Chapter 28: Thirteen Abs and a Pair of Hooves

Hello all, we've managed to extract ourselves from the 5-and-a-half feet of snow that dropped on us over the winter, and now that Miranda can open her back door and Evelyn can walk instead of wade through snowdrifts...it's time: At last, the first musical episode of Riverdale is upon us, and the question of the hour is, simply: Why? Why is Carrie a musical at all? Why was Riverdale a musical at all? Why was Carrie: The Musical chosen to be said musical - other than Roberto's weird Stephen King kink (Stephen Kink, if you will)? Why choose it if you don't show the two really important scenes? Why is a student directing the school musical? Why is there a drama department, auditorium, costumes, lights, and sets but no drama teacher? Why is everyone encouraging Jughead to be even more insufferable? Why is Alice in her daughter's school musical? Why is Chuck back? Why is Sheriff Dad wandering around the dressing rooms unattended? Why is Archie such a bonehead? Why is Hal back? Why is Casey Cott (Kevin) not singing when he's the only cast member trained in musical theatre? Why is Cheryl the perfect Carrie? Why does the Black Hood - surprise, he's back - care about ANY of this? And WHY is there a GIANT CHICKEN COSTUME!?!?! We have no answers. Only despair. Thank you, listeners, for your patience, as Evelyn finally gets her wish: She's made Miranda watch her first full episode of Riverdale ***Note: Due to a different recording location and set-up, there are two background noises that we've done our best to minimize, but are present for the first portion of the podcast nonetheless. One is the ambient background menu music, and the other is Evelyn's adorable cat trying to eat dinner. Our apologies.***   Screencaps & other fun stuff can be found on our Twitter: https://twitter.com/moodforchaospod   Content Warnings: Alcoholism (brief mention) Emotional abuse/manipulation Fatphobia Murder Pedophilia (brief mention) Religious trauma Music: 'Imps' by Mark Revell

The Endless Torment of Cheryl Blossom, or as it's more widely known: Riverdale continues to astound our intrepid hosts by finding new avenues of trauma to explore. This week, it's conversion therapy. If that is understandably not something you want to engage with, listener discretion is advised. Expanding on last week's thesis that Nana Rose Cannot And Will Not be stopped; this episode she enacts a geriatric Mission Impossible-esque stunt to help the only 3 people in town who care about her grandaughter rescue said grandaughter.  Meanwhile, in a land of lower stakes, the campaign for student body president is still going on, as well as the parallel campaign for mayorship of the town, and it's difficult to determine which to care about less. At least one involves Fred. Jughead spouts off more insufferable garbage, Betty wants a tattoo, Veronica might be Catwoman, Kevin goes :O, Molly Ringwald continues to rule, and God help us all: Archie has a plan.  According to Evelyn, she is straight-up "here to make your life worse" and later gets in a devastating roast in on Miranda; who, at one point, has to stand up and pace from sheer seething anger, but not before getting briefly possessed by Reggie. Hanging over it all, the looming threat of the first musical episode darkens the horizon, promising that if it's chaos we want, we ain't seen nothin' yet...   Screencaps & other fun stuff can be found on our Twitter: https://twitter.com/moodforchaospod    Content Warnings: Blackmail/extortion Conversion Therapy Emotional abuse/manipulation Gaslighting Homophobia Religious trauma (Catholic) Transphobia Music: 'Imps' by Mark Revell

This week, it's all about elections in Riverdale! Couldn't tell you why, but there sure are at least 2 happening. Rivetting.  Hermione vies for Mayorhood as Veronica acts out by running for student body president - if only to fuel her obsession with smooching, Reggie comes up with an excellent campaign slogan, Hal is NOT the father, Betty gets threatening again, and don't even WORRY about it: We have yet another egregious Glee! comparison. Our two hosts have this and more to contend with as Miranda calculates how long she has to skip town, Evelyn introduces us to the new character who occasionally possesses her body: (The) Duke Scotchtape, and both are ecstatic with a long-overdue reaming out of Archie. Oh, and can anyone tell them who Bravo's Andy Cohen is, or why they should care?   Screencaps & other fun stuff can be found on our Twitter: https://twitter.com/moodforchaospod    Content Warnings: Abortion Conversion Therapy (brief mention) Emotional Abuse/Manipulation Gaslighting Homophobia Sexual Harassment (brief mention) Music: 'Imps' by Mark Revell

Have your hand near the volume controls because there's schlock in this episode that prompts multiple screams of primal rage. This week: Old family drama continues apace over at the Cooper's, new family drama starts at the Blossom's, and general "family" drama unfolds at the Lodge's. Basically, everyone's making plans and all of them are stupid. Betty recruits Kevin with dubious intent (what else), Jughead meets an informant, Chic might have scurvy, Hiram unveils his grand insipid design, and it turns out we haven't seen the last of Clifford...sort of. Evelyn continues to weather both the mounting insanity of Riverdale and the mounting insanity of Miranda with glee, giving valuable insight into the nature of upsetting pop-up ads; Miranda - when not screaming - discusses her tiny racoon hands, and they both learn a little something about gay chat-room slang.  Also, Roberto? We get it, okay? You like Stephen King. We get it. We really get it.    Screencaps & other fun stuff can be found on our Twitter: https://twitter.com/moodforchaospod   Content Warnings: Abortion Drugs/drug usage Classism Emotional abuse/manipulation Homophobia Incest Murder Stigmatism of sex work Suicide (brief mention)   Music: 'Imps' by Mark Revell

It's a weird one, this week. Not crazy. But weird. An important distinction. There are actually some - dare we say - interesting developments. It's just that none of them happen to the main four characters. Honestly, we'll take it.  The gang heads up to Veronica's family lakehouse for a fun little weekend vacation that Is Definitely Not Motivated By Hiram's Ulterior Motives. At All. The vibes switch between the two extremes of profoundly uncomfortable, and agonizingly horny. Archie remains oblivious, Betty packed her wig, Jughead doesn't know how phones work, and (Robo)Veronica wants to kiss everyone. Meanwhile, back in Riverdale: Kevin makes an honest-to-goodness friend!!! With Josie! They both act far more maturely than their respective parents. Cheryl makes a friend too...or maybe...even more than a friend? We hope so. And, Chic eats cereal to assert dominance.  Miranda is left reeling less by plot than by the reveal of Sheriff Dad's first name, Evelyn thought this episode "happened later" assuring everyone there's a moment in it of truly baffling cringe, and both have to contend with the existence of Riverdale Monopoly.    Programming Note: Due to the annual horrendous weather descending upon the city, as well as the upcoming holidays, we'll be releasing an episode every two weeks while we batten down the hatches for winter.   Screencaps & other fun stuff can be found on our Twitter: https://twitter.com/moodforchaospod   Content Warnings: Classism Eating disorder (Anorexia, brief mention) Emotional Abuse/manipulation Gun violence Home Invasion Homophobia Murder PTSD Sexual Assault (brief mention)   Music: 'Imps' by Mark Revell

Well, folks, the Cooper fam is really in it now. You could argue they were before because you're right, they were; but now the stakes are Even Higher with the extemporaneous murder of 'The Shady Guy' who came to see Chic. Betty is, funnily enough, not doing so well with having to dispose of a body and on top of that, has to deal with learning that her dad and Penelope are...in Love?!?!? Ew??? Archie tries to ghost the FBI, Jughead chooses another stupid hill to die on, Veronica seems to think she deserves a Nobel Peace Prize, and Cheryl is up to her old tricks...by which we mean hitherto-unseen tricks of sitting alone in the dark, and archery. In other news: Evelyn really loves carrots and she's going to show you how much. She also shares some of the notes taken by her cat via walking across the keyboard. Miranda, meanwhile, might need to get her eyes checked because it takes approximately 7 years for her to parse a screencap. Does it make sense to YOU? Yell us over on our Twitter:: https://twitter.com/moodforchaospod   Content Warnings: Audible chewing  Drugs/drug usage Emetophobia Emotional abuse/manipulation Incest Gun violence Murder Stigmatization of sex work   Music: 'Imps' by Mark Revell  

Get out your genre-fiction bingo card, and cross another square off your list because this week, Riverdale really starts showing interest in becoming a mobster movie. And, like any good mobster movie (read: Godfather knock-off), everything needs to be injected with a healthy dose of Catholicism. There's even more in-fighting amongst the Serpents, who are now threatened with eviction, and even worse: FP learns his son can, will, and has skinned someone. Archie has trouble remembering dinner orders, Josie might be a robot too, Betty thinks being a camgirl in the same place her nosy mother lives is a good idea, and Jughead goes where he belongs: the garbage dump. Hiram has business associates with bad intentions but fantastic names, and when he's not playing poker with them, the Lodges are preparing for Veronica's Confirmation. Does that usually happen before you're a sophomore? Yes, but you see, they wanted a special Riverdale bishop to do it...so they...had to...wait? Whatever. Miranda's having trouble talking so she invents a tongue twister, and later on wants to make it very clear just how much she loves Simon and Garfunkel. Evelyn gleefully welcomes a character back, and reveals that she was literally accused of being a witch in school. Neither can decide what's more surreal: The show being renewed for a SIXTH SEASON, or Archie actually figuring something out by himself.   Screencaps & other fun stuff can be found on our Twitter: https://twitter.com/moodforchaospod   Content Warnings: Catholicism Emotional abuse/manipulation Flaying Gambling Gun violence Incest Murder Stigmatization of sex work   Music: 'Imps' by Mark Revell

Hello fellow chaos lovers! This is a heads up that this episode contains discussions of Indigenous oppression and genocide. We know with the news of the bodies of thousands of children (with the numbers still growing) uncovered at residential schools in Canada, some people may be particularly sensitive to this topic, so we wanted to let listeners know going in. Otherwise, we hope you enjoy the general buffoonery that is this show! --- Yet another town-wide celebration is being held despite tensions being higher than ever between the North and South sides of "fair Riverdale". This - the writers have decided in their infinite wisdom - is the perfect opportunity to discuss colonialism and the slaughter of Indigenous people. The lack of awareness on just how high above their weight class they're punching continues to astound. Speaking of weight class: Football is OUT, and a new sport is IN because a certain Excellent Crime Boss has wrestlemania. Betty continues to Not Think Things Through, Jughead learns that leveraging someone else's intergenerational trauma for his own means is bad, actually; and we reach a whole new level of homoerotic, psycho-sexual interactions. Miranda goes off on the nature of plot twists, and is woefully ignorant about mid-20th century pornography; Evelyn reveals why Jughead really gets her goat, and admires the art of cuckoldry; and both our hosts just generally try to stop themselves from cringing into another dimension by expanding the Robo-Veronica universe, and maybe - just maybe - uncovering the identity of Jockbud92.    Content Warnings: Colonialism Emotional abuse/Manipulation Discussions of violence against Indigenous people Invasions of privacy Racism Stigmatization of sex work   Music: 'Imps' by Mark Revell

Now that we've "killed" "the Black Hood" - no one's buying it - Riverdale has returned to commenting on how inequality is bad and we, like, really do live in a society. Groundbreaking. Some insults are tossed out that are wild even for this show, we meet a new cast member who is - you guessed it - a dark and edgy shadow of their comic book counterpart, Polly has chosen the dumbest baby names ever, and Penelope finds her calling. Evelyn takes immense pleasure in watching Miranda frantically try to make deductions, and is just delighted with Sweet Pea's change in wardrobe. Miranda goes off on Jughead and his authorial inspiration for the week, and can't escape Evelyn ominously whispering "it begins". On the bright side, they finally remembered to plug their Twitter on air!   Screencaps & other fun stuff can be found on our Twitter: https://twitter.com/moodforchaospod    Content Warnings: Classism Claustrophobia Drowning (brief mention) Drugs/drug usage  Emotional abuse/manipulation Murder Racism Referenced sexual assault Stigmatisation of sex work Xenophobia   Music: 'Imps' by Mark Revell

WE'RE BACK, BAYBEEEEEEEE Not a bonus episode, a true return to form as we examine Riverdale's first *checks notes* Christmas episode...? Okay, sure. Don't worry, they're not toning down any grim content just because the halls are decked; in fact, you could argue this is one of the more gruesome episodes thus far! Incredible! This week, our main four teens struggle with the aftermaths of their respective break-ups and everyone watching struggles to give a damn. But the GOOD news is: Cheryl is in fine fettle, keeping the Christmas spirit alive, and delivering the sickest of burns to her mother - pun not intended. Speaking of burns, turns out not even the torching of Thornhill couldn't kill Nana Rose, who has suddenly returned. Sheriff Dad turns out to be a crack shot, Moose has been released from the purgatory of the hospital, more infuriating off-brand names are invented, and the Andrews family faces their most horrifying ordeal yet: The American Healthcare System (or lack thereof).  Miranda somehow guesses a bonkers plot-point again, Evelyn corrects Jughead on Asimov's laws of robotics, and neither of them can get enough of Reggie's hilarious douchery.   Screencaps & other fun stuff can be found on our Twitter: https://twitter.com/moodforchaospod   Content Warnings: Cannibalism Claustrophobia Corporal punishment  Dementia/Senility Flaying Gun violence Infanticide (brief mention) Medical debt Murder Severed body parts   Music: 'Imps' by Mark Revell