10. When to Forgive

We can often get so wrapped up in maintaining the longevity of a romantic relationship that we become rigid and fixed in our viewpoints. We create rules and boundaries that get in the way of growth and expansion. When the relationship can truly be based in friendship, there is so much more room for new opportunities and new experiences. Today Kristi and Rainer talk about how important it is to keep that friendship alive for a relationship that’s on fire.In this episode of Love Like Hell:Celebrating our partner’s opportunities in lifeWhat it’s like to put friendship first in a romantic relationshipWhy love can’t be lazyReshaping how we evaluate a successful relationshipCommunicating truthfully to both ourselves and our partnersFollow Rainier:Instagram: @rainierwyldeNewsletterFollow Kristi:Instagram: @kristimariebornWork with Rainer and KristiThis show is produced by Soulfire Productions

Everything in life has an ending. When major parts of our lives end or change, it’s easy to look back and only remember the good or only remember the bad. Remembering rightly takes a conscious effort of looking at multiple points of data and recognizing the perspective and feelings of everyone involved. From that place of remembering rightly, we can move forward in truth. This episode takes a look into the steps to do that.In this episode of Love Like Hell:Why we only remember the bad times Not trusting the past based on present events Differentiating objective vs subjective reality A look into how we create memories Validating another’s perspective Follow Rainier:Instagram: @rainierwyldeNewsletterFollow Kristi:Instagram: @kristimariebornCheck out IndulgenceThis show is produced by Soulfire Productions

Sex is the originating source of life. It is such a potency and such a power….and so many of us are so afraid to talk about it. Why is that? This episode dives into the topic of sex. Where did we learn about it, what shapes our perception of it, and why is it such a heavy topic of conversations? Everything gets laid out here.In this episode of Love Like Hell:The first time we talk about sex in relationshipsWhere and how we learn about sex How culture shifts our perception of sex The fear of sexuality Learning to suppress and repressFollow Rainier:Instagram: @rainierwyldeNewsletterFollow Kristi:Instagram: @kristimariebornThis show is produced by Soulfire Productions

Love is expansive and cannot be placed in a box. Marriage is more nuanced than a simple piece of paper or agreement. There’s depth in the journey and how do we navigate that journey, how do we move forward together. What is the real meaning of marriage? What is the real meaning of love? In this episode, Kristi and Rainier open up about their experiences and everything they learned in this journey.In this episode of Love Like Hell:Uncovering where our beliefs about marriage beganThe societal construct we put around marriage Marriage is dynamic, not staticWanting the best for the relationship even if that means ending itRedefinining the meaning of “commitment”Follow Rainier:Instagram: @rainierwyldeNewsletterFollow Kristi:Instagram: @kristimariebornThis show is produced by Soulfire Productions

Love is expansive and cannot be placed in a box. Marriage is more nuanced than a simple piece of paper or agreement. There’s depth in the journey and how do we navigate that journey, how do we move forward together. What is the real meaning of marriage? What is the real meaning of love? In this two part episode, Kristi and Rainier open up about their experiences and everything they learned in this journey.In this episode of Love Like Hell:We’re married, now what? The history of marriage: Where did it start?The modern origins of marriage Reflecting on the past to inform future directionFollow Rainier:Instagram: @rainierwyldeNewsletterFollow Kristi:Instagram: @kristimariebornThis show is produced by Soulfire Productions

How often do we find ourselves losing “our self” in relationships? We have a tendency to self sacrifice and betray our own wants and desires for the perceived needs of another. That tendency is a road to self betrayal. It is profoundly important to both mutually and independently trust ourselves and create an atmosphere where our partner can trust themself. Then we can both accept the whole of ourselves and the self in the other. This episode dives into the personal experiences of this type of self betrayal in Kristi and Rainier’s own relationship.In this episode of Love Like Hell:The shadow side of taking responsibilitySelf betrayal as an opportunity for self remembrance Finding the “self” in relationshipEntering relationship to see a reflection of ourselves and not an appreciation for another Follow Rainier:Instagram: @rainierwyldeNewsletterFollow Kristi:Instagram: @kristimariebornThis show is produced by Soulfire Productions

Resentment can be like an infection. Once it starts, it can grow and worsen over time. The only way to heal it is to look at the issue, clean out the poison that’s crept in, and then start the process of healing. Without looking at our resentment in a relationship, there is no way to begin to even think about forgiveness. So how do we do it? How do we look our partner in the eyes and say “I resent you for this…..you hurt my feelings in this way?” Learn more in today’s episode.In this episode of Love Like Hell:How resentment can compound on itself The relationship between resentment and forgivenessWhere is the line of being too transparentHow unexpressed feelings can create unconscious door stops in relationships The way to addressing resentmentFollow Rainier:Instagram: @rainierwyldeNewsletterFollow Kristi:Instagram: @kristimariebornWebsite: kristiborn.comThis show is produced by Soulfire Productions

Forgiveness is a multifaceted process. Anything can be forgivable and there can also be times when forgiveness is not an option, at least in the moment. True forgiveness requires responsibility taking and reverence. Forgiveness is a freedom for all parties involved. This episode dives into the nuances of what it means to forgive and be forgiven.In this episode of Love Like Hell:Redefining the unforgivable sin Redemptive vs. punitive justice The forgiveness process & when is the right time to forgive?True forgiveness requires responsibility takingWhen forgiveness is not the right choiceFollow Rainier:Instagram: @rainierwyldeNewsletterFollow Kristi:Instagram: @kristimariebornWebsite: kristiborn.comThe Book of Forgiving by ​​Desmond TutuThis show is produced by Soulfire Productions

Many times, the most challenging thing is to be vulnerable, even with our most intimate relationships. Expressing vulnerability means that the thing we’re expressing may be true of us and the emotions we are trying to avoid can come out, so it’s easier to ignore. That ignoring can eventually lead to crisis in relationship. This episode explains what vulnerability factors are, how to identify them, and work through them.In this episode of Love Like Hell:How emotions change with situational contextHandling actions and emotions during states of overwhelmWhat are vulnerability factors and how they affect our relationshipsThe cycle of feeling unseen but being afraid to be seenFollow Rainier:Instagram: @rainierwyldeNewsletterFollow Kristi:Instagram: @kristimariebornWebsite: kristiborn.comThis show is produced by Soulfire Productions

Love is a mystery, but it’s a mystery that’s solvable. So much of how we show up in love, the roles we play, the character we become, comes from our learned experiences as a child. We adapt certain parts in order to fit in and belong. It’s not necessarily a “good” thing or a “bad” thing but understanding the origins of behavior can give us the freedom to make the choice to change the script.In this episode of Love Like Hell:Changing the lens of how we view love The characters we play in our lives Uncovering childhood patternsFamily roles and implicit agreements Breaking the cycle of needing validationFollow Rainier:Instagram: @rainierwyldeNewsletterFollow Kristi:Instagram: @kristimariebornWebsite: kristiborn.comThis show is produced by Soulfire Productions