169. How to Know You're Doing Too Much

Send us Fan MailDo you ever snap at your kids over something small, and then spend the rest of the day feeling ashamed? You promise yourself it won't happen again, and then it does. You're not alone, and there's nothing wrong with you.In this episode, I talk about what's going on in your nervous system in the moment you lose it, and why it has so little to do with how much you love your kids. I share Dr. Dan Siegel's idea of the window of tolerance, and what researchers have found about shame and why it makes the cycle harder to break.I walk you through one breathing tool you can use today, why your calm matters so much to your child's, and what research says about repair. If you've been trying harder and it isn't working, this episode will help you see why, and what to do instead.If you'd like to get the show notes for this episode, head to: https://leighgermann.com

Send us Fan MailDo you ever feel like you're doing everything you're supposed to be doing, and you still feel like you're failing? You're taking care of everybody, and the finish line keeps moving. You're not alone, and nothing is wrong with you.This one is personal. In this episode, I talk about a season in my own life when I was running on empty, and what it took to find my way back. It's the reason I teach what I teach, and it's where the Narrow Road and the Wide Road come from.We also look at what researchers have learned about parental burnout, including the kind of perfectionism that puts mothers most at risk. I walk you through what I call bare minimum me first, the signals your body sends when something has to change, and one small shift you can make this week. If you've been wondering whether this is just what motherhood feels like, this episode is for you.If you'd like to get the show notes for this episode, head to: https://leighgermann.com

Send us Fan MailDo you ever wonder what your kids will say about the holidays when they're grown? Every family has a handful of stories it tells over and over, and some of them only happened because somebody planned ahead. In this episode, I talk about why family stories matter so much for kids, and I walk you through how to use VIP Mom to plan a few holiday memories on purpose, the mix I'd aim for, and how to bring each of your kids into the planning at their age. We also talk about what to do when the day doesn't go the way you hoped.If you'd like to get the show notes for this episode, head to: https://leighgermann.com

Send us Fan MailDo you ever stand in your child's doorway at night, flooded with love, and then think, I don't know how much longer I can do this? Most of us push that second thought away and decide it says something about what kind of mother we are. You can adore your kids and still feel like you’re barely holding it together. That split-second swing from tenderness to “I don’t know how much longer I can do this” is one of the most common motherhood experiences and one of the most misunderstood. We say the quiet part out loud and go straight at the shame that follows, especially when your outside life looks fine but your inside life feels messy.feelings and recovery, and three tools you can use this week: starting with your body, changing one word, and noticing the middle. You'll also hear how your kids learn this from listening to you.If you'd like to get the show notes for this episode, head to: https://leighgermann.com

Send us Fan MailDo you ever finish bedtime, get almost out the door, and hear a small voice ask whether her friend was mad at her today? You answer, you kiss her head, you leave. And eleven minutes later she's at the top of the stairs asking you the same thing again.In this episode, I talk about what's actually happening inside a school age child when she can't put a thought down, and why it almost never sounds like worry when she tells you about it. We look at why a six or seven year old experiences a thought as a fact rather than an idea, and why that's her age rather than a problem with her. We also talk about reassurance, and why it works for about eleven minutes.I walk you through four things to do, in order, starting with her body. This is the second half of a pair, so if you haven't heard last week's episode on your own overthinking, start there.If you'd like to get the show notes for this episode, head to: https://leighgermann.com

Send us Fan MailDo you ever lie awake replaying a conversation, going over what was said and what it might have meant? You're not alone, and nothing is wrong with you. Overthinking is one of the most common things a human mind does.In this episode, I talk about why overthinking feels so productive while it's happening, and why the advice to just stop thinking about it so rarely works. We look at what's going on underneath the loop, and at how your body responds to the scenarios your mind creates.Then I walk you through three ways to get out of the loop. The first one doesn't start with your thoughts at all. If you're tired of losing sleep over things you can't stop replaying, this episode will give you something you can use tonight.If you'd like to get the show notes for this episode, head to: https://leighgermann.com

Send us Fan MailIf you'd like to get the show notes for this episode, head to: https://leighgermann.com

Send us Fan MailDo you ever take the time for yourself that everyone says you should take, the pedicure, the show after bedtime, the hour alone in a store, and come back feeling exactly as tired as when you left? I want to talk about why that happens, because it isn't that you've been taking care of yourself wrong.In this episode I walk through a difference I've been talking about with moms lately, one that separates the kind of rest that drains away from the kind that actually refills you. I'll also give you a practice that takes about ninety seconds and does more for your body than a night out.This is the first of two episodes. Next week we look at how to fit restoration into a day that's already full.If you'd like to get the show notes for this episode, head to: https://leighgermann.com

Send us Fan MailDo you ever answer somebody before you have actually decided anything? Somebody asks, you hear your own voice saying yes, and it is out of your mouth before any part of you has checked whether you have the room for it. You are not alone, and nothing is wrong with you. In this episode, we look at what researchers found about the difference between warmth that still includes you and warmth that quietly leaves you out, and why a request made to your face is the hardest kind to think clearly inside of. Then I walk you through the tool I use now, including the four seconds that come before the words and the exact phrases that buy you time without pushing anybody away.This one is for the mother who says yes too fast and cannot figure out why. If you'd like to get the show notes for this episode, head to: https://leighgermann.com

Send us Fan MailIn this episode, I name five ordinary habits that most of us picked up without noticing, and I show you which pillar of the Resiliency System each one is quietly taking from. Then I walk you through what to do instead, including the three questions I run on a thought that feels true, and a four question tool you can use on yourself in a few seconds. If you'd like to get the show notes for this episode, head to: https://leighgermann.com