Narrowing the Liking Gap and Feeling More Confident in Your Interactions

Raise your hand if you’ve ever walked away from an interaction and thought, gosh, I was so awkward! They’ll never want to talk to me again.If this is you, you’re not alone, and honestly, it probably wasn’t as bad as you think; we’re often harder on ourselves than other people are on us. When it comes to connections, there’s a name for this underestimation of how much others actually enjoy interacting with us.The Liking Gap is a social phenomenon that I discuss in-depth in Episode 41, and today, I want to talk about it again – but this time, how to reduce that gap with five tips on feeling more confident and connected during everyday interactions, no fake positivity required.Whether you’re navigating friendships at work, struggling with small talk, or seeking genuine connection, this episode is packed with relatable stories, actionable advice, and plenty of encouragement. In this episode you’ll hear about:What the “liking gap” really is—a scientifically studied phenomenon where we underestimate how much others actually enjoy interacting with usFive actionable ways to feel more confident and connected in conversations, from being genuinely curious to using both verbal and nonverbal cues to show interestInsightful reframes for neurodivergent listeners, with practical pivots that turn common hurdles (like interrupting or not loving eye contact) into strengthsWhy searching for the good in others and starting with a baseline of respect can transform even casual acquaintanceshipsResources & LinksListen to Episode 15 about staying curious in your interactions, Episode 41 about the Liking Gap, Episode 74 about small intimacies, and Episode 40 and Episode 144 about neurodivergent friendships. Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Let's talk about the Martha Stewart trap so many of us have fallen into.You decide you’re going to get everyone together to see your new place. But then you start thinking you need to deep clean everything; you need more seating, more cutlery, and you need to cook a nice meal. Eventually you start wondering: when did hosting get so expensive?I’m here to tell you it doesn’t have to be. Today’s episode will reframe a few things for you, but the biggest one is about the difference between entertaining, which I’d say is your Martha Stewart dinner party, and hosting, which is casual and can be inexpensive (or even free).Don’t let Martha Stewart scare you off from hosting a gathering. Bringing people together for a gathering is about connection, not perfection, and you don’t need a pristine home or unlimited budget to do it. All you need is yourself and a little creativity. In this episode you’ll hear about:How my experience as a professional wedding planner has reframed how I see hosting vs. entertaining (and why I think the host is the initiator, not the venue owner)Hosting people outside your home via a community event or at a park, community space, library, museum, etc.Different kinds of informal parties I’ve hosted: Picnics in the park! Potluck freezer food parties! Cookie nights! DIY pizza nights! Using energy to manage feelings of vulnerability and create a welcoming environment for guests instead of trying to manifest perfectionResources & LinksListen to the Six Rules of Hosting audio guide.Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

I’ve never been a big drinker. In my early twenties, I remember having to stand up for myself to be included during drinking games, even though I was drinking water.But at a recent gathering we hosted, I realized there were actually MORE non-drinkers than drinkers present. Making non-alcoholic options (and non-alcoholic activities) a normal part of our get-togethers has certainly been an evolution, and I’m grateful for it.There are lots of reasons people don’t drink. Maybe it’s due to health reasons or childhood trauma regarding alcohol; maybe they’re in recovery, they have responsibilities, or they just don’t feel like it. Today’s episode is about starting conversations about friends’ boundaries regarding alcohol so hangouts can fit those preferences.If you want to drink less or if alcohol is a trigger for you, I hope you take this episode as encouragement to talk with friends about it. Personally, I’ve found gatherings that don’t revolve around alcohol to be not only more inclusive, but also more creative and fun.In this episode you’ll hear about:Why I’ve never been a big drinker, and how my health has led me to stop consuming alcohol entirelyConversations about understanding friends’ boundaries with alcohol and the importance in not making it a big dealDifferent non-alcoholic activities: workout classes! Walks! Going for drives! Running errands! Etc.Building shared experience roots through new activities, which also makes friendships more resilient and comfortableResources & LinksListen to Episode 12 about emotional intimacy roots.Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Ninety-four percent of people have experienced more than one friendship break-up.Let that sink in. Nearly EVERYONE listening has been through this heartbreak multiple times – and yet, we barely even talk about it as a society! This statistic comes from a survey conducted by today’s guest, Meenadchi, a somatic healing practitioner, communications expert, author of Decolonization Non-Violent Communication, and TEDx Talk presenter about her own friendship break-up.This is a conversation about the losses we don't have scripts for and why that makes the healing so much harder. We share deeply about our own experiences, we talk about Meenadchi’s research, and we dive into the grief of friendship break-ups.I hope this conversation gives you some of what I felt during this conversation – that you are not alone in this experience. The pain of friendship break-ups is real. Give yourself the space you need to grieve.In this episode you’ll hear about:Meenadchi’s upbringing in a Sri Lankan immigrant community, where friendships are highly valuedHer long-term friendship that ended at age 36 and her subsequent fascination with friendship breakupsThe vulnerability and intimacy shared in childhood friendships and the impact of losing such relationshipsThe concept of a "line in the sand" for setting boundaries and moving forward in relationships; when do boundaries work, and when can friendships be repaired?The importance of community interconnectedness in healing from friendship breakups (plus, healing strategies, from letter-writing to the internet)Resources & LinksVisit Meenadchi’s website, see her TEDx Talk, and follow her on Instagram.In this episode I mentioned All About Love by Bell Hooks.Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

There is a message I keep getting in my DMs, and it breaks my heart every single time. It’s too late for me to make friends. I’m too old. I’ve messed up. I missed the boat.I get why people feel this way. Societel messages lead us to believe there is a point in our lives when, if we don’t have the community connections we want, then we will never have them.But if you’re on the shore, watching your boat cruise away, I want to share with you a little secret: there is always another boat. The key is to stop thinking of friendship and community as something “happening” to you and instead as something you are actively building.One of the joys of being an adult is that you get to CHOOSE who you are surrounded by. How to start? Literally, from any place, under any circumstances.In this episode you’ll hear about:The challenges of transitioning from surface-level friendships to deeper, more meaningful connectionsMy tackling the limiting belief that there isn’t enough time to build friendships, even if you’re only living in a place temporarilyWhy it’s never too late to change patterns and grow new roots with new or old friendshipsWhen social anxiety, a major life shift, or feeling “out of practice” makes social situations feel awkward – and my advice for thisResources & LinksListen to Episode 12 about emotional intimacy roots, Episode 69 about learned loneliness, and Episode 49 about navigating small talk.Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Lots of people tell me they want couple friendships – you know, those picture-perfect foursomes you see in movies, where everybody gets along effortlessly.Here’s the truth: couple friendships are complex! Why? Because you’re not just making friends couple-to-couple. You’re actually building FOUR SEPARATE FRIENDSHIPS at the same time. My husband and I have lots of couple friendships – probably more than 20 – and they range from old friends to new friends, close friends to casual friends. Some we might have over for dinner, some we travel and spend holidays with.This episode covers the real dynamics of couple friendships: what makes them work, what complicates them, and how to strengthen them over time. In this episode you’ll hear about:The different dynamics to manage in couple friendships, including individual friendships in the couple and the dynamics when all four are togetherBeing aware and respectful of the different levels of closeness within the group; it might be a combination of present friends, historic friends, familiar friends, etc.How to find couple friends, from leaning into existing friendships to meeting new people in your communityNavigating complications with couple friendships, from life changes (a move or the introduction of kids) to divorceResources & LinksListen to Episode 28 about adult slumber parties with Dr. Erika Michalski. Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Calling someone you haven’t spoken to in two years isn’t weird; it’s just being human.Today’s guest is Jacob Marquez, also known as J. Henry, a Seattle-based tech entrepreneur and musical artist whose approach to relationships challenges a lot of conventional friendship wisdom.Jacob is the founder of Seattle’s Best Brunch, bringing creatives together to collaborate and spotlight each other’s work, and he’s developing an app that helps people nurture their relationships. What drew me to Jacob wasn’t what he was building but how he approaches connection. He’ll call someone out of the blue after years of silence, and he thinks that friendships can be reciprocal – even if one person talks about themself the whole time. Our conversation touches on everything including low-maintenance friendships, systems for connection, and the impact of redefining intimacy, and I think it will have us all thinking twice about our assumptions regarding how friendship should work. In this episode you’ll hear about:Jacob’s work in community connection, including Seattle’s Best Brunch and his app, Connect, which provides systems for staying connectedThe different systems each of us uses to track and maintain friendships; plus, why it’s important to be open to change and growth in our friendships as time goes onDifferent ways friendships can actually be reciprocal – even if you don’t think they are at first glance!The entrances into different communities you could be finding just by being open and communicative about what you’re looking forResources & LinksOn Instagram check out Jacob’s personal Instagram and his account for Seattle’s Best Brunch.Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Cheer your friends on for hanging out with each other … even if it’s without you!It might sound like counterintuitive friendship advice. But the truth is, when my friends have rich, full social lives, I actually benefit more than anyone. In this episode, I’m going to share some stories where I have either encouraged my friends to make other friends or actually cheered them on for hanging out without me. My friend who’s moved away and whose baby was in the NICU? I want her to have other mom friends! I want her to have friends who live CLOSE to her! Mostly, I want this for my friend’s well-being, but there are many benefits for me, too. When my friends have rich social lives, it also enriches my social capital and puts less pressure on me to be EVERYTHING for them – which honestly is a healthier situation for all of us.In this episode you’ll hear about:The friendship trio dynamic: why I’m not offended when the others hang out without me and the importance of one-on-one time even in a groupThe value of friends having diverse social networks, including activity-specific friends, life stage friends, and work friendsSocial capital and why having friends with a robust web of connections makes me feel more supported and connected, tooBenefits of encouraging friends to make other friends, including reducing pressure and providing more niche supportResources & LinksListen to Episode 12 about my roots framework.Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Imagine you’re an expat in Berlin in the early 2000s, with no smartphones, no social media, and barely any internet. You walk down the street and spot someone wearing a T-shirt made by a friend from your past life in Baltimore. Do you approach them? Well, that’s what today’s guest Amy Stafford did – and this moment led her to being part of the Lucky Trimmer, one of the most beloved dance festivals in Europe.Amy isn’t even a dancer; she found her way into the community that builds this festival by offering what she was good at to something she was curious about. The festival has since grown into an international phenomenon and has guided Amy into her current design career as the founder of the Blixa 6 Studios.In this episode, Amy and I talk about how small moments can lead to the most extraordinary ripple effects. Whether you're feeling stuck in your current social circles or wondering how to connect in a new city, Amy's story is going to show how the connections you're seeking might be closer than you think. You just have to say hello.In this episode you’ll hear about:Amy’s initial encounter with a t-shirt in Berlin, which led to a friendship and eventually to her involvement with the Lucky Trimmer dance festivalThe importance of volunteering and contributing to a community to build social capital and create meaningful connectionsThe power of small actions and moments of courage in creating significant changes and opportunitiesSaying yes to new experiences (!) and how it can lead to unexpected and fulfilling connectionsResources & LinksCheck out Amy’s free coloring booklet and learn more about Lucky Trimmer.Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

One of the best things about being part of a group – whether a book club, neighborhood, friend group, or formal community – is feeling like you belong to something.But that feeling isn’t always instant; sometimes, if you’re new, you might wonder, at what point do I actually fit in? That’s what we’re talking about in today’s episode: what belonging to a group actually feels like vs. what we think it should feel like. I want to reframe how we think about belonging. A lot of us might think it’s all-or-nothing, but I think there’s a spectrum to it. In some groups, feelings of belonging might be stronger than in others, and that’s okay.How can we cultivate our connections in these groups to increase feelings of belonging? I offer some of my thoughts, but I also want to say, it’s okay to not feel close with everyone in a group. What matters is to lean into what feels right to you.In this episode you’ll hear about:The four signs of belonging and why we need to look at belonging as a spectrum and not a black-and-white conceptThe impact of belonging on mental and physical health and how to use small intimacies as a way to build connections in a groupWhy sometimes senses of belonging fluctuate over time; plus, giving and receiving genuine interestThe value in focusing on individual relationships within a group rather than the group as a wholeResources & LinksListen to Episode 100 about the Wheel of Connection; Episode 74 about small intimacies; Episode 37 about nurturing feelings of belonging; and Episode 14 about friend groups. Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!