I’m Trying So Hard to Get Things Right in My Marriage Part 4 – Why Does She Keep Hurting When I’m the One Fixing Myself?

“He said he agreed… but did he really?”“How do I know if we’re truly aligned—or just coexisting?”In this eye-opening episode of Memoirs of an LDS Servant Teacher, we unpack one of the most common (and dangerous) relationship assumptions: thinking you’re on the same page just because he nodded.Whether you’re dating, married, or decades into a relationship, you may be missing the signs that real cognitive intimacy is missing. Learn how to protect your psychological security—not by lecturing, pleading, or guessing—but by discovering the truth with one powerful tool: the Weather Check.You'll learn:Why a simple nod doesn’t always mean agreement—and what it could actually meanThe difference between hoping for alignment and confirming itThe dangers of trying to “mother” someone into having ambitionHow to ask second-date-style questions that reveal true goals, values, and plansHow to find out what kind of man you’re actually in the raft with—before it sinksThe life-saving mindset shift that helps you stop assuming and start discerningThis episode is raw, real, and built to help you stop guessing and start growing in truth—whether you’re years into a relationship or just realizing you're still not aligned.Want to read more about this topic? ⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/using-the-pattern-for-growth-to-fine-tune-the-agile-checklist-for-becoming-better-husbands/Rather Watch Something? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97Dhfk3DhRk&t=1sCheck out Life Changing Services: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/

“How do I schedule spiritual habits when every day is chaos?”“Why does planning always feel like I’m setting myself up to fail?”This episode of Memoirs of an LDS Servant Teacher tackles the real-life struggle of trying to stay spiritually grounded when life is anything but consistent. Whether your house is filled with toddlers, noise, distractions—or just plain unpredictability—this episode introduces a better way forward.You’ll learn:How to use the SHE-PWR or MAN-PWR system to create realistic routinesWhy sticker rewards, gel pens, and chocolate chips might be your new spiritual tracking toolsThe difference between consistency and wisdom-based continuityHow to plan power sessions that actually match your life—not someone else’sWhat counts as writing, reading, prayer, and service when every moment feels crunchedHow even a 3-second “knuckle-bump” prayer or a goofy compliment can count as real spiritual winsYou don’t need perfection. You need a plan that makes room for being human—and this episode shows you how to start.Want to read more about this topic? ⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/overriding-fear-in-marriage-repair/Rather Watch Something? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1XfXByOTumQCheck out Life Changing Services: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/

“Why do I fall off track—no matter how hard I try?”“Why can’t I just be consistent like other people?”If you’ve ever felt like you’re failing simply because you can’t follow a rigid routine or daily checklist, this episode of Memoirs of an LDS Servant Teacher is for you.You’ll discover:Why expecting consistency is often the wrong goal—and what to aim for insteadThe truth about spiritual and emotional progress in real-life, chaotic schedulesWhat “continuity” is—and how it’s a more sustainable, flexible mindsetWhy Satan steps up his attacks the moment you start tryingHow to plan your next power session without guilt, shame, or perfectionismHow simply showing up to your planning session can be a spiritual winThis episode will challenge your expectations while giving you a much more livable way forward—especially if your life is full of surprises, messes, or tiny humans. You don’t need perfection to grow. You need continuity, grace, and the courage to try again.Want to read more about this topic? ⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/adhd-blog-comorbidities/Rather Watch Something? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwGNuY6nNAgCheck out Life Changing Services: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/

“Why do I always lose momentum—even when I start strong?”“Why is it so hard to build daily spiritual habits that actually last?”In this episode of Memoirs of an LDS Servant Teacher, we dig into one of the most frustrating challenges of self-mastery: consistency. If you’ve ever felt discouraged because you keep starting over… or felt like your efforts to be “nice,” “spiritual,” or “intentional” are too small to matter—this one is for you.You’ll learn:Why Satan attacks your momentum with shame and perfectionismThe difference between “accidental kindness” and intentional serviceWhat the daily MAN-PWR and SHE-PWR systems really mean—and how to use them without burnoutHow to track your growth with the Progress Calendar (and why missing a day isn’t failure—it’s feedback)How tiny, silly, even weird acts of goodness are more powerful than you thinkThis episode combines powerful spiritual tools with down-to-earth humor and real talk. If you’re tired of giving up after a few days or feeling like it doesn’t count unless it’s perfect, this is your call to start small—and keep going.Want to read more about this topic? https://www.lifechangingservices.org/our-support-system/Rather Watch Something? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3q9DzvCP_ICheck out Life Changing Services: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/

“Why do I keep falling back into the same patterns—even when I know what to do?”“Why does progress feel so lonely, frustrating, and fragile?”This episode of Memoirs of an LDS Servant Teacher dives straight into one of the most overlooked reasons people stay stuck—isolation masked as independence.You’ll learn:Why real spiritual and emotional strength isn’t about going it aloneHow Satan weaponizes loneliness—even in the faithfulWhy interdependence is not codependence (and what that actually looks like)How to start building a personal cohort—a Christ-centered team to fight with, grow with, and rise withWhat daily brain workouts like M-A-N-P-W-R and P-W-R can do for your spiritual momentumWhy your “half-eaten chicken” offering is exactly what someone else needsWhether you're burned out from trying to fix everything by yourself, or watching a loved one stay stuck in their own wilderness, this episode brings both challenge and comfort.You’re not supposed to do this alone. And you’re not as far from miracles as you think.Want to read more about this topic? ⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/product/heal-my-broken-heart-an-lds-guide-to-dealing-with-those-bound-by-the-deadly-sin-of-pornography/Rather Watch Something? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ohQCiqAEzM&t=5sCheck out Life Changing Services: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/

“Why do I still feel stuck—even when I’m doing everything I’m supposed to?”“Why does he resist help, connection, or collaboration—especially when it could finally move things forward?”In this episode of Memoirs of an LDS Servant Teacher, we confront one of the quiet lies that keeps men—and their marriages—stagnant:If you need help, you’re weak.If you get support, it doesn’t count.You should be able to fix yourself—alone.Through honest storytelling and eternal principles, we explore:The psychological trap of “barely not failing” vs. becoming miraculousWhy your life’s transformation requires more than avoiding your worst habitsThe importance of teamwork, cohorts, and shared callings—and why accountability alone isn’t enoughHow Satan isolates both the struggling and the risingWhy most men never access their full potential—because they fear needing othersWhether you’re worn down by trying to be enough, or she’s exhausted watching you go in circles, this conversation will help both of you see that true growth was never meant to be solo.Want to read more about this topic? ⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/advice-to-my-12-year-old-self/Rather Watch Something? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rS3gWWfLJmYCheck out Life Changing Services: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/

“Why does my wife still act like I’m failing—when I’m working so hard to get it right?”“Why is he always so overwhelmed and scattered—can’t he see how that affects me too?”In this episode of Memoirs of an LDS Servant Teacher, we kick off a new series exploring the unspoken emotional divide many couples face:Husbands feel like they’re trying harder than ever—but it’s never enough.Wives feel like they’re carrying emotional weight alone, and no one’s fixing the real problems.And both wonder why so many good intentions still lead to conflict, shutdowns, or confusion.We’ll explore:Why planners, principles, and proven tools (like the DAR cycle) matter more than you thinkHow to build systems that restore spiritual confidence and emotional clarityWhy having your own “mission statement” and identity shields your self-worth from emotional sabotageThe power of consistent tracking—so you don’t have to guess if you’re progressingWhy the overwhelm you feel isn’t weakness—it’s often a sign of misaligned strategyThis episode is for husbands feeling buried by expectation and wives wondering why their husband still can’t “just get it.”Let’s decode the emotional chaos—and build something better.Want to read more about this topic? ⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/embracing-imperfections-and-fostering-compassion-in-marriage/Rather Watch Something? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-WnF68Jz3cCheck out Life Changing Services: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/

“Why does she still seem scared or upset—even when I’m finally trying to do things right?”“Why does it feel like every step forward brings up more triggers, doubts, and emotional shutdowns?”In Part 5 of “I’m Trying So Hard to Get Things Right in My Marriage,” we dive into one of the most disorienting realities for husbands:When your effort increases—but so does her fear.This episode tackles:Why your wife may panic or shut down even when you’re calm, gentle, and spiritually groundedHow triggers, not logic, drive many of her reactions—and why that’s not your fault, but still your problemThe truth about “first dates” in marriage recovery—and why rebuilding trust means starting from the bottomWhy being “almost right” isn’t good enough—and how to lovingly try again without spinning outHow men can lead through emotional stalls by using spiritual clutch, brakes, and reflectionWhy both of you need to track emotional RPMs to avoid burning out mid-conversationGentlemen, if you’ve ever asked yourself:“How am I the problem again when I didn’t even mess up?”This episode will reframe that confusion with clarity, empathy, and actionable growth tools.Want to read more about this topic? https://www.lifechangingservices.org/triggers-vs-alarms/Rather Watch Something? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HAX-mDM-Yw&t=1sCheck out Life Changing Services: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/

“Why does it feel like the more I heal, the more she still hurts?”“Why does my wife seem overwhelmed, doubtful, or even distant—right when I’m finally trying to get everything right?”In Part 4 of “I’m Trying So Hard to Get Things Right in My Marriage”, we tackle the invisible but excruciating disconnect between personal growth and relational pain.This episode explores:Why your wife might still feel emotionally unsafe—even when you’re doing the workThe surprising ways “trying to fix yourself” can leave her feeling more aloneWhy reflection, writing, and spiritual planning matter more than charisma or checklistsHow real presiding, providing, and protecting require emotional and psychological strength—not just physical effortWhy true intimacy begins with building a “greenhouse” of personal growth before inviting her insideGentlemen, if you’ve ever wondered,“Why does she still seem so distant when I’m doing my best?”...this episode is for you.You’ll discover why her reactions aren’t proof you’re failing—but signs of just how important your role actually is.Want to read more about this topic? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/working-on-emotional-intimacy-discussing-the-past/Rather Watch Something? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8N8_vssS_iw&t=2sCheck out Life Changing Services: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/

"Why does it feel like every time I open up, I just make it worse?""Why is my wife still hurt—even when I'm trying harder than ever?"In Part 3 of “I’m Trying So Hard to Get Things Right in My Marriage,” we tackle a brutally honest reality:Your growth may be real.Your repentance may be sincere.But if your process of healing is invisible, your wife might feel more afraid… not less.This episode dives into:Why some wives mistrust emotional updates (even when they’re genuine)The silent damage caused by “unfinished black box reviews”What happens when you share too much, too soon—before your plane is ready to flyHow to talk about your growth without triggering her traumaWhy spiritual leadership starts with documented effort, not just heartfelt wordsThe vital importance of daily DARs, reflection rituals, and clear identity statementsIf your wife says things like:❌ “You’re just saying what you think I want to hear.”❌ “This doesn’t feel real.”❌ “You’re going too fast.”…this episode is for you.Learn why the right words at the wrong time can destroy trust—and what to do instead.Want to read more about this topic? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/reacting-to-toxic-people/Rather Watch Something? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybqzJ039vw4&t=4sCheck out Life Changing Services: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/