Episode 284: How to Stay Out of a Negative Cycle

You’ve built success everywhere else—your career, your family, your home life looks great on the outside.But behind closed doors, it feels like constant miscommunication, emotional distance, or like you’re just roommates passing in the night.In this episode, I’m breaking down why even high-achieving couples struggle in marriage, the common patterns I see that quietly erode connection, and the key shifts that help you communicate better, laugh more, and feel like a team again.If you’ve ever thought, “We should be happier than this,” you’ll want to listen in.And if you'd like my proven process designed to address your unique marriage challenges, I invite you to learn more about my signature couples coaching program, The Marriage UpGrade. You can learn more here: https://marriageupgrade.drchavonne.com/Early Enrollment opens September 23-30.

When it comes to your marriage, progress doesn’t come from one big breakthrough conversation or waiting for your partner to suddenly change. Progress comes from habits.Not the once-in-a-while things you do when you’re on your best behavior, but the predictable patterns you fall into over and over again.In this episode, we’re talking about how to recognize these habits for what they are, and—more importantly—how to start changing them so you can create a different experience in your marriage.You’ll learn:How to spot the patterns that keep pulling you both back into the same fights.Why self-awareness is the first step in shifting your behavior.What it takes to experiment with new ways of responding—and why that matters.How to create systems and structures (like code words or marriage check-ins) that make new habits stick.And why celebrating small wins is just as important as the big breakthroughs.If nothing changes about what you do, nothing changes about what you experience. But once you start shifting your habits, you’ll not only make progress—you’ll transform who you are to each other.

In this episode, we’re breaking down why managing your emotions is the key to making real progress in your marriage. You’ll learn:Why emotions are physical sensations that will pass—and how to ride that wave instead of getting pulled under.How to see emotions as signals guiding you to something important.What it looks like to truly take responsibility for your own feelings—without blaming or offloading them onto your partner.Why “you can’t heal what you won’t feel” (and how to practice that in a safe, grounded way).And how staying centered in your emotions actually makes it more likely that your partner will hear you.If you’ve ever wondered why you keep ending up in the same fights, or why the same feelings seem to hijack your progress—this episode is going to show you a new way forward.And for more personalized support using my proven process to making progress in your marriage, I invite you to work with me in one of my coaching programs. To learn more, visit my website: DrChavonne.com

In today’s episode, we’re digging into the simple but transformative truth that your thoughts create your results. Not just in your to-do list, but in the way you feel about yourself, your partner, and your relationship.I’ll show you how to spot the thoughts that are quietly working against you, and how to start choosing thoughts that bring you closer to the peace, connection, and love you really want.By the end of this episode, you’ll know:How to recognize the kinds of thoughts that keep you stuck in overwhelm, disconnection, or resentment.A simple way to reframe your thinking so it actually supports what you want in your marriage.Why “choosing a better thought” isn’t fake positivity—it’s a skill that can change the emotional climate of your relationship.What to do when your negative thoughts feel true and how to shift without dismissing your reality.This is the work that changes you first—and when you change, your marriage begins to change too.And if you are looking for help to develop the right thoughts and actions that ultimately create a better marriage, I invite you to work with me in one of my coaching programs. You can learn more on my website: https://drchavonne.com/work-with-me/

Staying out of that negative cycle isn’t just about avoiding another argument. It’s about giving your relationship the stability it needs so you can actually enjoy your time together… … and so you have the runway to address the deeper issues that have been wearing on you both.In this episode, I’m sharing the key shifts that help you:Spot the patterns that predictably trip you up.Calm your own triggers so they stop running the show.And create moments of heartfelt connection, even when things feel tense.This is how you break the cycle and start building a relationship that feels good to be in.And for more personalized support to help you and your partner keep your marriage feeling better for longer more sustained periods of time, I invite you to consider private coaching with me. You can learn more about becoming Better Together by booking a complimentary consultation call here: https://drchavonne.com/work-with-me/

When you and your spouse aren't connecting, everything feels harder.You might go from small misunderstandings to full-blown silence—or you’re stuck repeating the same argument over and over, never really resolving it.That’s the disconnection dance or negative cycle—and it’s not just frustrating, it’s exhausting.In today’s episode, I’m walking you through 5 powerful steps to help you break that cycle. You’ll learn how to:Recognize what’s actually driving your disconnection (it’s not just the surface argument)Reflect on your own patterns with compassion and ownershipGet clear on what you really want—and how to create itSelf-soothe in moments where your partner isn’t able to meet youAnd take meaningful steps—internally or together—to reconnect without pride or resentment getting in the wayThis episode will challenge you. It might even stir something up. But if you’ve been waiting for things to shift—this is your roadmap.And if you're looking for help and tools to support you in quickly getting out of these negative cycles, I invite you to consider signing up for one of my coaching programs. We can talk more about how I can help in a complimentary consultation call. Learn more here: https://drchavonne.com/work-with-me/

There are three essential skills that often get left out of our upbringing—and they are crucial to creating a thriving, connected relationship.Skills like:Introspective questioning—so you can understand why you think, feel, and operate the way you do, and start asking: What if I’m wrong about this?Perspective taking—so you can stop assuming the worst and start seeing the logic in your partner’s experience.And truly listening to understand—so that curiosity, not defensiveness, becomes your default.In today’s episode, we’re diving into these foundational shifts—what they are, why they matter, and how they can completely change the way you show up in your marriage.If you’ve ever wondered why you keep having the same arguments, or why your good intentions still lead to misunderstandings, this episode is going to give you a fresh lens and powerful new tools.And if you are looking for help creating positive change in your marriage and would like professional help, I invite you to book a complimentary consultation call with me here: https://drchavonne.com/work-with-me/

So many of the ways we show up in our relationships—how we communicate, how we love, how we cope—aren’t actually conscious choices.They’re inherited. Programmed. Conditioned from what we saw, experienced, or learned growing up.In this episode, we’re talking about three ways of being you may have learned that are quietly wrecking the quality of your relationships—and your own personal peace.You’ll hear how these patterns show up:-When you’re constantly blaming others but feeling stuck-When love becomes a reward instead of a reflection of who you want to be-When avoiding your emotions becomes your way of coping—but keeps you disconnected from your own lifeThis is about unlearning the old survival strategies and stepping into a more grounded, emotionally resilient, and soul-aligned version of yourself.It’s not easy work, but it’s the kind of work that changes everything.If you’ve been feeling unfulfilled, irritated, or just tired of the way things feel in your marriage or within yourself—this conversation is for you.

In this episode, we’re unpacking exactly what happens when the anxious partner brings up an issue…and the avoidant partner immediately feels overwhelmed, blamed, or like they’re walking into another argument they didn’t ask for.You’ll learn:What each partner is really thinking underneath the surfaceWhy emotional safety is the missing ingredient that keeps you both stuck in this cycleAnd what to do instead—whether you’re the one bringing up the issue, or the one on the receiving end of itWe’ll also talk about what it means to be a wounded partner vs. a wounding partner—and how this shift in mindset can change the tone of your conversations and help you actually hear and be heard.If your marriage feels like one long loop of misunderstanding and miscommunication, and you’re both tired of repeating the same fight with different words…This episode will give you a new perspective—and the tools to finally begin creating connection, instead of more conflict.And for more help on creating more productive conversations and using your communication to bring you CLOSER as a couple, I invite you to consider one of my coaching programs. You can learn more here: https://drchavonne.com/work-with-me/

In today’s episode, we’re diving into one of the most emotionally complex and frustrating dynamics between partners—what happens when one of you is anxiously tuned in to every emotion, every disconnect, every nuance…essentially hyper-self aware...And the other is not able to see what's happening, unaware of the emotions often driving them, and has a harder time communicating what's going on for them...essentially lacking self awareness...We’re breaking down why this mismatch in self-awareness and emotional processing leads to blame, shame, shutdowns, and emotional spirals—and how to begin shifting that pattern.You’ll hear:Why anxious partners can feel like they’re always solving the relationship aloneWhy avoidant partners often feel like they’re being treated as a project instead of a personAnd how this blame/shame cycle keeps both of you stuck, exhausted, and silently wondering if things will ever feel betterBut more importantly—we’ll talk about what to do next. What actually helps. And how to start creating a new rhythm between you that leaves you both feeling seen, respected, and more connected.If you’ve been feeling like you’re the only one clued in to what's happening…or if you’ve felt like your partner is always psychoanalyzing you—this episode is for you.And if you are looking for help and would like to explore the ways my coaching program can help you, I invite you to book a complimentary consultation call with me here: https://drchavonne.com/work-with-me/