want to help her heal, even when you feel misunderstood—this episode is your roadmap.Want to read more about this topic? https://www.lifechangingservices.org/harnessing-warrior-chemistry/Rather Watch Something? ⁠https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DSJOxHm1h0&t=1sCheck out Life Changing Services: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/

Struggling to understand your wife? In this episode, we break the myth that “women are just confusing” and show how real connection begins with curiosity.Full Summary:Have you ever joked that women are just impossible to understand—only to find yourself stuck, frustrated, and disconnected? In this episode of Memoirs of an LDS Servant Teacher, Maurice Harker challenges that mindset with powerful insight: what if your wife isn’t incomprehensible… just undiscovered?We explore:Why mocking the complexity of women is a defense against growthHow to respect the unknown and learn to see more deeplyThe damage of trying to mold your wife into something she’s notWhy spiritual discovery leads to emotional intimacyHow understanding her true “substance” unlocks partnership and purpose🧠 If you’re ready to stop surviving marriage and start building something miraculous—this episode is for you.🎧 Listen now and subscribe for more breakthrough insights each week.Want to read more about this topic? ⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/values-based-decisions-help-you-quit-pornography/Rather Watch Something? ⁠https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dgKC-_nHGmECheck out Life Changing Services: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/

Why can’t she trust you—even now? Discover how invalidation, betrayal trauma, and dismissive advice from leaders deepen the wounds. Listen and learn how to do better.Full Summary:If you've ever thought, “Why can’t she just get over it?”—this episode is for you. Maurice Harker reveals the damaging impact of invalidation from spouses, church leaders, and even therapists who don't understand betrayal trauma. When your wife says she doesn't feel safe, it’s not about a single moment—it’s about the cumulative trauma of being ignored, dismissed, or gaslit for years.You’ll learn:The real difference between big-T and little-t traumaHow “normalizing” porn or betrayal creates emotional devastationWhy some professionals accidentally do more harm than goodHow to finally stop dismissing her pain—and start healing the right way🎧 Subscribe for more insights every week.💬 Share with someone who needs to understand why she can’t just “move on.”Want to read more about this topic? ⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/working-on-emotional-intimacy-discussing-the-past/Rather Watch Something? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5wPvF8YD0w&t=4sCheck out Life Changing Services: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/

Why can’t she trust me, even after disclosure? Learn how betrayal trauma, unsafe responses from others, and lack of purpose delay healing. Listen now.Full Summary:Even after the truth comes out, trust doesn’t come back right away. Why? Because the damage runs deeper than the behavior—it shatters her trust in herself and in anyone she turns to for help. In this eye-opening episode, Maurice Harker breaks down the ripple effects of betrayal trauma and explains why being a man with a clear purpose is more powerful than just “trying to be better.”You’ll also discover how friends, family, church leaders, and even counselors often make things worse—and what true emotional safety looks like from her side.🎧 Topics covered:Why betrayal trauma creates double damageWhat “purpose” really looks like in recoveryHow others unintentionally deepen her isolationThe myth of “she just needs to get over it”What to do instead of defending yourself🔁 Subscribe to hear new episodes weekly.💬 Share with someone who’s walking this road and ready for deeper truth.Want to read more about this topic? ⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/rebuilding-trust-a-husbands-guide-to-understanding-and-healing-betrayal-trauma/Rather Watch Something? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8N8_vssS_iw&t=3sCheck out Life Changing Services: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/

Still not earning trust after stopping the behavior? This episode breaks down why recovery isn’t just sobriety—and how to lead with daily spiritual purpose.Maurice Harker challenges the myth that "not messing up" is enough. Real recovery isn’t about avoiding mistakes—it’s about living with purpose, reflection, and direction. This episode unpacks how daily DPAR (Reflect, Discover, Plan, Act) becomes a spiritual discipline, how it reclaims trust over time, and why your wife needs to see more than just “trying.”🎧 In this episode:The difference between sobriety and recoveryHow to stop drifting into “stupid land”Why spiritual leaders must reflect dailyWhy your wife still doesn’t feel safe (yet)Using DPAR to regain focus and purpose📲 Subscribe now to gain weekly tools for spiritual leadership, emotional mastery, and family healing.💬 Share with someone ready to step beyond survival and into sacred stewardship.Want to read more about this topic? ⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/the-battle-of-perspectives-laman-nephi-and-the-power-of-faith/Rather Watch Something? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5wPvF8YD0w&t=3sCheck out Life Changing Services: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/

Still reacting poorly in emotional moments? Learn how real spiritual prep, practice, and DPARs help you stop repeating mistakes and start leading with strength.In this episode, Maurice Harker reveals the hidden reason many men fail to connect emotionally with their wives—even when their hearts are in the right place. It’s not because you don’t care. It’s because you haven’t practiced correctly. Learn how to turn mistakes into growth using the DPAR process, and why defensiveness, emotional resets, and spiritual playbooks matter in rebuilding trust.🎧 Inside:Why good intentions fall flat without emotional prepHow to reframe mistakes into slow-motion spiritual trainingWhy explaining yourself is still self-protectionWhat to do when she misreads your actionsHow to lead through emotional intimacy—even when she’s not ready📲 Subscribe now for weekly leadership strategies rooted in real-life faith and self-mastery.💬 Share with someone trying to lead with more patience, clarity, and purpose.Want to read more about this topic? ⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/building-emotional-intelligence-3/Rather Watch Something? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBAVPy0qBvM&t=2sCheck out Life Changing Services: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/

Still reacting poorly during tough moments? This episode shows how spiritual film review and practice build the emotional and verbal muscle memory you need to improve.Maurice Harker walks you through why you keep failing in the moments that matter—and how to build the habits, structure, and pre-rehearsal needed to finally show up as your best self. From spiritual “film review” with God to real-life emotional drills, you'll learn why practice makes peace, and how true growth never happens by accident.🎧 In this episode:Why your emotional reactions aren’t improvingHow “film review with God” sharpens spiritual visionWhat it takes to turn new insights into second natureWhy “just doing better next time” is never a real planHow golf, conversation, and marriage repair all require repetition📲 Subscribe for weekly tools to lead with faith and build lasting change.💬 Share with someone who wants to stop “trying harder” and start practicing better.Want to read more about this topic? https://www.lifechangingservices.org/supportingresponding-to-spouse-husband/Rather Watch Something? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dcB12RIyw0Check out Life Changing Services: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/

Do you get defensive when your wife shares past pain? Learn how to protect her heart, build emotional intimacy, and lead with courage instead of fear.In this episode, Maurice Harker dives into one of the deepest spiritual challenges in marriage repair: learning to listen with charity instead of defensiveness. You'll discover the mindset required to create emotional safety, how to practice in-person DPARs, and how to reawaken the natural instinct to protect—even when it’s hard to hear the truth.🎧 You'll learn:How defensiveness sabotages emotional intimacyWhy protecting your spouse must outweigh protecting your egoWhat it means to “take one for the team” during hard conversationsHow to use the Foursquare Listening Tool for clarity and focusThe power of verbal in-person DPARs in building trust📲 Subscribe for weekly spiritual leadership strategies.💬 Share this with someone ready to show up with real courage.Want to read more about this topic? ⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/rebuilding-trust-in-a-traumatized-relationship-a-spiritual-and-psychological-approach/Rather Watch Something? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRjoz7dsFh4&t=3sCheck out Life Changing Services: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/

Struggle to talk about the past without it turning into pain or panic? This episode teaches how to build emotional intimacy without fear or emotional collapse.Maurice Harker walks you through one of the most important and most difficult relationship skills: talking about the past without destroying progress. With tools like the Foursquare Listening Method, emotional safety prep, and step-by-step intimacy layering, you’ll learn to lead uncomfortable conversations without causing harm—to yourself or your spouse.🎧 In this episode:What emotional intimacy really looks likeHow to safely begin sharing about the pastHow to prepare spiritually (and stay grounded if it gets messy)Why trusting yourself and God matters more than trusting your spouseHow to lead conversations even if she isn’t ready yet📲 Subscribe now to get weekly insights for building spiritual, emotional, and relational strength.💬 Share with someone working to rebuild trust and connection.Want to read more about this topic? ⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/working-on-emotional-intimacy-discussing-the-past/Rather Watch Something? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmuR0h6NXGYCheck out Life Changing Services: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/