Parenting Your Parents While Sober with A. J. Daulerio

The Small Bow creator A.J. Daulerio has an incredible business talking and writing and running groups about recovery, and the messy business of getting your life together. This week, he joins Vanessa to talk about how recovery changed his relationship with his parents and learning to accept that you can’t fix the people you love. Plus, learn why a therapist once told Vanessa that she is "addicted to darkness.”

Senior care advisor Neil Nagraj and podcaster Laura House join Vanessa to talk about the impossible math of senior housing: when aging in place stops working, what assisted living actually is, and why so many families wait for a crisis before making a plan. Also discussed: memory care, Medicaid myths, long-term care insurance, and Gen X’s grim future.Learn more about Neil’s company, The Senior Housing Authority. For more from Laura, listen to How’s Your Boomer? or subscribe to the newsletter.  

This is an episode where we get mad! Comedian ⁠Lewis Black⁠ cared for his late elderly parents, who lived to 101 and 104. He talks about something nobody wants to even think about: what he'll do when he's too old to care for himself. Hear more from Lewis in his podcast, ⁠Lewis Black's Rantcast⁠, or read one of his ⁠books⁠.

When a loved one is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, the grieving starts years before the end. In The End Is the Beginning, Jill Bialosky tells her mother’s story in reverse. Jill and Vanessa talk about what it means to “eulogize” someone while they’re disappearing, and how writing can be both tribute and survival. You can read Jill’s New York Times essay on losing her mother during the pandemic.To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you! Lily Houston Smith is our senior producer; music by Mark McAdam and Amber Devereux.

Elder care and childcare costs are rising fast, while wages and support for caregivers lag behind. Longtime care policy advocate Julie Kashen breaks down how we got here, what it would look like if we treated care as real infrastructure, and offers a surprisingly hopeful framework for what’s still possible.Learn more about Julie's work at The Century Foundation.

Kim Elliott’s caregiving story includes a leukemia diagnosis, a stem cell transplant, and some truly deranged insurance battles. She talks with Vanessa about surviving all of it — and building Gray Monster so other caregivers don’t have to start from scratch.

Michelle Boyaner reflects on lives and relationships while sharing insights from her acclaimed film It’s Not a Burden: The Humor and Heartache of Raising Elderly Parents, which explores the joys and struggles of caring for aging loved ones.To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you! Our production team is Shoshi Shmuluvitz, managing producer and editor; Lily Houston Smith, senior producer; Ashley Warren, production manager; Yi-Wen Lai-Tremewan, studio recordist; and music by Mark McAdam and Amber Devereux. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode of Infamous, Vanessa and her co-host Natalie Robehmed learn about a wild family drama from The Cut writer Angelina Chapin. It’s about Selena Gomez and her mother Mandy Teefey’s mental-health startup, Wondermind. They discuss the pressures created when celebrity and mental health advocacy become a business. Read Angelina’s story, “What Happened at Wondermind?”Read Vanessa’s book, Blurred Lines: Sex, Power and Consent on Campus, and check out Natalie on Instagram at @natrobeTo connect with the So Your Parents Are Old team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you!To connect with Infamous's creative team, join the community at ⁠joincampsidemedia.com⁠

Anna Holmes joins Vanessa to talk about the unnerving overlap between having a parent with dementia and experiencing perimenopause brain fog, and the terrifying question that raises: is this just aging, or the beginning of something worse? It’s a candid, darkly funny conversation about how to stay present, even when we’re afraid.For more from Anna, you can read her New Yorker article, My Mother’s Memory Loss, and Mine or order one of her amazing books. Also discussed: read about the new AI dementia glasses.To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you! Our production team is Shoshi Shmuluvitz, managing producer and editor; Lily Houston Smith, senior producer; Ashley Warren, production manager; Yi-Wen Lai-Tremewan, studio recordist; and music by Mark McAdam and Amber Devereux. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Josh Carter, grandson of President Jimmy Carter, grew up in a family where caregiving wasn’t just a value — it was a way of life. He talks with Vanessa about caring for a grandmother with memory loss, supporting a father with Parkinson’s, and parenting a child with serious medical needs. Learn more about the VEO-IBD Foundation.To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you! Our production team is Shoshi Shmuluvitz, managing producer and editor; Lily Houston Smith, senior producer; Ashley Warren, production manager; Yi-Wen Lai-Tremewan, studio recordist; and music by Mark McAdam and Amber Devereux. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices