
Episode CCLXXIV: The Serious, the Silly, and the Seven-Foot Missionary
We watched the clip with the scribbles on the weapons—Russian here, God there, random symbols everywhere. Verdict: not a 4D chess ideologue; more like a chaotic Pinterest board of bad ideas. Disgusting, tragic, and yes, embarrassingly cringey.
CSI: CyrillicSixty-six pages of “Da, but why?” The guy mapped a church like he was speed-running a terrible video game and then wrote it all in Cyrillic for… vibes? Jay side-eyed the official story, Chris poked holes in the logic, Angel asked the practical questions. SSRIs, gun control, and conspiracy bait all showed up; none left with a trophy.
Translating Doom (and Booking a Cruise)Angel pulled a translated journal entry from the Annunciation Catholic School shooter—grim logistics for a future attack. We hit pause and took a palate cleanser: the infamous Carnival chicken-finger brawl. Angel priced a 4-day Long Beach→Mexico run at “shockingly cheap,” then reminded everyone alcohol isn’t included—because nothing says “vacation” like paying extra to forget a fistfight over tenders.
Elder Sasquatch Takes the Mission FieldFor dessert, Jay’s folklore fanfic: Bigfoot is actually Cain, cursed to wander until he—plot twist—asks to be baptized, gets a haircut, and becomes a Mormon missionary. Picture a seven-foot “Elder Foot” in a crisp white shirt, learning slang and logging 76 years of door-to-door repentance. Somewhere there’s a name tag that just says “Brother… uh… Big.”
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