Gerascophobic Monsters & Gnarly Zombies

Get your popcorn to go because Tubi has an original horror flick this week, and "Takeout" knows characters in horror movies make stupid decisions. A home birth goes awry in "Goody Goody" on Shudder while Netflix borrows gory queer true crime vibes from "Lizzie" for its latest season of "Monster." Also, season three of "The Creep Tapes," season two of "Stranger Things: Tales from 85," high expectations for "Big Shark" and regrets about watching "The Reckoning" on a Saturday night in September.

This week, you can pick your poison on Shudder - gothic historical horror in "Marama," , demonic queer tattoos in "The Serpent's Skin" or melodic chainsaw murders with "The Chainsaws Were Singing." Also, Tubi drops the turbo-charged "Shocktopus," Hulu picks up "Heretic" and Netflix grabs "Prom Night," which you'll surely remember as Leslie Nielsen's last big slasher.

Did your graduation party turn into an unhinged Aussie gorefest? Is Robert De Niro the next scream king? Does a rampaging pig really need any translation? This week, we've got the star-studded serial killer flick "The Whisper Man" hitting Netflix, the blood-soaked "Penny Lane is Dead" on Shudder and South Korean creature feature comedy "Chawz" on Tubi. Also, what's the best X Files episode to chase "Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose?" The answer may surprise you.

Were you traumatized as a schoolkid by an infamous docudrama? Are you trapped in a trailer with a zombie flesh wound? This week, "Threads" and"Hellcat" drop on Shudder, the director's cut of "The X-Files: I Want to Believe" underwhelms on Hulu, Netflix picks up "Immaculate" instead of "The First Omen" and Tubi raids another thrift store for B-movies aplenty. Read more about how "Threads" scarred a generation of British kids here and about the edits to the X-Files movie here.

If you got locked inside your house with no explanation, would you just chill? How much talking should an arctic creature feature include? Why does Nicholas Cage make everything better? This week, we've got "The Yeti" on Shudder, "The Last House" on Netflix and the "X" trilogy on Hulu, plus low-budget demons, aliens and a lizard man on Tubi.

Which Harry Potter alum is most likely to sire a demon child in the Finnish woods? Where's the line between true crime and horror, and can the Bye Bye Man still hear you when you're laughing? This week, we've got "Nightborn" on Shudder, "Nightcrawler" on Netflix and a preview of a resurrected X-Files flick on Hulu, plus Tubi gems "The Little Mermaid vs Mega Jaws" and "Kong vs Megacock." Also - quick reviews of "Obsession," "Backrooms," "The Relic" and "Chupacabra vs The Alamo," and a plea to zoomers everywhere to please remember Andy Richter controls the universe.

What if "Cocoon" had a monster and America's favorite president, Bill Pullman? What if "The Breakfast Club" got crashed by zombies? Can you ever have too much "Alien" fan service? Find out this week as "The Boroughs" hits Netflix and "This is Not a Test" drops on Shudder, plus "Alien Romulus" hits Hulu (again?) and "Hokum" runs "The Beyond" and "Midsomer Murders" through a folksy blender.

What's scarier - an ancient Aztec death whistle, or a pack of feral middle school boys? Can Daisy Ridley make zombies scary again? This week, the "Lord of the Flies" miniseries hits Netflix, "Whistle" hits Shudder and "We Bury The Dead" drops on Hulu. Plus, Nurse Ratchet would be jealous of Dan Stevens' stay at a creepy asylum in the third season of "The Terror" and "Panic Room" holds up after 24 (!) years.

Do you like your historical horror in the deep dark woods? What about with samurai or a ouiji board? This week, Heresy and a trio of old school Japanese folk horrors hit Shudder, along wth Teeth and Lucio Fulci's take on Dance Dance Revolution. Netflix picks up Starship Troopers, Jennifer's Body and Ouija: Origin of Evil. Hulu grabs Panic Room - I remember Dwight Yoakum being pretty creepy - and Tubi has its usual first-of-the-month smorgasbord, including American Carnage, Lake Placid, Green Room and Misery. 

When did horror cinema begin - 1895, or 1818? Would a campy shark mask make gothic literature better, or much better? This week, the chilling documentary "1000 Women in Horror" drops on Shudder, the Saw compendium hits Netflix and Tubi picks up everything from Irish changeling flick "Hole in the Ground" to "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Shark." Also, "Undertone" was technically very scary ... until the narrative got too confusing to be creepy.