7th Grade Despair

Daylight savings is upon us and we love it. Everybody go home and go to bed! In this episode, Kim makes excellent use of campus security, Terri gets a backhanded compliment, and Lori goes to Spain with her Spanish class, and shares a diatribe that inspires us to perform a Pat Benatar dance break. Can we just let kids be kids and stop trying to interest them in dead painters? Thank you.  Welcome to Generation Artax.  Kim has never gone to dinner alone, but loves to go solo to a cappella shows Kim overdoes it freshman year but refuses to boot and rally If everyone had our mom, there would be no war  On her HS trip to Madrid, Lori sings an aria from a balcony and gets in trouble.  UNRELATED: Best breakup lines we've ever gotten, and the moments that inspired them  Terri's date points out people in the bar who are uglier than her Lori's boyfriend likes her, just doesn't want to grow old with her Kim has no breakup lines because no one has ever broken up with her, period full stop Visit our website: www.generationartax.com and join our mailing list for the latest information on the podcast.    

This marks our 52nd episode – a year of podcasts, which in itself would be worth commemorating. But if that weren't enough, we have other, harder news: Our dad died two days before the taping of this episode. So, yeah. Things are weird. Today, we give you the podcast origin story and a retrospective of Rogelio Trespicio, M.D., a man who hard-wired a disco ball into the ceiling and may have invented the selfie. Welcome to Generation Artax.  How making a thing together can lay the groundwork for problem solving How creating the podcast helped us learn to make better decisions  The best business lesson: Choose the hills to die on, and don't die on them all Kim realizes we could perform together based on a visit to the orthodontist Our dad was a big spender, that's just how he rolled Terri started compulsively sketching and it's very out of character Dad inspired Lori's very extravagant labeling of lunch bags Dad was a song and dance man, loved a pair of bongos World War II trauma that our dad never really talked about Pour one out for Roger Visit our website: www.generationartax.com and join our mailing list for the latest information on the podcast.      

Tired of Kim's teenage optimism? Love a little schadenfraude? This is your episode. Kim hits a new low in 7th grade and worries she'll never feel good again. Our parents leave for a month, a PSA about jump scares, how heartbreak is like a sinus infection, and Terri PRs for her worst summer ever. Got a touch of misophonia? Join the club. Welcome to Generation Artax.  Terri declutters and changes her life The weird Gordie/Kim mixup Terri ruins her sweet potatoes, Kim perfects hers (PS, slice, face down, 400 degrees for 30 mins) In a moment of 7th grade despair, Kim prays to a God who has forsaken her, then turns it around in 48 hours Kim should have Frenched Sean when she had the chance Our parents leave for a month #genx Terri is a lethal weapon with a goblin nature Terri loves surprises Don't scare large mammals unless you really can't help it Varying degrees of misophonia  We reconsider the nature of time and space The X/Y axis of depression What blowing your nose has to do with heartbreak Terri PRs in 2024 with her worst summer of all time Recap of what ever happened with Gary, the guy Lori met over the computer in the 90s Terri has become a Lizzy Borden fan and she blames Ryan Murphy UNRELATED: Can TV be so good you become a bad person? Is there such a thing as too much empathy?  Visit our website: www.generationartax.com and join our mailing list for the latest information on the podcast.    

In this episode, Terri gets into a tussle with a 90-year-old in the laundry room and quickly defuses the situation. Lori credits Eat Pray Love with her emotional regulation. Why you should never keep a compliment to yourself. Plus: Kim failed her history test. Does she let it ruin her day? Not a chance. Welcome to Generation Artax.  Lori's ancient dog Marty Terri worries about the grid going down at least once a day You can't be a prepper in NYC Lori wants to know if we'll have electricity after the grid goes down Kim's daughter says the same exact thing she did, 30 years apart. Lori learns cognitive behavioral therapy from Eat Pray Love Kim doesn't let a failed test ruin her day. The pandemic: Who wore it better? How about a little respect Miserable people suck Compliment culture Terri throws down with an elderly woman in the laundry room and then they hug it out bitch Unrelated: Movies we walked out of Visit our website: www.generationartax.com and join our mailing list for the latest information on the podcast.      

Remember simpler times when your biggest fear about a guy was that he wouldn't be hot? In this episode, we go back to 1996 when Lori meets a man "on the computer" and thinks it's a good idea to keep him a secret. Because that usually works out. Plus: Terri sleeps with the same guy twice and doesn't realize it; Lori takes Judge Judy obsession to a new level; and the endless fascination with Lilliputian hallucinations. Welcome to Generation Artax. Terri gets her official ADHD diagnosis Kim is the only unmedicated person in the family Lori takes her Judge Judy obsession to the next level Unsolved Mysteries is true crime blue balls We're catching up to Black Mirror like a little too fast At long last: The Gary story (the full character arc), and how they met in an AOL chat room Lori meets a stranger from the computer in person and somehow doesn't get murdered, but blocks out the entire event.  Lori does the Schroedinger's cat exercise about a guy who may or may not be hot Lori gives herself a nickname that only she uses Lori fears that liking a man will cost her her independence Lori discovers her potential as sketch artist The time Terri matched with same guy twice–and it was a guy she had already slept with Lilliputian hallucinations: Mushroom side effect or lifting the veil? Visit our website: www.generationartax.com and join our mailing list for the latest information on the podcast.    

It took years, but at long last, Kim is popular at camp (and any surprise? Named Camper of the Week). In this episode, we relive the fever dream that was day camp in the 80s, complete with capture the flag, hook tag, and camp songs burned into our brains. Terri shares a letter from a very sad older guy who will never stop loving her. Plus: Kim does qigong, Lori tries puppy yoga, and Terri likes riding her Peloton at night. Welcome to Generation Artax. Puppy yoga, qigong, Crossfit, and late night biking Going back to bed Pioneer trails camp days and the day Kim was "damn miserable" Kim yells at a girl, calls her a jerk and establishes boundaries Kim is finally popular at camp; it's taken 5 years Kim earns Camper of the Week at sleepaway camp Capture the flag. Hook tag. Bug juice. Daycamp royalty.  Camp singalong: Just a boy and girl in a little canoe, Johnny Appleseed and more 14 yo Terri gets a depressed letter from a guy she wasn't into Lori dated an Asian once, even though her dating profile said she wouldn't Kim and Lori are totally fine sitting in coach UNRELATED: A place you'd love to sleep. Visit our website: www.generationartax.com and join our mailing list for the latest information on the podcast.    

Think Kim's sweet as pie? Think again. When Kim unearths a letter from her emo boyfriend in 1994, she finds clear evidence that she, too, can be cold as ice. Also, she's really sorry about that. Lori is told she has no chance with Robert, weeps into a journal about it and then berates herself later. Drama at the H.O.R.D.E Festival, what it means to be grown up, and do we look like our names or no? Welcome to Generation Artax.   Lori's never heard of the word "gams" Kim goes to the Horde Festival and hurts her emo boyfriend's feelings  Kim reconciles with her poor behavior; self-flagellation ensues Do we actually know who we were? Or are we just remembering whatever makes us look good?  Lori has a breakdown freshman year when her stereo breaks Let's talk light coverups for the office Lori bought a couple clothes. She owns, in fact, several clothes.  In 1991 Lori literally weeps onto her journal, points out the tear stains, and then later accuses herself of being such a dork Wisdom from Ferris Bueller about ass-kissing Lori wants a When Harry Met Sally Relationship Lori has no chance with Robert There aren't actually many unique human experiences.  You're grown up when you have a husband, but you're really grown up when you have an ex-husband Go ahead ask us how old we are, also stop complaining about how old you are How long have humans had access to hot showers? UNRELATED: What name do you get that isn't your name, also what names do we look like?  Visit our website: www.generationartax.com and join our mailing list for the latest information on the podcast.    

In case you think our sister relationship has been a unicorn dream, you might want to read Kim's entry from 1991. Because as it turns out, she dreads the minute Terri comes home from college. Why? Because she throws off the vibes and fucks up Kim's friend dynamic. Plus, Terri writes Lori a motivational letter she didn't ask for, sophomore year of high school is lackluster, and a contraption for removing spiders from your home. Gross. Welcome to Generation Artax.  Kim finally watches Schitts Creek and understands now Terri discovers the magic of Ritalyn   Lori took Ritalyn and thought she was just suddenly interested in her history textbook Let's have a dumb fight about social media Terri writes Lori a motivational letter but she's mainly talking to herself Kim is afraid this note from the 90s will hurt Terri's feelings today, but she's kinda pissed It's hellish when Terri comes home from college, and Kim dreads it Kim's friends act differently when Terri's around because she throws the dynamic. We never said gay - or, we said it, but it was a derogative term at the time Terri is unimpressed by sophomore year high school Kim doesn't like the idea of having household staff, even in the middle ages Lori wishes she lived in America pre-everything Lori has never seen Avatar, but we're sure she'd fit in there How to get rid of spiders, and can we stop talking about spider eggs thank you UNRELATED: What century would you live in Visit our website: www.generationartax.com and join our mailing list for the latest information on the podcast.    

We kick off this episode with fears of the ocean, specifically: submerged objects, huge waves, and Hudson River ferries. On the tech front, Kim's a big fan of early-days electronic mail and Terri saves her breakup letter as a template for future use. Plus: tanning beds, spring break, and what to order at a diner at night. Also, can we just say it? Lunch sucks. Welcome to Generation Artax. Terri's friend Kelly Anderson's debut novel The Wild Beneath hits big (no spoilers) The Last House movie (some spoilers)  Lori has submechanophobia and she's really uncomfortable talking about things underwater Terri's afraid of waves, the North Sea, and basically has a touch of thalassophobia  Lori gets Terri on a ferry Terri saves her first Dear John letter as a template Another boy that Terri got the ick from, and yes he was a short king Habitat for humanity and Kim's very wholesome spring break in Appalachia technology today, huh!  Kim writes to mom via electronic mail Kim has her first grilled cheese as a sophomore in college Are tanning beds back? Cuz Lori's a fan Lori loved her yard-long cocktails Lori drops a deuce at PetSmart Lori has true gratitude for access to her own bathroom at any point Luxury is your own bathroom Can we be adults and stop with the stalls Europeans are weird w bathrooms  Disco fries  Unrelated: brunch or lunch  Terri's still afraid of salads Lunch is useless Visit our website: www.generationartax.com and join our mailing list for the latest information on the podcast.    

OMG we're back again! Terri revisits the 90s at the Backstreet Boys in Vegas. Kim and Lori move our dad into an assisted living facility, which is giving strong cruise ship vibes. Then we go back in time to Lori's melodramatic entry from 1991 when she decides her love train has left the station. Fun fact: Terri's first few makeouts were with people named Jason. Want to play Spin the Bottle? Meh. Welcome to Generation Artax.  Are ringer tee's a thing? Kim and Lori move Dad into his new home, and leave his place looking like the FBI ransacked it Kim wants to shed her worldly goods - why do we have so much stuff? Lori may have a hoarding problem 11 yo Lori's love train leaves the station, but also, she's not into "fast" guys Terri's first few hookups were all named Jason Spin the bottle is nonconsensual and that's a problem, but it's also the point.  Lori played spin the bottle in college, but she played it ironically Terri has her first kiss and tells her mom too much More than 55,000 boys born in 1977 were named Jason UNRELATED: If you could go back in time and haunt yourself, what moment would you choose? Visit our website: www.generationartax.com and join our mailing list for the latest information on the podcast.