The Hidden Cost of Seeking Validation (And What to Do Instead)

Have you ever found yourself wondering, “Would anyone reach out if I stopped trying so hard?” That quiet ache of not being chosen, not being invited, or not feeling truly seen—it’s real. And it hurts. In this deeply personal episode, I open up about a conversation with my daughter that mirrored a theme I see not only in my clients, but in myself: the ache of wanting to belong, to be picked, to matter without effort. We talk about: Why being overlooked triggers something deeper than just disappointment The neuroscience behind why this ache sticks with us (even when we are loved) The subtle ways we abandon ourselves trying to be chosen A simple yet powerful walkthrough to start healing this ache in real time How to reconnect to the part of you that’s waiting to be seen by you This isn’t about pretending it doesn’t hurt. It’s about learning how to stay present with the ache, how to honor what’s real, and how to come home to yourself in the moments you feel most invisible. If you’ve been in a long season of “hard,” if you feel like you’re white-knuckling your way through connection, or if you’re simply tired of always initiating—this is for you. Links & Resources Let’s connect on Instagram → @chantelallencoaching Learn more about coaching with me → chantelallencoaching.com Loved this episode? Share it with a friend who needs the reminder that they’re already enough—and already chosen. And if it resonated with you, leaving a quick rating or review helps others find this work too. I’m so grateful for you 💛

If you’re tired of doing everything “right” and still feeling like it’s not enough—this one’s for you. In this heart-led solo episode, Chantel opens up about a quiet Monday morning that turned into a deeply healing moment with a younger version of herself—the one who’s been carrying the pressure, chasing worth through achievement, and holding it all together for far too long. You’ll hear her process in real-time: The hidden beliefs behind hustle and high achievement The grief of unmet expectations and feeling like life should have looked different by now How the fear of being wrong and being alone has shaped her story What it really means to surrender and receive—even when it feels like nothing is happening And the gentle truth she’s learning to live into: “You don’t have to earn your rest. You don’t have to do it alone.” Whether you’re a coach, a mom, a high-achiever, or someone simply longing to feel seen—you’ll find space in this episode to breathe, to soften, and to be reminded that you're not the only one. You’re not broken. You’re just tired. And you’re allowed to rest. ✨ Let’s connect: If this episode resonates, send me a DM on Instagram @chantelallencoaching or share it with someone who needs to hear it. I’d love to hear what it stirred for you.

Episode Summary: Ever feel like you’re never where you’re supposed to be? Like no matter how much you accomplish, grow, or heal, you’re always looking ahead to the next thing? That’s because arrival—that moment where you finally feel like you’ve “made it”—doesn’t actually exist. In this episode, we’re breaking down: ✅ Why the idea of arrival is an illusion (and how it keeps you stuck) ✅ How your mind constantly moves the finish line, making it impossible to feel like you’re “there” ✅ The simple but powerful shift that helps you stop chasing and start experiencing life ✅ Three practical ways to shift out of proving and into being If you’ve ever felt like you’re running on an endless treadmill, chasing something just out of reach—this episode is for you. Key Takeaways: 🔹 Arrival is a myth. No one ever “gets there” because the mind keeps shifting where “there” is. 🔹 If you feel like you’re never enough, it’s not because you’re behind—it’s because you’re chasing an illusion. 🔹 The secret? Noticing the micro-moments of arrival that are already happening. 🔹 The path to fulfillment isn’t about reaching some final goal—it’s about actually being present for the journey. Practical Next Steps: 1️⃣ Catch yourself chasing arrival. When you think, “I’ll be happy when…”—pause. Ask, “Is this actually true?” 2️⃣ Celebrate micro-moments. Instead of waiting for a huge achievement, start recognizing when you’re already showing up as the person you want to be. 3️⃣ Ask yourself: What if I never ‘get there’? If nothing changed, could you still be content? How would you live differently if you weren’t chasing a finish line? 👉 Need help shifting out of the cycle of proving and into real fulfillment? I have a few 1:1 coaching spots open for those ready to go deeper. Let’s talk → sign up with this link here.   Let me know your thoughts! DM me on Instagram  @chantelallencoaching 

Ever feel like you’re stuck in an endless loop of stress, frustration, or sadness—no matter how much “inner work” you do? You’re not alone. The truth is, most of us think we’re processing our emotions when really, we’re just dancing around them—analyzing, intellectualizing, or pushing them aside. The key to true emotional freedom? Feeling your emotions fully so they can actually move through you. In this episode, I’m breaking down: ✔️ Why emotions get “stuck” and keep repeating ✔️ The sneaky way mindfulness can turn into emotional avoidance ✔️ A simple but powerful exercise to process and release emotions in real time ✔️ How to stop carrying old emotional baggage and finally let it go ✔️ The key difference between feeling an emotion and replaying a story ✨ BONUS: If you want to take this work deeper, join my FREE 7-Day Emotion Detox Challenge where I’ll walk you through daily practices to clear stuck emotions and reconnect with yourself. Sign up here: I'm in! 🚀 Listen now and learn how to feel it to free it! 📩 Let’s connect! If this episode resonated, send me a DM on Instagram @chantelallencoaching and let me know what clicked for you! I’d love to hear. 🎧 Subscribe & Review: Love the podcast? Leave a review—it helps more people find this work! 🔗 Resources Mentioned: 7-Day Emotion Detox Challenge  

Episode Summary: You know that moment when you tell yourself, “I’m fine,” but deep down, you know you’re anything but? Yeah… that’s what we’re diving into today. In this episode, we’re exposing the sneaky ways you override your own emotions, how that’s keeping you stuck in the same cycles, and why your body knows before your brain does. If you’re feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, or struggling to make decisions—this is for you. By the end of this episode, you’ll have a simple yet powerful shift to start trusting yourself again (without overthinking it). 🎧 What You’ll Learn in This Episode: ✔️ How ignoring your body’s signals leads to burnout & exhaustion ✔️ The surprising reason you keep repeating the same patterns ✔️ Why decision-making feels impossible (and how to break the cycle) ✔️ A simple mindset shift to stop overriding your emotions and access clarity 📢 Join the 7-Day Emotion Detox Challenge! If this episode hit home for you, you NEED the 7-Day Emotion Detox Challenge. We start March 24, and it’s completely FREE. This challenge is all about clearing out the emotional backlog that’s keeping you stuck—so you can release the stress, stop second-guessing yourself, and finally move forward with confidence. 📲 Sign up now: I'm in 👀 DM me “detox” on Instagram (@chantelallencoaching) if you want me to send you the link! 📌 Resources & Links: ✨ Follow me on Instagram: @chantelallencoaching ✨ Join the 7-Day Emotion Detox Challenge: I'm in ✨ Share this episode with a friend who needs it! 🚀 Loved this episode? Let me know! Leave a review, send me a DM, or tag me in your IG stories. Let’s break this cycle together. 💛

Episode Summary: Do you ever feel like you need to explain yourself, prove yourself, or justify your choices—especially to family or people who just don’t get you? If you’ve ever found yourself seeking validation from others, this episode is for you. In this conversation, we break down: ✅ Why we crave validation and how it keeps us stuck ✅ The hidden ways we try to control others’ perceptions of us ✅ How to shift from seeking approval to deep self-acceptance ✅ A powerful exercise to help you see and validate yourself If you’ve ever felt unseen, unheard, or like you need to prove your worth, this episode will help you break free and find confidence from within. Resources & Next Steps: Want deeper support? Work with me 1:1 →  sign up with this link here.   Share this episode with a friend who needs to hear it! Let me know your thoughts! DM me on Instagram  @chantelallencoaching   

Ever feel frustrated when people say, “That’s just your past talking” or “Your behavior is because of trauma”? Does it feel like an excuse—like a way to avoid responsibility? You’re not alone. In this episode, I break down why understanding why we react the way we do is not about making excuses—it’s about gaining the power to actually change. We’ll explore: ✅ Why trauma has become a buzzword (and why we’re shifting away from it) ✅ How most of our frustrating behaviors are actually about control ✅ A real-life coaching example of how avoiding consequences in parenting wasn’t about discipline—but about fear of disconnection ✅ The difference between understanding a pattern vs. making excuses ✅ Three practical steps to shift your behavior and break out of old cycles This episode is for you if: ✨ You feel stuck in the same patterns and don’t know why ✨ You beat yourself up for not “just doing better” ✨ You want real, practical ways to shift how you show up in your life Key Takeaways: 🔹 Your reactions aren’t random—they come from patterns you developed to feel safe. 🔹 Understanding why you do something doesn’t mean you’re off the hook—it means you finally have the power to change it. 🔹 Next time you feel triggered, ask yourself: What am I really trying to control? 🔹 If you’re struggling with changing a behavior, the issue isn’t discipline—it’s the fear or belief underneath it. Practical Next Steps: 1️⃣ Pause when you feel triggered—instead of trying to fix the behavior, ask “What am I really afraid of?” 2️⃣ Shift from strategy to self-awareness—instead of just trying to “do better,” explore the deeper reason behind your reaction. 3️⃣ Stop waiting for a magic fix—real change comes from understanding, not willpower. Resources & Links: 👉 Want to go deeper? If you're wanting to grab a 1:1 spot to learn how to connect more to yourself- sign up with this link here.   👉 Connect with me on Instagram @chantelallencoaching for more real-time insights and reflections. 👉 Loved this episode? Share it with a friend who needs this reminder today! Show Notes

Episode Summary: Why is it so hard to forgive ourselves? We can extend grace to others, but when it comes to our own mistakes, we hold onto guilt, shame, and regret like a punishment we think we deserve. In this episode, we’re diving deep into self-forgiveness—why it feels so impossible, what gets in the way, and how you can start releasing the weight of past mistakes so you can move forward with peace. We’ll also explore: ✅ The difference between shame and responsibility (and why shame keeps you stuck) ✅ Why waiting for someone else to forgive you isn’t necessary for your healing ✅ How unforgiveness is actually a form of control—and how to let go ✅ Practical steps to shift from shame to self-compassion If you’ve ever struggled to forgive yourself or felt like you had to prove your growth before you could move on, this episode is for you. 🎧 Listen now and start your journey to self-forgiveness! If this episode resonated with you, share it with a friend who needs to hear it and leave a review—it helps more people find this message! Connect with Me: Follow me on Instagram:@chantelallencoaching  for more insights and practical tools. Email: [email protected]  Website: www.chantelallencoaching.com  If you're wanting to grab a 1:1 spot to learn how to connect more to yourself-  sign up with this link here.  Share this episode with a friend who needs to hear it! Show Notes: Here

Episode Description: Have you ever struggled to feel love, even though you know He loves you? You’re not alone. In today’s episode, I’m sharing a lesson I originally created for my church group—because I realized this is something we all need. We’ll explore: ✅ Why being loved isn’t the same as feeling loved ✅ The three biggest reasons we block ourselves from receiving love ✅ How God might be showing you love in ways you’re not expecting ✅ The powerful story of elephants (yes, elephants!) and what they teach us about love and loyalty ✅ Simple ways to start noticing God’s love right now If you’ve ever felt distant from God or wondered why love feels hard to receive, this episode is for you. Episode Highlights: 🔹 Elder Hirsts talk "God's Favourite" Your Invitation This Week: 💛 Look for love in a way you don’t normally expect it. 💛 Be part of the circle—who in your life might need love right now? If this episode spoke to you, share it with a friend who might need this reminder today. 💛 Connect with Me: Follow me on Instagram:@chantelallencoaching  for more insights and practical tools. Email: [email protected]  Website: www.chantelallencoaching.com  If you're wanting to grab a 1:1 spot to learn how to connect more to yourself-  sign up with this link here.  Share this episode with a friend who needs to hear it! Show Notes: Here

Episode Description: In today’s episode, we’re diving deep into why life feels so hard sometimes—and why that isn’t a problem to fix. If you’ve been feeling stuck, discouraged, or like no matter how hard you try, nothing seems to be working, this conversation is for you. I’ll be sharing personal stories—including a time when my own body forced me to stop—and stories from my clients that show how life’s toughest moments are often the greatest invitations for growth. Together, we’ll explore how life’s challenges reveal the gap between where we are and who we’re becoming, and why embracing that gap is key to transformation. You’ll walk away with practical tools to stay connected to your future self, even when life feels overwhelming. And I’ll leave you with a gentle challenge to reframe the hard moments in your life as opportunities to grow into the person you’re meant to be. In This Episode, You’ll Learn: Why feeling stuck isn’t a sign you’re failing—it’s a sign you’re growing How life’s hard moments reveal the gap between who you are and who you’re becoming The importance of slowing down and what it really means for your growth Practical tools to connect with your future self during tough times How to shift from resisting life’s challenges to embracing them as part of your journey Reflection Questions: Where in your life are you feeling the most resistance right now? What is this resistance revealing about the gap between where you are and who you want to become? How can you meet this moment with compassion and curiosity, instead of frustration? Let’s Stay Connected: If this episode resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts! Share your reflections or tag me on Instagram  Connect with Me: Follow me on Instagram:@chantelallencoaching  for more insights and practical tools. Email: [email protected]  Website: www.chantelallencoaching.com  If you're wanting to grab a 1:1 spot to learn how to connect more to yourself-  sign up with this link here.  Share this episode with a friend who needs to hear it! Show Notes: Here And if you know someone who needs this message, send this episode their way. Until next time, keep being you. 💛