Episode Five

The team dodges an unwanted caller. Circe helps someone grow up. Printers for sale!Hexpress Hotline is a podcast created by Morgan Greensmith, Ella Harding, CS Smith, and Tia Vincent. Credits:CS Smith as CirceLM Clohessy as DelilahElla Harding as BrendanMorgan Greensmith as The BaronTia Vincent as MerlinScott Shier as Caller 18Will Noakes as Caller 19Will Kennett as Caller 19's PartnerJoe Mayo as The AnswerphoneThis episode was written by Tia Vincent with additional material by the creators. It was edited by Tia Vincent with sound design by Tia Vincent and CS Smith. You can find us on wherever you get your doomscrolling @HexpressHotline or email us at [email protected] WARNINGS:Hexpress Hotline often contains elements of horror in a lighthearted or comedic context. This episode contains: existentialism. TRANSCRIPTHappy Hexing!

Circe messes with memory. Brendan messes with baking tips. Rose makes a mess.Hexpress Hotline is a podcast created by Morgan Greensmith, Ella Harding, CS Smith, and Tia Vincent. Credits:CS Smith as CirceLM Clohessy as DelilahAmy Howlett as RoseElla Harding as BrendanMorgan Greensmith as The BaronMadi Opincaru as Caller 15Emily Hayhoe as Caller 16Eleanor Holder as Caller 16's PartnerMichael Blunder as Caller 17Paul Warren as Caller 17's PartnerJoe Mayo as The AnswerphoneThis episode was written by Ella Harding with additional material by the creators. It was edited by Tia Vincent and CS Smith, with sound design by CS Smith. You can find us on wherever you get your doomscrolling @HexpressHotline or email us at [email protected] WARNINGS:Hexpress Hotline often contains elements of horror in a lighthearted or comedic context. This episode contains: memory loss, mild violence, existentialism. TRANSCRIPT Happy Hexing!

The hotline struggles with prank callers. Merlin has some complaints. Poetry will occur (threat).Hexpress Hotline is a podcast created by Morgan Greensmith, Ella Harding, CS Smith, and Tia Vincent. Credits:CS Smith as CirceLM Clohessy as DelilahMorgan Greensmith as The BaronTia Vincent as MerlinLewis Vincent as Caller 13Sei as Caller 14Vicky Broomhead as Caller 14's PartnerThis episode was written by Tia Vincent, with additional material by the creators. It was edited by Tia Vincent, with sound design by Caitlin Smith.You can find us on wherever you get your doomscrolling @HexpressHotline or email us at [email protected] WARNINGS:Hexpress Hotline often contains elements of horror in a lighthearted or comedic context. This episode contains: implied harm of childrenTRANSCRIPTHappy Hexing!

Rose experiences the breakroom. Delilah has lunch. The floor is lava. Hexpress Hotline is a podcast created by Morgan Greensmith, Ella Harding, CS Smith, and Tia Vincent. Credits:CS Smith as CirceLM Clohessy as DelilahAmy Howlett as RoseElla Harding as BrendanTia Vincent as MerlinJen Austen as Caller 11Eden Sinclair as Caller 12Joe Mayo as The Answerphone This episode was written and edited by Tia Vincent, with additional material by the creators. You can find us on wherever you get your doomscrolling @HexpressHotline or email us at [email protected] WARNINGS:Hexpress Hotline often contains elements of horror in a lighthearted or comedic context. This episode contains: destruction of property and housing, fire, descriptions of hoarding, mentions of eviction. ⁠TRANSCRIPT⁠Happy Hexing!

A new hire joins the Call Centre. Circe rocks some socks. Crimes against salt lamps are committed.Hexpress Hotline is a podcast created by Morgan Greensmith, Ella Harding, CS Smith, and Tia Vincent.Amy Howlett as RoseElla Harding as Brendan CrumbleCS Smith as CirceLM Clohessy as DelilahMorgan Greensmith as The BaronZuZu LeFou as Caller 4 Eirrin Slattery as Caller 8 Will Noakes as Caller 9 Joe Mayo as The AnswerphoneThis episode was written by Ella Harding, with additional material by the creators. It was edited by CS SmithYou can find us on wherever you get your doomscrolling @HexpressHotline or email us at [email protected] WARNINGS:Hexpress Hotline often contains elements of horror in a lighthearted or comedic context. This episode contains: sex references, existentialismTRANSCRIPTHappy Hexing!

Circe struggles with an unsatisfied customer. Delilah takes a break. The Baron chases a mouse.Hexpress Hotline is a podcast created by Morgan Greensmith, Ella Harding, CS Smith, and Tia Vincent.CS Smith as CirceLM Clohessy as DelilahMorgan Greensmith as The BaronWill Noakes as Caller 5Stanley Holder as Caller 6Flossy Hardy as Caller 6’s GirlfriendAnd Andrew Gorman as Caller 7The episode was edited by CS SmithYou can find us on wherever you get your doomscrolling @HexpressHotline or email us at [email protected] WARNINGS:Hexpress Hotline often contains elements of horror in a lighthearted or comedic context. This episode contains: reference to parent death and murder, therapy, existential dread, depiction of body horror, and a cat hunting mice.SFX: Screams, mice, chewing. TRANSCRIPTHappy Hexing!

Circe tackles a successful day of cursing, from cheating partners to rude exes. Brendan delivers a package. The Baron contemplates life. Hexpress Hotline is a podcast created by Morgan Greensmith, Ella Harding, CS Smith, and Tia Vincent.In this episode you heard:CS Smith as CirceElla Harding as Brendan CrumbleMorgan Greensmith as The BaronAndrew Gorman as Caller 1Amber Jones as Caller 2Pietro Spicer as Caller 3Michelle Goff as Caller 3’s PartnerZuZu LeFou as Caller 4Joe Mayo as the Answerphone The episode was edited by Tia Vincent, with sound design by CS SmithYou can find us on wherever you get your doomscrolling @HexpressHotline or email us at [email protected] WARNINGS:Hexpress Hotline often contains elements of horror in a lighthearted or comedic context. This episode contains descriptions of mild body horror, breaking and entering, leeches, mentions of missing parent, existentialism, screaming, cheating, vomit.SFX: Breaking glass, leeches, screaming, vomiting.TRANSCRIPTHappy Hexing!

"HexpressHotlineAdCampaign_final_final_2.mp4"Transcript hereCredits:Circe - CS SmithBrendan - Ella HardingDelilah - LM ClohessyVoiceover - Blythe WhiteWritten by Ella Harding and edited by Ella Harding and CS Smith @HexpressHotline wherever you get your doomscrolling

[PHONE RINGING. VOICEMAIL BEEP.]DELILAH: Yello, this is Delilah, putting the "hot" in Hexpress Hotline. I'm a very busy person, with lots of interesting hobbies, and a life outside of work, so there's a pretty good chance I'm not at the phone right now. [BREATH.] Maybe try Circe instead? I am the better hexer, though, so if you're really insistent on a spell from yours truly, leave a message after the tone, and if it's interesting, I'll- get back to you? Maybe. Don't bet on it.[PHONE BEEP.]***Voiced by L. M. ClohessyCreated by C. S. Smith, Tia Vincent, Morgan Greensmith & Ella Harding

[PHONE RINGING. VOICEMAIL BEEP.][BREATH.]BRENDAN: Uh... hello...? This is Brendan Crumble with Hexpress Hotline. I am HR. If- you're calling about Delilah, we've- we're very sorry. Uh, I'm afraid we're no longer accepting job applications, so please do not forward us your CV. (We have so many, they're all piling up.) Uh, and also, we- we make it very clear in our terms and conditions that all spells are non-returnable, non-refundable and non-negotiable. If you're really insistent on talking about Delilah, press one. Oh, oh no, I think- uh, I think Circe's coming, uh, I've got to get off the phone before she sees me, thank you for calling us, uh, we're always here-[PHONE BEEP.]***Voiced by Ella HardingCreated by C. S. Smith, Tia Vincent, Morgan Greensmith & Ella Harding