How Can I Talk to My Spouse About My Growth and Triggers in a Way That Builds Trust? Part 2 – When She Thinks It’s All Your Fault, but You’re the One Doing the Work

You’re saying the right things. You’re apologizing. You’ve changed your behavior.So why does your wife still say she “doesn’t feel anything from you”? Why does she say you seem like a robot, even when you’re doing everything right?In Part 2 of this emotional intimacy series, we unpack the difference between words and presence, between logic and emotional safety. You'll learn:Why emotional intimacy isn’t about crying—it’s about proving you careThe hidden emotional gaps you might not realize you're still leavingWhy your wife keeps bringing up “old stuff” (and why that’s not the problem)How to map out and preempt her concerns like an engineer rebuilding trustWhy your ability to predict and own the emotional impact of your past builds more trust than “fixing” anythingThis isn’t just a conversation about feelings—it’s a guide for rebuilding emotional safety with precision, clarity, and masculine strength.Want to read more about this topic? ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/the-warrior-code/Rather Watch Something? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZNpCyQ1ISYCheck out the Marriage Repair Workshops: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/marriage-repair/⁠

You want emotional intimacy. You want your wife to trust you again. But every time you try to rebuild connection, it falls apart.Why?Because most men try to skip Season Four—the hard, private work of rebuilding their identity, refining their values, and proving consistency before emotional closeness can return.In this episode, we walk through:What “Season Four” really is—and why jumping ahead destroys trustWhy your wife still pulls away, even when you “feel ready”How your emotional clumsiness may be coming off as spiritual dangerThe difference between verbal, cognitive, and emotional intimacy—and why each one builds on the lastWhat it really takes to become a trustworthy, emotionally safe husband againIf you’ve been “working on yourself” but your wife isn’t responding, it may be because you’re still skipping the most important prep work. This episode breaks it down in practical, direct steps—no fluff, no pretending.Want to read more about this topic? ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/the-4-seasons-of-a-healthy-and-happy-marriage/Rather Watch Something? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD4VvBPz5foCheck out the Marriage Repair Workshops: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/marriage-repair/⁠

Why does your progress feel like a betrayal to your wife… even when you're doing the right thing?In Part 4 of this series, we unpack one of the most painful (and hidden) myths sabotaging emotional intimacy: the belief that “my addiction only hurt me” and “she doesn’t get to share the story.”This episode confronts:The emotional whiplash your wife feels when your private healing becomes a public painWhy “you can’t tell anyone” is often a cover for shame, not privacyThe difference between protecting her trust vs. controlling the narrativeHow authentic wives live one story—and why husbands living a “dual life” creates chaosWhat it really means to support her growth, even when it’s painful for youHow to know if you're secure enough to empathize with her pain more than your ownIf your wife keeps hurting—and you don’t know why—this episode might give you answers no one else has dared to say out loud.Want to read more about this topic? ⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/the-story-of-my-deliverance-from-the-shackles-of-satan/Rather Watch Something? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3iDRvMIqmsCheck out the Marriage Repair Workshops: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/marriage-repair/⁠

Why does your wife still feel distant—even when you’re finally getting it right?In this episode, we dive into one of the most frustrating (and overlooked) moments in recovery and reconciliation: the emotional whiplash your wife experiences when you grow in silence and then suddenly announce your progress.In Part 3 of this powerful series, we explore:Why simply “sharing your growth” can still feel painful to your wifeThe secret to communicating progress in a way that actually builds trustA step-by-step phrase to lower her anxiety at the start of any hard conversationHow to share your journey without making her feel left behind or judgedWhy “beginning with the end in mind” and “seeking miracles” changes everythingThe myth that “she’s not allowed to talk about my mistakes” — and how that belief damages emotional intimacyIf you’ve ever thought, “I’m improving… so why does she still feel unsafe?” — this episode is for you.Want to read more about this topic? ⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/letter-to-my-returned-missionary-self/Rather Watch Something? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ks65eS6bJIs&t=1sCheck out the Marriage Repair Workshops: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/marriage-repair/⁠

You’ve made a breakthrough. You’ve figured out what went wrong and you’re finally on the right path. So why does your wife still seem disconnected… or even upset?In Part 2 of this powerful conversation, we unpack the often-missed truth behind emotional whiplash: when men share the destination of their growth without taking their wife along for the journey.We discuss:Why your wife may not trust your progress unless she sees how you got thereThe iceberg analogy: why she can’t see your internal workHow to bring her into your reflection without being dragged into shameWhy slowing the process down might save the relationship, not sabotage itHow your excitement can unintentionally leave her behindThe power of starting with “I was reflecting…”What it really means to “walk her through” your progress instead of dumping it on herThis episode is for husbands who are trying, but keep hearing:“You still don’t get it.”Even when you thought you did.Want to read more about this topic? ⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/the-warrior-code/⁠Rather Watch Something? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lw-KuldXksICheck out the Marriage Repair Workshops: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/marriage-repair/⁠

You’ve been grinding. You’ve made real progress. You’re excited to share the breakthroughs you’ve had—only to watch your wife shut down, get emotional, or pull away. Why does it feel like every time you move forward, it throws her off balance?In this episode, we explore the unexpected emotional whiplash that can happen when men start improving, but don’t realize they’ve left their wives out of the journey.You’ll learn:Why your growth can feel like abandonment to your wifeThe mistake of “arriving home” in task-mode instead of connection-modeWhy she interprets your excitement as disconnectionHow to signal the difference between accomplishment and emotional engagementThe “locomotive mode” mistake—and how to slow it down before causing harmHow to approach shared experiences without knocking her off the trackThis episode is for the man who’s trying hard, but keeps hearing:“You’re still not really here with me.”Want to read more about this topic? ⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/the-advanced-reflective-listening-tool/Rather Watch Something? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5wPvF8YD0w&t=1sCheck out the Marriage Repair Workshops: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/marriage-repair/⁠

You’ve been quietly working on yourself. You're reviewing the past, building stronger habits, and doing the deep work—but the moment your wife senses progress, she wants emotional intimacy now.And you’re not ready.This episode dives into one of the most overlooked struggles in marriage repair: how to lead the relationship forward when you're still in the middle of your personal growth—and she's already asking for more than you can give.Learn:Why emotional intimacy requires a tested, not rushed, structureHow to communicate “I’m not ready yet” in a way that builds trustThe biggest mistake wives often make in rebuilding, and how to respond with graceWhat it means to build an “invisible airplane”—and why she won’t believe it’s real until she sees it flyHow to show your inner work when she can’t see the results (yet)Why paper practice (like D-PARs) prepares your mouth for real conversationsIf you’ve ever felt like your wife is asking for connection before your internal system is stable enough to support it—this episode is for you.Want to read more about this topic? ⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/french-fry-machine-metaphor/Rather Watch Something? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4xkLIW4zM4&t=1sCheck out the Marriage Repair Workshops: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/marriage-repair/⁠

“I’ve changed. I’ve worked hard. So why doesn’t she trust me yet?”In Part 4 of this essential series, we unpack the real reason why your wife may still carry pain—even after you’ve put in months of work. Emotional intimacy isn’t about looking strong. It’s about being reliable when tested. Just like a bridge under pressure, trust is built not by appearance but by how much it holds up when life hits hard.In this episode, you’ll learn:Why your wife’s pain doesn’t vanish just because you’ve improvedHow real trust is built by sledgehammer-tested systems, not pretty wordsThe purpose of emotional intimacy and what not to expect in returnHow to walk her through your growth without needing her approvalThe crucial difference between a “full disclosure” and real emotional rebuildingWhat it looks like to lead without shortcuts—even when you're tiredIf you’re a man trying to rebuild trust with a woman who’s been hurt, this is your roadmap.Want to read more about this topic? ⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/the-battle-of-perspectives-laman-nephi-and-the-power-of-faith/Rather Watch Something? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9kqP6p5Qw0Check out the Marriage Repair Workshops: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/marriage-repair/⁠

You’ve put in six months of work. You’ve grown. You’ve changed. But it still feels like she looks at you like the same guy who messed up. Why?In Part 3 of this powerful series, we confront the painful disconnect that happens when you're doing deep inner work—but your spouse doesn’t acknowledge it. You want trust, connection, and a fresh start... but you’re stuck in the shadows of who you used to be.This episode covers:Why emotional intimacy feels like hitting the Rocky Mountains of marriage repairHow to handle it when she doesn’t believe you’ve changed—even if you haveWhat it really means to “go first” in rebuilding trustWhy you must treat her like she’s grown, too—even when you can’t see itThe hidden weight of connection that most couples overlookAnd how to stop waiting for validation and start standing confidently in your growthThis is not about waiting to be rewarded. It’s about becoming the kind of man who leads with patience, strength, and emotional skill—even when it feels thankless.Want to read more about this topic? ⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/adhd-blog-comorbidities/Rather Watch Something? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5S67HKpKUaA&t=3sCheck out the Marriage Repair Workshops: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/marriage-repair/⁠

You’re showing up. You’re doing the work. You're learning emotional skills she never saw you try before. So why does it still feel like she thinks you’re the whole problem?In Part 2 of this raw and insightful series, we explore the honest struggle of men trying to grow emotionally while still being treated like the villain. This episode unpacks the quiet frustration of hearing, “You’re the one who needs to fix yourself,” even when you know both sides need work.Inside, we cover:Why taking the lead first (even if she’s not ready) is still the only way forwardThe real reason it works better when men initiate emotional conversationsHow to keep moving forward when it feels like you’re carrying the whole marriage on your backWhat to do when your wife is trying too—but it doesn’t look like progressWhy practicing verbal and emotional intimacy as a skill set unlocks lasting connectionHow to stop waiting for fairness and start winning the long gameThis isn't about pretending she's perfect. It's about stepping into your role with clarity and conviction—even if she never acknowledges it.Want to read more about this topic? ⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/rebuilding-trust-a-husbands-guide-to-understanding-and-healing-betrayal-trauma/Rather Watch Something? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46NgumKJi4ECheck out the Marriage Repair Workshops: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/marriage-repair/⁠