What If Planning Is Not About Control

Send us Fan MailWe laugh our way through the invisible social scripts that make elevators, grocery aisles, sidewalks, restaurants, and waiting rooms way more awkward than they need to be. Along the way, we notice how these unwritten rules often come from kindness and politeness, even when they backfire. • elevator silence and the “elevator ballet” • the grocery store repeat hello problem and avoidance tactics • the sidewalk dance plus suburban versus city walking rules • the restaurant check performance and why splitting is simpler • the waiting room seating mystery and using headphones as a boundary • “we should get together sometime” as a polite goodbye • why social norms spread through copying and habit • choosing a new personal rule like asking names again Here’s my question for you this week: what’s an unwritten rule of everyday life that makes no sense to you? If you want to share it with me, great, you know how to do that marcybackhusmedia.com [email protected] 

Send us Fan MailGrocery shopping feels scarier than a haunted house when grown adults abandon carts, block aisles, and turn produce into a full investigation. I rant through self-checkout chaos, express lane nonsense, and parking lot headaches, then land on a simple fix for keeping your sanity. • Halloween week opener and a listener question about grocery store pet peeves • Quick life catch-up, healing updates, and fall fun around Chicago • Shopping carts abandoned in aisles and left in parking spaces • Produce aisle “research,” avocado squeezing, and banana perfection quests • Organic vs non-organic frustration and how it slows everyone down • Self-checkout anxiety, “unexpected item” errors, and waiting for assistance • Express lane rules ignored, payment delays, and checkbook shock • One-item trips that turn into expensive, awkward juggling acts • Online ordering fails, missing the one item you really wanted • Parking lot hazards and why grocery errands trigger impatience If you've enjoyed today's episode, please share it with somebody who has strong feelings about shopping carts. Don't forget to send me your grocery store stories. 

Send us Fan MailYou know that moment when you say, “I’ll remember,” and a future version of you immediately suffers? That’s the kind of everyday self-deception we’re unpacking, with plenty of laughs and more than a few painfully relatable confessions. From putting something “somewhere safe” (which is apparently a portal) to insisting we’re only running into Target for one thing, these tiny lies shape our routines, our clutter, and our stress more than we’d like to admit. I walk through the greatest hits: lost items that make no sense, shopping carts that appear against our will, streaming nights that turn into 1 a.m. marathons, and the classic “I’ll answer that text in a minute” that lives on for three days. Along the way, we talk about why these patterns happen, how attention gets hijacked by phones and autoplay, and why buying organizers can feel like productivity even when nothing is actually organized. If you care about decluttering, time management, mindful habits, and practical self-improvement without perfectionism, you’ll feel seen. The big takeaway is gentle: underneath most of these lies is a hopeful person. So we keep the hope and tighten the plan with simple systems like smaller decluttering goals, clearer shopping rules, and one surprisingly effective trick: take a quick photo of where you parked or where you hid the gifts so your phone can be your backup memory. If you smiled, cringed, or nodded along, subscribe, share this with your favorite “we won’t be long” person, and leave a review with the little lie you tell yourself most.

Send us Fan MailYou know that version of you who’s competent in public, then immediately turns into a completely different person at home? That’s where we’re going today. I’m talking about the tiny, harmless things we do when nobody’s watching: the fridge stare-down, the running narration in our heads, the full-on negotiations with a jar, and the way a printer can make a grown adult speak like a disappointed principal.We also get real about the “unofficial recap” of a normal week. The public summary is errands and productivity. The private summary is losing your glasses, getting distracted, sorting batteries, and wondering how you even got there. Along the way, I share a quick health update, then we dive into the house habits that feel weirdly universal: talking to pets like they’re coworkers, apologizing to chairs, thanking appliances, and having very specific kitchen logic like counter cake and sink snacks.Then we take it on the road with car concerts, imaginary comebacks, and rehearsed phone calls, before we end where truth really lives: the clothes you wear when you’re not trying to impress anyone. House shorts make an appearance, plus the mirror commentary we all pretend we don’t do. You’ll leave with a laugh, a little self-recognition, and three questions to answer about your own private routines.If this made you smile, share it with a friend who will instantly say “I do that,” subscribe or follow for next week, and leave a review so more people can find the show.

Send us Fan MailThe doorbell rings and your first thought is not “yay, company” it is “hide.” That tiny reaction says a lot about modern life, so I’m digging into it from the coziest angle possible: fall in the city, soup on the stove, and the kind of friendship that doesn’t require a calendar invite.I’m recovering well after a major health scare, and it has me looking hard at what we stress over versus what actually fills us up. I keep coming back to something that used to be normal: dropping by. No warning. No “are you free between 2:15 and 2:45 next Thursday.” Just showing up because you miss someone. Somewhere along the way, the doorbell went from exciting to suspicious, and our homes started needing to look like a staged photo shoot before we let real life in.We also get into why fall makes us all a little ridiculous in the best way, with mums, pumpkins, candles with impossible names, and the great fall wardrobe fantasy. But beneath the humor is a real takeaway: the best conversations rarely happen at a reservation. They happen in the kitchen, over “here’s some cheese,” when nobody is performing.I’ve got a challenge for you this week: do one spontaneous fall thing. Text someone “coffee?”, take a walk somewhere pretty, make soup, or invite a friend over without cleaning the whole house first. Listen, then subscribe, share the episode with a friend who needs a nudge toward connection, and leave a review so more people can find the show. What do you miss most about the old way of hanging out?

Send us Fan MailI’m a planner to my core, so getting derailed by a hospital stay and a canceled France trip forces me to face a hard truth about control. I talk through disappointment, recovery, and why I’m still making plans anyway, just with more care and more honesty. • why planning feels like control and why life disagrees • canceling France and letting myself feel sad about it • holding gratitude and disappointment at the same time • adjusting after the hospital with PTSD support and slower pacing • dealing with travel insurance, refunds, and the paperwork reality • making smaller local plans to rebuild confidence and joy • a weekly challenge to name what you anticipate, fear, and need to do next So if you feel like it, catch those two episodes of Aging A for Sissies and Unbottled. 

Send us Fan MailWe record straight from a hospital room after Marcy has a cardiac episode, blacks out, and wakes up in the ER with stitches and a shaken sense of what matters. We talk honestly about fear, surgery, and the moment life forces a full stop even when your brain wants to keep producing. • what it feels like to black out and suddenly become the patient • the reality of a hospital stay, nonstop tests, and facing surgery • the pressure to stay productive even from a hospital bed • how fast priorities change when health takes the lead • choosing to pause, accept where you are, and let “enough” be enough Take care of yourselves, and I’ll talk to you soon.

Send us Fan MailWe’re fed up with how “convenience” tech turns simple errands into full-blown projects with apps, logins, QR codes, and endless steps. We land on a sanity-saving rule: stop optimizing everything and start protecting your time. • everyday tasks turning into admin work through apps, passwords, verification codes, and ratings • travel planning overload with train apps, QR tickets, confirmations, and phone dependence • shopping and decision fatigue from too many choices and too many reviews • password rules and login loops that waste time and spike stress • restaurant reservations, QR menus, streaming app updates, and subscription traps • rewards programs that save money but cost attention and energy • doctor portals, constant notifications, and managing medical records across systems • returns becoming a multi-step process with labels, QR codes, and follow-up emails • “good enough” as a practical strategy for time management and mental load Pick one thing that you're making too complicated and stop. 

Send us Fan MailThe fastest way to learn what you believe about humanity is to stand in an elevator doorway and watch what happens next. I’m Marcy, and I’m airing out the unwritten rules of life we all carry around like invisible instruction manuals, then acting shocked when strangers didn’t get our edition. If you’ve ever thought “how do you not know this?” while someone blocks a grocery aisle, fumbles for a wallet at checkout, or FaceTimes on speakerphone in public, you’re going to feel very seen.We dig into the daily etiquette flashpoints that turn ordinary places into social laboratories: elevator entry and exit, door-holding distance, shopping cart placement, returning carts, and the tiny divider bar that somehow says “I acknowledge your existence.” Then we take it to the skies with airplane etiquette, including my strong stance that the middle seat deserves both armrests and my even stronger feelings about seat reclining when someone is behind you. These are small moments, but they’re loaded with comfort, respect, and how we share space.Texting rules get their own spotlight too, because modern manners are messy. How early is too early to text? How long is too long to reply? And can we all agree that “Call me” without context is basically a stress test? We also hit the road with four-way stop basics, zipper merging, and the little thank-you wave that keeps traffic from feeling like a cage match.The real takeaway is bigger than pet peeves: most “common sense” is learned from family, friends, and community, which means a lot of annoying behavior isn’t always intentional. I’m still judging a little, but I’m trying to add grace to the judgment. Listen, then send this to a friend who will laugh, and subscribe, share, and leave a review so more people can join the conversation. What’s your number one unwritten rule of life?

Send us Fan MailWe catch ourselves “helping” the people we love and realize our worry can come out sounding like control. We break down the difference between encouragement and nagging, then build a simple checklist that protects respect in marriage, parenting, friendships, and stroke recovery. • Craig’s stroke recovery and how drop foot sparks fear • Hearing our parents’ voices come out of our mouths • Encouragement as belief and ownership • Nagging as doubt and taking ownership away • Asking consent before giving reminders • The three-question test before repeating advice • How anxiety drives “helpful” behavior • Marriage reminders, adult kids, and letting grownups decide • Friendship boundaries and avoiding the “police” role • Tone of voice, praising effort, and backing off • A weekly challenge to say it once and let go If this episode made you think of someone in your life or made you realize that you might be the nager, send it to a friend.