Ep22 - Willow (1988)

A fantasy story where a queen tries to pre-emptively murder a baby, but a pretend wizard and a war criminal team up with some wood sprites and a goat lady to stop her.  Ultimately, they get the queen's daughter to betray her mother for a hot guy with a ponytail.  Nobody in this world has any blood or guts and the final fight scene is a battle between 2 grandmas who don't know how to react to CGI magic.  Both Tara and Adam were scarred for life by this beloved children's horror-movie classic. 

Albert Einstein is a young apple farmer from Tasmania who discovers how to split the atom in order to get bubbles into beer.  He then travels to... you know what?  It doesn't matter.  This movie is ridiculous.  It gets history so wrong its not even funny.  Its insulting actually.  At one point some guy tries to cook a pie full of kittens.  Anyway, listen to Adam and Tara talk about what a disaster this movie.  Towards the end Adam just starts talking about movies focused on male genitalia and truthfully it would have made a better episode.

A deranged cat lady and a living war machine hide out from a robotics lab in a food truck.  The robot has an existential crisis about its own mortality and the woman goes from thinking it's an alien, to a jerk, to maybe a romantic interest? In fact, multiple people in this movie reference the robot in a sexual way, including its maker and even the local news.  Come listen as Tara and I revisit one of our childhood favorites! 

Bobcat Goldthwait inherits a talking horse and half a brokerage firm. The talking horse convinces Bobcat to participate in insider trading which makes him money, but then loses it when the horse tells him to invest in oats, which he does.  Then they get the money back plus girlfriends by winning a horse race together.  Dabney Coleman I guess plays the villain but also could have not been in the movie and it wouldn't have mattered. If we're not making a whole lot of sense on this one, it's not us.  This one was baffling!

A coming of age story about a man who embarks on a road trip to get back his one true love from the clutches of Hollywood.  Along the way he is beset on all sides by the forces of evil but in the end neither the police, Godzilla, or Santa Claus can stop Pee-wee from getting back his lover and ridin' that thang once again.  Join us with special guest Wayne Noon as we discuss the impact that this movie had on our childhoods, and our fascination with the Large Marge scene.

 A horny duck from another planet or maybe another dimension lands in Cleveland and tries to return home with the help of his furry-loving girlfriend and some scientists.  Along the way he has to battle rednecks who want to eat him and some kind of demon monster. Perhaps giving George Lucas full control of something is not the best idea.  Tara loved this one as a child.  Adam has some very strong feelings as well.

Mark Harmon is a high-school gym teacher who is forced to teach English but doesn't know how to do it, so he bribes the students to study. Most of them fail anyway.  The kids include a stripper, an dyslexic who can't drive, a nerd who isn't smart, a pair of horror-loving alcoholics, a preggo, and an Italian. One of the students wants to bang Mark Harmon for her bribe, but he just lets her live with him and cook for him.  Then he tries to hit on some old ladies at a Chippendales and gets rejected, but somehow gets super hot Kirstie Alley instead.  In this episode, Tara and Adam are joined by Tara's sister Darcy until she is mauled by some Alaskan wildlife half-way through.  Oh, there's also some subplot about a dog and his toy that I don't really understand.

A struggling painter falls in love with a muse who convinces him to abandon his dream and instead help her clarinet-playing ex-boyfriend who's old now.  Then when she tries to go home, he gets upset and tries to bash his head into a brick wall while wearing short shorts and roller skates, but ends up in an argument with Zeus in the dark.  Then everyone skates around for awhile until the movie is long enough for the credits to roll.  Listen to Tara J and Adam discuss the movie that launched the Razzies.

Melvin the mop boy works at a wacky health club and transforms into a disgusting monster who tries to save a disgusting town full of disgusting people.  The best character in this movie is a blind woman who is quietly eating tacos before she is interrupted by robbery, sexual assault, and the murder of her dog.  Lou Mavs joins Tara J and Adam to dissect the production of this odd film with a huge legacy.

Aliens are here for our copper!  ...or to stop NASA!  ...or to kill us!  It's not really clear what they want.  But they live in a butthole cavern, and its up to an 11 year old boy and the school nurse to convince the army to destroy them, along with his mean teacher.  Listen as Tara J and Adam rip apart one of Tara's favorite movies as a child.