Ep. 5 - “Trigger Warning to Myself”

Bri Giger (comedian, DJ, actual orphan) talk about being a queer nightlife icon, learning to entertain foster families, what it means to vape, getting hair tested at cop high schools, and having our neurodivergences show up when it matters most. We ask Bri if she think she can g’orphan and her answer might make you crash out tbh.

It’s the worst time of the year! We tell Xmas stories from our past (think dads smoking 20 cigarettes on the toilet and moms crying about not getting enough presents), and give some actual maybe real advice (if you can believe that!!!) about how to have the least confusing and painful holiday season, and how friends can be there for the g’orphs in their life. Happy holidays ya nasty Christmas devils! A note on sound - there was a live show in the theater next door that resulted in some crazy needle drops and horn sounds cuz OF COURSE someone would play a goof ass soundtrack over our feelings.

Let’s fucking G’ORPH. We have the brilliant, hilarious RU ANDERSON in the gorphanage! The three tall kings of comedy get into growing up in a Wiccan home, the merits of TERF-free quidditch, Lily Allen’s break up album, religious trauma, and the orphans’ hot takes on plastic surgery. We go down the rabbit hole of Lagree, grill Ru on what it’s like to grow up in a loving home and unpack Ru’s fears of blonde-on-blonde couples.

A one-eyed dog got abandoned in a backpack on Hay’s doorstep on their birthday, Cara drops tea about her former clown college and what what it’s like to divide up the wigs in a lesbian breakup. We do IFS therapy on each other (not really) and explore estranged parent Tik Tok. Subscribe on Patreon to look Winx in the eye!

Okay you might say the So You Think You Can G’Orphan!? guest series premieres! Our bad cousin Harper-Rose (Tea Time pod, LMFAO standup) visits and we go a little feral talking about her star of a mother, Harpy’s sordid past with Cara, the worst uncles we know, the plight of being a real bisexual, and Hay’s first relationship ever with a gogo dancer named Sugar. We also talk to a dog sometimes… consider that a teaser!!

Cara is heartbroken but honestly thriving, as in we can't afford an in-patient facility so we went to a 24-hour Korean spa where we were too loud, The g'orphans also talk about shamans, dark jokes with Zoom therapists, actually good parents on Drag Race, and the health benefits of squ*rting. Hay has a blowout and Cara is wearing press on nails for some reason which you could see if you paid us even five beautiful dollars on Patreon!Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/GayOrphansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/gayorphanspod/Email us your own gay orphan story: [email protected]

Okay so sometimes you start a podcast 10 years into comedy and then you go through a breakup… and honestly, that’s pretty funny. It’s somewhat Eeyore O’clock again during what is ultimately a comedy podcast where we discuss: Hay’s mom ruining tarot for them, if we’d be good parents, and we get a huge update from the parental alienation syndrome Facebook group that might change everything. Our Patreon has bonus content!Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/GayOrphansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/gayorphanspod/Email us your own gay orphan story: [email protected]

The g’orphans went to a show! Hay and Cara got to meet a celebrity, Hay got in a fight with a merch guy, Cara got revenge, and then Hay got shy for the first time this calendar year. We make a financial plan for our future and it might involve your dad - go visit him if you’re so worried. We also leg wrestle in this ep and the results are shocking.Our Patreon has bonus content including watching this historical gay leg battle!Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/GayOrphansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/gayorphanspod/Email us your own gay orphan story: [email protected]

This week we discuss childhood bullies (starting with our mothers), how abusive families is like team sports, and Cara is now identifying as hard R She/Her/Hers. Hay talks about how ugly their soft butch mom is, and we read posts from the estranged parents Facebook group (read: delabubu narcissists support group) - and to be clear we switched outfits from the previous recording and that’s why we’re talking about each others’ sweat so much.Our Patreon has bonus content including seeing our stupid outfits!Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/GayOrphansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/gayorphanspod/Email us your own gay orphan story: [email protected]

We discuss the sapphic line dancing trend after Cara got force-femmed at a queer line dance night, the general situation that is the city of Portland, and we read submissions from a support group for parents who’s kids won’t speak to them and try to help the best we can tbh.Watch the full video on Patreon!Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/GayOrphansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/gayorphanspod/Email us your own gay orphan story: [email protected]