517 – Sliding Scale Ransom

In which we totally forgot to record a cold open (sorry); a lot of characters die (but not in Earth-616); Vampires may already be in command of America’s atomic arsenal; and we revisit a favorite. X-PLAINED: What If vol. 2 #9 What If vol. 2 #24 What If: Magik #1 Rahne Sinclair (moppet stage) The deaths of the Silver Age and All-New-All-Different X-Men Fancy television Sliding-scale ransom Then Ani-Men, somewhat The Living LASER, somewhat An orgy of satiation Wolverine, Lord of the Vampires Several highlights of Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose Vampire nonsense The Darkhold The Montessi Formula Some alligators August 5 Frank Punisher, Vampire Hunter What If vol. 2 #37 (briefly) A kinder alternate history A singularly beautiful montage The Soul Staff Summers family connections How Wolverine climbs NEXT EPISODE: Unspooling the X-Gene, with Dr. Jey McCreight! Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!  

In which Asher Elbein joins us to discuss the complicated intersections between Magneto, big feelings, and international politics. X-PLAINED: Some complicated intersections between Magneto, big feelings, and international politics. Check out links to some of what we discuss in this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!  

In which we do a thing and are not even sorry. X-PLAINED: X-Men Origins: Wolverine Next Episode: Magneto, with Asher Elbein! Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

In which we provide some inroads to resisting fascism in your community; pacifism has amazing abs; Cyclops and Wolverine play revolutionary chicken; Amelia Voght fails to live up to her narrative potential; Jean Grey continues to make spectacularly bad choices; Polaris deserves better; and Wolverine finally gets to stab Magneto. X-PLAINED: Community action and aid X-Men #112-113 Uncanny X-Men #393 Genosha (more) (again) Northstar (more) (again) Dazzler (more) (again) Sunpyre (more) (again) Hector Rendoza (more) (again) Paulie Provenzano (more) (again) Frenzy (more) (again) Amelia Voght (more) (again) St. Sebastian thirst traps Sewer adventures Post-Apocalypse Cyclops (more) (again) Awkward conversations about feelings Implausible knitting The Age of Apocalypse X-Babies A protracted confrontation Bad strategy A confusing ruse Some stabbing What happens to the unlikeliest X-Men Jean Grey as Charles Xavier’s heir Best potential uses of Hector Rendoza NEXT EPISODE: The secret (retconned) origin of Wolverine! Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

In which Jay and Miles make an announcement; the X-Men are down to bare bones; Cyclops and Corsair are stunningly bad at feelings; Trish Tilby is stunningly bad at journalism; Magneto says goodbye to nuance; and Jean Grey assembles a team. X-PLAINED: X-Corps vs. X-Corp A thing that will be happening in a few months The story so far Uncanny X-Men #391-392 X-Men #111 The state of the X-Men A short-lived Cyclops costume A reunion A sorry excuse Resolution, somewhat Genosha (more) (again) Conflict of interest Several excellent villain speeches Joanna Cargill (Frenzy) (again) Jean-Paul Beaubier (Northstar) (again) Hector Rendoza Yet another angry mob Paulie Provenzano (Omerta) Leyu Yoshida (Sunpyre) Ice skating in Rockefeller Center Our picks for a new Brotherhood of Evil Mutants NEXT EPISODE: Eve of Destruction concludes! Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

In which it’s rude to eat in a helmet; Cable does his best villain bit; Bishop is clearly unfamiliar with early X-Force; we’re pretty sure clones still count as people; and Stryfe is the surprise MVP of Gambit & Bishop: Sons of the Atom. X-PLAINED: Another time Stryfe and Bishop teamed up Gambit & Bishop: Sons of the Atom #3-6 Some of the Witness’s fancy swag An extremely awkward meal Stryfe in four pages Unsubtle foreshadowing The relative ethics of killing Stryfe A visual representation of time Somewhat logical consequences Bad clone ethics Future uncertainty Le Bête Noir Hell-lord / anti-Phoenix disambiguation A fancy t-shirt The appropriate amount of mean to be to Stryfe When Gambit and Bishop: Sons of the Atom takes place relative to The Search for Cyclops (more) (again) (inconclusive) Reasons not to live under a crypt in New Orleans Betty Noir’s Relative (fictional) body counts Business-casual Stryfe Lucas Bishop, kitten guy Relitigating the X-traitor NEXT EPISODE: Eve of Destruction (and some bonus Summers family bullshit) Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

In which we unapologetically ship Gambit and Bishop; pelicans are deeply alarming birds; Charles Xavier watches your sex dreams; the Witness is a Whole Continuity Thing; and the T’ieves Guild is really just here to steal your stuff. X-PLAINED: Destiny’s frequently retconned diaries Midi series Gambit (more) (again) Bishop (more) (again) Gambit and Bishop: Sons of the Atom Alpha Gambit and Bishop: Sons of the Atom #1-2 When Gambit and Bishop: Sons of the Atom takes place relative to The Search for Cyclops Some things pelicans get up to An upsetting dream Ethics of telepathy (more) (again) Night science Some of what Stryfe has been up to French nouns A theoretical Orphan Black video game The Witness (LeBeau) (more) (again) The Witness Cave How to make Bishop a more central X-character The relative importance of T’ieves Guild continuity NEXT EPISODE: Stryfe in a diner! Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

In which we attempt an all-Cyclops Winter special; X-Men are bad at processing grief; writer Alex Paknadel X-Plains his upcoming Cyclops miniseries; every character (except Cameron Hodge) is someone’s favorite; and you remain the best listeners of any podcast, ever. X-PLAINED: Clones of Cyclops Gwen Warren Our year in review X-Men: The Search for Cyclops #1-4 Ahmed and his mustache Emotional support boats A monkey Apoca-lips Anias Boxes of fire One way of coping with trauma Ozymandias (more) (again) The relative criminality of a trail of questions Cat lady problems Twice as many cat ladies named Anias as you’d expect Terrible logic Caliban (more) (again) Several unpleasant reunions Alex Paknadel’s definitive Cyclopses Fun with minor characters Proxy characters and “highly polished surfaces” Characters to revisit Sentinels Cyclops vs. his own powers Cyclops’s powers vs. continuity Who Scott Summers is when he’s alone The punch dimension The 11th Annual Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau Awards for Excellence at X-Cellence Many people to whom we are profoundly grateful NEXT EPISODE: Gambit & Bishop: Now Kiss Sons of the Atom Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

In which Marrow just want to be left alone; Spider-Man remains hapless; S.H.I.E.L.D. is unhelpful; Colossus dies; Shadowcat leaves the X-Men; and we are all on board for Mutants to Watch Out For. X-PLAINED: How Magik caught the Legacy Virus Marrow (again) Spider-Man and Marrow #1 Uncanny X-Men #390 X-Men #110 A fancy club A terrible plan The Legacy Virus (more) (again) Some deeply contrived “science” A life-affirming display of social interaction The death of Colossus A very silly sound effect Acceptable handwriting Nostalgia A double send-off Closure Mortality in Otherworld Imaginary crossovers NEXT EPISODE: Winter Special! Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

In which Professor Xavier is a jock; all of Shadowcat’s friends are dead; Storm recruits a team; Bishop makes new pals; and everyone gets festive. X-PLAINED: Some of Mystique’s secret kids Uncanny X-Men #389 X-Men #109 Charles Xavier’s workout routine Two funerals Rave (the drug) The wrong necklace Destiny’s doodles A large knife Charles Xavier/Moira MacTaggert backstory A snowball fight A very sketchy circus A break-up “Christmas cheer” A mysterious package An X-Men nativity Sage (Tessa) Origins of X-Treme X-Men Several gifts, some more mysterious than others Charles Xavier’s legacy Warwolves (more) (again) Archangel’s color vision NEXT EPISODE: Colossus dies! Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!